After a brief hiatus, Limerick Friday is back, obviously … hell, it’s Sweeps Week! The material is rampant, so there’s no excuse for half-arsed limericks this week.
And off we go …
All of the fans Chuck thought he could fool
‘Til his team started to look like a dog’s stool
Losing to EZU at the Finley was the final straw
All you saw was fat chicks wearing purple, chewing chaw
I guess it’s back to being just a basketball school
Casie had an eventful Thanksgiving break
Went to a gigantic disco, for christ’s sake
The Cookie Monster fondled her body
Then she hooked up in a Port-A-Potty
The poor Muppit said “Dammit, I knew those were fake”
Brent’s growing a ‘porn stache for fun
Buying Amber Vision stock by the ton
His poor wife simply has to be a saint
Putting up with hi-jinx that would make most faint
What’s next? He’s auditioning for “Reno 911”
On sausage balls he chews to no end
Wears purple like he’s Barney’s “male friend”
His grammar even worse than Marco’s
Tries roofies but his dates take No-Doze
Got his degree by counting to 10 and pressing “Send”
Thinking of MSI is where the sadness begins
I miss all those farewell lunches at Bennigan’s
Luckily we’ve all moved on from there
Tho some no farther than the freaking State Fair
Now I play the triangle for the Port-A-John Shenanigans
Limerick Friday I
Limerick Friday II
Limerick Friday III
Limerick Friday IV
Limerick Friday V
Limerick Friday VI
Limerick Friday VII
Best of … Limerick Friday
33 comments:
EZU, a stinky, drooling gaggle of buck-toothed losers
Fat girls, fat guys, camo hats and vomit because all are boozers
The pirates can eat apples through a picket fence
Not strong readers or writers because they are dense
No indoor plumbing in Greenville so bring your pampers cruisers
I'm not trying to start a fight
But Will's degree was made on a Lite Brite
Stong words this week from ECU alum Stanley
Walks poodles by night but tries to be manly
While the Jacees drop trough in the pale moonlight
ECU chicks at best butter faces
About as cool as a pair of fat laces
Acid washed jeans and towering bangs
1 out of 3 has been banged by gangs
Get in their panties at the Attic and other places
I'm getting worried about poor Evan
NC State coaching search cut to seven
He hasn't slept in two weeks
Hanging on words from message board geeks
If we get Donnan he'll be in Heaven
I swear you all whine to no end
Then you say my MSI cracks offend
Now we have nowhere to eat our food
We ate better when we were getting screwed
I'm playing poker, do you have any money to lend?
Kudos on the poem there Scooter,
this from a guy who looks at teenage hooters,
it must suck looking young,
with girls who have periods you have no fun,
teaches young ones how to use web cam on computers
At the State Fair, he’s the first redneck, bald clown
I’d say he’s in-bred, but even his cousin turned him down
Thought a good date was ice cream and a natural trail
Couldn’t spell it but gave new meaning to the word “fail”
He’ll end up with Paul in a purple wedding gown
Brent has no athletic skills,
but lives vicariously for thrills,
on NCSU football he depends,
but rec. league b-ball bench is where his time he does spend,
his wife is more of a jock,
unless watching tv is a sport in which case he rocks!!!
"Stong", "jacees" and "trough"
Brent you're spelling isn't true,
i think you throw rocks in glass house,
but it's ok, i'm a man you're a mouse,
ECU just scored again on NCSU.
How's it going with match dot com?
Any ladies to bring home to Mom?
Sorry to say that chicks just don't care
For fellas with a comb-over for hair
Odds are you'll be stag at the second chance prom
The State coaching search is heating up now
What's wrong with the Asian Sensation, Norm Chow?
Candidates with names like Johnson and Jimbo and Bo
Sounds like a poorly lit midget porno
Hell, just hire me and Brent Brandow
Scooter what's on TV?,
on Rosey defending Clay, you agree?,
i hope you're not making the cyclops cry,
while watching Barbara Walters (not) hot naked thighs,
Perhaps he's dry humping the ottoman while watching Aunt Bee.
Scooter with you and Brandow takin' helm,
midget porn not coaching would be in your realm,
i think you'd need a step ladder,
to get your penis near a 3'2" girls bladder,
you're hung like a bonzi tree not an elm.
