Limerick Friday #650: The Mets Keep Digging For Rock Bottom -- Day 2,221

Lost twelve in a row

It's a long road to hoe

Now wins back to back

It's not too late to sack

Mendy now, don't you know

So Will Wade is a bitch

Steered the Pack into a ditch

Now Gainey's here

And hope is near

Through this transfer portal sitch

Another draft day for the 'Fins

After another season for the bins

Draft picks galore

But forgive me if I snore

Wake me up when we have some wins

All these ticking clocks

For entitled families of jocks

Paul McNeill is disrespecting State

Refusing to decide his fate

Time to tell him to kick rocks

Ass-kissing simps

And visibility pimps

Sell your creative soul

To that AI slop hole

Find some self respect, ya gimps

Last time ...

Day 2,158, Quasi-Quarantine: NC State's Heel-Stomping Brings Up Memories Of '95

 

Thirty years ago Scooter looks just as surprised as I did last night when the Pack absolutely pancreas-kicked UNC by 24 points. 

Go Pack, Young Scooter.

Limerick Friday #649: Saying Goodbye To A Life Fully Lived -- Day 2,146

What a life he had

When you can look past the sad

Didn't always see eye to eye

But I'm gonna miss that guy

Semper Paratus, Dad

Lotta changes for Dolphin Nation

A mix of doubt and elation

But they finally seem to have a plan

That doesn't involve resurrecting Dan

Just hoping for a playoff win this generation

A welcome distraction

From the fascism faction

"Stranger Things" arrived on the scene

Made me remember being a teen

Before the dread of the world gained traction

A bumpy start for Will Wade

The haters thought they had it made

Then the Wolfpack got a taste

And the Red Road Warriors laid waste

Now into their holes all the clowns fade

Everyone looking to lay blames

And favor certain suck-up names

Frauds and butt sniffers

I guess my way differs

I do the shit and skip the games

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #648: That's Fan Sentiment The Mets Are Flushing -- Day 2,090

Sugar and Polar Bear out the door

And looking at maybe more

Not considering the fans

As part of offseason plans

That's the only thing that's for sure

Made more than one roster tweak

Went on a three-game winning streak

Grabbed a playoff spot

Way to go, Scott

Now's the time to be bold and not meek

Boasts were made

Players were paid

Even though it's early

The fanbase is getting surly

Time to produce, Will Wade

Every hard lesson he learns

The more vitriol he earns

When sentiment has gotten you zero

The Mets need some kind of hero

Would not want to be David Stearns

A reputation I protect

For teammates I don't respect

Roll in like asses

And piss off the masses

An approach I flatly reject

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #646: Yet More Grist For A Most-Awaited Obit -- Day 2,602

The latest scandal does really smell

But it's hard to actually tell

What will rattle his sycophants

Enough for them to pull up their pants

Hoping that sound is a death knell

Performances for the trash bins

Offset by easy wins

A different team every week

Collective schizophrenia at its peak

How do you figger the goddam 'Fins?

The Triangle media's afraid

After years being lazy and paid

Wolfpack hoops needs attention

From reporters with anal retention

Chalk it up to freaking Will Wade

Another Aaron Judge MVP snore

Critical thinking by votes was poor

The catcher got jobbed

You could even say robbed

Cal Raleigh deserved the award more

After horseshit luck in bunches

Decided to start playing hunches

Then things got even more rough

And lost to someone named Tyler Shough

And this is why I now just drink my lunches

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #643: Teleport Us Out Of This Newscycle -- Day 2,043

Deep in fascism's throes

In the lowest of all the lows

But even for the world's worst grouse

Literally destroying the White House

Feels just way too on the nose

His ineptitude you have to applaud

As he drags down an entire squad

The broad side of a barn he couldn't hit

Just another MAGA piece of shit

Tua, the noodle-armed fraud

This is the bed we've made

Under Doeren for more than a decade

NC State Shit shall not pass

It's here to stay, alas

But at least we now have Will Wade

Four or five days a week

Youth soccer is not for the meek

But the smell of grass at dawn

I'll miss when it's gone

So excuse me if my eyes leak

Will we ever get to fall

It's still too warm, y'all

When will it be hoodie season

Will we ever have a reason

To wear cold-weather clothes at all?

