Limerick Friday #651: The Soccer Manages To Overcome The Most Blatant Of Favoritism -- Day 2,319

The competition was heady

The excitement was steady

Despite FIFA's incessant corruption

And every water-break disruption

I miss the World Cup already

Despite toil and strife

Some signs of life

Won a series from the hated Braves

Can the Mets make playoff waves?

Not if the injured list says rife

"Idiocracy" looks normal in compare

To this admin's depravity laid bare

The world's laughingstock

Nothing can be seen as a shock

When these bitches show how little they care

Another year, another infraction

Lombardi getting in on the Cheaters action

A laughingstock is Chapel Bill

The Holes want to die on that hill

More ammo for the sell-your-soul faction

Training camp has begun

Another low-expectations one

For the struggling 'Fins

The rebuilds outnumber the wins

But still ready for that football fun

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #650: The Mets Keep Digging For Rock Bottom -- Day 2,221

Lost twelve in a row

It's a long road to hoe

Now wins back to back

It's not too late to sack

Mendy now, don't you know

So Will Wade is a bitch

Steered the Pack into a ditch

Now Gainey's here

And hope is near

Through this transfer portal sitch

Another draft day for the 'Fins

After another season for the bins

Draft picks galore

But forgive me if I snore

Wake me up when we have some wins

All these ticking clocks

For entitled families of jocks

Paul McNeill is disrespecting State

Refusing to decide his fate

Time to tell him to kick rocks

Ass-kissing simps

And visibility pimps

Sell your creative soul

To that AI slop hole

Find some self respect, ya gimps

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #649: Saying Goodbye To A Life Fully Lived -- Day 2,146

What a life he had

When you can look past the sad

Didn't always see eye to eye

But I'm gonna miss that guy

Semper Paratus, Dad

Lotta changes for Dolphin Nation

A mix of doubt and elation

But they finally seem to have a plan

That doesn't involve resurrecting Dan

Just hoping for a playoff win this generation

A welcome distraction

From the fascism faction

"Stranger Things" arrived on the scene

Made me remember being a teen

Before the dread of the world gained traction

A bumpy start for Will Wade

The haters thought they had it made

Then the Wolfpack got a taste

And the Red Road Warriors laid waste

Now into their holes all the clowns fade

Everyone looking to lay blames

And favor certain suck-up names

Frauds and butt sniffers

I guess my way differs

I do the shit and skip the games

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #648: That's Fan Sentiment The Mets Are Flushing -- Day 2,090

Sugar and Polar Bear out the door

And looking at maybe more

Not considering the fans

As part of offseason plans

That's the only thing that's for sure

Made more than one roster tweak

Went on a three-game winning streak

Grabbed a playoff spot

Way to go, Scott

Now's the time to be bold and not meek

Boasts were made

Players were paid

Even though it's early

The fanbase is getting surly

Time to produce, Will Wade

Every hard lesson he learns

The more vitriol he earns

When sentiment has gotten you zero

The Mets need some kind of hero

Would not want to be David Stearns

A reputation I protect

For teammates I don't respect

Roll in like asses

And piss off the masses

An approach I flatly reject

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #647: Make It Five In A Row Over UNC-Fraud -- Day 2,083

Bitching the Cheats

To the sound of hoarse bleats

Despite frigid cold

It'll never get old

Even when it repeats and repeats

Never a huge Nimmo fan

A brain-dead MAGA stan

Ship him anywhere

Let's get better there

And find good dudes where we can

Sports media's degradation

Both local and across the nation

Many factors at play

But you just have to say

Frauds and clowns on every station

Embarrassing the entire team

And coming apart at the seam

They make us all look bad

And don't care a tad

Them quitting would be a dream

Literally asleep on the job

Propped up by his pedo mob

A half-dead fatass felon

Without working cells in his melon

Wakes up only to lie, cheat, and rob

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #646: Yet More Grist For A Most-Awaited Obit -- Day 2,602

The latest scandal does really smell

But it's hard to actually tell

What will rattle his sycophants

Enough for them to pull up their pants

Hoping that sound is a death knell

Performances for the trash bins

Offset by easy wins

A different team every week

Collective schizophrenia at its peak

How do you figger the goddam 'Fins?

