Monday, December 30, 2013

“Doc” Lacks The Transparency Expected Of A Tell-All Tale Of Wasted Phenom Dwight Gooden


“The same guy who went to the World Series and the White House also found himself in housing project apartments with lowlife moochers, risking his talent and trashing his life for the fleeting pleasure of getting high.”

“You’d have to look hard to find another young athlete in any sport who had risen so high so quickly and then fallen so hard. Too much, too fast, too young, my life was spinning wildly, and I was the one who didn’t have a clue.”

Growing up a Mets fan, Dwight “Dr. K” Gooden was a larger-than-life figure, a flame-throwing pitcher who, as I matured, grew to represent the lost potential and abuse of the ‘80s in many ways. Having distanced myself from baseball for a number of reasons over the years, I was thrilled to return to some of those days with “Doc: A Memoir,” written by Gooden and Ellis Henican.

The story takes little time to develop. The opening scene certainly grabs you from the jump, depicting a coked-out Gooden (just 21 at the time!) have to watch his teammates in the ticker-tape parade through Manhattan celebrating the 1986 World Series championship.

This book was a relatively quick and easy read, although some of the subject matter is difficult to digest (or comprehend). Unfortunately, the work was littered with issues that made it problematic to read. There were some grammatical concerns, sure; there were some characters (such as ex-girlfriend Carlene) who are presented without introduction. Also, the years fly past in the telling, making it difficult to get centered chronologically, with confusion surrounding timelines.

The descriptions of some of the key characters here are difficult to reconcile with depictions of their actions as well. His mother, for instance, he describes as religious and “upstanding,” yet in the next breath he details her attempt to murder his father in a tone that includes impossible humor. His father is described as attentive and available, but he borders on the domineering in his over-training of his son, and even brings his young son with him to rendevouz with other women. Gooden writes about an upbringing that is idyllic and pastoral in some ways, yet punctuated with indescribable violence and craziness.

“And the whole idea of good, loving people sometimes doing reckless, self-destructive things—that was business as usual for the Goodens.”

“Yes, I’d achieved the dream my Dad had for me. I’d achieved the dream he had for himself. But what was the cost?”

“I was confused. How did my father, who had a third-grade education and had worked his whole life at a chemical plant, know what should be in a major-league baseball contract? It was the same as the way I wondered how he learned all those pitching drills he put me through. Dad just knew stuff. I had my concerns, but I didn’t say anything.”

Perhaps most challenging, however, is that for a supposed tell-all, this book was written in a passive voice, with Gooden serving almost as an observer to his own life and decisions; in my estimation, this is not a fair or particularly well-chosen approach for a piece of this ilk. Some intense scenes (such as an encounter with the urine tester) suffer some in the telling of them as though they are happening to someone else.

“But who was Dwight Gooden? ... It was almost like I was two people in one. That both those people could inhabit the same body was a conflict that wouldn’t end quickly or well.”

Gooden is certainly good at blame-shifting and circular logic. At one point, he essentially blames his wife’s pain about his constant relapses for the rocky state of their marriage that then leads him to be an adulterer. For the reader, the only impression we are left with is that his wife stuck with him through everything—serving pretty much as a single parent—and she is repaid with suggestions that he had an affair because of her?

He’d like you to believe that he found cocaine mostly because he was bored, which obviously feels a bit simplistic considering the 20-something-year hold it had on him.

“Cocaine was a jet, and beer was a rickety trolley. Coke gave me a feeling I’d always wanted but didn’t know how to find it. It convinced me immediately that nothing else mattered at all ... This is how I wanted to feel.”

On the plus side, the circumstances surrounding his late-career no-hitter with the Yankees—with his father clinging to life—are pretty remarkable. However, even that celebratory moment must be examined in the context of Gooden deciding not to board a flight to see his father for perhaps the last time. Within the backdrop of the book, this chapter does redeem the entire book in some ways.

He also shares some amusing anecdotes throughout, and there were also some somewhat-unexpected, behind-the-scenes insights and tales-out-of-school revelations. Gooden is somewhat polite—yet clear—in maintaining that Darryl Strawberry (who he calls a “phony”) is not, and never was, a friend, and is, in fact, a two-faced, hypocritical snitch.

Gooden implies that N.A. meetings saved his life and health.* And from a purely comedic standpoint, there was a Red Lobster reference (below) that registered a rough 12 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale (apologies to Isaiah Thomas).

“Now I’d had some rough days back at the Comfort Inn. But I promise you, it was no fleabag [hotel], unless fleabags have started offering Jacuzzis and flat-screen TVs and Red Lobsters next door.”

At the end of the day, it’s difficult to read this book without muttering the words “fucking loser” in your mind at each individual anecdote. Yes, he tells a sad tale, but he’s a sad person, too. I was admittedly unaware that many of these struggles are ongoing with Gooden, and I didn’t know of his affiliation with the “Celebrity Rehab” reality show.

There is certainly a degree of admirable bravery involved in reliving your sins in such a manner, to go with situations such as sharing a jail with your son, faking at religion and dwindling near death. And admittedly, the book does get very emotional and earnest at the end, but is all feels a bit too late by that point, and difficult to juxtapose with the tone of the rest of the book.

“I let them know just how powerful and destructive drugs can be, how they can take you away from everything you love until the drugs are all that you love. Then I talk about where I am now. I tell the story, which is my favorite, of being in the hotel room and hearing that gospel song. Even today, that story gives me goosebumps. Sometimes I tear up. I recognize that moment as the blessing it was. It was kind of magical, and it was real.
“Then I tell them about my road back.”



*Editor’s Note: Googling “Fat Dwight Gooden” brings up some rather awful pictures.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Get Your Festivus On ...


I've got a lot of problems with you people ...

