The Tide finally got a coach named Nick
In Tuscaloosa he’ll be seen as the King Hick
But if he should to Auburn lose
Those illiterate ‘Bama boosters will muse
“I guess we should have known he’s a dick”
At 31, Brent ain’t over the hill
Hope on his b-day, he drank his fill
Maybe the next day found himself in a safe place
Because on Christmas Day, that wasn’t the case
When he was under the mistletoe with Jerry Glanville
The Dolphins lie in a fetal position under the wicked Shula Curse
Screwed over “The Don,” then gave Jackass Jimmy a huge purse
Then we hired a proven loser with a horrific ‘stache
Then let a fraud named Saban make off with all our cash
Please tell me this time there will be a different verse
A bad week for blogs, quiet as a “boo”
Creativity is down when the following is true:
Christmas turkey to outlast
New Year’s hangover to get past
Here’s to hoping Anonymous gets a spelling clue
A change of seasons for all kinds of ball
I miss the crisp days of fall
College football is winding to a close
ACC hoops is coming out of repose
Did J.J. Redick come out of the closet after all?
A wintery gust rolls through Morrisville
Leaving the remaining with a slight chill
I hope you all made a great New Year’s resolution
And that your wish for a new job comes to fruition
Being the last to turn out the light could be a tough-to-swallow pill
Limer-inks
Limerick Friday I
Limerick Friday II
Limerick Friday III
Limerick Friday IV
Limerick Friday V
Limerick Friday VI
Limerick Friday VII
Best of … Limerick Friday
Limerick Friday IX
Limerick Friday X
Limerick Friday XI
Limerick Friday XII
Limerick Friday XIII
44 comments:
About 3/4 the size of a moose
In the think tank she unleashed a duece
Wanted Scooter in the backseat of her van
She would be the Leia to his Han
As she told him she was morally loose
Bill Cowher is leaving Pittsburgh
Randy Johnson got kicked to the curb
Steve Logan is going to BC
The Irish getting spanked makes me happy
and we all know Saban is a turd.
I don’t miss my commutes on I-40
Bumper to bumper with cars that ain’t sporty
Sucked even more when you dreaded the destination
Wanting so badly to turn around at that gas station
Hating lying speeches ending in, “Literally, I’m your friend, Cordy!”
Welcome all to a brand new year
new years resolution - not so much beer
will's should be to quit his whining
and endless pining
or just come out and say he's queer
my new years eve was quite the time
made out with some boys and busted a rhyme
sorry i missed evan's party
i'm sure the laughing was more than hardy
sitting home on new years is a crime
even though brent is old
he'll never stop enjoying his beer cold
parenting tips to all the rest
making fun is what he does best
steve offered his scooter brent said 'sold'
A hobbit follows the trail north
Surveys the land, then with a sigh heads forth
The princess he chases with a magic ring
Thinking of the love the new year may bring
Only to be crushed when he finds that her threesome doesn’t need a fourth
Oh Casie i'm not queer,
i don't stick dicks in mens' rears,
i like to hit it from on top and the side,
when with a hot chick I hit my stride,
with random hookups I steer clear.
A wannabe boxer named Jim Lampley
Took a swing at a Hispanic tranny
A left, then a right to the chin
An uppercut, a jab, then a grin
Then said, "Marv Albert has nothing on me"
Jaded Woody Durham is trying to protect Dean
Protested Knight's record like a drama queen
He stalks his beloved Tar Heels
In the locker room, he likes to cop feels
Dante Calabria is chained in his basement and keeps the house clean
Lampley's Ex-wife has lobster hands
So what you don't understands
That for years his only wish
Was to quit getting hand jobs from a fish
And having a wife who at the circus would fill the stands
Will's limerick is truly disturbing
The fact that i read it is also perturbing
I'd like more stories about him matching wits
With girls with scorpion tits
They are far less unnerving
Will should start living his life
With the ferocity with which McGinnis nailed Phil Ford's wife
Take the bull by the horns
And start making some hard core porns
If i ever saw one i stab out my eyes with a knife
I hate b-ball team of Ricky Stokes,
our team is a real big joke,
we can't shoot free throws better then 50%,
where did they get these players,
off the street or from a convent?,
Holland must think Stokes is a real good bloke.
Evan's good buddy Monty the Hack
When you drive the lane he'll hit your ball sack
I saw them shopping together at Wal-Mart
Buying gold chains with two halves of a heart
If he fights Chad again Monty's got his back
Casie's top-10 idea is spot on
Some good MSI times for us to think upon
I remember TGRK dressed up as a priest
And a disturbing Chinese food feast
But how could you not mention Pat's curse-a-thon?
Ugly Betty, What the Fuck?
Thursday night’s TV does completely suck
A comedy series about Will doing a KWA
Would be more entertaining and far less gay?
I demolished Brent’s plasma with a stick and a puck
Weak and lame but I have the whole year to improve.