The Triangle media's afraid

After years being lazy and paid

Wolfpack hoops needs attention

From reporters with anal retention

Chalk it up to freaking Will Wade

Another Aaron Judge MVP snore

Critical thinking by votes was poor

The catcher got jobbed

You could even say robbed

Cal Raleigh deserved the award more

After horseshit luck in bunches

Decided to start playing hunches

Then things got even more rough

And lost to someone named Tyler Shough

And this is why I now just drink my lunches

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #645: Another Epic Night At The Finley -- Day 2,057

Carter-Finley was lit

The crowd would barely sit

In the seasonal cold

The Wolfpack got bold

Memories created as the field we hit

Another ridiculous fantasy loss

My hands I did toss

So I'm changing my tack

And trading for a viable back

Swinging for the fences as Scooters boss

The reaper took the long way

But all evil does finally pay

Burn in hell, Dick

You criminal prick

It's a helluva start to today

So many screams and screeds

Who actually hears and heeds?

Thought Stephen A. Smith was ignored years ago

But ESPN has tripled down on his show

Who actually listens to these anal beads?

Giving up the most points

'Tis a kick in the beans and joints

Third in points scored

But I can't afford

The BS that fantasy football anoints

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #644: The Halloween When Grier And The 'Fins Finally Turned Into A Pumpkin -- Day 2,050

Ineptitude year after year

With no vision or plan clear

Had pictures of Ross with a goat

So no one had a firing vote

Yet the 'Fins finally shitcanned Grier

State can't get a loan

From the poorhouse zone

Not rich enough to compete

Or football expectations to meet

Might need to run the wishbone

A pilot's never been more scary

Some secrets Stephen King can't bury

A massive plot twist

That everyone missed

High hopes for "Welcome to Derry"

Signs of life

Amid struggle and strife

Bitched the ATL

Though we're still in cap hell

And McDaniel lives under a knife

Accountability a concept foreign

Prepare the boos to keep pourin'

Determined to make this end badly

As Pack fans watch on sadly

Mediocrity, thy name is Doeren

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #643: Teleport Us Out Of This Newscycle -- Day 2,043

Deep in fascism's throes

In the lowest of all the lows

But even for the world's worst grouse

Literally destroying the White House

Feels just way too on the nose

His ineptitude you have to applaud

As he drags down an entire squad

The broad side of a barn he couldn't hit

Just another MAGA piece of shit

Tua, the noodle-armed fraud

This is the bed we've made

Under Doeren for more than a decade

NC State Shit shall not pass

It's here to stay, alas

But at least we now have Will Wade

Four or five days a week

Youth soccer is not for the meek

But the smell of grass at dawn

I'll miss when it's gone

So excuse me if my eyes leak

Will we ever get to fall

It's still too warm, y'all

When will it be hoodie season

Will we ever have a reason

To wear cold-weather clothes at all?

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #642: A Hoosier Of A Whirlwind Time -- Day 2,036

Predictably, the Pack laid an egg

May be time to sweep Doeren's leg

The Colts salvaged the trip

Around Indiana did we rip

Now I need a couch and a keg

Above average, more or less

Though the luck's been a mess

Unlikely opponent games

From fucking no-names

That's fantasy football, I guess

What would make UNC more of a snake?

If they were on the Saudi take!

Who are they trying to fool?