Friday, December 20, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Fast-Fading “Homeland” Mercifully Ends Season 3, Plus 2014 Is Fast Approaching



“Homeland” wasn’t exactly a snore
But become an implausible bore
Brody stuck his neck out
Left Carrie to cry and shout
Best news? No Dana in Season 4

Six Ws in a row for the Pack
Looking ahead and never back
A road win at Tennessee
Looks good to beat the SEC
Finding an identity and getting on track

With promise it once swole
Now the tumbleweeds roll
The vision of Mr. Magoo
Nepotism everywhere, it’s true
Staying afloat is the only goal

An outcry for Hairston, P.J.
From a fanbase that says it’s OK
Looks like a bottom-feeder
Just the latest UNC-Cheater
Ain’t that just the Carolina Way
 
A year that included more grieving
In family I kept believing
Was confused at times
‘Til I ran outta rhymes
A great story for 2014 we’re weaving



Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 70



#1
When intellectual graffiti makes you stop and think.

#2
Offered without comment:

“One reasons for the Republicans’ ferocity is their sense that their time is inexorably running out.” ~Sean Wilenz, Rolling Stone

#3
Has anyone gone from “Hope” to “Nope” faster than RGIII (rd-string)?

#4
Sticking a knife in a toaster will never not make me think of my Mom. She was forwarded this one in fractions of a second.

#5
In a league facing many challenges and scandals these days, one of the most dangerous in terms of precedent is the NFL becoming more and more like the NBA in terms of favorable calls going toward star players.

#6
One time I almost bought a Ryan Adams album. Then I realized I would have to begin bullying myself.

#7
Nothing less than a truly incredible picture as a young Bill Clinton meets JFK (#30 here). Wow.

#8
From the Question That Sounds Dirty Like It’s For A Hooker But It’s Not category: Is the Super 8 the top or the bottom?

#9
*** “Person of Interest” Spoiler Alert ***
The first episode following the shocking death of Detective Jocelyn Carter was going to be emotional no matter what. But the opening to “The Devil’s Share”—set to the Johnny Cash cover of “Hurt”—was both insanely powerful and perfectly rendered.

#10
And because it ‘tis the season, how about a 10-month-old’s wish list for Christmas being pretty humorous and spot on ...


Monday, December 16, 2013

No One Pokes Fun At Themselves Like Superchunk



Pretty damn funny.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: A Difficult Farewell to Richard Harrow, Plus Gemma Teller Is Turning Into Jason Voorhees


A serene goodbye
To a complex guy
Saddened me to my marrow
The death of Richard Harrow
“Boardwalk Empire,” my oh my

A success by any measure
The Scooters, a scoring treasure
‘Til along came Josh McNown
And the Bucs D came to town
Losing to them, a confusing pleasure

For some there’s no pleasin’
Mad for no rhyme or reason
For me, it’s a time to try
And remember all of why
Welcome to the holiday season

Progress has been pretty slow
But onward Miami does go
Have got themselves off the ropes
Now clinging to playoff hopes
Who knew Dolphins could swim in the snow?
 
A series finale full of death and life
“Sons of Anarchy” showed Jax’s strife
Tara died, was hard to look
But then they let Gemma off the hook
Guess Sutter can’t kill off his wife



Thursday, December 12, 2013

Dapper Dan's Football Army



Maybe there is a generation with some potential after all ...

Monday, December 09, 2013

Duke Hospital Tackles Jimmy V's Speech



I love this.

That is all.


Friday, December 06, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: A True Visionary Leaves Our World, Plus “Sons Of Anarchy” Happened



A legend on the planet, indeed
Saved a country by planting freedom’s seed
Imprisoned for much of his life
Then took on bigotry and strife
Nelson Mandela, godspeed

A season for the ages
Has brought out Pack fan rages
No talent left behind
Must recruit and grind
A bounceback must come in stages

The fantasy Final Four
Luck determines the score
Lineup picks a struggle
Flex spots to juggle
Always left yearning for more

A magical season for lowly Duke
Whether legitimate or a fluke
Doesn’t matter, I guess
And you know the rest
The ‘Noles will treat ‘em like puke
 
From hero to villain
He really needed killin’
For the demise of Clay Morrow
Had very little sorrow
But now some plotlines need fillin’



Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Demonic, Drunk Or Dauntless Dan Torrance? King’s “Doctor Sleep” Emerges As Worthy Sequel To “The Shining”



“He had come to believe that life was a series of ironic ambushes.”

“He paused. ‘There are other worlds than these.’”

“Life was a wheel, its only job was to turn, and it always came back to where it had started.”

One of Stephen King’s most beloved novels is “The Shining,” so his decision to write, in effect, a sequel to it was met with confusion and doubt in many quarters. King’s latest, “Doctor Sleep” flashes forward some quarter-century to envision creepy-kid Danny Torrance as struggling-blackout-drunk Dan Torrance—and what happens when he’s given something to truly live for and pass on.

The latest vivid, compelling read from King is a fan-fiction dream come true, though the author admitted to having trepidations about writing such a sequel, but draws from “Firestarter” and “Green Mile” themes here to pull it off rather seamlessly.

We are presented with a rather startling introduction to adult Danny, who seems to have developed a rather understandable—if largely unmanageable—drinking problem as a result of an unsettling upbringing filled with REDRUM and imaginary twin girls. The mentor from his years at the Overlook Hotel, Dick Halloran (“The world has a way of keeping things in balance. I believe that. There’s a saying: When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear. I was your teacher,” he tells Dan), plays a bit role as a sometimes-mentor, but even he can’t veer Dan away from a life spent drifting from fight to bar to liquor store.

Ask your question, son. I can’t stay. This world is a dream of a dream to me now.”

It seems to me you grew up fine, son, but you still owe a debt ... Pay it.”

“There came a time when you realized that moving on was pointless. That you took yourself with you wherever you went.”

Continuing his stories with connections to North Carolina, King documented Dan’s ugly misdeeds in Wilmington, highlighted lowlighted by a heartbreaking depiction of an abused toddler. Any fan of King’s is eminently aware of how deeply personal the subject matter here is to the author, who wrote an emotional prologue relating to “finding the bottom” in Alcoholics Anonymous.

