Day 1,672, Quasi-Quarantine: Vance Joseph And Kenan Thompson Are The Doppelgangers We Need Right Now

 

Former Miami Dolphins and current Denver Broncos defensive coordinator Vance Joseph (left) and Saturday Night Live won't-leaver mainstay Kenan Thompson bear a striking resemblance.

And each would probably be equally effective coaching "D" for the 'Fins ...

Day 1,591, Quasi-Quarantine: Lookalikes Frost And Landry Both Put The Fail In Midwest Football

 

At some point (probably at the end of a 3-2 game between Nebraska and Iowa), I was struck by solid doppelganger candidates:

Scott Frost (left):

Made things really weird for Nebraska football

Jesse Plemons (right):

Made things really weird on "Friday Night Lights" and "Breaking Bad"

Frost went on to be fired by Nebraska. Plemons went on to marry Kirsten Dunst.

I think there's a clear winner here.

Day 1,337, Quasi-Quarantine: Where Diamonds And Podcasts Intersect

 

Watching some of the MLB playoffs, I noticed that Phillies shortstop Bryson Stott bore a remarkable resemblance to <*fill in unclear reason for being known beyond being married to Kristen Bell*> Dax Shepard.

That's all I've got today.

Day 1,325, Quasi-Quarantine: And Thus Was The Miami Mandalorian Born

 

Doctor Penn Pershing has been a a crucial element of "The Mandalorian," with a complex and memorable arc that has stretched across multiple seasons.

Head coach Mike McDaniel has been a crucial element of the Dolphins' "The Legion of Zoom" offense, with a creative and evolving arc that has stretched across multiple seasons.

May the Force be with them both.

Day 1,172, Quasi-Quarantine: "The Office" Is Found In The "City Of Fire"

It's been jarring to watch "City on Fire" without being distracted by how much the 'bag husband in the show looks like Ryan Howard from "The Office."

Actor Ashley Zukerman -- performing as the adroitly-'baggy-named Keith Lamplighter -- is a dead ringer for Ryan's B.J. Novak. So much so that I spend much of "City on Fire" waiting for Keith to pull a scam on Kelly Kapoor in Central Park.

Run your game, Temp.

Day 1,108, Quasi-Quarantine: Rodney Terry And Giancarlo Esposito Could Pass For Los Pollos Hermanos

 

Watching the NCAA Tournament, it was hard not to do double-takes when seeing Rodney Terry on the sidelines for Texas. The interim-turned-permanent coach for the Longhorns is a dead ringer for actor Giancarlo Esposito, who has held down iconic roles as both Gustavo Fring ("Breaking Bad" and "Better Call Saul") and Moff Gideon ("The Mandalorian").

There were moments during Texas's loss to Miami in the Elite Eight when Terry/Gideon looked like he might want to wield a dark saber in the direction of the officials.

Everyone loses now that we won't get an opportunity to see Gus Fring stalking the sidelines in the Final Four.

Alas.

Day 1,101, Quasi-Quarantine: Steve Forbes Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday For A Win Today

 

At some point this season, Wake Forest coach Steve Forbes's mustache got a little out of hand, and he began reminding me in a big way of J. Wellington Wimpy.

The Demon Deacons are led by a dude who looks like Popeye's friend and spends 37 minutes of every 40-minute game yelling at the refs. And with a single ACC team in the Sweet Sixteen, these are the things we're reduced to thinking too hard about.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 73

#1

My life and the world at large is in desperate need of Seinfeld emojis. Smarty techie types, please make this happen.

#2

Tony Dungy as the NFL’s moral authority, as I’ve said repeatedly, is a bad joke

#3

This is a crying baby video phone ad that kicks you right in the feels.

#4

I was in this position not all that long ago. But I couldn’t nail this level of honesty in a job interview. Priceless.

#5

Documentary filmmaker Ken Burns and actor Dave Foley look shockingly alike. They both also kind of look like Ellen Degeneres, but that’s neither here nor there.

#6

Senator Whitehouse of Rhode Island is my new hero, destroying reality climate deniers.

#7

I like “The League,” I really do. But their insistence on including the Rafi and Randy storyline goes beyond bizarre to out-and-out stupidity. I’ve never turned off one of these episodes halfway through until one about Rafi and Randy comes on, because they’re routinely unfunny, pointless, and non-football-related. [/rant over]

#8

I want to join this bank. I mean, maybe I really don’t, but still. They were cool before they were illegal.

#9

I’m not sure it’s really possible to describe how awful a broadcaster Boomer Esiason is. Wow.

#10

So let me get this straight: One of the greatest rock bands in the history of music gives away music for free (and one of their best albums in years, it should be noted), and the reaction is offended outrage? Think about that for a minute.