A joke of a fucking school

And will always be a fraud and a fake

A key win to go to 4-2

A romp was good to see, true

Made some shrewd moves

Got the team in good grooves

Now the Scooters gotta see it through

Of regrets, I'd be remiss

And long would be that list

An ache bittersweet as persimmon

For all kinds of redheaded women

That I ain't supposed to kiss

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #641: Off On A Midwest Football Weekend -- Day 2,030

Headed off to Indy

And climes more windy

To see the Colts game

And if State beats Notre Dame

I'll do a hotel-pool Triple Lindy

The Mets just choked

The 'Fins getting smoked

State missed a golden chance

Now all I've got are rants

Because every joke I've already joked

The state of the Scooters

Has me doing shooters

Rebuilding the roster

Tossing every impostor

'Til I wake up .500 in a Hooters

"Follow the herd" bitches

Got me rolling in stitches

Pissing their pants perceptibly

In fear of Belicheat pre-emptively

Now UNC is steering straight into ditches

Of sanity they're bereft

Of morality, there's no heft

A government with no frontal lobe

Got me looking at the globe

Wondering if there's anywhere free left

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #640: Embarrassment Reigns Again In Queens For The No-Shame Mets -- Day 2,023

A collapse for the ages

Happened in stages

But we've seen it all before

It's part of Mets lore

You have to laugh through the rages

Usually enjoy the Ryder Cup

But the world's got me all shook up

Embarrassed to be American now

Always asking what, why, and how

So I definitely was rooting for Europe

The talent is beyond thin

Coach is a dead man walkin'

But fuck the Jets

So celebrate, let's

For our first (and maybe only) win

Break up the Big Four

They're frauds at the core

Play grabass at crunch time

Then choke when it's on the line

This is the Mets, less or more

The league logo should be a tool

Every goddam owner a fool

Offering asinine trades

Or reneging in spades

Guess I'll just take 'em all to school

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #639: Once-Proud Franchise Continues Wandering In The Wilderness -- Day 2,009

Been listening to this same song

For entirely too goddam long

Another tank job from the 'Fins

I see it before it happens

But just once I'd like to be fucking wrong

A country in need of a vacation

Embracing fascism without hesitation

Every truth is a lie

That will make another person die

Welcome to Gaslight Nation

Often play lazy and dumb

The Mets make me crazy and numb

So rely on every rook

And let the phenoms cook

And hope it's enough to overcome

Keep running into buzzsaws

Now injuries without pause

A third of the roster hurt

Now pick ourselves up from the dirt

And break all the fantasy football laws

Find good where you can

Then get up and do it again

Overwhelming it can feel

That's part of the deal

Happy is possible now and then

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #638: Belicheat Embarrasses Every Chapel Shill -- Day 1,995

The bandwagon couldn't wait to applaud

And pretended to be suitably awed

The local media cupped his balls

Ignoring his cheating and falls

'Til they recognized a fellow fraud

Bobby Kennedy was a hero of mine

The most promising of his line

Now his son is killing kids

And selling out to the highest bids

Of American destruction, just the latest sign

Par for the course at UNC

Hoping to skip steps 1, 2, and 3

Tried to buy a culture and team

They've always been more "to seem"

Rather than "to be"

In football's return we bask

But so many questions to ask

Can the Wolfpack compete?

Can the Scooters repeat?

And how many issues can the 'Fins mask?

A heartless, creepy old man

Lies and deceives each spineless fan

On the young he preys

While every sycophant obeys

Trump or Belicheat -- decide if you can

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #637: Farewell To A True Blood -- Day 1,974

Had to swallow a tough pill

Struggling to understand it still

You looked out for the new kid

Saved my whole year, you did

Rest in peace, my friend Phil

Living in baseball hell

Turning every W into an L

Every move backfires

Turning contenders into liars

Will any Mets rise for that final bell?

Look for beauty in small things

And any happy tidings

They're there if you look

Sometimes in a book

And remember there are no kings

Getting punked day after day

Need any hope, just a ray

The coach is a lame duck

The GM is clueless as fuck

The 'Fins just can't find their way

It's that time of year

When the salt air feels near

Saying goodbye to summer

Is always a bummer

But the beach helps me hold back each tear

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #636: Nothing Is Great, And Everything Feels Bad -- Day 1,968

Find hope where it belongs

Despite all of the world's wrongs

Heard "Ohio" played off the shelf

And it made me ask myself

Where are this generation's protest songs?

