Limerick Friday #602: Gather 'Round For This Year's Tar Hole Beatdown -- Day 1,355

 

To seem rather than to be

'Tis the state of UNC

Free Jordans and hype

Then State will just wipe

You off their cleats annually

"The Walking Dead" doesn't care

There's spinoffs everywhere

Zombie speedbumps abound

What is that sound?

That's a franchise in disrepair

It was like football heaven

His motor always revvin'

Had one of the best Pack seasons

And gave us all the reasons

To retire that number eleven

A war criminal, anyone would say

But he refused to pass away

A century of evil

More pervasive than a boll weevil

Kissinger dead is a good day

Hey, it's ol' Mack Brown

The latest UNC clown

He lobbies the voters

And the recruiting freeloaders

Only to get another beatdown

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #564: Please Make "TWD" Stop -- Day 958

Watching "The Walking Dead"

Fills me with dread

A caricature of itself

To put on the shelf

There's nothing left to be said

Ineptitude beyond reason

The Pack offense wheezin'

Against a boo chorus

Emerged M.J. Morris

To salvage the season

Coherence under attack

Sports knowledge they lacks

Originality up in smoke

Local radio a 20-year joke

Not worthy of being called hacks

A finale intense

Loaded with suspense

"House of Dragons" was pretty ho-hum

With more seasons to come

I wonder if HBO repents

So long it's been

Since he was recruited by Dean

Bacot they still pay

He's thirty-four if a day

The first ninth-year senior I've seen

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #517: Everyone Goes Except The Incompetent -- Day 545

Talent does leave

Friends do grieve

Obstacles stay

Can't pass up the pay

As excuses they weave

The finale of "Schitt's Creek"

Made my eyes leak

As the series closes

Farewell to the Roses

And a show that climbed comedy's peak

The unqualified set in like manges

Thanks to ridiculous salary ranges

The best keep improving

The worst stop moving

This is how nothing changes

Signs of life

Amidst the Mets' strife

But lotsa bad beats

And one-run defeats

Puncturing hope like a knife

"The Walking Dead" is in deep

Jumping sharks like so many sheep

So after a decade of seasons

A plot hole beyond all reasons

The zombies now randomly fucking sleep?!

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #501: TV Emerges As Sports Recedes -- Day 398

"Fear the Walking Dead," sneaky good

A lot happening under the hood

An emotional farewell to John Dorie

Sacrificed to honor the story

Stick with the show, if you would 

Despite a lot of winnish

A disappointing finish

The NC State women's team

Adding firepower like a dream

Now Wolfpack Wes is grinnish

As everyone is enduring and copin'

Our approach seems to just be hopin'

Don't tell me my role

To make the strategy whole

We need to be intentional and open

At recent picks, I laughed

Just don't do anything daft

Easier said than done

When the 'Fins are under the gun

Welcome to the NFL Draft

The plot deepens and furthers

Rob haunted by ghosts and hurters

With Cassie, we fell in love

Emotions that punch and shove

All hail the devastating "Dublin Murders"

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #468: Despair Sets In As Society Crumbles -- Day 75

We used to be at the top

Now citizens murdered by cops

A batshit prez

And everyone sez

Will this really every stop?

TWD is a slog now, true

But you have to give it its due

Some episodes well told

And some of the best of old

Occasionally does shine through

Promotions tossed around

For every no-talent ass clown

We'll pay you not to work

That's quite a job perk

Now welcome to manager town

Rain like a rising tide

Buckle up for a soggy ride

Good time to read

And guidance to heed

Plus keep all the jackasses inside

Decisions hard and not facile

Beyond the public hassle

Pandemics need lids

While protecting your kids

'Tis why your home is your castle

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #425: State Moves Fast To Land Its Man, Plus The Rock & Roll Angels Take Another

Even in coaching search events

Sometimes it all makes sense

Kevin Keatts was the ideal fit

Pack fans think he’s a hit

Don’t overthink it, just swing for the fence

Yes, the league was tough

But intimidating? A bunch of fluff

The ACC got bounced fast

Only the refs saved UNC’s ass

So save it with hard neighborhood stuff

So Eugene’s a traitor

Gregory’s a hater

Sasha went rogue solo

Rosita said “Oh no”

And Daryl showed up to save her?

They researched many others

But State got their druthers

They found one who wasn’t scared

As Wolfpack Nation prepared

To say, F you, Miller brothers

Played guitar like one should

No one rocked like he could

Revolutionized music, very

So rest in peace Chuck Berry,

Jamming with Johnny B. Goode

Last time …

Limerick Friday #424: Top O’ The Mornin’, Plus Don’t F This Up, Wolfpack

Guinness we looked on with awe

Green was all that we saw

Thoughts headed Ireland’s way

On this St. Patrick’s Day

Blarney and erin go bragh!

Behind the ACC they did lag

Gottfried struck me as a ‘bag

Ending an awful year brought elation

Good riddance says Wolfpack Nation

Now a coaching search we must not gag

“Ole” defense he did prize

To recruits he told many lies

Coeds he chased

Took the money and raced

Can we hire some respectable guys?