Judging by the response of a new U2 album landing on the iTunes front page, you would have thought that Bono was going around stealing people’s kidneys in the middle of the night. Welcome to the new world of faux entitlement and fabricated sensibility, ladies and gentlemen.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 64

#1

Just in case you wanted some hugs (and tears) to go with your burger and fries, I present Tim’s Place.

#2

Cottonwood has long been my favorite North Carolina brewery, and they hit another one out of the park with Frostbite Black IPA. Highly recommended if you’re so inclined.

#3

Do the Baltimore Ravens have a linebackers coach named Wink Martindale?!

#4

I’ve never seen Dane Cook and Skylar Astin (of the movie “21 and Over”) in the same place at the same time. And if I did, I’m sure Astin would not be laughing at one of Cook’s bits.

#5

So there’s a Walking Dead drinking game called, appropriately enough, “Walking Drunk.” That is all.

#6

The “30 for 30” special on Chicago hoops legend Ben Wilson, titled “Benji,” was raw and powerful. The stark way in which it was shot and his story told really ramped up the emotional attachment to the story itself.

#7

So maybe life could pass you by while you’re tap-tap-tapping ...

#8

This guy is like my new personal hero and I would elect him the free and true leader of anything and everything. #drivinginrussia

#9

Just in case you thought the whole cops-at-Dunkin-Donuts thing is played out, here’s a tremendous story. Only a policeman could get away with the ol’ “I thought that cocaine was doughnut powder” defense. At least it’s not like cops get adjudicated differently or anything ...

#10

This story has it all: a perverted UNC professor, cocaine, a triple-D glamour model, almost incomprehensible arrogance and a catfish” of epic proportions. This dude makes Manti T’eo look like Don freaking Juan.

The Field: Snapshotting The 2013 ACC Tournament Seeds

Pretty self-explanatory. Have at it ...

#1 Miami

Plain and simple, the Hurricanes have all the pieces needed to run away with the ACC Tournament and make big noise beyond: an all-around point guard (Larkin), a stretch four (Kenny Kadji), a complete off guard (Durand Scott) and a ton of experienced depth. Jim Larranaga’s “Cocoon”-aged squad has the numbers and versatility to play a number of different styles, and while the ‘Canes were on the right side of a lot of good fortune through most of the regular season, sentiment seems to have gone too far the other way in writing off Miami as a legitimate contender. If the Hurricanes can keep Nevin Shapiro and Frank Haith away from G’boro for the entire weekend, they should be the nominal favorites.

#2 Duke

It’s been popular to turn the Devils into something they’re not, partly due to Ryan Kelly’s misleading comeback performances and Miami’s late-season erratic play. While Duke is unquestionably a dangerous team, the reality is that Mason Plumlee disappears too often, Rashied Suilamon has fallen off of late and Duke is overly reliant on Seth Curry’s bombing away from three and Quinn Cook consistently playing over his head. The Blue Devils lack scoring punch off the bench (though the ACC may have never seen a more prolific fouler than Tyler Thornton), and has often been the case in recent years, this is a vulnerable team on nights where the three isn’t falling. Kelly’s return (*fill in your own Geek Squad joke here*) changes the dynamic of the team, but will it be enough to push a good team to the next level?

#3 UNC-Chapel Hill

The Heels parlayed a late-season flurry over a series of subpar teams to zoom up the standings to grab the third spot. However, an uncompetitive home shellacking at the hands of Duke was a bit of a reality check to end the regular season, and any time your go-to player is Reggie Bullock, you know you’ve got a hit-or-miss team on your hands. Much has been made of P.J. Hairston’s assertion into the starting lineup, and he’s an undeniable shooter who teams well with Bullock to give teams fits from beyond the arc. However, Philip Michael Thomas McAdoo hasn’t lived up to advance billing, Marcus Paige has had understandably shaky moments as a freshman point guard in the ACC, UNC has one-dimensional players at the two spot in the bowtie Urkel crew of Dexter Strickland and Leslie McDonald, and the staff has tried a rotating series of youngsters in the frontcourt (does Marvin Austin have any eligibility left?), to no avail. Roy Williams has gone to his pinch-a-loaf stance to urge on his crew quite a bit this year, but the stark reality is that this is a Tar Heels team with an uncommon dearth of talent.

#4 Virginia

One could make a compelling case that the Wahoos are thriving in an underdog role, though they seem to always fall just short of breaking through. Some seek to minimize UVa’s style of play, but Tony Bennett’s squad goes out to prove that it is tougher than you are, and whether you like that approach or not has no bearing on whether the team is in line for kudos or not. The reality is that the Cavaliers have outperformed a few squads with much greater talent, and they’ve done so with a tremendous all-around player in Joe Harris and help from underrated Akil Mitchell and solid lead guard Jontel Evans. Whether the style is easy on the eyes or not, one of the best measurements of a good coach is whether or not he’s capable of forcing you to play his preferred type of game. In the case of Bennett and the Cavs, the answer is a resounding yes, but the follow-up question is whether or not that’s enough to make a legitimate run. Will “The Best Be Yet to Come” for Tony Bennett and the Forearm Shiver Deliverers?