“The man who wrote Doctor Sleep is very different from the well-meaning alcoholic who wrote The Shining, but both remain interested in the same thing: telling a kickass story.”

Through some combination of divine providence and fate, Dan finds himself helping elderly nursing-home patients ease into death while re-establishing his own identity in soberness. On a side note, I felt as if skipping Dan’s story ahead three or six years with little insight into his life or recovery was a bit problematic in terms of context for Dan’s turnaround.

“He thought: If I drink, the Overlook wins. Even though it burned to the ground when the boiler exploded, it wins. If I don’t drink, I go crazy.
“He thought: All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”

“But when the young guy looked up at him, Kingsley saw the eyes were clear of everything but desperation. ... mostly it was the way he held the bottle, hating it and loving it and needing it all at the same time.
“At last Dan brought out the words he had been running from all his life.
“‘I need help.’”

However, when “The True Knot” and psychic-ish young girl Abra enter the story, the pace ramps up quickly and the novel absorbs you. Led by the impossibly beautiful and cruel Rose the Hat, the True is rejuvenated and made immortal via “the steam,” which is the essence of pain, death and agony. These are “the RV people,” and King’s goes to great lengths—and even greater writing—to describe them and their role in the American landscape and fabric.

“America is a living body, the highways are its arteries, and the True Knot slips along them like a silent virus.”

They eat screams and drink pain.”

The book includes a number of emotional scenes, including one where Abra is overcome with tears that are shed through Dan’s eyes. There are also some very jarring scenarios, drawing extensively on the terror of torture at times. And as usual, this story is yet another King work that lends itself quite easily to cinematic interpretation, including scenes such as seeing “REDRUM” in the mirror in quite creepy fashion.

There is a rather unexpected revelation late in the book (no spoilers here) that dramatically shifts the perspective of the events that take place near the story’s conclusion. Continuing with King’s late-career trend, “Doctor Sleep” ends on a positive note, minus the seemingly inevitable character loss that’s largely anticipated by old-school readers.

King dedicated the book to legendary musician Warren Zevon and threw Jax Teller’s (“Sons of Anarchy”) name in along the way as a cultural reference, and he does a nice job of connecting the world of the Overlook with modern-day New England. Suffice it to say that, boosted by a wink and nod to the ghost of his father Jack, Danny seems to find his role and worth in the universe, lending something beautiful to “Doctor Sleep.”

King certainly bit off plenty in electing to pursue an extension of such a landmark novel, and with a few hiccups here and there, he largely pulls it off. It’s an ambitious work that lacks some of the frantic intensity and horror of some of his earlier pieces, but he does a more-than-admirable job of tackling a monumental task in “Doctor Sleep.”


“Perhaps kids really did come into the world trailing clouds of glory, as Wordsworth had so confidently proclaimed, but they also shit in their pants until they learned better.”

“‘Don’t go.’

“‘I won’t. I’m with you.’ So he was. It was his terrible privilege.”

Monday, December 02, 2013

The Scooters Take Next Steps


Step 1: Earn a playoff bid.
Step 2: Win first-round playoff matchup.
(Step 2 Bonus Points: Beat the league douchebag in process.)
Step 3: Continue to survive and advance.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Emotional "Afterlife" Video Blends Grief, Culture, Socioeconomic, Family & Generational Divides



As an Arcade Fire fan, I'm a bit on the fence about their fourth album, the dance-techno-heavy "Reflektor." But this video for "Afterlife" represents a welcome alteration to the traditional music video medium, electing for a short-movie approach that both complements and extends the song itself.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Meandering “All That Is” Lacks Substantiality to Reinforce Salter’s Pretty Prose


“There comes a time when you
realize that everything is a dream,
and only those things preserved in writing
have any possibility of being real.”

“All That Is” landed on my desk preceded by author James Salter’s reputation for smooth prose. And while that proved to be true, I found my reading of it compromised by the confusion and aloofness that riddled the story itself.

Overall, the book was a bit of a plod, making it a lengthy read. The prose featured long, rhythmic sentences, with Salter taking the time to share in-depth character sketching even on supposedly minor characters with bit roles. There were some harrowing and creepy plotlines, with some incestuous leanings thrown in for bad measure.

As well, there were some confusing pronoun use and context problems, not to mention some unexpected, matter-of-fact vulgarity that can catch the reader off-guard. Some of these passages dwelled so long on the act that they entered into awkward and uncomfortable territory. There were also shifts in perspective that were quite sudden and arresting, picking up various strains of personal stories that go off on seemingly unrelated tangents.

The most problematic difficulty I encountered, however, was the lack of access into Bowman’s mindset. As his life unfolds, there is a pervasive sense that life is just occurring all around him, while we’re given no insight into how he feels or what he desires. This approach is understandable in some ways, yet I feel the story would have felt more personal and genuine with a few of these look-ins.

Bowman seems content to glide through life as a jaded, bit player at a publishing house. He cheats and is cheated on; he lies and is lied to. The book began with some intense battle imagery, but Bowman quickly journeys from war hero to antihero, bottoming out when he gets back at one girlfriend who essentially stole his house from him by smoking hash with and date-raping her 30-years-younger daughter.

This episode points up a running theme from Salter within this book: that women are seen as things to be conquered. While this level of chauvinism may be reflective of the era in which the book is set, it can be problematic when combined by the gulf and distance between the reader and the main character.

“The great hunger of the past was for food, there was never enough food and the majority of people were undernourished or starving, but the new hunger was for sex, there was the same specter of famine without it.”

“He loved her for not only what she was but what she might be, the idea that she might be otherwise did not occur to him or did not matter. Why would it occur? When you love you see a future according to your dreams.”

“‘We’re in the middle of the woman thing. They want equality, in work, marriage, everywhere. They don’t want to be desired unless they feel like it ... The thing is, they want a life like ours. We both can’t have a life like ours.’”

“She was lively and wanted to talk, like a wind-up doll, a little doll that also did sex. Kitty was her name.”

Which brings up the question: Are we supposed to like him? He’s some weird combination of Don Draper and Biff Loman, but his likeability is mitigated by lack of explanation, a dearth of details surrounding the whys of his decisions.