"Ted Lasso" for golf is "Stick"

Owen Wilson does his normal schtick

But it's the summer's feel-good show

If you just let yourself go

And forget how much our country is sick

Football's coming fast

The summer nearly passed

I can't get unhooked

But the 'Fins already seem cooked

Who will play cornerback at last?

A demented, racist coot

And a pedophile to boot

As he wandered around the roof

Hoped someone could make him go poof

And cut out the problem at its root

A dismal June and July

And August makes me want to cry

The Mets are choking something rare

And really don't seem to care

Where does rock bottom actually lie?

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #635: A Sticky And Turbulent Summer Looms -- Day 1,912

The summer is nigh

Spirits are high

Another school year past

It goes by so fast

Treasure it more, my guy

When your franchise is a meme

Your fandom can run outta steam

Bring mercenaries in

And then you don't win

This is what happens to your team

Haven't situationally hit worth beans

Who knows what that means

But the wins keep coming

And the Mets keep on humming

Could get pretty interesting in Queens

It's so hard even trying

Amidst all of the lying

Overwhelm and crowd

Commit crime out loud

All the wrong people are dying

Out in the Edinburgh milieu

There's Kelly Macdonald, too

Has a bit of a "Fringe" feel

Gritty and grey as steel

What a godsend has been "Dept. Q"

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #634: Cassian & Crew Ripped From The Headlines -- Day 1,877

 

Story-telling you have to see

With "Bladerunner" vibes, to me

The pace of a hellion

Love in a rebellion

"Andor" is the best thing on TV

A legend in every way

Changed everything with "College Gameday"

"The Sunshine Scooter" was my fave

Every ounce he gave

Lee Corso, an institution we can't repay

Will the injuries calm down

Will the bats ever come to town

The pitching has been sublime

But it's high time

For the Mets stars to come around

A rapist, liar, and thief

Is the bitch in chief

Intentional crime is the point

How is he not in the joint?

His obituary would be a relief

Called NFL games in the nineties

Then moved on to ACC's

A legendary voice he had

Kinda like a friendly dad

Mike Patrick, all the RIPs

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #633: Escapism To The Rescue In Florida, Of All Places -- Day 1,856

Through all the parks we swirled

On so many rides we twirled

Plus beers and dishes

Against my fervent wishes

Left part of my heart at Disney World

The local no-talent hacks

With an absence of facts

Ignoring UNC drama

With Belicheat's sugar mama

Paying off that fanboy tax

As the works did plummet

They found more ways to gum it

Morale was bad enough

'Til they caved on DEI stuff

But hey, at least there's Summit

With a fragile MAGA QB

And a checked-out Ramsey

Plus a psycho receiver

I can't find a believer

In what the 'Fins are trying to be

His at bats like a yo-yo

What to make of Juan Soto

He's even lost his swag

And yes, it's early, but dag

Not sure that contract is for so-so

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #632: State Wades Into The Post-Keatts Era -- Day 1,828

It's the game that's now played

Everyone deserves to get paid

Adjust to the times

Or pinch all your dimes

Bring on the era of Will Wade

Create your own board for chess

To stay above the mess

Stay one move ahead

And make your own bed

If they're going to pay you less

UNC made the dance

To the glee of sycophants

The fraud persists

Local bias insists

'Tis the season for hypocritical rants

Another place progress did defeat

Raleigh mistakes on repeat

But don't you dare worry

It's part of my origin story

I'll always meet you down on 42nd Street

"Severance" is right up my alley

A blend of irony and reality

This season's gone deep

To make you laugh and weep

Not sure if I'm ready for the finale

Last time ...