#5 State

The Pack is an underachieving unit that too often seems emotionally disengaged and lacking in competitive fire. State is at its best in transition (translation: when it doesn’t have to think), but bogs down in the halfcourt due to poor spacing, the lack of post-up fundamentals and a dearth of legitimate perimeter shooters. When Richard Howell is cleaning the boards, Lorenzo Brown is playing under control, C.J. Leslie is mentally present and Scott Wood is drilling open treys, Mark Gottfried’s club is more than capable of taking down anyone (on a neutral floor). But the harsh question is this: when has more than two of those things taken place in the same game for the Wolfpack? State’s only hope is that it has played poorly enough during the regular season to convince itself it is now in an underdog role.

#6 Florida State

After last year’s tremendous campaign, a letdown for Leonard Hamilton’s team was expected, but the Seminoles have improved as the season has progressed. As usual, Hamilton has dug up a United Nations of players from all points of the globe (from Alaska to England to Nigeria to Slovakia). The lynchpin is buzzer-beater extraordinaire Michael Snaer, but FSU was hoping Okaro White would take the next step in his development and Ian Miller would progress as an offensive threat—and neither has happened. Rookie point Devon Bookert has outplayed some of the league’s alleged top guards late in the year, and the ‘Noles can go extremely big, with six players 6-8 or taller (including three seven-footers). It’s probably a year early too expect much from Florida State in a postseason setting, but rest assured that no opposing coach is going to be giddy about seeing their name across the bracket in Greensboro.

#7 Maryland

Mark Turgeon is presiding over another nondescript bunch of ballers in College Park. Catch them on the wrong night and they can knock off Duke easily; catch them on a normal night and Elon can run them out of the gym. The Terps were hoping for more from Pe’shon (pronounced PEE-Shon, according to the helpful school Web site) Howard and Nick Faust, but Alex Len and James Padgett have also been less than promised in the frontcourt. Maryland thought it had a coup when it bailed out (literally) Dez Wells from Xavier, but the pieces just haven’t fit together for the eminently unlikeable Turgeon. Granted, perhaps the Terrapins have been caught flash-forwarding to a series of 36-33 slugfests with Wisconsin in the Big 10, but this lackluster club is dragging itself out of the ACC through the cellar, not the front door, and doing so with a whimper, not a bang.

#8 Boston College

Steve Donahue is putting together a gutsy team, and usually that’s code for “shoddy but they try hard,” but in this case it’s for real. He’s got a versatile big man in Ryan Anderson, an emerging rookie guard in Olivier Hanlan, a solid ballhandler in Joe Rahon and a young crew of promising big men. Plus, forward Eddie Odio is a dead ringer for former “Real Genius” star Gabriel Jarrett. Donahue essentially had to gut the roster when he arrived at Chestnut Hill, and with four freshmen and seven sophomores, it could be argued that he’s ahead of schedule at this point. The Eagles are likely at least a year away, but will be a tough out for somebody in this tourney.

#9 Georgia Tech

It’s nice to know that even in the absence of Paul Hewitt, the Yellow Jackets remain an enigma. Brian Gregory’s team has some nice pieces in skilled big man Daniel Miller, forward Kammeon Holsey, experienced guard Mfon Udofia and promising youngster Julian Royal, but Tech has been frustratingly inconsistent. Many feel Gregory has this program on the right track, but there’s no reason the Jackets shouldn’t be a consistent top-half-of-the-league threat with a great school in a fertile recruiting area with respectable basketball tradition. On the plus side, Gregory’s hair isn’t getting any grayer now that Glenn Rice Jr. isn’t around to rifle up random 35-footers.

#10 Wake Forest

The good news is that Jeff Bzdelik’s team has marginally upgraded from trainwreck status. The bad news is that resulted in a 10^th-place finish and six ACC wins. Guard C.J. Harris has had his moments and rookie big man Devin Thomas has a bright future, but forward Travis McKie has regressed and suspension and transfers have decimated the Demon Deacons roster. It’s hard to argue that assistant Rusty LaRue wouldn’t be the best player on this team, and that’s a problem because he’s almost 40. As mentioned, this team has improved from last year, but is that improvement happening fast enough for Bzdelik to save his job? That will be the biggest question around Winston-Salem this offseason. Well, that and where did all the cigarettes go ...