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #632: State Wades Into The Post-Keatts Era -- Day 1,828

It's the game that's now played

Everyone deserves to get paid

Adjust to the times

Or pinch all your dimes

Bring on the era of Will Wade

Create your own board for chess

To stay above the mess

Stay one move ahead

And make your own bed

If they're going to pay you less

UNC made the dance

To the glee of sycophants

The fraud persists

Local bias insists

'Tis the season for hypocritical rants

Another place progress did defeat

Raleigh mistakes on repeat

But don't you dare worry

It's part of my origin story

I'll always meet you down on 42nd Street

"Severance" is right up my alley

A blend of irony and reality

This season's gone deep

To make you laugh and weep

Not sure if I'm ready for the finale

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #631: Steaming Pile Of Keatts Manages To Destroy Every Last Shred Of Final Four Goodwill -- Day 1,807

Keatts should have a small amount of fear

For State's tumble to the rear 

The play is too brutal to bear

The fans even struggle to care

Hell, I've turned off two games this year

Entitlement across the team

Solipsism a constant theme

Favoritism a leadership pillar

Management by marketing filler

Fire up every tiny violin meme

Headlines you can't comprehend

Hope you can't even pretend

Ignorance to the core

The evil is what matters more

As our society continues to descend

Every day another lost player

Fans should probably say a prayer

You know it's baseball season

When the Mets have injuries beyond reason

An onion peeled layer by layer

"White Lotus" season three

Is finally winning over me

Was on the fence for a while

But the end of epi two made me smile

Mostly because of "Tune in Tokyo" Chelsea

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #629: "Star Wars" Finds Balance In The Dramedy Force-- Day 1,767

"Skeleton Crew" was a delight

Livening up Tuesday night

It's "Goonies" in space

We all did embrace

I miss it already, all right

Sloppy and one-dimensional play

Crushing losses the order of the day

Injuries and missed shots every night

This is NC State's plight

The Final Four feels so far away

"Severance" back tonight

"Silo" is trying with might

It all seems must-see

Across Apple TV

Bringing great stories to light

A playoff fantasy team

Trying to hold together at the seam

Tricky to navigate

Difficult to speculate

Enter that Galfianakis math meme

Fantasies bordering the absurd

Thought you could quit with a word

But the curves didn't quit

A hold that doesn't diminish a bit

Powerless against the Jaybird

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #622: Don't Look Now, But Here Come The Metsies -- Day 1,564

With every error and trip

Away did the season seem to slip

'Til the Mets found their juice

And cut it all loose

I take it all back, Skip

A College World Series caravan

We believed and knew we can

Heartbreaking finishes

In no way diminishes

What a time it's been for every Pack fan

The situation is dire

But we still can't hire

So you can't build a team

Promotions are a pipe dream

So continue working with your hair on fire

Memorable Citi Field scenes

About what it all means

To sweep the Yanks

With back-to-back spanks

Hope you enjoyed Queens

At ennui do you stare

It's harder to care

Looking for distraction

Or a semblance of action

At least there's the return of "The Bear"

Last time ...

Day 1,547, Quasi-Quarantine: There Goes That School Again

 

I don't know exactly what the hell's happening in Raleigh right now, but it's pretty goddam cool. After Alex Sosa and Eli Serrano hit 1,000 feet of homer yesterday -- drilling a couple of Georgia fratties along the way -- State is headed to Omaha for the College World Series. Needless to say, the Pack will be looking to avenge the brutal NCAA hosing that took place there three years ago.

All that to say, things are pretty, pretty, pretty fun for the Wolfpack at the minute.

Is it ... is it too early to say that NC State Shit™ is dead for now? Talk amongst yourselves.

And LFGP.

Limerick Friday #620: Summer's Over Way Too Early For The Metsies -- Day 1,536

Found their scapegoat

Threw him off the boat

Jorge Lopez pitched a fit

But at least gave a shit

Another Mets embarrassment, he wrote

Of laughs he was rife

And wit like a knife

A gentle big man

We'll never see again

Bill Walton, what a freaking life

College baseball postseason time

Throw up that Wolfie sign

The regionals are here

So grab me a beer

And root on that ol' Pack 9

No one made whole

Can't fire a soul

Demotions ignored

"Do more" implored

Can I also abdicate my role?

When they pitch, they can't hit

When they hit, they can't throw it

Plus errors for fun

Do they have anyone

Who is even worth a shit?

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #616: "Curb Your Enthusiasm" Bids Its Final Adieu -- Day 1,495

It never failed to disturb

Or laughingly perturb

Larry David a mensch

Even when making your muscles clench

Man, am I gonna miss "Curb"

Bias is what I would say

Preferential is another way

Make up a new role

To cover up a hole

Gaslighting is the word of the day

All Mets fans hailed

When City Connect was unveiled

I wish it said Queens

Or had more color scenes

But otherwise this concept was nailed

The beach beckons again

Only a matter of when

A coupla days away

I can't wait to stay

And relax with a beer and a pen

A Final Four run

That can't be undone

Now recruiting is lit

The transfer portal won't quit

Keatts with support will be fun

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #615: A Final Tip Of The Red Hat To The Wolfpack -- Day 1,488

The D.J.'s mix and cook

Earning every national look

Through merit and not pity

They captured the city

And wrote their names in State's history book

Every teammate a fretter

And likely a former bedwetter

Adjust your expectations

Take a never-ending vacation

Or learn to do hard better

Wore the red jacket

Followed the Pack racket

Blocked out the hate

And believed in State

This is how I won my bracket

Direction conflicting

Creativity constricting

Do what needs done

And trust no one

It's ineptitude we're depicting

With everything on the line

They made a run divine

Laughed at the odds

Played like hoop gods

And did it all for the 919

Last time ...

