Day 2,380, Quasi-Quarantine: Week 3 Brings A New Kind Of Loss

Much like the NC State Wolfpack, the Scooters seem intent on finding new and creative ways to lose.

In this instance, we scored the fourth-most points in the league (128.1) ... only to lose to the week's top scorer (143.25).

In another in a litany of bad omens, the start-of-the week vibes were unchanged, as the Thursday night game saw Green Bay's Tucker Kraft drop three straight targets at one point, including literally on back-to-back plays. Compounding matters, my opponent had Packers QB Jordan Love, who was left in to accrue garbage points by throwing checkdowns despite being down three touchdowns and getting hit on every play.

I didn't have an opportunity to watch most of the games since I was actually at the Colts-Texans game in Indy, so that was frankly kind of a relief.

Just like last year, I'm firmly in the lead for points against thus far this season, which is kind of unreal. But I'll keep hammering the waiver wire and hoping for the vibes to normalize.

Go Scooters.

Limerick Friday #654: NC State Shit Jumps Its Own Shark -- Day 2,374

Doeren and Bailey

Ranging from mediocre to fail-y

They make $8 million a year

Which is a little too much I fear

For embarrassing State on the daily

The Mets fell apart

State is a collective fart

The Dolphins are a punchline

The Scooters stepped on a landmine

Why do I do this to my heart?

Uncanny and sublime

Full of an eerie grime

A lost treasure from M. Night

Is certain to give you a fright

Where has "Servant" been all this time?

Choke jobs and strife

Just twist in the knife

A perpetual national joke

But when your clear the smoke

What's left is just that Pack life

A trip out Midwest way

May be what we need today

To cheer on the Colts

And forget all the dolts

Until Tuesday at least, I'd say

Last time ...

Day 2,371, Quasi-Quarantine: The Scooters -- Like The Mets, Dolphins, And Wolfpack -- Find The Basement

After a mind-numbing Week 1, I had little confidence that the Scooters would get any sort of cosmic repayment. However, I thought my team matched up well against my Week 2 opponent.

Until:

• The top tight end in the league (Brock Bowers) was ruled out for a second week at the last minute
• Four of my players fumbled in like a half-hour period during the 1 p.m. games, including one (D'Andre Swift) as he was going in for a touchdown
• My flex receiver (Alec Pierce) got hurt in the first quarter of the primetime game
• My quarterbacks (Dak Prescott and Joe Burrow) had strong games that randomly featured them not throwing to their No. 2 targets (George Pickens and Tee Higgins)
• My kicker tried one field goal. And missed

At the same time as injuries and underperformance abound, I'm in a trade-averse league that features little to no communication between owners. So if the Scooters are to figure out a way out of this, it's going to take a lot of waiver-wire work and guys playing to their custom.

The only way out is up.

Go Scooters.

Day 2,365, Quasi-Quarantine: A Whimsical Beach Puzzle For A Stuttering Beach Trip

 

It was a stranger OBX visit this summer, with some melancholy, a new member of the party, and a different part of the beach to explore.

While parts of the trip had a hard time getting off the ground, the old standby was a puzzle to work on, and this colorful collection of shapes, flowers, and symbols added an air of whimsy to the festivities.

8.1 out of 10, would build on the beachfront again

Day 2,364, Quasi-Quarantine: Another Year, Another Fantasy Luck Death March For The Scooters

(AI prompt: Create an image that accurately depicts the frustration of repeatedly losing at fantasy football when you're consistently predicted to win)

The Scooters had bounced back from a really weird draft with a couple of strong preseason claims and a trade that could end up being notable.

Scooters get Kenneth Gainwell, RB, TB

Other team gets Khalil Shakir, WR, BUF, and Kayshon Boutte, WR, HOU

I was trading from a position of extreme strength to get a third running back who could start at a flex position in a pinch. That was the case in Week 1, when Brock Bowers got hurt (wheeeee!) and Alec Pierce was put on a pitch count of 25-30 plays.

When I headed into the evening matchup (Cowboys-Giants), I was in a great spot, trailing by around 20 points with both Dak Prescott and George Pickens playing. ESPN told me I had a 75% chance to win.

Except I'd seen this movie before.

And when I say "before," I mean four or five times a season for around a quarter-century of fantasy football. So I put my chances to win somewhere around 8%.

Of course, that's just what happened, as Pickens racked up an entire 4.3 points, Prescott fell short as well, and I somehow managed to lose by four points.

Oh, fantasy football season is so incredibly on.

Onward, Scooters.

Day 2,360, Quasi-Quarantine: Vietnam Vet Navigates Assimilation In The Wyoming Wilds In "Walk Me To The Distance"

 

“He was a murderer, and the major well of guilt in this was that he felt no remorse. He laughed softly to himself and shook his head. The most frightening element of it all was that, even with the grotesque image of the retarded man bound and dangling, the action was somehow beautiful.”

This Western-coded novel follows a Vietnam War veteran who tries to assimilate back to everyday life, settling in Wyoming after feeling ostracized in his home state of Georgia. The action is seen through Kevin's occasionally unreliable perspective, and some of the bizarre behavior and decision-making we witness passively could potentially be related to PTSD (we didn't have a name for this when the novel was written more than 40 years ago, which also somewhat explains much of the problematic language).

“He wondered if a man actively seeking to surrender could be captured.”

Kevin ends up living on a ranch with Sixbury, an elderly widow who cares for a son with intellectual disabilities named Patrick. As Kevin tries to navigate interpersonal dynamics, an abandoned child enters the equation, leading to a series of heart-breaking and traumatic events, some of which really sneak up on the reader.

“The doors were open, and there under the moonlight, David saw him. Patrick was fucking a sheep.”

With something of a fever-dream quality, sparse prose, and concepts of frontier justice, "Walk Me to the Distance" evokes Cormac McCarthy. While the work is indicative of a young novelist finding his footing (it's Percival Everett's second novel and a precursor to classics like "James" and "The Trees"), this short blazer of a book asks compelling questions about the meaning of family, sexuality, the assimilation of grief, and the the difference between society and individuality.

“As he drove home, he found himself oddly relaxed. It was an empty feeling, but not at all uncomfortable. He didn’t feel lost, though he couldn’t say just where he was. He didn’t feel stranded and he didn’t feel helpless. He didn’t feel anything and that was all right.”

Limerick Friday #653: Another Year, Another National-Stage Humiliation -- Day 2,354

When State rains, it's pourin'

The signs we all kept ignorin'

Creativity and preparation we lack

Such is the life of the Pack

Especially under Snorin' Doeren

TCU fell apart at the seams

Fulfilling the N&O's Belicheat dreams

Michael Lombardi's office cleared?

Steve Belicheat has disappeared?

Ignore all that while the media creams

A party of ignorant bitches

Full of ass-kissing pitches

To an 80-year-old senile predator

Who shits his pants on the regular

This is the cult of bigotry and temporary riches

$180 million in dead cap money

The outlook ain't sunny

The 'Fins can barely field a squad

And the talent? Good god

If it wasn't so sad, it would be kinda funny

A fraud at quarterback

Missing a rushing attack

Receivers just can't get open

And instead of tacklin', we're hopin'

Meet this year's Wolfpack

Last time ...