#11 Clemson

The honeymoon is officially over for Brad Brownell at Clemson. Devin Booker is a handful in the low post for the Tigers, but he didn’t have near enough help this season. Forward Milton Jennings never developed into the player many had him pegged as, while a nondescript group of guards couldn’t elevate the Clemson backcourt. K.J. McDaniels shows some promise as a sophomore, but beyond that, there is an almost shocking lack of talent on this roster. If he’s buying rather than renting in Clemson, Brownell may be wise to head across campus to see how Dabo Sweeney is cheerleading buying recruiting his way into success.

#12 Virginia Tech

Guard Erick Green was the ACC’s best player all season long (and it wasn’t very close) and ended up as the nation’s leading scorer to boot. Unfortunately, his Herculean efforts weren’t enough to lift the Hokies from the bottom of the league for coach James Johnson. Gunner Jarell Eddie was too streaky, big man Cadarian Raines was a foul machine on the interior and no one else stepped up enough to give Green any type of help at all (not even the awesomely named Joey Racer). In a win-or-go-home scenario Green will give Virginia Tech a puncher’s chance, but asking him to put the team on his back for an entire tournament is just too much to ask. On the positive side, Seth Greenberg won’t have to pace around shotgunning Pepto Bismol waiting to see the brackets this year.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 63

#1

No one has ever seen one-time actor Damon Wayans and ESPN anchor Cole Wright in the same place at the same time. From “In Living Color” to “Sportscenter” is a long way down, Damon.

#2

Some good writing here about the last day of an Internet startup. Having faced similar experiences, the emotion here is captured well.

#3

Buzzfeed cataloged the 45 most powerful images of 2012, and I think #22 and #33 resonate the most with me.

#4

Do they test for PEDs in the NBA? Because I bet it is hugely rampant in that league, but you never hear about it.

#5

For some people, diarrhea is always on the menu. But what does it cost, really? And on a related note, sometimes a fortune cookie knows more about your digestive system than you do.

#6

I think we may have finally discovered the true meaning of the iPhone. Spoiler alert: Elvis would’ve loved it.

#7

So I found “The Crib Dribbler” terrifying on, oh, so many levels ...

#8

I think the Irish have cornered the market on that perfect pick-me-up for the sniffles (and hell, let’s be honest, just about anything else): Irish flu shots.

#9

“This is not the Tercel you’re looking for in the Food Lion parking lot.” No word on whether or not this is the back of the same car.

#10

Arguably the most creative way to possibly feed the homeless. And proof positive that humor is truly capable of changing the world.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 59

 #1

Val Patterson, you’re my hero. “Or, How to Live a Memorable Life and Then Write a Memorable Obituary.”

#2

It’s hard to keep track of the number of ongoing scandals at UNC, but does the ruling on Bitch Davis’s phone records mean we’ll never get a transcript of his drunk-dialing of Dawn Bunting?

#3

In case you have a healthy disrespect for iconic images and an unhealthy obsession with “Star Wars,” here are some memorable pictures featuring action figures.

#4

Have you ever seen U.S. women’s soccer star Megan Rapinoe and “Point Break” actress Lori Petty in the same place at the same time? Me neither.

#5

Rarely has one magical image better captured a human’s love for a dog. And the back story ain’t bad either.

#6

Apparently, Jimmy Johnson wouldn’t have cut Chad Johnson. In terms of pertinence, this is akin to soliciting Keith Richards’s perspective on sobriety.

#7

Finally, Mitt Romney’s tax return. What was the big deal over this anyway?

#8

I’d like to submit to evidence reason #406 why Jim Mora Jr. is a complete and utter douchebag. Also, not a good football coach.

#9

The definition of irony can be ascertained by observing driving interactions in a church parking lot on Christmas or Easter.

#10

NBC elected to employ a tape-delay approach to the Olympics an instant-gratification world. But to make up for it, they used analysts who had little to no interest in actually explaining unfamiliar sports or rules to the casual viewer. Besides those small points, great job, NBC.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 56

#1

I can’t contain my curiosity anymore: When did NBA players decide that it would be cool to start dressing like Urkel for postgame press conferences and who signed off on it?

#2

As a writer, I’m not sure whether this infographic about how a book is born is supposed to make you chuckle or weep. So I did both, and now I think there’s a book in it somewhere.

#3

A 94-year-old woman reunited with her son after 67 years. Good story. But I have to ask the obvious—if all it took was a quick Google search, what have they been doing for the last 20 years?

#4

Miami Dolphins coach Joe Philbin is a dead ringer for Father Jessup (played by Bruce Ed Morrow) from the epic “Seinfeld” episode “The Implant.” Maybe we can get a Costanza cameo on “Hard Knocks” this summer.