A new housemate for our wee friend “Corpse Bride”
His shattered pelvis became too hard to hide
Got tired of wearing a scarlet “A”
And figured, “Screw it, you know? What the hey …”
Now he’s writing a book called, “For Her and PPC I Once Cried”
all i want right now is a house,
my apartment is not big enough for a mouse,
girls dig guys with a big pad,
to go along with my killer abs,
i'll be so money i could win over that MILF Cheryl Ladd
This year we’re dumping Karia Knightly for Rachel McAdams
Watching her in Mean Girls is more fun then a hanging of Saddam’s
The Knightly’s of the Round Table ended thy see
One of two members is now building robots at MIT
Watching her in The Wedding Crashers makes my pants explode with atoms
Sorry Pauls been MIA
Too much going on lately, all work, no play
Business planning for next year is a bore
So much work, everyday there's more
Again, apoligize for being away
Recollecting so much MSI dirt
Melancholy times that do make my heart hurt
Chewbacca sounds randomly echoing through
A manatee, a wookie and other employees from the zoo
Remember that time Ginny Hoffman wore Seinfeld's "puffy shirt"?
will apparently got some cockiness this year
seems like you're getting your ass in gear
get your self some new girls
you love salsa dancing and doing twirls
this new attitude suits you well dear
i have no idea what steve's even says
some jibberish typed with a mouth full of pez
rachel mcadams i'll agree
much better than skinny mcknightly
although u kind of sound as creepy as that 70's shows fez
Boredom a lot
Creativity from me not
No one to bash
No gossip to hash
What would Will be like after smoking pot?
more MSI gossip for you to enjoy
Leigh is banging Cord, oh boy.
For big asses some do rave
that man-stache I hope she did shave
Married Ginny is sexin' up that converted salesboy
MSI management is really sad
Tom Dwyer IS selling magazines for his dad
use your tits or get on your knees
and like Tara you can be VP
If I don't get out of here, I'll go mad
That misguided girl must have said, "What the heck
"I might as well fall for a lying no-neck"
Courted her with tales of saving Dell
Saying, "Literally, I'm literally swell"
Poor Kim Jong Il must be quite a wreck
No fucking way, Anon is making that up
I had such respect for those women, why do they suck?
What's the converted sale's guys's name?
Leigh and Cord? That must be a sick game
Isn't Cord gone from MSI? And can't they find people outside the company to fuck?
Racy rumors being cast about
Please think before you put all of this out
Remember you once worked with these folks
Who are on the other end of your pokes
You're hurting feelings, of that there's no doubt
You can be sure that these are all true
I could tell you more that would make you turn blue
Of MSIers who pretended to be something they're not
Who cheated on boyfriends they forgot
There, morality was possessed by only a few
Quasimodo told tales of the World Trade Center and making big money
And stupid jokes no one thought were funny
The converted sales guy rhymes with lyin
If I gave out his name, his wife would be cryin'
MSI chics like to fuck like bunnies
U fukers cast stones from glass houses
About lying and cheating on spouses
U dont know what you're talkin of
Make shit up end then laugh like you're above
I'm still here and I don't care if this arouses
Wow, I guess I missed a bunch of rhymes
Like my man Zhao, work takes too much time
I've heard most of these MSI tales before
males and females can both be whores
pants unzip at the drop of a dime.
steve i know that's a lie
cool things like planes you do fly
and i know you can bust more rhymes than that
remember when you told us your wife was fat
haha that was just you being sly
anon you shouldn't call people out by name
its still their lives just the same
i mean you won't even say who you are
and to pick on others doesn't go far
these people are real its not a game
damn. i go out to lunch for a bit
then i miss all this slanderous shit
i doubt these rumors are true
sounds like anonymous' balls were left blue
and his brain is the size of a piss slit
I don't know, I kinda like the finger pointing
It's funny, and enjoying
So MSI women were all sluts?
Why couldn't I have have know that? I could've taken advantage, NUTS!
Oh well, still fun to read about, but somewhat dissappointing.
I never new so much ass,
passed through hands like water from glass,
i had the hots for Alicia,
Alicia sure wish i could meet ya,
just fell asleep in college the two times i smoked grass.
Paul you could've gotten Minete,
she had whit, charm and was in your league I bet,
you could joust with her big body,
wow, go donkey kong on that hottie,
paul with minete is something to funny to forget.
A rumor just might come your way
"Say it ain't so!" is what you might say
They finally boarded up this fucking place
Gave up the ghost and gave MSA the space
You need it had to happen some fucking day
Time to write the epilogue on MSI
It's shut down and no one's going to cry
So remember this fateful day
And the MSI tombstone some day shall say,
"Don't mix poker, lies and Google Analytics, we already gave it a try"
Good riddance to a place that was a pain
Drove more than a few folks more than a little insane
That failure Curious George can head back to Kodak
Where he'll no doubt bring Polaroids back
Somewhere Marco is smiling and saying, "Roll windos, looks like rain"
If true, for my friends I say, "Oh no"
Though I'm glad I'll hear no more tales of woe
Chin up as you head for a greener pasture
Myself, I couldn't leave that place faster
If you need a reference, just let one of us know
Who is this Minete Will talks about
He always brings her up, a crush coming out?
Is Minete at least a nice person?
If so, then totally not cool to diss her cushion
But it's Will, he'll do anything without a doubt
Paul Minete was a big ole' girl,
look at each other naked and hurl,
you can wash dirty clothes she unfolds,
after finding in her folds,
and she'll have the #5, crem of some yung guy, cause your toothpick she'll unfurl.
Is there a belltower near MSI
Because Hack Moore might be shooting from on high
He's disturbed and quite portly
He'll be arming himself and shotgunning Pop Tarts shortly
If you're anywhere near exit 284, you better speed on the way by
To all the people who think I'm anonymous 3 things
1. I'm not
2. If I have something to say I'm not going to be cowardly about it
3. I would never write such suckass poetry
Shawn
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