You get the sense that the book is ostensibly supposed to be about finding meaning and love, but this theme is diminished by the detachment of Bowman’s feelings. By the time thoughts of mortality begin to enter the equation toward the end of the book, it is almost too late. By that point, the distance Bowman has created between himself and not just society, but by extension, the audience, is too difficult to overcome—as evidenced in the below quote.

“Suddenly, everything had fallen away. He had felt himself above other people, knowing more than they did, even pitying them. He was not related to other people—his life was another kind of life. He had invented it.”

Salter saves his best for last, with some beautiful prose at the book’s end, which does battle with a difficult-to-overcome lack of substantiality in Bowman and his chosen life. His transitory existence involves going from hotel to restaurant to party, with nothing of substance to ground him. This decision may be all part of character building, but it left at least one reader yearning to know more, to understand better.

Bowman is seduced by the allure, eroticism and promises of Manhattan (“It was like a dream, trying to imagine it all, the windows and entire floors that never went dark, the world you wanted to be in.”), yet his ephemeral existence doesn’t allow him the permanence to achieve—or really, pursue—any true goals. Or, for that matter, repercussions.

The story may have benefited more by peeling back the layers of emotions that cover Bowman. While Salter’s depictions of courtship and marriage are largely overhung with a sense of doom and impending failure, we are given occasional glimpses into Bowman’s true feelings about losing Vivian, of feeling betrayed—mostly of his own doing—by a steady line of women.

“He lay there unwillingly and sleepless, the city itself, dark and glittering, seemed empty. The same couple, the same bed, yet now not the same.”

“How did it happen, that something no longer mattered, that it had been judged inessential?”

“He saw them now for what they were and had been, the great days of love.”

Bowman seems to possess a quiet desperation that is more hinted at than revealed. It’s also possible that his lack of a father figure—not to mention his borderline-disturbing relationship with his mother—tainted his dealings with women.

“At a certain point also you began to feel that you knew everyone, there was no one new, and you were going to spend the rest of your life among familiar people, women especially.”

At the end of the day, I felt “All That Is” was somehow diminished by its lack of perspective and its disjointed nature. In addition to issues with how often it jumped around, it was hard to reconcile Bowman’s journey from war hero to douche due to the lack of insight we are offered into his thought process. Also, gender-expectation concerns aside, eroticism vs. creepiness can be a difficult balance to pull off decently, and I thought Salter struggled there.

It’s hard to ignore the brilliance in some of Salter’s writing, but for me, the seeming aimlessness and oddity of the story outweighed the prose in dragging down a promising novel.



“The power of the novel in the nation’s culture had weakened. It had happened gradually. It was something everyone recognized and ignored. All went on exactly as before, that was the beauty of it. The glory had faded but fresh faces kept appearing, wanting to be part of it, to be in publishing which had retained a suggestion of elegance like a pair of beautiful, bone-shined shoes owned by a bankrupt man.”

Friday, November 22, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: A Half-Century Since My Mom’s Hero Passed, Plus An Emotional Farewell On “Person Of Interest”



50 years have passed
Since the nation left aghast
Hate won out in Texas
A killing that continues to hex us
Thoughts of what might have been last

A WTF loss for hoops
In football, playing like poops
Tough times in Raleigh
Head shaking and murmurs of “gollee”
Hope Pack Nation can regroups

Dan Dierdorf leaving? Great
Cliché after cliché he did state
The “Master of the Obvious” retiring
Miss his bloviating and perspiring
Just about 15 years too late

Behind him the ‘Noles did rally
Frat Fred and Sorority Sally
They crowned him as famous
The now-infamous Jameis
Some type of fraud continues in Tally

Intensity and emotions bared
An unexpected kiss shared
John’s job just got harder
With shocking murder of Carter
“Person of Interest” made us care



Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Be Nicer To Yourself



Slow clap, Dove.

Slow clap.

Monday, November 18, 2013

The Undefeated Dolphins, A Role Model, A Bygone Era, And Even Making Glasses Cool (& Easy): Griese’s “Perfection” Had It All


“Over the years, people have asked what made our team special, and I can’t offer a secret or a magic pill or a motivational catchphrase. I return to the same themes: we had Hall of Fame talent and coaching, and we had forty players on the roster in proper roles, who accepted those roles and who made winning plays from those roles every week.”

“[Shula] demanded that he we be the team we thought we were.”

Flash back some 30-(ahem)-plus years, and I’m 8 years old, told I have to start wearing glasses and none too happy about it. I’m told the story of one Bob Griese, who not only wears glasses, but played quarterback in the NFL for the freaking Miami Dolphins while wearing glasses, and even better, was one of the league’s very best. Suddenly, wearing glasses is OK. Suddenly, Bob Griese is my hero. Suddenly, the Miami Dolphins are my team.

Not so suddenly, I’m in for a lifetime of fandom heartache. But that’s a story for another day.

My Dad had attended grad school at Purdue, the alma mater of one Bob Griese, so there was already a connection there. Throw in the fact that he wore glasses and looked like a scientist out there using his mind to bend 300-pounders to his will, and I was on board. Then a “Cool ‘N’ Easy Bob Griese” shirt was presented to me, which I proceeded to wear roughly 629 days in a row.

By way of prelude, this is not a fast segue into the fact that I recently read Griese’s book, “Perfection: The Inside Story of the 1972 Miami Dolphins’ Perfect Season.” The quarterback-turned-announcer wrote it with my favorite sportswriters, Dave Hyde of the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, making this work a marriage of a few of my favorite things.

Forty years later, Griese took us back to a time when players actually had offseason jobs, when coach “The” Don Shula essentially invented situational substitution, when quarterbacks were seasoned on the vine and painstakingly developed, when drafts were afterthoughts, and when a lack of media obsession allowed teams  to create rosters chock full of insane personalities and crazed characters.

“What did everyone say about Shula? That he had a high tolerance for another man’s pain?”