#5

That thing where a 19-year-old kid lived on the AOL campus in California for two months without them knowing. Side note: who knew AOL was still around?

#6

Maybe the most underrated new show out there is Fox’s “Touch,” and it gave an involuntary nod to a previous generation of comedy by casting both Mike Damone of “Fast Times at Ridgmont High” and Jean-Paul of “Seinfeld” (the marathon runner in “The Hot Tub”) in the same episode recently.

#7

As people are forced to come up with more and more clever means of barter in a dying economic system, you have to love the idea of the Little Free Library on the corner.

#8

Apparently, NBA analysts have decided that “volume shooter” is a more politically correct way to call someone a ballhog.

#9

The smile of a paralyzed woman who’s able to use her mind to get a robot to give her coffee gives you optimism that sometimes technology is on the right track.

#10

So perhaps I should just go ahead and scratch Australia off the ol’ bucket list ...

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 53

#1
A "Fringe" ode to Walter Bishop, perhaps my favorite character on television now and for quite a while.

#2
Doppleganger update: So John Tortorella, coach of the New York Rangers, is a dead-ringer for Harry Ellis of “Diehard” (played by Hart Bochner). *Insert yippee ki yay joke here*

#3
As a nice change of pace, an unbelievably cool story about a blind surfer kid in Brazil. True vindication for the belief that biorhythms can sync with those of Mother Nature's.

#4
Pluto has a message for NASA. Also, kind of for NASA’s Mom as well.

#5
Apparently, the Thesaurus never really had a shot opportunity chance.



#6
Wideout Hines Ward retired from the Pittsburgh Steelers the other day. A fiercely competitive, gutty and clutch player, to be sure, but I think all of the Hall of Fame talk surrounding him is misguided. Sure, the longevity is certainly there, but was there ever a time where you’d consider among the top 10 or so receivers in the league?

#7
This comic summarizing the outdoor music festival experience is missing a few key frames, I think. But I guess it depends on your age ...

#8
Few things go together better than crack and fire? Well, except for maybe whiskey and guns, of course! Just ask Jayson Williams.

#9
It was hard to watch Lehigh big man Gabe Knutson without being reminded of two-time Final Four darling and Butler standout Matt Howard, in terms of style of play and general peskiness.

#10
This long-ish but insane view of space shuttle footage is simply one of the most purely incredible things I’ve ever seen.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 52

#1
I definitely feel like I need more real-time, every-shot coverage of all the times when Tiger Woods finishes 37th in a tournament.

#2
Alternately cool and terrifying: pups playing underwater.

#3
My least-favorite part of college hoops is flopping. I can’t quite recall when trying to run and jump in front of another player so you can then fall down became confused with “good defense,” but it’s out of control. My high school coach once told me you can’t play defense from your arse, and I think that still applies.

#4
So I recently noticed that the woman (Rondi Reed) who plays Mike’s abrasive mother on “Mike & Molly” also had a bit part as one of Jerry’s neighbors in the “Kiss Hello” episode of “Seinfeld.”

#5
One of the leaders of the avalanche of semi-literate, douchebag athletes-turned-broadcasters is Shannon Secretariat Sharpe. As if offering no cogent, original thoughts pertaining to his own sport weren’t bad enough, he thought he’d bring his ignorance to an entirely new arena with this completely erroneous college basketball report. Way to be!



#6
Dopplegangers of the Week? Deandre Jordan of the L.A. Clippers and “Ghostbusters” actor Ernie Hudson.

#7
Is the Millennium Falcon lying at the bottom of the Baltic Sea? I really want to think so.

#8
Duke leads the nation in George Michael beards. Also, alum/announcer Mike Gminski wears a creepy hoop earring. I’m not sayin’ those things are related, I’m ... just sayin’.

#9
I’m astonished to say “The Office” is finding its stride in a post-Michael Scott world. Some surprisingly hilarious episodes this season.

#10
Three straight Jeremy Lin-related covers, SI? C’mon, you’re better than that. I thought.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 10

#1
There may not be an actor better-suited for his particular TV role than Jim Parsons of the “Big Bang Theory.” Playing uber-geek Sheldon Cooper, Parson is so ideally cast in this role that he actually seems to become Sheldon at times. He was nominated for an Emmy, but hopefully next year is his year to win it.

#2
Is it me, or has Luke Harangody been at Notre Dame forever? I swear that bucket-headed bastard roomed with Rudy in the freshmen dorm.

#3
It was tough to hear the news about Warren Sapp’s arrest for domestic violence without going, “Damn.” I’ve always been an unapologetic Sapp fan, but his arrest and the NFL Network not allowing him to work the Super Bowl means there must have been something to allegations that he choked a woman in a hotel room. I really want to believe you’re better than that, Warren.