Day 1,484, Quasi-Quarantine: Hitting The Bricks To Soak Up That Final Four Fever

We decided to hit NC State on Saturday to soak up the vibe around campus in advance of the Pack's momentous Final Four matchup with Purdue.

From lunch at the legendary Player's Retreat to visiting the statues outside of Reynolds Coliseum (nice work on the new "Skywalker" art!) to walking the Free Expression Tunnel to navigating the throngs inside the Student Store, the excitement was palpable.

Of course, the Wolfpack hit the wall against the Boilermakers, playing incredible defense but suffering seemingly a million rim--outs in a 13-point loss. While the outcome wasn't what anyone wanted, experiencing nine wins in 20 days and witnessing this incredible, improbable run with my son was unbelievably rewarding.

Go Pack. Let's not wait another 37 years.

Limerick Friday #614: The Pack Boot-Stomps The Final Four -- Day 1,483

A return to the Final Four

Cements this team in State lore

Never quit, never blink

Love, laugh, and think

And still the Pack wants more

Life on the line never fair

Stress and speed are a pair

Brought up the restaurant maze

But those were some great days

This is the experience of "The Bear"

Board that Phoenix bus

Or Cleveland traffic cuss

State rules the hoops world

And as destiny unfurled

We all asked, "Why not us"

Down we'll dumb it

As morale does plummet

Subtraction by addition

Plus voluntary attrition

Should be a curious Summit

Replacing NC State with Mets shit

Of hope there's not a bit

Lost five in a row

And I just wanna know

Can anybody here fucking hit?!

Last time ...

Day 1,477, Quasi-Quarantine: It's The Wolfpack's Basketball Wave Right Now, And We're All Just Surfing It

 

Yes, the NC State men's and women's basketball teams both advanced to the Final Four yesterday.

No, I don't know what the hell is happening.

Yes, I'm certain it's not an April Fool's joke.

No, I don't recognize the world we're currently living in.

Yes, you should absolutely avoid any changes in routine. Or christ, even sudden movements.

No, I don't exactly how to feel about ... <*gestures randomly*> everything.

Yes, we deserve this.

Go Pack.

Day 1,470, Quasi-Quarantine: Kool Mo D.'s Run Continues As State Storms The Sweet Sixteen

 

There are a number of incredible stories unfolding around NC State's seven-game run through the ACC Tournament and the first two rounds of the NCAAs:

• The nation falling in love with big man D.J. Burns.
• The late-game heroics of Mike O'Connell.
• The emotions of Raleigh native D.J. Horne in helping the Pack to its first league title in 37 years.

But perhaps the best storyline of all is the relentless performance of Mohamed Diarra. Mo has caught fire in the postseason, grabbing an incredible 85 rebounds and racking up four double-doubles in the seven games thus far.

To do all this while fasting as part of his faith in honoring Ramadan makes his narrative all the more compelling.

Keep it rolling, "Kool Mo D." You've got this.

Limerick Friday #613: Well, Goddam ... The Pack Done Went And Did It -- Day 1,469

They came from so very far

Made me want to drink the bar

First title in 37 years

Had all of Wolfpack Nation in tears

I'm not crying, you are

Justin Fields gave his all

Accuracy was his downfall

Held the hopes of his city

Was more mediocre than shitty

Now the Bears hand Caleb Williams the ball

Ineptitude never held to account

Of shittiness an excessive amount

Strategy unclear

Relevance nowhere near

Too many jackasses to count

For another bat I did scream

To round out this Mets team

So welcome to J.D.

He'll hit a dinger or 23

Now Queens can continue to dream

The Cardiac Pack

Decided to run it back

Headed to the Big Dance

Kicked Texas Tech in the pants

Of confidence this team doesn't lack

Last time ...

Day 1,465, Quasi-Quarantine: Why Not Us. Why Not Now. Why Not Remember Us Forever.

 

Proof that good things come to those who wait for 37 years.

Thinking of you, Norm. Man, you would've loved this team. 🥲

Go Pack.