What the hell, Tim Hardaway?
Talking about hating everyone who is gay
It’s always better to be thought an idiotic lout
Than to open your mouth and remove all doubt
Remember that next time you have something to say
Now Bush is setting his sights on Iran
Gung-ho to start another war while he can
Says they’ve got deadly bombs, it seems
They must be right next to those WMDs
Sure as hell wish it was 2008 already, man
Another wasted episode of “Lost”
I wonder how much that one cost?
The story is not moving forward
Desmond sees the future, I (bored) heard
I saw the future too and your ratings got tossed
Swept by freaking Virginia Tech?!
Heels lovers saying, “What the heck?!”
So go ahead, Roy, and take a bow
Whose brownies got stolen now?
Your team’s playing like a Hebrew with no neck
Proof of the world’s end: a Milli Vanilli flick
Hollywood has to got to be down to its very last trick
Maybe Tim Hardaway can star
With Isaiah Washington admiring him from afar
Between takes they could discuss the merits of dude-on-dude $#%*
Limer-inks
Limerick Friday I
Limerick Friday II
Limerick Friday III
Limerick Friday IV
Limerick Friday V
Limerick Friday VI
Limerick Friday VII
Best of … Limerick Friday
Limerick Friday IX
Limerick Friday X
Limerick Friday XI
Limerick Friday XII
Limerick Friday XIII
Limerick Friday XIV
Limerick Friday XV
Limerick Friday XVI
Limerick Friday XVII
Limerick Friday XVIII
Limerick Friday XIX
26 comments:
Will’s search for a wife
Has Brent wanting to take his own life
Casie’s making angels in the snow
All we get in Cary is a hard wind blow
I got a job offer in St. Thomas
Fly charter for 12K I can’t promise
Where’s Tony Austin
With Bill Gates has he been talking?
To get her tight jeans off took a switch blade knife.
(I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but someone's got to pop the limerick cherry)
NCSU cooters want to drink at games,
but guns with meatpackers is really lame,
they all descend from hatfields or mccoys,
and when drunk rage like the Hulk on steroids,
makes Mike Tyson look sane.
Problems come from wannabe students in lots
Such as Greenville 'necks that have the livestock hots
They don't go to NC State
But they want to see a real tailgate
Cause trouble then go back to their trailer and wait for more teeth to rots
Where have all the Wal-Mart fans gone?
Couple UNC losses and they're back to mowing the neighbors' lawn
But if the Heels win tomorrow against B.C.
They'll be back using words like "us" and "we"
Actual UNC grads look at these fools and just yawn
OH State wishes ECU casued the trouble,
but Tim Johnson, a UNC-Raleigh student, burst your tailgating bubble,
now no packer drinks moonshine from kegs,
getting drunk to look at State girls hairy legs,
the guys now pray that all they see is stubble.
With reading and spelling, your struggles are well-known
One NC State student in the entire affair, which was slightly overblown
Stick with what you know well
Though what that might be, no one can tell
We all know EZU in-breds dream of going to a real school in their trailer with no phone
one State student is all it takes,
NCSU student shot two people, pretty big mistake,
unless he was on State rifle team,
then which he just spit some dip and yelled, "i got one" in the spleen,
then goes back to making cows tails ache.
i really wanted to make the url rhyme but no such luck...
http://www.newsobserver.com/194/story/329208.html
no limericks from this girl
all this work has my head in a whirl
too busy to even blog
brain is in a fog
round and round spinning in a swirl
have a good friday/weekend everyone!
Surprised there's no Valentine's Day tales
Figgered there would be some sob stories, that never fails
I know it's a made-up holiday
So someone should make us laugh and say "No way"
The lack of funnies has taken some wind out of my sails
Valentines day isn't to be spent alone
Paying for sex over the phone
Valentines Day is for lovers
Bumping uglies beneath the covers
Now quit crying and find a young lady to bone
What would you do
If a girl you knew
Showed up on a kicky porn site
Dressed as batgirl, costume very tight
Would you rat her out and admit you liked the fetish too?
Anna Nicole was a whole lotta lady
Did you know she had my baby?
Hopefully i'll get some of that geezer's dough
Then to a boarding school she'll go
And i'll be running ass in Haiti
Will's taken an interest in Men's tailbones
I hate to be the first to cast stones
But maybe he calls all his dates flakes
But is secretly looking for trouser snakes
The Village People may have ass-less chaps to loan
Jersey groans from all the Duke fans
Who thought they might have to make NIT plans
The NCAA would never let them miss it
They are willing to eat Coach K's shit
Their testosterone levels are 1/2 that of a real man's
To see Steve's pic aviators mobbed
But did they know that fool is getting robbed?
The scooter is as good as mine
I'll be cruising around , hammered on fortified wine
I hope someone took a pic of Steve while he sobbed
Wow. A stunning and prolific outburst from Brandow ... most impressive.
A Batgirl costume being worn
Making a hot dog costume wearer forlorn
Someone you know on a porn site
Must have given you a tingling fright
To tell or spank, you must be torn
A dating blog as depressing as hell
Makes readers call a suicide hotline and yell
Grow a pair and quit being a bitch
Or admit that dudes that actually give you a good itch
We'll set you up with Literace, don't ask, don't tell
valentine's day is day to drop cash,
and wait till drinks take effect and gay guys play grab ass,
unless you went to NC State,
where cows don't care about dates,
just keep a large amount of hay in stash.
An EZU grad looks at the yellow moon shine
Then shyly moons his Jaycee buddy over a glass of wine
His closet door is slightly ajar
He thinks, "I'm nervous, but I've come this far ...
Then says, "On this day, my young Asian friend, won't you be mine?"
if you're depressed by a blog,
then you have no life eating burritos in your parent's basement you fat slob,
get your own life and live it,
instead of trolling my site you twit,
before you rock yourself to sleep with a handjob.
Controversy surrounding Anna Nicole
Her reputation is getting raked over the coal
Seven dudes claiming to be dad
Chasing money that will likely never be had?
Makes me think society is falling into a black hole
Brent thinks he's Dr. Spock in Cow-U red,
with parenting tips that any normal parent would dread,
feeds kids peanut butter,
and lets them do kegs stands that makes others mutter,
"what the hell hit that dork in the head?????"
Wonder whatever happened to Rainman
Maybe running a surplus store in Iran?
Or maybe owning a daycare with TGRK
Or selling magazines with Dwyer's dad is OK
All I know is that he shook like a Mexican jumping bean on Valtran
i'm the don rickles of limericks,
insults make me pull out my best shtick,
someones named Anonymous so scared i'll rag on them they run and hide,
like Anna's birth control when a mans at her bedside,
i'm a one man wonder, a number one hit.
Let's stop making Will the goat
It's tantamount to punching a tard in the throat
Sure it can be kind of fun
But what have you really won?
When winning a war of words with an ECU grad no one can gloat
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