#4
In this week’s installment of “Who’s Stealing from ‘Seinfeld?’”, we call out “Accidentally on Purpose.” During a recent episode, there was a scene involving a dude struggling to pull off pants that were stuck on another dude. This, of course, was a direct ripoff of the epic Kramer dungaree scene from “The Wait Out” (which featured, as well, the always-tremendous Mickey).

#5
Who here can’t wait for the John Swofford “In My Own Words” special? Maybe they’ve captured footage of the ACC commish living in Dean Smith’s garage while wearing Roy Williams’s boxers around his head.
Here’s something “In My Own Words,” Swoffsticka; you’ve taken ACC basketball from the pinnacle to mediocrity by allowing for the favoritism of a couple of hand-picked schools and you’ve made ACC football into a bigger joke by chasing the buck and bringing in schools that don’t belong in the league. And for good measure, you’ve presided over officiating in both sports that make the ACC the laughingstock of the nation when it comes to officials.
There’s your documentary.

#6
Has anyone ever seen “Fringe” bad guy Thomas Jerome Newton (Sebastian Roche) and Chef Gordon Ramsay in the same place at the same time?

#7
It’s hard not to respect Peyton Manning as a quarterback, but the guy has taken the term “tool” to completely new levels. I mean, I read that he asked his teammates to start watching game film instead of the in-flight movie on the team plane. How do you think stuff like that goes over with the third-string special-teams linebacker from East Compton High School and the University of Detroit? Does anyone else think that there are a lot of eyerolls and mutterings of “Dork-ass cracker” over shit like that?

#8
Tremendous winter season finale of “Fringe,” punctuated by Broyles’s line of “There are times when the only choices you have left … are bad ones.” On a side note, you gotta feel for Pacey in his pursuit of Agent Dunham—how much bad luck do you have to have to get cock-blocked by a freaking building from another goddam universe?

#9
I recently saw two more of my favorite “King of Queens” episodes: “Hi, School,” where Burt Reynolds guest stars as Doug’s old high school football coach and utters two all-time lines: “He ran like he was mad at the grass” and “When you’re a little kid and you moon somebody, it’s funny. When you’re approaching middle age, shaped like you are, it’s … disturbing.”
The other was “Tank Heaven,” where Doug submarines Carrie’s efforts to make friends at work by doing stuff like lifting up his shirt and saying, “Is this a lot of hair? Seriously? I mean, a lot of people say I’m hairy, but I don’t think I’m hairy enough.” The episode also unveils “Nachos 101” (“You don’t take the nucleus; you work around it. You honor it.”) and a Scoot go-to line: “… And all is quiet under the dome.”

#10
So we went to get Ube’s three-month pictures done, and among the frightening melting pot of fellow customers were some, shall we say, urban-looking fellas dressed out in minister garb. One of them was apparently nervous, because his mentor chided him at one point, “Remember, these are your priest pictures … Try not to look like you just got of jail.”
Yes. This happened.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 9

#1
“24” is back with a bang (great tagline, Fox), and this season features a CTU analyst named Arlo who looks exactly like J.J. Redick, as well as an Islamic leader with a pompadour that makes him look like a Mexican Elvis. Good times are certain to follow.

#2
Has anyone ever seen Larry Bird and Michael Rappaport in the same place at the same time?

#3
Thank christ I finally found a way to “unfriend” and block folks on Facebook. Let’s just say it has become much easier to cut down on requests to join Farmville and being forced to read ignorant, transparently racist views about how health care is the work of the devil.

#4“The Office” came back with a vengeance with what was essentially a “greatest moments” show. Normally I would take a show to task for being lazy for opening up a new season by stringing together highlights … but I was laughing way too hard to be upset.

#5
If you have a problem with pulling for New Orleans, you have a problem with yourself. The Saints and their relationship with their city and their people are a great story that they’re going to make a Disney movie out of some day. Laissez les bon temps rouler.

#6
Is there any question that Stephen Colbert represents the greatest combination of humor, sophistication and political commentary that we have today? I think the dude is nothing short of brilliant. He’s Bill Maher with charisma.

#7
“Fringe” is my favorite drama on TV, but they screwed the pooch in a big way when they trotted out their first new episode of the season—and it featured a character that was killed off last season. Running shows out of order happens in the TV biz, and I get that, but c’mon “Fringe” … you’re better than that.

#8
Dear Jets, Congratulations on your good fortune in getting opponents to roll over and miss field goals. I offer begrudging praise for your play in recent weeks. I’m sure it has been a memorable ride for you and your fans. Every playoffs in any sport should have a Cinderella story.
Now shut the fuck up.

#9
Dear Butt Favre,
Please stay retired this time.
Also, shut the fuck up.

