Limerick Friday #651: The Soccer Manages To Overcome The Most Blatant Of Favoritism -- Day 2,319

The competition was heady

The excitement was steady

Despite FIFA's incessant corruption

And every water-break disruption

I miss the World Cup already

Despite toil and strife

Some signs of life

Won a series from the hated Braves

Can the Mets make playoff waves?

Not if the injured list says rife

"Idiocracy" looks normal in compare

To this admin's depravity laid bare

The world's laughingstock

Nothing can be seen as a shock

When these bitches show how little they care

Another year, another infraction

Lombardi getting in on the Cheaters action

A laughingstock is Chapel Bill

The Holes want to die on that hill

More ammo for the sell-your-soul faction

Training camp has begun

Another low-expectations one

For the struggling 'Fins

The rebuilds outnumber the wins

But still ready for that football fun

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #642: A Hoosier Of A Whirlwind Time -- Day 2,036

Predictably, the Pack laid an egg

May be time to sweep Doeren's leg

The Colts salvaged the trip

Around Indiana did we rip

Now I need a couch and a keg

Above average, more or less

Though the luck's been a mess

Unlikely opponent games

From fucking no-names

That's fantasy football, I guess

What would make UNC more of a snake?

If they were on the Saudi take!

Who are they trying to fool?

A joke of a fucking school

And will always be a fraud and a fake

A key win to go to 4-2

A romp was good to see, true

Made some shrewd moves

Got the team in good grooves

Now the Scooters gotta see it through

Of regrets, I'd be remiss

And long would be that list

An ache bittersweet as persimmon

For all kinds of redheaded women

That I ain't supposed to kiss

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #641: Off On A Midwest Football Weekend -- Day 2,030

Headed off to Indy

And climes more windy

To see the Colts game

And if State beats Notre Dame

I'll do a hotel-pool Triple Lindy

The Mets just choked

The 'Fins getting smoked

State missed a golden chance

Now all I've got are rants

Because every joke I've already joked

The state of the Scooters

Has me doing shooters

Rebuilding the roster

Tossing every impostor

'Til I wake up .500 in a Hooters

"Follow the herd" bitches

Got me rolling in stitches

Pissing their pants perceptibly

In fear of Belicheat pre-emptively

Now UNC is steering straight into ditches

Of sanity they're bereft

Of morality, there's no heft

A government with no frontal lobe

Got me looking at the globe

Wondering if there's anywhere free left

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #638: Belicheat Embarrasses Every Chapel Shill -- Day 1,995

The bandwagon couldn't wait to applaud

And pretended to be suitably awed

The local media cupped his balls

Ignoring his cheating and falls

'Til they recognized a fellow fraud

Bobby Kennedy was a hero of mine

The most promising of his line

Now his son is killing kids

And selling out to the highest bids

Of American destruction, just the latest sign

Par for the course at UNC

Hoping to skip steps 1, 2, and 3

Tried to buy a culture and team

They've always been more "to seem"

Rather than "to be"

In football's return we bask

But so many questions to ask

Can the Wolfpack compete?

Can the Scooters repeat?

And how many issues can the 'Fins mask?

A heartless, creepy old man

Lies and deceives each spineless fan

On the young he preys

While every sycophant obeys

Trump or Belicheat -- decide if you can

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #634: Cassian & Crew Ripped From The Headlines -- Day 1,877

 

Story-telling you have to see

With "Bladerunner" vibes, to me

The pace of a hellion

Love in a rebellion

"Andor" is the best thing on TV

A legend in every way

Changed everything with "College Gameday"

"The Sunshine Scooter" was my fave

Every ounce he gave

Lee Corso, an institution we can't repay

Will the injuries calm down

Will the bats ever come to town

The pitching has been sublime

But it's high time

For the Mets stars to come around

A rapist, liar, and thief

Is the bitch in chief

Intentional crime is the point

How is he not in the joint?

His obituary would be a relief

Called NFL games in the nineties

Then moved on to ACC's

A legendary voice he had

Kinda like a friendly dad

Mike Patrick, all the RIPs

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #633: Escapism To The Rescue In Florida, Of All Places -- Day 1,856

Through all the parks we swirled

On so many rides we twirled

Plus beers and dishes

Against my fervent wishes

Left part of my heart at Disney World

The local no-talent hacks

With an absence of facts

Ignoring UNC drama

With Belicheat's sugar mama

Paying off that fanboy tax

As the works did plummet

They found more ways to gum it

Morale was bad enough

'Til they caved on DEI stuff

But hey, at least there's Summit

With a fragile MAGA QB

And a checked-out Ramsey

Plus a psycho receiver

I can't find a believer

In what the 'Fins are trying to be

His at bats like a yo-yo

What to make of Juan Soto

He's even lost his swag

And yes, it's early, but dag

Not sure that contract is for so-so

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #632: State Wades Into The Post-Keatts Era -- Day 1,828