NC State got caught with no pants

But after some coaching rants

Time to respect March

As they pursue Keatts and Arch

Here comes the magical Big Dance

In search of a less-brutal move

Can TWD re-find its groove?

A rom-com with Rick and Michonne?

Sight gags that make you groan?

What’s next, a zombie Boov?

Last time …

Limerick Friday #423: Giovanni & Cranston Power Sneaky-Good “Sneaky Pete,” Plus TWD Trying To Find New Identity

He plays a con man cheat

Immersed in the role, complete

A cast full of underrated actors

Is one of the many factors

That makes me love “Sneaky Pete”

Needed a red zone threat

On Julius Thomas, they’ve placed that bet

Got him for a late pick

After Branden Albert hit the brick

For the Dolphins, an underrated get

In “Weird Science,” he stole every scene

Made “Aliens” worth every bean

On “Big Love,” he played a Mormon

In “Tombstone,” he wasn’t conformin’

Bill Paxton was talented, funny, and keen

America turning into a dump

Lies now peddled by the lump

USA bashing now in season

When W becomes a voice of reason

That’s all you need to know about Trump

A show that now lurches instead of glides

It’s quality rides with the tides

As obvious as a walker vegan

An inevitable battle with Negan

Did Eugene really switch sides?

Last time …

Limerick Friday #417: “Westworld” Pays Off A Riveting First Season, Plus “Walking Dead” Sputters Into Midseason Hiatus

A riveting finale indeed

Planting a Season 2 seed

“Westworld” with frantic action

A good show gaining traction

Just what TV does need

A predicted tank almost worth a chuckle

To the luckiest-ever motherfuckle

He’s got a shamrock in his arse

While I’m headed straight to bars

Quit the league or just sigh and re-buckle?

After a promising start

“The Night Of” fell apart

Potential uncashed

High hopes dashed

A good show got a little too smart

Nailed down victory #9

The ‘Fins put it all on the line

Hammered the Jets again

For a must-have win

Could this be a playoffs sign?

Another throwaway epi this week

More depictions of a new world, bleak

“The Walking Dead” has been uneven at best

I’m waiting to be more impressed

Coherence and momentum I seek

Last time …

Limerick Friday #415: “The Walking Dead” Continues Depression March, Plus “Westworld” Finds Its Stride

Negan appeared a little soon

To bring Alexandria to ruin

Abraham made use of a shovel

While Rick continued to grovel

Hope Maggie’s safe on a babymoon

The Scooters limping to the end

Can we not break and just bend?

Injuries are taking a toll

Suspension is slowing our roll

And the Vikes forgot how to defend

Reality set in with a thump

On democracy we just took a dump

To racists he gave a voice

The uneducated made a choice

May four years pass quickly under Trump

Credit for staying the course

When things were getting worse

A win the Pack had to get

To have any bowl hopes yet

And delay a Doeren-State divorce

“Westworld” has shot on the scene

Violence under a landscape serene

Where AI meets fantasy

And augmented reality

Is this part of the future obscene?

Last time …

Limerick Friday #414: Benched Back Salvages ‘Fins Season, Plus TWD Goes All In On Reboot

A team making a gain

Can the Dolphins sustain?

Gase finally finding his footing

The proof is in the pudding

All aboard the J-Train

They once called him the King

Had panache and a ferocious swing

A stylish raker

A helluva drink maker

Arnold Palmer, your praise golfers sing

Poor acting was all it took

To kinda ruin a great book

“11.22.63” wasn’t terrible

The story made it bearable

Stephen King deserved a better look

Players dropping like flies

But this fantasy coach really tries

I’ve moved to 6-1

But health, I need a ton

Before another great season dies

The uneven “Walking Dead”

That every fan did dread

The time had long come

To lose key cast and then some

But didn’t need to see that part of Glenn’s head

Last time …

Limerick Friday #401: “The Walking Dead” Whimpers Into The Offseason, Plus Augusta Takes Over The Sports Stage

Once a pulse-pounding show

Is quickly losing mojo

Negan with his Lucille banger

Reduced by a needless cliffhanger

TWD is losing audience as they go

Goodbye to the Martin twins

As the Pack roster thins

A crossroads time for Gott

As his seat starts to get hot

Only way out is recruiting and wins

“Vinyl” has made the leap

Digging into issues deep

From race to religion to murder

The writers keep pushing it further

Makes you laugh, dance, and weep

A dramatic buzzer beater

Fans cried at Harris Teeter

Quite a run, but now it’s ovah

The year belonged to Villanova

Karma for each and every cheater

 

The morning dew is clear

Green grass that could bring a tear

Magnolias scent the air

The vision of a golf love affair

Masters means spring’s truly here

Last time …

Limerick Friday #400: A Milestone Friday, Plus The Underwoods Resort To The Lowest Levels