Best crack Will has is someone looks young
This from a guy bought a wig from Connie Chung
Is it better to look older than dirt?
Wearing a dirty, bad-luck date shirt?
He’ll spend middle age looking for a sheep to tongue
What the hell, talking about another dude's junk?!
What kind of fairy magazines do you have in your trunk?
Jeezus, we don't want to know
Titles like "Nude Aboriginal Boys in the Congo"
If I spelled like that I would claim I was drunk
No wonder you can't get some muff
Being preoccupied with writing of guy's stuff
Pretending to like girls must be a ploy
It's clear you'd prefer boy
Hiding your feelings must have been tough
Where are Steve and Casie,
flyin or tryin on something for cookie monster that's lacy?,
i sure miss all of the banter,
that happened on dime of MSI pervs and ranters,
that quiche they served was not all that tasty.
is this war of words almost done?
picking on will really that fun?
will you aren't helping with comebacks
and your nc state, scooter is short cracks
so come on…knock it off son!
scooter and brent, what NCSU punks,
who had engineering school dreams but play-doh model making they flunked,
so they learned about PR,
at school that has a pig ER,
now they date non-NCSU women 'casuse those fatties stunk.
A wookie once roamed MSI,
And mentally undressed every guy,
If married, a guy looked much better;
Commitment-free dick made her wetter
To clog the perv's toilet she did try.
oh casie it's all in taste,
don't take our fun in good haste,
we just like to crack on each others schools,
have you heard, States co-eds look at tractors and drool,
you act like it's my fault that to them i lay waste?
Sorry to be such a pain
But i'm employed with those without a brain
I'm sitting here looking at Tansy
Who has the IQ of a pansy
No wonder our company is going down the drain
She thought she could run Finance
Better at teaching aerobics and dance
She tried to up and quit
Reconsidered, now stuck in that pit
Though married, she worked late and had inter-office romance
Thought Anonymous had worn out their welcome
Hadn't we heard the last of her or him?
Taking potshots at our sad friend Chewie
Who made us all go, "Pew-eee!"
Don't know whether to laugh or cry at this Anonymous venom
I'm with you on this one scooter
This anonymous cat is kind of a cooter
Posting from the place that gives you cash
If you hate it, then why don't you dash
Less class than a New Orleans looter
I kinda wanna know between who had a romance,
Was it between two dumbasses, or ones with brilliance?
Hey now, Tansy and I were friends
Just because I'm no longer there, friendships should have no ends
I'm still curious on the romance, anyone here knows, by any chance?
Where is our friend from Seattle?
Hasn't weighed in on the OSU-UNC battle
Off watching BYU in come cafe
Ordering coffee and saying, "Thanks a latte!"
Nary a haiku, a whisper or a rattle
man work is keeping me away
from writing limericks today
trying to fit in time
to post some rhymes
but the man has me down sorry to say
at least i have scooter to give me calls out
usually something embarassing about
then there is brent and will still going at it
comparing schools and talking shit
where is steve…give us a shout!
Listen to what Casie has to say
You’re making Limerick Friday really gay
ECU and NC State football suck shit
And the season’s is over so put a fork in it
Wouldn’t you rather find a country girl and roll in the hay?
Casie, you know I'm just jealous
At least you have exciting stories to tell us
My life ain't quite that exciting
Port-A-Potty love sounds pretty inviting
Better than reading Anonymous rhymes about what befell us
time for this girl to leave
at least I got to read a limerick from steve
scooter I don't mind being picked on
about going to discos with my friend Jon
its not as exciting as I lead you to believe
have a good weekend ya'll
Steve football is over for one team,
but for another there's purple and gold bowl dreams,
yes it is only a small bowl,
but NCS Pew is home rocking their pole,
while on ECU i do beam.
lame but i had to put something up for one final shot! ;-)
Not sure who made the Chewie limerick or how they knew about her taking a dump in Pat's old office...but kudos for the fine job.
The stench of a wookie slinging a duece
I'd rather be sober when watching Footloose
For those who were there
It was utter dispair
If it happens again, i'll need a noose
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