#10
I’m hoping Eko and Charlie show up in some form during the last season of “Lost.” Not that I’m looking forward to it or have been anticipating it for seven months or anything.

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 8

#1
You know what makes me want to order Domino’s? When I see a commercial about how much they suck, how much everyone hates their pizza and how much they’re “experimenting” on how to make edible pizza. Mmm, good. Where’s the phone?

#2
So NBC finally lands a playoff game, and to celebrate, they compile their “dream team” of announcers to paint the audience the most vivid picture possible. Tom Hammond? Joe Theismann? Joe Gibbs? Tiki Barber? Are you fucking kidding me? Hell, at one point, Hammond referred to the best cornerback in the game, Darrelle Revis, as “Darrell Reeves.” Those guys missed a great game. And NBC missed a great opportunity.

#3
Seeing fake, stuffed antlers sticking out of the windows on either side of a minivan is bad enough … but on freaking January 5?!

#4
You gotta love the take by the Washington Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas after he pistol-whipped Jarrett Crittenton in the locker room –that it was a “joke.” “You know what would be hilarious? If I pretended to threaten your life at gunpoint with a fake pistol—except I wouldn’t pretend and it would be a real gun—piss-your-pants funny, right?” You know he’s going to say that he “wasn’t aware” (*cue Costanza*) that you couldn’t bring guns to the arena … did he think he could just stick a 9 mm in his sock and play the game? Did anyone else think of Billy Cole gunning down the other team during a run in the “Last Boy Scout” when you read this?

#5
Here’s a faceoff: Indian women (dots not feathers) drivers vs. Asian women drivers … who is worse?

#6
This is a big moment for the Cleveland Browns organization (I never thought I would type those words). How they handle the Joshua Cribbs situation (although his agent needs to stfu) will go a long way toward determining if anything at all has changed in that organization. That dude is a bonafide star, and whether they pay him or not will show whether they are the same ol’ Browns or if they are actually “different” with Mike Holmgren involved.

#7
I obviously don’t follow women’s basketball closely, but it sounds like State has knocked one out of the park with new coach Kellie Harper. She seems to have achieved a nice balance of acknowledging what former coach and forever legend Kay Yow created and recognizing to take that torch and elevate the entire program. This recent article on her included the thoughts of a writer who really seems to “get it” (sad that journalists around here are either too scared or too biased to recognize it): “And not to speak in rank generalizations, but … oh, you know how it is. NC State folks are used to rolling their eyes at the perceived elitism of Duke and self-reverence of North Carolina. If you're from outside the Triangle and have no allegiance to any of the schools, can you possibly not find yourself at least a little in the Wolfpack's corner?”

#8
Has anyone ever seen Golden Globe-nominated actor Stanley Tucci and Virginia Tech basketball coach Seth Greenberg in the same place at the same time?

#9
Shake-your-head NFL moment of the weekend: Baltimore running back Willis McGahee scores an essentially meaningless touchdown late in the romp over the Patsies. One offensive lineman hugs him before McGahee gets mad, shrugs him off and walks away. Another offensive lineman grabs him to celebrate, interrupting McGahee again and making him even more pissed. Finally, he pushes his teammates away so he can start his choreographed dance. For a guy who has basically become irrelevant on his own team, he came off looking not only selfish, but stupid. One day, the networks will get together and realize that if they cut away just after the touchdown is scored and don’t show these largely retarded celebrations, these jackasses will eventually stop doing them.

#10
Sometimes I watch “How I Met Your Mother,” and while it still has its entertaining moments, I think it’s largely jumped the shark. Maybe that is one of the reasons that the writers appear to be getting both lazy and desperate. To wit: In this week’s episode, Ted asks a girl, “Do you date idiots?” (or something like that) and she responds “Almost exclusively.” Being the “Seinfeld” fanatic that I am, I recognize the line immediately from "The Stakeout," where Jerry asks Vanessa, “Do you date immature men?” and she says, “Almost exclusively.” C’mon, now we’re going to frolic down the plagiarism path? Quit stealing shit from “Seinfeld,” “How I Met Your Mother”!

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 7

#1
I honestly never thought Queefer Sutherland would be back for yet another season of “24.” Didn’t he say that this was going to be the “last” season like five years ago? I guess passing out in hotel lobbies was getting too boring. Will Kimmy Bauer come back to rescue this season, too (and I will say that bringing back Agent Renee Walker was a strong move as well)? Oh well, I keep saying I can’t take it anymore, but yet I keep watching. I can’t quit you, Jack Bauer!

#2
Has anyone ever seen Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell and former Pack guard Scooter Sherrill in the same place at the same time?