From an MSI blast back in time

To poems about SEO sublime

The 400^th week of this

Limericks that laugh and diss

Now my Fridays all rhyme

A year that was no vacation

The Pack reduced to low station

A season with no safe harbor

Made bearable by Cat Barber

Many thanks from Wolfpack Nation

Another season petering out

A whimper instead of a shout

Doctor Denise, a tough loss

But a crossroads they have to cross

Negin is now lurking about

Pro Bowls he once earned

‘Til he got old and burned

A pint-sized corner with hops

And a ratchet who never stops

Brent Grimes, marriage lesson learned

A Presidency in shards

With no corruption guards

Starting a war

For distraction and more

That’s the season of “House of Cards”

Last time …

Limerick Friday #399: Can A Pack Legend Help Turn Around The ‘Fins, Plus Blindsiding The Saviors Seems Not Smart

A franchise in the dumps

Perennial offseason chumps

But Mario was a baller move

Could help the ‘Fins find a groove

But we’ll still take our media lumps

Gutty but undermanned

Nothing went as planned

The Pack had a lot of heart

But a season of false starts

True fans will understand

The liver heals fast

Ghosts of the past

Marriage of convenience, indeed

When a campaign is in need

“House of Cards” has conspiracies vast

Bundles of cash fly around

Solutions bought but not found

It’s free agency time in the NFL

For those who’ve avoided cap hell

Overpaying and egos abound

 

Another rash decision by Rick

Will Nagin pull off the last trick?

Killing strangers in their sleep

Leads to many questions deep

Of bad outcomes, you can take your pick

Last time …

Limerick Friday #398: Dook’s Serial Tripper Roams Free, Plus “House Of Cards” Might Now Be Reality TV

Can shoot the three or dunk

A Lil’ Abner with some funk

Cheap shots for all to see

Hypocrisy from the ACC

Grayson Allen, Duke’s latest bitch punk

A welcome change of scenes

In a world inescapably obscene

The team takes to the Hilltop

While Abraham ponders being Pop

Calling out Nagin takes a lot of beans

Another situation unfunny

The ‘Fins have no money

Maybe they’re better off

To give free agency a scoff

And stop pretending things are sunny

B.C. gave them a scare-a

Remember the fat lady and Yogi Berra

A home loss would’ve been clowned

To the worst team around

Finally saved by Michael Cera

A political kick to the ‘nards

Ripping our government to shards

This actually isn’t about Trump

That pompous, bankrupted lump

It’s about the return of “House of Cards”

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXIII: “Better Call Saul” Nails Its Comeback, While “Walking Dead” Wallows In Confusion

Trapped in the trash at the mall

Running scams to escape it all

Chasing what he wants with Kim

The walls closing down on him

How we’ve missed you, “Better Call Saul”

Blow it up once again

Or shuffle a position or 10

A rebuild or tweak case?

Is the question for Adam Gase

I’ll be over here remembering when

Hackers thumb the government eye

Saul is sexing a spy

Quinn is like Jason Vorhees

“Homeland” is now “24” degrees

Drink every time Carrie does cry

A giveaway for the Cheats

Continuing the rivalry defeats

Roy blew another lead

And his players cannot read

11 out of 14 Blue Devils beats

A zombie massacre upon its return

In Alexandria did walkers all burn

Maybe Glenn is Jason Vorhees

More often I say, “Oh, puh-lease”’

“Walking Dead” takes a sketchy turn

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXII: Scam Newton Makes A Business Decision, Plus “X-Files” Makes An Erratic Comeback

Chances, Denver not given a stitch

But with talent on D they were rich

Cam protected his dabbing arm

And cowarded away from harm

Broncos reverted him to a whiny bitch

A late start to our new year

Embrace every worry and fear

February feels like a chance

To press reset and try to dance

Like Morgan, I just want to clear

A tremendous player, indeed

A defense he could read

And a stats hound to be sure

A self-promoting insufferable boor

Peyton Manning, retire now, I plead

A one-man show every night

In a lost season, a spot that’s bright

Cat Barber, a year for the ages

Performing on ACC stages

For sore eyes, he’s been quite a sight

Two more episodes remain

More monsters have been slain

The “X-Files” uneven return

Has ignored questions that burn

Watching has at times been a pain

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXXV: Bounceback TWD Season Closes Without A Bang, Plus State Lets Elite Eight Slip Through Fingers

A brilliant fifth season did rally

Chose forgiveness instead of a sally

Morgan returns as a samurai

The Wolves are lurking nearby

Restraint the theme of the finale

Draft winds are blowing off the sound

Fin missteps are sure to abound

Tannenbaum now in charge

Of decisions small and large

Tell me again why Philbin’s around?

Betrayed by his brother Chuck

Just when he’d found good luck

The trials of Slippin’ Jimmy

Gets by on his hustle and shimmy

Saul emerges saying, “Who gives a fuck?”

Duke continues to roll

The Zags couldn’t take their toll

Handchecking continues uncalled

Offenses, in response, get stalled

Can Sparty keep them from their goal?

 

A golden opportunity lost

The Elite Eight it did cost

Cat ate some bad eggs

So he didn’t have his legs

Rally caps all over were tossed

Last time …