Before Griese and Shula arrived, the Dolphins were a bumbling expansion team, operating in the equivalent of an NFL outpost, largely ignored by its hometown. Within a few short years, Griese was being propositioned by actresses in his role as an offseason realtor (an anecdote that started the book on a rip-roaring note) and the Orange Bowl had become arguably the biggest home-field advantage in the league.

“In my first few years in Miami, pro football was background music in a resort town ... Then Don Shula arrived as coach, and everything changed overnight. He showed how one person can change the entire dynamic of a team.”

“By 1973, we had that many season-ticket holders—the most ever for a pro sports franchise—and the publisher of Sports Illustrated wrote, ‘Possibly no city in the United States is as maniacal about one team as is Miami about the Dolphins.’”

From there, Griese goes on to share harrowing, oft-hard-to-read tales of the utter disregard players had for their own health (players referred to the local hospital as the “Mercy Hilton,” they spent so much time there), how that disregard has destroyed quality of life for so many of his ex-teammates, the prevalent usage of uppers and stimulants, and the evolution of race relations within the team and league dynamic.

“There was this locker-room culture that pain was negotiable but victory was everlasting.”

On a personal level, Griese explained the scientific approach he took to quarterbacking, a tact he took primarily due to the lack of coaching he received early in his Dolphins tenure. He wrote about going to each member of the offense for input into the gameplan (rare at that time), and how his always-underrated athleticism allowed him to survive the disastrous early years. He touched on how much scouting has evolved, how offensive and defensive coaches actually used to work together, how Steve Spurrier’s off-putting personality played a role in Griese landing in Miami, how mercurial GM Joe Thomas put his stamp on the Dolphins, and how Bill Arnsparger helped to change the entire landscape of defensive football by creating the launch point for zone-blitz schemes out of necessity.

“In Arnsparger’s eleven Dolphins seasons with Don Shula, the Dolphins’ defense ranked first or second in the league nine times.”

“Every bit as close to a genius in his field as Einstein was in his,” Buoniconti added.

He told incredible tales of the drunken visionary, owner Joe Robbie, who was once found passed out in the closet of the owner’s box; the lawyerly linebacker, Nick “Boo” Buoniconti; and the detailed offensive line coach Monte Clark, who painstakingly put together a great line from scratch and unheralded, overlooked players, then entertained everyone with colorful one-liners:

“Sympathy,” he’d tell anyone making an excuse, “could be found in the dictionary between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis.’”

“‘The Mushroom,’ Monte Clark began calling this rebuilt offensive line, because its players ‘sat in the dark and ate shit,’ as he said.”

He also wrote extensively about offensive coordinator Howard Schellenberger, who essentially took a hands-off approach, allowing Griese to run the entire offense by himself; quiet-yet-spectacular wideout Paul Warfield, with whom Griese had an uncanny synchronicity; and the unlikely tandem of Larry Csonka (who once knocked three New York Jets defenders out of a single game by himself) and Jim Kiick, bruising running backs who were as punishing off the field as on (“Kiick and Csonka,” an anonymous AFC coach told Sports Illustrated before the 1972 season. “You can’t spell ‘em and you can’t stop ‘em.”).

“Players sat in film sessions each week, watched him purposely run into opposing defenders, and joked, ‘Way to find the safety, Zonk!’”

“When he goes on a safari,” line coach Monte Clark said, “the lions roll up their windows.”

The signal-caller also offered insights into the cheap pursuit of individual records by O.J. Simpson and the Buffalo Bills:

“Down 17-0 in the fourth quarter, Buffalo kept handing the ball to Simpson. He was committing the team sin of lifting one player’s goals above the day’s mission statement of winning. The Bills, after all, discussed openly the hope of Simpson breaking the NFL’s single-season rushing record. He would that season, too. He gained 2,003 yards. But at what expense?
“You assholes!” Buoniconti yelled across the line.
“When Simpson crossed the 100-yard barrier, the Bills actually began to celebrate on the field.
“You stupid bastard,” Fernandez shouted to guard Reggie McKenzie. “Look at the scoreboard!”

Griese also wrote openly and bravely about the broken leg he suffered during the course of the season, an injury that resulted in lineman Norm Evans—who mistakenly thought he missed the block that got Griese hurt—standing along a highway in tears, saying, “I cost us the season.” That emotion demonstrated the bond on the team and what they felt they owed one another, paving the way for vastly underrated quarterback Earl Morrall to carry the torch in Griese’s lengthy absence.

The understated Griese even shared the inevitably that came along with the Super Bowl against a vastly overmatched Washington Redskins team: “As I reviewed the plays, there was no doubt in my mind that we would win this game. And win it easily ... I said little reporters all week. But inside, I swaggered.”

“In the locker room ... no one talked of the undefeated season. It was the title we cherished. The ring. This moment when we were the best.”

Griese and Hyde set the story against the backdrop of each game of the 1972 season, crafting a compelling narrative that allows the freedom to tie a number of issues into the storyline. The format works, putting the actual games well into the background while allowing the inside view of life on the best team in the NFL to carry the day. There were a few grammatical errors along the way, but the clean writing, natural flow and engrossing tales combined to create one of the best sports books I have ever read. Well, I guess the subject matter didn’t hurt for an admitted Miami Dolphins fan (which is much harder to admit to these days than it was 40 years ago).

For a kid who didn’t want to wear glasses and then found a role model in Bob Griese, this was a book that transported me back quite a few years. “Four decades later, I still hear those cheers,” wrote Griese.

And so many years later, I’m still grateful for the privilege of being among those cheering.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: Douchebag The Hutt Haunts Toronto, Plus Dolphins Press Self-Destruct Button



A crackhead bottomless pit
And a fat piece of shit
This is Toronto’s mayor
Hate to be a taxpayer
Rob Ford is Canada’s latest zit

Close losses rule the day
Five in a row, though? Oy vey
Of the QBs, I do warn
They can’t hit the side of a barn
Can the Pack finish and find a way?