It's the game that's now played

Everyone deserves to get paid

Adjust to the times

Or pinch all your dimes

Bring on the era of Will Wade

Create your own board for chess

To stay above the mess

Stay one move ahead

And make your own bed

If they're going to pay you less

UNC made the dance

To the glee of sycophants

The fraud persists

Local bias insists

'Tis the season for hypocritical rants

Another place progress did defeat

Raleigh mistakes on repeat

But don't you dare worry

It's part of my origin story

I'll always meet you down on 42nd Street

"Severance" is right up my alley

A blend of irony and reality

This season's gone deep

To make you laugh and weep

Not sure if I'm ready for the finale

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #628: Yellowjackets, Dolphins, And Overblown Lambs, Oh My-- Day 1,760

"Yellowjackets" had me hooked quick

A good balance of relatable and sick

Clever timeline meld

Good writing to see how they jelled

This is a show that could stick

Another lost season

Mediocrity beyond reason

But Grier remains

And Ross stains

Committing franchise treason

Season 2 came off a little poor

But "Yellowjackets" will never bore

A little neurotic

And a lot chaotic

This was not the season I hoped for

Tyreek can't play in the cold

Half the passes, he can't hold

"Cheetah," they call his loser ass

Not for his speed on the grass

But for how quick he does fold

Delusions on repeat

UNC shotguns its feet

To seem, rather than to be

Is the Tar Hole mentality

A fitting spot for Belicheat

Last time ...

Day 1,525, Quasi-Quarantine:"Handle Hard Better" Is A Lesson No One Seems To Want To Hear Anymore

I'm not normally someone who derives much inspiration or many meaningful concepts from motivational speeches, just by virtue of being, well, me.

So imagine my own surprise at myself when I allowed myself to be immersed fully into Duke coach Kara Lawson's address to her team a couple of weeks ago. There aren't a ton of days that go by when I don't think of her message.

[old-man thought to follow]:

Much of it is earned and a lot of it is understandable, but there's a lot of fragility out there -- and I'm not sure we're doing anyone any good by trying to make things easier for them.

Thanks, Coach. Good on ya.

Limerick Friday #604: Area Old Yells At Cloud Shaped Like A Wolf -- Day 1,376

Your weekly UNC bitching update

Now where they have manufactured hate?

Mack Brown's as old as dirt

And bad words make his tummy hurt

Obsessing after his latest beatdown by State

Laying a primetime turd

Both embarrassing and absurd

Outcoached and outplayed

This is the bed that they've made

Choking was the sound that you heard

This Festivus Eve

I've got a reprieve

From interminable work

As problems loom and lurk

Mostly in the form of Steve

The shit hit the fan

When Ronnie Mauricio got hurt again

Another big injury in the offseason

As if we needed another reason

To ban international baseball, man

The latest insufferable bitches

Are those wearing Chiefs britches

Over calls, they're weeping

As the Swifties keep creeping

The league won't stand for these Philly-KC glitches

Last time ...

Day 1,358, Quasi-Quarantine: Hey, College Football -- How About One More Controversy For The Road?

 

• Constant, confusing, and irrational conference turnover.
• More than 1,200 players in the transfer portal.
• Coaches making $10 million a year.
• NIL leading to unrecognizable rosters for fans.

College football already had enough challenges on its plate before this year's college-playoff conversation included six worthy teams for four spots.

Obviously, 13-0 Florida State got the shaft along the way, with the late-season injury to Heisman favorite quarterback Jordan Travis giving the playoff committee enough incentive to drop the Seminoles from the fray. The reigning back-to-back national champs, Georgia, also were left out after losing for the first time in 30 games, by a field goal to Alabama.

While most seemed to take issue with a one-loss Crimson Tide team taking the fourth spot in the order, I have to admit that not including the conference champ of the best league in the land never seemed like an option.

Lost in the rush to blame an SEC bias, however, is the curious case of Texas. A team with one-score wins over Houston (4-8 on the season), Kansas State, and TCU (5-7), plus a 10-point victory over Iowa State, vaulted four spots from No. 7 to No. 3.

It's also fair to mention that Michigan played a horrible schedule, beat an unranked Maryland team by one touchdown, and had a coach suspended multiple times for cheating during the course of the season.

Look, if you look close enough you're going to find warts with all these teams. There is certainly some bad luck involved in the sport facing this dilemma the year before the playoff expands to 12 teams. The reality is that the 'Noles did more than enough to make the playoff, but somehow pinning this situation on the SEC feels more than a little disingenuous.

Limerick Friday #597: A Week Away From Football Is Just What The Pack Required -- Day 1,315

A season that feels like a sigh

Needed a much-needed bye
A bad look for the coaches
Who need new approaches
Before the campaign goes off to die

Brings "D's" to their knees
Making cornerbacks wheeze
A bonafide offensive guru
Mike McDaniel -- who knew?
And yes, he does wear capris

Your performance is low
But also inept and slow
Your deficiencies have length
And it's hard to find a strength
Something your career coach should know

The queen of pop
On a bandwagon to the top
Every catch means a jump cut
To the luxury suite -- what
Please, just make it stop

Every sports radio clown
Wants to give him a crown
To seem rather than to be
This is UNC
Especially with ol' Mack Brown

Last time ...

