Day 2,386, Quasi-Quarantine: The Scooters Finally Get On The Fucking Board In Week FOUR

Well ... the Scooters aren't going defeated this year.

We overcome a mind-numbing start to put up a whopping 170 points this week, the second-highest total in the league. Everybody contributed -- even (to a high degree of frustration) almost everybody on my bench.

Early on in the 1 p.m. games, D'Andre Swift had two touchdowns overturned in three plays. The first was a clear score and there is no way the second should have been overturned, so you can imagine that the nerves were hitting hard at that point. For good measure, Swift would go on to fumble and be benched.

I benched both Rhamondre Stevenson and Tucker Kraft late, and they both scored touchdowns (although, to be fair, Kraft also dropped one and I have Brock Bowers as well at tight end). Dak Prescott had a massive passing day, but Dallas had three short rushing scores and George Pickens somehow only had three targets. When Kenneth Gainwell scored a TD off the bench, "fuck everything" was featuring prominently in my game notes.

But big weeks from Joe Burrow, Emanuel Wilson, Tee Higgins, and Will Reichard followed, and I ended up winning by a cool 50 points.

The next order of business is to explore a fairly sizeable trade that could reset the roster at 1-3. Stay tuned.

Way to be, Scooters.

Day 2,385, Quasi-Quarantine: Meticulous Research Of "The Guns Of August" Gives Me A WWI Education

“The muffled tongue of Big Ben tolled nine by the clock as the cortege left the palace, but on history’s clock it was sunset, and the sun of the old world was setting in a dying blaze of splendor never to be seen again.”

Barbara W. Tuchman's painstakingly assembled account of the first month of World War I is an absorbing read despite its hefty weight, both physically and emotionally. The author does a tremendous job of weaving a narrative amid horrific circumstances without shying away from questioning the character of certain leaders (Sir John French, in particular, suffers a withering depiction).

“They were twelve days in which world history wavered between two courses and the Germans came so close to victory that they reached out and touched it between the Aisne and the Marne.”

“No more distressing moment can ever face a British government than that which requires it to come to a hard and fast and specific decision.”

The character sketches are done carefully, though there are some unintentionally funny physical descriptions to keep you entertained if you're so inclined. Since "The Guns of August: The Outbreak of World War I" runs to well over 600 pages, you are likely to be so inclined.

“Erect and good-looking in a disciplined way, with straightforward eyes and a sensible mustache …” 

“A trim, well-set-up officer of sixty-one with a direct glance and energetic mustache turned up at the corners …”

If there are any quibbles, it is that the assassination of Franz Ferdinand as an inciting factor was given scant attention. A reader might also benefit from a glossary of the main characters, as it was difficult to keep all the leaders and military personnel straight.

“The impetus of existing plans is always stronger than the impulse to change.”

“If there has to be a choice between injustice and disorder, said Goethe, the German prefers injustice.”

Tuchman also carefully renders the reality that war during that era was largely about trying to find the enemy before miscommunication destroys any advantages you might have, knowingly or unknowingly. The result is an account worthy of the Pulitzer Price (awarded in 1963), as well a sad reminder of the brutal mistakes we continue to make despite repeated lessons.

“When every autumn people said it could not last through the winter, and when every spring there was still no end in sight, only the hope that out of it all some good would accrue to mankind kept men and nations fighting.”

Day 2,380, Quasi-Quarantine: Week 3 Brings A New Kind Of Loss

Much like the NC State Wolfpack, the Scooters seem intent on finding new and creative ways to lose.

In this instance, we scored the fourth-most points in the league (128.1) ... only to lose to the week's top scorer (143.25).

In another in a litany of bad omens, the start-of-the week vibes were unchanged, as the Thursday night game saw Green Bay's Tucker Kraft drop three straight targets at one point, including literally on back-to-back plays. Compounding matters, my opponent had Packers QB Jordan Love, who was left in to accrue garbage points by throwing checkdowns despite being down three touchdowns and getting hit on every play.