Fantasy football, what the hail
Every year without fail
Favored by 40, but no luck
Leaves me sayin’ what the f%$k
It’s inevitable, but I won’t bail

Night is coming much quicker
Flu season makes everyone sicker
The holidays quickly approaching
Spirits, they are encroaching
Need lotsa eggnog with liquor
 
A team without an identity or star
From relevance, the franchise is far
The Dolphins are a laughingstock
Very easy to bash and mock
Rock bottom? Oh, there you are



Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Somewhere Only We Know



Apparently, this John Lewis advert is all the rage among my British colleagues this week.

Merry holidays ...

Monday, November 11, 2013

The Humanity Zone



For a game under siege, a timely reminder of what it could and is supposed to be ...

Friday, November 08, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: Rock Bottom Gets Even Stranger For ‘Fins, Plus Stretch Run Upon Us In FF



The problems, they’re a bundlin’
So this is what the ‘Fins are fundin’
A ‘roid ‘neck bullying the lame
A douche subpoenaed post-game
Leadership? Hell, send the team to London

Unoriginality ruled the day
Then EZU tried to enter the fray
An afterthought bonding with the Heels
Over cheating and being hurt in the feels
It’s Duke’s state anyway

Twitter went IPO
How high would it go?
Once a 140-character joke
Now makes you rich or broke
Can’t ignore it anymore, yo

State season off the tracks, dear
Can’t throw, that’s pretty clear
A trap game for Duke?
Makes me wanna puke
How the F did we get here?!

Shrewd moves, many made
Bolstered by the occasional trade
Assembled a contender
Hope not a pretender
Let’s just avoid a late-season fade ...



Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 69



#1
OK, yeah, so I could totally buy this assessment of Ohio State fans ...

#2
I think I have to agree with Sean Wilentz of Rolling Stone, who wrote this about the de-evolution of journalism, which echoes some of what the TV show “Newsroom” tries to depict:

“At some point over the past 40 years, the bedrock principle of journalistic objectivity became twisted into the craven idea of false equivalency, whereby blatant falsehoods get reported simply as one side of an argument and receive equal weight with the reported argument of the other side.

“There is no shortage of explanations for the press’s abdication: intimidation at the rise of Fox News and other propaganda operations; a deep confusion about the difference between hard-won objectivity and a lazy, counterfeit neutrality; and the poisonous effects of the postmodern axiom that truth, especially in politics, is a relative thing, depending on your perspective in a tweet. Whatever the explanation, today’s journalism has trashed the tradition of fearless, factual reporting pioneered by Walter Lippmann, Edward R. Murrow and Anthony Lewis.”

#3
When the whining around what color the grass is painted at midfield is more strenuously contested than the actual game, you know you’re watching college football in North Carolina.

#4
If you’re a true “Seinfeld” fan, I defy you to pronounce Roy Helu’s name without thinking of this “Seinfeld” episode.

#5
I don’t know who Ruby is, but she had a rather awesome “Star Wars” party.

#6
Most of life/the world is rigged. Accepting that and just trying your best would appear to be a big part of finding happiness.

#7
I often wonder what we’d do without the insights gleaned from science: A study indicated that men really do ogle women’s bodies. Also, this:

“Those bodies with larger breasts, narrower waists and bigger hips often prompted longer looks.”

Science at its most essential right here, folks.

#8
Watching “Legendary Nights” documentary about Arturo Gatti and Mickey Ward, I gained a newfound respect for Jim Lampley, a guy I had a hard time embracing as a commentator. Lampley was openly weeping when talking about Round 9 of Gatti-Ward I, to be followed in tears by Larry Merchant, the referee and essentially everyone involved in this emotional piece.

#9
To those who struggle with leaving the wee ones behind every morning, “The Lamentof the Working Parent” rings both true and timely ...

#10
I think Robert Kirkman of the “The Walking Dead” hit the nail on the head on our society in this Rolling Stone interview:


“A hundred years ago, we were living in houses we built, growing food we ate, interacting with our families. That’s a life that makes sense. Now, we’re doing jobs we don’t enjoy to buy stuff we don’t need. We’ve screwed things up.”

Monday, November 04, 2013

Useful “Minimalist Parenting” Would Have Benefited From Some Subtle Tweaks


Having recently reached a milestone birthday, nothing cemented my crash landing into middle-aged-dom more than my voluntary decision to purchase and read “Minimalist Parenting,” by Christine Koh and Asha Dornfest.

After checking my family jewels gender identity at the door, I embarked on this book, which was billed as a way to “enjoy modern family life more by doing less.” Which, I must admit, is a rather compelling idea.

This work suffered from a lack of art and pictures, and with so much copy staring at you, it came across as dense in areas. However, it did contain some good advice and tips—in particular, some cool apps I hadn’t heard of—and did offer tons o’ resources.

The humorous tone of my intro notwithstanding, though, I did find the book to be a bit exclusionary, in the sense that it spoke directly to women. Which is not completely surprising, of course, but I found it a bit short-sighted when placed in the context of the goal of the book.

That being said, the messages of being inundated with too many choices and obligations, optimizing your life, eliminating the unnecessary, and clarifying what value and priority means to you certainly hit the mark. Faced with a dearth of quality time already, it’s hard not to remember one of the lessons of Ferris Bueller: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

From decluttering to retirement plans to time-saving tricks, “Minimalist Parenting” achieved a pretty good balance between useful direction and New Age-y validation. While it could have been improved with more inclusive language and more welcoming design elements, this book was worth the read for a parent seeking honest self-improvement and a more rewarding home life.

Friday, November 01, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: More Brody, Less Dana, Plus Wake Grants A Franchise Reprieve



“Homeland” is wounded and bleedin’
More action, it’s needin’
No Brody, I can’t explain-a
But please, no more Dana
I’m beggin’ and pleadin’

Another disappointing story
About fading McIlroy, Rory
About cheating and being a cynic
Pick a better role model for glory

The roof it does leak
Week upon week
Like the talent drain
A company in pain
In case it’s symbolism you seek

Four years have passed
So make memories last
Yesterday, you were tiny Ube
Today, you’ve made a Dad out of me
Bless us, the time goes fast

Up went a collective grown
As another big lead blown
So much at stake
Enter Cam Wake
Won the game and threw Philbin a bone



Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Is Miami Witnessing the Final Days Of Joe Philbin and Jeff Ireland?



