Friday, August 30, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Hannah Montana Goes Hood Rat, Plus FF Takes Center Stage


This passes for music now
I know I sound old, and how
A twerking Miley Cyrus
Just watching it, catch a virus
Weep for all parents, wow

The Carolina Way does evolve
Called cheating with resolve
Took many cheap shots
Got pounded by the Gamecocks
Problems Red Bull can’t solve

Same song, plus the same verse
Harvey needs a doc and nurse
An ace pitcher thrown in doubt
I’m not one to cuss and pout
Just the latest example of a Mets curse

My fantasy football draft’s tonight
So naturally I quiver in fright
Will there be a QB run?
Will someone take Warrick Dunn?
The luck has to change, right?



Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 68


#1
Stop what you’re doing and view the best story that ESPN has ever told. You’ll be glad you did.

#2
So these long-lost WWI 3-D photos might just spark a “just wow” moment or two.

#3
I’m just glad I don’t know anyone who ever laid a midstore grumpster ... I’m also glad my Mom never owned a smartphone when I was wee.

#4
Marketing gone clever: These “life’s too short for the wrong job” wraps are great.

#5
It took this dude 42 years to learn these 11 things. Some good stuff, some overt clichés, but poignant nonetheless.

#6
Pro golfers channeling “Happy Gilmore” is pretty much awesome, and proof positive that some of these dudes actually have a personality.

#7
I don’t have too much to add to this story of a Dad, a daughter, a death and a dance. Beautiful.

#8
When steampunk meets “Star Wars” meets St. Pauli Girl: #thisisnotthestoutyou’relookingfor

#9
I’d say that “lies I’ve told my 3-year-old” perfectly captures an extended moment in toddlerhood.

#10
Honestly: what the hell is the point of two-lane drive-thrus? Seriously? To increase the chances of fast-food parking-lot car accidents? I mean, basic physics pretty much tells us that you’re not going to get your food any faster. So you’re essentially racing a gene-challenged citizen for a McNugget at that point, right?
Make me understand. I really want to understand.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Thelma & Louise Meet The Beasties



"Story Time" and "Late Fee" bustin' fools who be trippin' at the library ... Dewey Decimal style.

Speed Dating At The Cantina ...



"Hey girl ... wanna get matching Tattooines?"

Friday, August 23, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: Superchunk Offers Flashback To Youthful Angst, Plus The ‘Fins Get A Perfect Obama Reception


The 10th album for ‘Chunk
Riffs full of emotion and funk
Even at this late stage
Superchunk doesn’t age
Make me feel like a college-age punk

College football’s nearly here
Know what to expect from most teams near
More cheating from Chapel Hill
Duke will celebrate a three-win thrill
But State’s an unknown this year

The numbers are dwindling, man
No leadership means no plan
Just saw a tumbleweed roll by
Wrapped in double-talk and a lie
Loyalty means you’ll get burned again

The rankings, they fly by
You say, “I never heard of this guy”
Can tell you the Browns’ backup guard
Fantasy football draft prep is hard
Just hope my depth chart doesn’t make me cry

Long-awaited honor for the ’72 ‘Fins
With the White House, they’re on the ins
A 40-year wait
But it wasn’t too late
Recognizing perfection through history’s lens



Thursday, August 22, 2013

Jim Beam Is Real ... And It's Spectacular



Dear bees,

Jackie Chiles is coming for you. And no balm will help.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Lebowski In 60 Seconds? Hmmm ...



Clever, but missing a certain something ...

Monday, August 19, 2013

"Sons Of Anarchy" Roars Down Sesame Street



What, no mention of Luann's porn studio? Seems a bit of a risque choice for the Sesame folks, but then again, they did manage to make a show about two characters wrestling inside Katy Perry's sweater ...



Friday, August 16, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: Dufner Duffs His Way To The PGA, Plus Johnny Football, Please Make It Stop


Amazing swing for an easygoing cat
Tremendous PGA for Dufner, that
Added to Furyk’s suffering
Now we’re all Dufner-ing
Capped it all with a wifely butt pat

It’s fantasy football time once again
Rankings and drafts now and then
So with a sigh and many head shakes
Ready to make all the same mistakes
I never know when to say when

The dog days of summer TV
Hard to find anything to see
When is “Boardwalk Empire” coming back?
Is “Treme” getting back on track?
Welcome their returns with glee

Always carried a big bat
Always got contracts fat
Can’t believe what A-Fraud does say
He also just might be gay
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
 
Courting disaster all summer
Oh Johnny Football, what a bummer
Both coddled and spoiled
A happy ending foiled
But will he play like a one-armed drummer?



Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Friday, August 09, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Ambiguous Ending For “The Killing,” Plus An Uphill Battle For Doeren



The intensity it was revvin’
“The Killing” was in drama heaven
A twist to end the third season
Holder couldn’t make Sarah see reason
I guess Linden never watched “Se7en”

‘Fins season starts in shame
At the Hall of Fame Game
You know your team is bupkis
When the hero of the night is a Bumphis
An effort both disappointing and lame

Does Tigger have a leg to stand?
Is the Grand Slam in Phil’s hand
Oak Hill can be a fright
And what a fitting sight
For glory’s last stand

Already on probation
In need of extended vacation
Jeremy Hill, the same ol’ punk verse
Then Les Miles just made it worse
Criticism deserved outside of Tiger Nation

The cupboard not quite bare
But playmakers exceedingly rare
The result of an outdated approach
Shows the need for a new coach
Let’s see how Doeren will fare



Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Mumford & Sons Parodies ... Well ... Mumford & Sons



[slow clap] Well-played, chaps. Well-played. [/slow clap]

Monday, August 05, 2013

“The Dude and the Zen Master” Was Both More And Less Than Expected


“To me, this book is sort of like a snakeskin. A snakeskin is something you might find on the side of the road and make something out of—a belt, say, or a hatband. The snake itself heads off doing more snake stuff—getting it on with lady snakes, eating rats, making more snakeskins, et cetera.”

“It reminds me of the story my clown mentor, YooWho, told me ...” Honestly, any book that contains a serious line that begins this way has to at least be entertaining, right?

That was certainly the case with “The Dude and the Zen Master,” a book by Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman. As you may have guessed, the piece touched on how some aspects of the Zen philosophy are reflected in “The Big Lebowski.”

Dedicated to “all the hungry spirits,” this piece was both touching and emotional in parts. It was a pretty quick read, aided by the fact that the book was formatted as a back-and-forth conversation between two friends.

Glassman’s assertion is that the Dude is a Zen Master, though very little time is actually spent exploring that claim. Instead, the duo touch on the idea that the “other shore,” or destination in life, is actually right underneath our feet; the idea of rebirthing, and whether children truly represent your mortality or your immortality; discussion of the 36 “righteous people” (Lamed-Vav Tzaddikim) that were depicted in the tremendous underrated and tragically cancelled TV show “Touch”; and why we increasingly rely hide behind technical lingo and confusing speak (“The truth is always encountered but rarely perceived.), among other interesting topics.

I’ve read a couple of books lately that have leaned heavily on the concept of jettisoning those things that bring stress into your life. I think Glassman captured this approach pretty well in these passages:

“I tell people that when stuff comes up and at a certain point it feels like it’s too much, move on. It’s not going anywhere and there’ll be a time when you’ll be ready to work with it. For now, listen to yourself. If it’s not the time, don’t push it. Gently down the stream. Some people say you have to work with everything, but there’s a time and place. If it feels like a knot, wait. It will come up again when you and the universe are ready.”

Be here in this moment. Don’t torture yourself with all the shit that has to be accomplished. Where are you right now?

“Robert Johnson wrote that the word happiness comes from to happen. Our happiness is what happens.”

Somewhat surprisingly, Bridges offered up about an apt a description of the Tea Party movement as any I’ve seen:

“Even when people see the value of something, the desire to keep their identity as a conservative, a liberal, or anything else can be stronger than their sense of interconnectedness—even if it means that kids go hungry. How can I work with a liberal, even if we have the same goals? It makes no sense, but the differences can take over. That’s what we fight wars about.”

Also on “The Big Lebowski” bent, there was a rather intriguing theory posed about the plot of the flick:

“You know what a Lebowski fan told me once? He thought that Donny was a figment of Walter’s imagination, an old army buddy of his who may have been killed in Vietnam. And the Dude was going along with the fantasy, participating in the three-way conversation even though he knew Donny didn’t exist ... Either way, it says a lot about the Dude; he can just go with the flow.”

And throughout, both Bridges and Glassman harped on the idea of embracing the inevitability of change:

Hey, I’m going to die, so let’s live! The things I’m surrounded by are going to change and disappear, so let me enjoy their beauty as they are right now.”

“Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher who preceded Aristotle, was the guy who said that you could never step in the same river twice, because the river’s always changing. And I’m always changing, too; I’m not the person I was a minute ago.”

I found “The Dude and the Zen Master” to be a thought-provoking read, despite being a very surface-level riff on some rather profound  approaches to life in general. If you’re looking for a “Big Lebowski” lovefest wrapped in a New Age-y burrito, look elsewhere; but if you’re seeking a subtly disguised self-help book with a coupla laughs thrown in, you’ve found it.

Friday, August 02, 2013

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: The Open Reveals Mickelson Brilliance, Plus “V” Smiles As Whitt Returns



A round to remember for Philly Mick
Played sublime though the greens were quick
Tamed Muirfield on this day
And he proved along the way
One can win and not be a complete prick

Under the searing, humid skies
Receivers are dropping like flies
Though hope still hangs in the air
Cohesion on the O-line is pretty rare
The Hall of Fame Game should open some eyes

With bankruptcy that was hard to miss
The auto industry died
When the conservatives lied
A great American city with no pot to piss

Bash religion and the SEC all day
Leave for $6 million in pay
“Retired” in ignorant glee
I guess it’s the Buckeye way

Dereck Whittenburg to the rack
Once again he’ll run with the Pack
The sidelines he’ll roam
A legend’s come home
Can he bring the ’83 magic back?