I didn't have an opportunity to watch most of the games since I was actually at the Colts-Texans game in Indy, so that was frankly kind of a relief.

Just like last year, I'm firmly in the lead for points against thus far this season, which is kind of unreal. But I'll keep hammering the waiver wire and hoping for the vibes to normalize.

Go Scooters.

Limerick Friday #654: NC State Shit Jumps Its Own Shark -- Day 2,374

Doeren and Bailey

Ranging from mediocre to fail-y

They make $8 million a year

Which is a little too much I fear

For embarrassing State on the daily

The Mets fell apart

State is a collective fart

The Dolphins are a punchline

The Scooters stepped on a landmine

Why do I do this to my heart?

Uncanny and sublime

Full of an eerie grime

A lost treasure from M. Night

Is certain to give you a fright

Where has "Servant" been all this time?

Choke jobs and strife

Just twist in the knife

A perpetual national joke

But when your clear the smoke

What's left is just that Pack life

A trip out Midwest way

May be what we need today

To cheer on the Colts

And forget all the dolts

Until Tuesday at least, I'd say

Last time ...

Day 2,371, Quasi-Quarantine: The Scooters -- Like The Mets, Dolphins, And Wolfpack -- Find The Basement

After a mind-numbing Week 1, I had little confidence that the Scooters would get any sort of cosmic repayment. However, I thought my team matched up well against my Week 2 opponent.

Until:

• The top tight end in the league (Brock Bowers) was ruled out for a second week at the last minute
• Four of my players fumbled in like a half-hour period during the 1 p.m. games, including one (D'Andre Swift) as he was going in for a touchdown
• My flex receiver (Alec Pierce) got hurt in the first quarter of the primetime game
• My quarterbacks (Dak Prescott and Joe Burrow) had strong games that randomly featured them not throwing to their No. 2 targets (George Pickens and Tee Higgins)
• My kicker tried one field goal. And missed

At the same time as injuries and underperformance abound, I'm in a trade-averse league that features little to no communication between owners. So if the Scooters are to figure out a way out of this, it's going to take a lot of waiver-wire work and guys playing to their custom.

The only way out is up.

Go Scooters.

Day 2,365, Quasi-Quarantine: A Whimsical Beach Puzzle For A Stuttering Beach Trip

 

It was a stranger OBX visit this summer, with some melancholy, a new member of the party, and a different part of the beach to explore.

While parts of the trip had a hard time getting off the ground, the old standby was a puzzle to work on, and this colorful collection of shapes, flowers, and symbols added an air of whimsy to the festivities.

8.1 out of 10, would build on the beachfront again

Day 2,364, Quasi-Quarantine: Another Year, Another Fantasy Luck Death March For The Scooters

(AI prompt: Create an image that accurately depicts the frustration of repeatedly losing at fantasy football when you're consistently predicted to win)

The Scooters had bounced back from a really weird draft with a couple of strong preseason claims and a trade that could end up being notable.

Scooters get Kenneth Gainwell, RB, TB

Other team gets Khalil Shakir, WR, BUF, and Kayshon Boutte, WR, HOU

I was trading from a position of extreme strength to get a third running back who could start at a flex position in a pinch. That was the case in Week 1, when Brock Bowers got hurt (wheeeee!) and Alec Pierce was put on a pitch count of 25-30 plays.

When I headed into the evening matchup (Cowboys-Giants), I was in a great spot, trailing by around 20 points with both Dak Prescott and George Pickens playing. ESPN told me I had a 75% chance to win.

Except I'd seen this movie before.

And when I say "before," I mean four or five times a season for around a quarter-century of fantasy football. So I put my chances to win somewhere around 8%.

Of course, that's just what happened, as Pickens racked up an entire 4.3 points, Prescott fell short as well, and I somehow managed to lose by four points.

Oh, fantasy football season is so incredibly on.

Onward, Scooters.