Scene: Late September, Miami: After a promising start highlighted by an improbable road win at Indianapolis, hopes were high in South Beach. The Dolphins had two games remaining before the bye: an admittedly difficult Monday Night task at New Orleans and a home matchup with depleted Baltimore.

Then, an uncompetitive performance vs. the Saints was followed by a lackluster, snatching-defeat-from-the-jaws-of-victory effort against the Ravens, sending Miami into the bye week robbed of confidence, but holding onto a respectable 3-2 mark.

The hinges came completely off after the off week, however, as the ‘Fins didn’t show up at all at home against a poor Buffalo team starting a practice-squad quarterback. Then the team coughed up a 17-point lead on the road at New England, ending all hopes of emerging as a relevant factor in the AFC and only adding to the litany of questions surrounding coach Joe Philbin, general manager Jeff Ireland and the entire coaching staff.

The biggest query: Could we be seeing the last hurrah of Philbin and/or Ireland? Consider the upcoming schedule carefully: a short-week showdown against a high-potential Cincinnati squad at home, followed by a road matchup against potentially winless Tampa Bay. Should Miami get bested in a bad matchup against the Bengals, then find themselves in the entirely plausible scenario of gift-wrapping a first win to the Buccaneers, it could be the final straw for this “braintrust.” After all, a 3-6 record and a six-game losing streak could render it difficult to see where the next victory could come from in a stretch that includes San Diego, Carolina and at the Jets.

So how did such a promising season go off the rails so quickly? And what failures are combining to jeopardize the brief tenure of Philbin, as well as the continuing failure that is the Ireland era?


Lack of Offensive Innovation Puts Team Behind 8-Ball in Pass-First League

In some quarters, the biggest plus seen in drafting quarterback Ryan Tannehill was the fact that his college coach, Mike Sherman, was installed as the Dolphins offensive coordinator. Lost in the giddiness over how quickly Tannehill would be able to compete in a familiar system, however, was the fact that Sherman was, well, fired as Tannehill’s college coach.

In some games this year, Miami has abandoned the running game after promising starts, exposing Tannehill to the deficiencies of a brutal offensive line (a story for later). Robbed of the support offered by promising backs Lamar Miller and Daniel Thomas, the signal-caller has held the ball too long, telegraphed too many passes and absorbed too many wicked hits. In response, Sherman has largely refused to take advantage of the quarterback’s plus mobility by rolling the pocket, mixing in some quarterback draws or making more frequent use of the spread option.

The big-money new addition, Mike Wallace, was supposed to give Miami the playmaker it has desperately needed to stretch the field. Now, Wallace has been exposed as a limited player in his early days with the ‘Fins, but Sherman has not done enough to get him the ball. In three of the first four games, Wallace averaged fewer than five targets per contest. He has been open a few times deep, but a combination of poor deep-ball accuracy and brutal pass protection have stymied those rare chances.

Return man Marcus Thigpen has shown some ability in certain packages, but his appearances have been rare. The Dolphins have seemed unwilling to punish opposing blitzes with the screen game, and haven’t identified the player(s) who might take a short pass, make someone miss and get down the field.

To be fair, Sherman has mixed in a few new looks following the bye, but it’s hard to find many situations where he is putting Tannehill—and the entire offense—into positions to succeed. Philbin’s pedigree was built on his status as offensive coordinator at Green Bay, but even in the role, he didn’t call the plays, and his advance billing as an innovative offensive thinker hasn’t been on display thus far in Miami.


Nonsensical and Baffling Roster Management Stymie Efforts at Improvement

The Dolphins have been unable to develop young receivers, and cutting promising youngsters like Marvin McNutt and Chad Bumphis at the end of training camp inexplicably left Miami with just four wideouts. These moves meant that an offense that just lost a key weapon in tight end Dustin Keller was going to respond not with more three- and four-wide receiver sets, but by forcing largely untalented inexperienced young tight ends (Charles Clay, Dion Sims, Michael Egnew) into roles that were too big for them.

In the offseason, Miami was allegedly intent to address its turnstile right tackle position. Ireland endured a lukewarm pursuit of trading for Kansas City tackle Branden Albert, but after running a series of tryouts for old veteran tackles with one leg out of the league, settled on Atlanta castoff Tyson Clabo, moving young tackle Jonathan Martin to the left side.

A few games in, this was revealed as an unmitigated disaster, with Clabo routinely getting beaten and the line in general being manhandled by opposing rushers. So what was the solution during the precious bye week? Maintaining the same starting lineup and hoping, apparently (*insert Albert Einstein insanity quote here*).

The powers-that-be somehow seemed surprised when Clabo was routinely overpowered by one of the best pass-rushers in the league in Buffalo’s Mario Williams, which, it could be argued, cost the Dolphins a win over the Bills. This continuation of the inevitable prompted Miami to trade for troubled-and-benched Bryant McKinnie, who was languishing on the bench in Baltimore as his disappointing career faded into obscurity.

On the surface, I don’t have an issue with the McKinnie move: the compensation was nominal (a late-round pick) and the big man is likely capable of plus play over defined periods. However, if this was the choice, how do you not make the trade during the bye week? By doing so, you give yourself extra time to help McKinnie learn the offense and help Martin adjust to going back to the right side. Trying to accomplish both things during the week increased the risk of making the ‘Fins even worse at two positions.

The situation is even more troubling from a draft standpoint. Miami made one of the big moves of April’s draft by trading to the third spot to draft Oregon specimen Dion Jordan—who I firmly believe will become an impact player in the league. However, he has been used only in spots early in his career, and even when he’s on the field, he is often dropped into coverage instead of allowing him to get after the passer. Such usage supports my contention that the Dolphins continue to select players without having a tangible, apparent vision (and path) for how they are to be used in their system.