Day 1,284, Quasi-Quarantine: When Conference Alignment Gets All Methodist And Texas

 

That sentiment when you suddenly remember that SMU is now somehow in the Atlantic Coast Conference.

I don't think that's ever going to go away.

Limerick Friday #592: Practice Football Has Arriven -- Day 1,245

NFL football is back

Well, kinda, is the real fact

Preseason game one

Let's have some no-injury fun

And hope Tua doesn't have to survive a sack

Quarterly conversations

And talent calibrations

Promotions to boot

Raises and bonuses, for a hoot

It all has me needing vacations

The conference alignment zoo

The ACC courting fucking SMU?!

Expansion and contraction on the run

Wake me up when its done

And let me know when the NCAA's through

Of these complaints, I'm tired

In impostor syndrome you're mired

You whine about titles and roles

Then don't reach any goals

So watch out you don't get your ass fired

Wielding a bat as a lever

Hope he & the Mets never sever

The Polar Bear finally getting hot

With moon shot after moon shot

I guess better late than never

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #584: "Barry" Barrels Toward A Frantic Finale -- Day 1,161

 

Things are getting hairy

And more than a little scary

Humor dissipating

As tension's escalating

In this stellar wind-down to "Barry"

The scandal was gagged

But a transcript flagged

UNC courses rejected

Now Caleb Love is dejected

And the Cheater label is re-tagged

He was sick

But they needed his stick

So he homered thrice

And threw up twice

The Polar Bear's legend is thick

Michigan was paying attention

And told UNC with condescension

"This is a juco class

"How did you even pass?"

But locally, not a mention

Hanging by a thread

Postseason hopes nearly dead

This is baseball at State

Our yearly fandom fate

Optimism mixed with existential dread

Last time ...

Day 1,101, Quasi-Quarantine: Steve Forbes Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday For A Win Today

 

At some point this season, Wake Forest coach Steve Forbes's mustache got a little out of hand, and he began reminding me in a big way of J. Wellington Wimpy.

The Demon Deacons are led by a dude who looks like Popeye's friend and spends 37 minutes of every 40-minute game yelling at the refs. And with a single ACC team in the Sweet Sixteen, these are the things we're reduced to thinking too hard about.

Limerick Friday #574: All Hail "Last Of Us" -- Day 1,056

Without undo muss

Or a lot of fuss

Tales of devotion

And dystopic emotion

Witness "Last of Us"

Shot 33% more threes

But twice as many freebies

Yet the gall to cry and howl

About a post-buzzer desperate "foul"

Go choke on your wine and cheese

As crooked as ever seen

That was the NFL playoff scene

A conference title weekend

That went off the deep end

With officiating that bordered on obscene

A sports information fail

Incompetence has never looked so pale

Kirschner a sycophantic fool

And a boot-licking tool

Just a walking beluga whale

Baby T raining threes

Joiner showing step-back ease

Spin cycles from D.J. Burns

A Pack team that takes turns

In an ACC they're trying to seize

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #573: UNC-Cheat Takes Things To A New Level -- Day 1,049

The refs were on the take

They didn't even try to fake

Like dirty cops

UNC's cheating never stops

A cycle the ACC will never break

The world does disturb

And people do perturb

So just ignore me

And leave me be

As I await season 12 of "Curb"

The "Bad Batch" returns on the attack

Bustin' helmets and talkin' smack

Side missions galore

Who knows what's in store?

Will Crosshair ever come back?

When the Heels are on the bubble

Your team is in trouble

Knowing what's at stake

It's a chance they can't take

Your fouls are gonna at least double

The Cantina, finally done

Of all the sets, it's the one

Always wanted from afar

And it's more than up to par

Legos have returned for my son

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #567: Yet Again, Wolves Spit On Sheep Clothing -- Day 993

 

Never gets old to beat

That posing UNC-Cheat

Fake contenders

Yearly pretenders

How about a beatdown repeat?

A promising show

But they just don't know

How to pick Lego Masters

And avoid elimination disasters

Always fucking up who should stay and go

Injuries threatened to undo

Who would the Pack turn to?

As the season verged

An old name reemerged

To complement a resilient crew

As they keep stacking wins

Low-grade anxiety begins

Are they actually good?

Is this a year they could?

What it's like to be a fan of the 'Fins

A doddering fool

At a pretend football school

Talking old-man smack

But realize, geriatric Mack

The media can't save you, tool

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #564: Please Make "TWD" Stop -- Day 958

Watching "The Walking Dead"

Fills me with dread

A caricature of itself

To put on the shelf

There's nothing left to be said

Ineptitude beyond reason

The Pack offense wheezin'

Against a boo chorus

Emerged M.J. Morris

To salvage the season

Coherence under attack

Sports knowledge they lacks

Originality up in smoke

Local radio a 20-year joke

Not worthy of being called hacks

A finale intense

Loaded with suspense

"House of Dragons" was pretty ho-hum

With more seasons to come

I wonder if HBO repents

So long it's been

Since he was recruited by Dean

Bacot they still pay

He's thirty-four if a day

The first ninth-year senior I've seen

Last time ...