#3
About the time that Sebastian Janikowski started date-rape-drugging himself at shady bars, he became a national joke, and deservedly so. But has anyone noticed that he has quietly become one of the best kickers I can ever remember in the NFL? I guess if you're kicking for a hellaciously shitty team and you don’t roofie yourself anymore, the pub isn’t exactly going to be knocking down your door. But the dude crushed a 61-yarder the other day and it got zero play anywhere. I see you working, Sea Bass.

#4
On a completely unrelated note, what is the consensus on cutting meat: Do you cut the entire piece into bite-sized pieces all at once, or do you cut pieces off one at a time as you’re eating them? I guess, to me, cutting them all at once feels childish. Discuss amongst yourselves.

#5
OK, time for another mind-numbing football pet peeve: A quarterback underthrows a receiver on a downfield route, either because he was hit or because it was just a terrible throw, the wideout tries to jump through the cornerback to get back to where the ball lands and a defensive pass interference flag is thrown. Now, I understand that every rule these days is in place to facilitate offense, but dear lord … sometimes I wonder how the hell a guy is legitimately supposed to play cornerback these days.

#6
Fox’s BCS studio show has to be among the worst pieces of sports programming I have ever seen. Chris Rose hosting with Eddie George and Jimmy Johnson on a Technicolor-orange set surrounded by life-sized Reese’s wrappers on everything within 60 feet? Really? That’s the best you could do? A Ryan Seacrest wannabe with no sports background (Rose), a guy who can’t form complete sentences or coherent thoughts (George) and a burnout who cheated his way through college football and only covers the NFL all season long (Johnson)—how could that possibly miss?

#7
That new show “The Deep End” looks pretty bad. It’s surprising to see that Chris Paul will get a chance to cross over to acting so quickly.

#8
At the risk of dating myself (*that’s what she said*), I’ve been going to the Man Mur Barber Shop across from State’s campus for, I don’t know, 15 years? Aside from the occasional racist joke and still getting questions about what classes I’m taking, it’s quick, professional, cheap and top-notch. I guess that’s why I was only mildly surprised that Playboy apparently named it one of the top 10 barber shops in the nation. The barbers have been bitching about the Hillsborough Street construction for months, so hopefully the added pub will help them make up for the business they think they’ve lost.

#9
Serious question: Has ESPN college football “analyst” Mark May ever been right about anything, ever?

#10
I appreciate what Pat Summerall has done for the game of football, and I applaud his effort to get sober after so many years. But isn’t he one of those guys who should just fade away? How in the hell does he land a gig calling a bowl game when he can barely identify which teams are playing, much less who the players are? Am I a bad person if I suggest that he was a much better announcer when he had a few Cutty and waters in him?

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 5

#1
I’m pretty sure that Jim Nance has had sex with Tom Brady. And I’m pretty sure Phil Simms lives in Bill Belichick’s cellar in the offseason. Besides that, they’re pretty objective.

#2
I haven’t seen that show “Chuck,” but I’ve heard good things about Pete Sampras in the title role.

#3
‘Roids now, Tiger? Really? Well, that explains why you and your butt-buddy caddy, Stevie, like to attack Asians with cameras in the tee box. Quite a December for you, Adultrick (credit to Rome) … couldn’t happen to a nicer douche.

#4
Tyler Smith is still at Tennessee? Really? He’s been around so long that I actually interviewed him at the Bob Gibbons Tournament of Champions when he was still in high school and looking at NC State. That kid has to be 30 by now. I swear he played in the same backcourt as Allan Houston for the Volunteers.

#5
I have never been much of a Joe Buck fan because he comes off too smarmy for my liking. But now he is entering into douche territory because he thinks he’s funny. Dude, go watch some Mike Tirico calls and try to recall why you got into this. Call the game; you’re not the show. Remember that.

#6
There are four and only four candidates for NFL MVP this year: Drew Brees, Peyton Manning, Philip Rivers and Chris Johnson. Anyone who casts a ballot that includes anyone outside of these four should have their voting privileges revoked. I’m looking at you, Peter “Butt Favre Spoons Me Sometimes” King.

#7
I didn’t see “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” but I have to say that I saw a commercial last night for “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” -- and it looked both creepy and terrifying.

#8
Ed “Nard Dog” Helms is making a strong bid as current funniest person on earth. Just sayin’.

#9
Wake Forest’s Al-Farouq Aminu is a damn fine player, and outside of the fact that he once shot a woman with a BB gun and was arrested for assault and trespassing, you could argue it’s a good thing for the ACC that he came back for his sophomore year. That being said, a modest Guatemalan family could live on his lower lip comfortably.

#10
Watching the Charlie Brown Christmas special, I’m surprised that big-headed fucker didn’t go Columbine like 50 years ago. Also, I always thought Charlie Brown was Jewish for some reason? *shrug*