And as part of a troubling trend, Jordan arrived in Miami with a pre-existing injury—as did second-round pick Jamar Taylor. Through physical ailments and inconsistent usage, the ‘Fins find themselves getting little to no production from any of its top seven draft picks. When the draft is seen as an extension of the offseason plan, this can only be seen as a severe indictment of the ability of Ireland and Philbin to either identify talent, give newcomers the support needed to find success—or both.


Dearth of Emotion and Passion Lead to Pervasive Here-We-Go-Again Atmosphere

Right or wrong, you buy goodwill from the fanbase through openness and a small modicum of access. With the Dolphins, however, the NSA may know more about each fan’s phone habits than those fans do about who is injured from week to week in Miami. In some ways, it feels like an organization at odds with itself: intent on attracting a newer, diverse generation of Dolphins fans, yet hyper-focused on maintaining outdated stances on protecting strategic secrets.

Admittedly, this is a small issue in the grand scheme of things. Of larger import is the absence of leadership, a problem that extends all the way to the top. Philbin’s speeches seem scripted and memorized, while his press conferences sound like a recitation of paint samples at Home Depot. Personality is only a component of what comprises a successful coach, but it was hard to ignore Philbin’s painful awkwardness on display during last year’s season of “Hard Knocks,” and it would be difficult to imagine him inspiring the type of intensity and effort that it takes to boost a franchise to the next level in pursuit of the gold standard in New England.

The post-bye-week egg this team laid at home against a severely diminished division rival should set off enormous alarm bells throughout the franchise. The game seemed like a confirmation of failures in preparation, energy, strategy, resilience and adaptability—collective responsibilities that fall at the feet of a coaching staff that is either overmatched or underprepared.


So, What Happens Next?

I’m not a Bill Parcells fan, but one of his quotes could be fairly apropos in such circumstances: “If they don’t bite as pups, they probably won’t bite.” He used this analogy to describe the play of rookies (which could also fit here), but it could also be applied to young or first-time coaches.

It certainly may feel unfair to judge Philbin’s ability to coach based on a season and a half, but the NFL is short-attention-span theater. It may be that the combination of an older coach trying to learn to be the head guy, paired with a general manager who has had the look of a dead man walking for three years now, could be just too hard to overcome for this franchise.

Could Philbin rally the troops to salvage the season and sneak into a wild-card berth? Sure. Could Ireland make some savvy moves along the way to bolster the roster and help some newcomers make a bigger impact later in the campaign? Possibly. Are the odds of both failing higher than those of having both occur simultaneously? Yes.


The only things that’s for sure is that, in the wake of an offseason that saw Miami invest a quarter of a billion dollars in signings, having a 3-4 record and an 0-2 mark in the AFC East is unacceptable. Throw in a couple more losses to extend the losing streak and embarrass the franchise, and Philbin and Ireland could be just two more lost puppies looking for something to bite in the dog-eat-dog world of NFL unemployment.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Adrenalin-Fueled “The Bourne Legacy” Delivers More Than Expected


I wasn’t sure what to expect out of “The Bourne Legacy,” but I did enjoy the previous movies in the franchise. I’m not a huge fan of Matt Damon, so his absence didn’t trouble me much, though I did wonder where they might take the story. So I’ll go ahead and admit that I was pleasantly surprised by this flick.

Jeremy Renner was a revelation in “The Hurt Locker,” and I thought he was strong in this role—as Aaron Cross—as well. He was among the reasons that “The Bourne Legacy” was driven by really good acting, bolstered by Rachel Weisz, who is always very compelling and magnetic.

This franchise has been based largely on high intensity, plot twists and paranoia, and this edition certainly didn’t stray too far from those core values. “The Bourne Legacy” felt like “Alias” on steroids, and since “Alias” seemed to go onandonandonandonandon, it’s fitting that a somewhat ambiguous ending of this film set up the possibility for another “Bourne” movie.

From a branding and marketing standpoint, Renner had enormous shoes to fill in (essentially) replacing Damon, and the fact he was able to more than pull it off was the main reason why “The Bourne Legacy” overdelivered.



Friday, October 25, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Spotlight On Odd Personnel Choices For Freefalling ‘Fins, Plus Can State Rally In Tally?



A home loss to a bad Beefalo team
Three straight Ls take the steam
A McKinnie trade on the fly
But why not do it on the bye?
Lotsa questions, few answers, it does seem

A government shutdown finally ends
No plan means nothing to defend
That’s politics of obstruction
Without idea or construction
The Tea Party and insanity does blend

A beatdown in the fake Death Valley
Lotsa Winston and no Tajh rally
Clemson being Clemson, I guess
Now State’s turn to take the test
Gonna be an ugly Saturday in Tally



Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 69



#1
Stormtroopers in pink? I think if C3PO wasn’t gay, he would totally dig this.

#2
There is a kid on Florida State named Sterling Lovelady. It’s hard not to envision him as this guy addressing the team before games.

#3
So who had odds that 2013 playoff goat Raheem Moore—he of the “epic blunder”—would not only still be a member of the Denver Broncos this year, but also the starting free safety?!

#4
Half of parenthood is trying to convince yourself that that stain isn’t what you know it is.

#5
Former Pack great (and Dolphins destroyer) Mario Williams looks like the deputy sheriff (LaMonica Garrett) “Sons of Anarchy.”
















#6
41 “Seinfeld” references in a 5-minute sportcast, then the anchor is one-upped by his co-anchor doing an Elaine dance. This would be my every broadcast. Epic.

#7
This piece gets a bit abstract and existential, but bear with it: It’s well worth it to learn about being born as a parent.

#8
The Coast Guard, the Arctic and the Evelynbear. That is all.

#9
Sean Payton is a tweaker, a cheater and a douche. I guess those are the kinds of things that are celebrated by ESPN. Movin’ right along.

#10
A surfer cliff-jumping off Lighthouse Point in Santa Cruz? Why, sure.