Friday, December 21, 2012

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Newtown Redefines “Unspeakable,” Plus Frank Costanza Had It Right All Along

Horror played out at Sandy Hook
Tears made it hard to even look
One more coward with an assault rifle
Saw precious life as but a trifle
If there’s a hell, he’d better cook

To an older generation, a link
Even though he didn’t always think
Larry Merchant is stepping away
He was there during boxing’s heyday
Finest hour was clowning Mayweather with a wink

We bicker and argue and fight
And ignore others’ plight
Sure, it’s the holiday season
Credit card bills soar for no reason
And hope the Mayans weren’t right

Pete Carroll a douche to the core
Faking a punt up 30, you dirty whore?
Russell Wilson has made a career
Of making coaches better than they appear
Pete the Fraud will get his until he’s buttsore

Festivus Day is nigh
A holiday defined by a sigh
Grievances loudly aired
Feats performed with muscles bared
That metal pole, it stretches so high ...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 62

Just in case you need an example of personalized marketing done right, I offer up Wimpy’s Braille burgers for your consideration.

A Mitt Romney visit to McDonald’s would play out just as you imagined a Mitt Romney visit to McDonald’s would play out.

I’m not a big fan of the NFL’s “crackdown” on dangerous plays. However, if the league is serious about curbing such hits, they need to adopt an NBA-type rule that decrees that if you accrue a certain number of personal fouls, you begin earning suspensions. The fines simply aren’t a viable deterrent.

Hey look, a handy guide to every grocery store of all times and ever! Well, except for the creepy dude that hangs out by the wine cooler section, waiting for fat girls in pajama pants to roll by.

This Corona Extra commercial will always make me think of Christmas:

If you’re like me, you find social media “gurus” largely annoying as shite. This video nails these clowns in a nutshell as it discusses the new social media: robots talking to robots who can’t buy any products.

Incredible footage of the largest recorded “calving” event in history, involving a glacier the size of a mountain. Just imagine how big it would be if global warming was a real thing!

Because there’s a plot to destroy America’s beer. Where is Jack Bauer when you really need him?

To all the NFL automaton media types, the term “50-burger” to describe the feat of reaching 50 points in a single game is reserved solely for the largest of tools. Use accordingly.

On the off chance that recent events haven’t reminded you to try to live each day as fully as possible, this 17-year-old with cancer and months to live just might. He is saying goodbye through song and a pledge to make the most of what he has left.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Only Jack Bauer Can Save Carrie, Plus “Fringe” Is Ramping Up To Epic Finale

A first season marked by an intense pace
But now it’s turned into a “24” freebase
“Homeland” has gone off the rails
A second year full of believability fails
I now watch with my Claire Danes Crying Face

A liar, a douche and a cheat
A philanderer, too? Pretty neat!
Petrino hired by Western Kentuck
Character? They didn’t give a f%&k
Say “My bad,” then rinse and repeat

A season of holiday cheer
Offset by missing those held dear
The lights twinkle though thoughts turn bleak
A smile even as a tear streaks your cheek
Blessed, pained, life in the course of a year

I saw Tannehill’s accuracy and laughed
Couldn’t hit the ocean from a raft
Another lost year, you don’t say
Sad days for the Dolphins, but hey ...
I heard we’ll get a good pick in the draft

A weekly hour-long adrenalin binge
With melancholy, perhaps a little tinge
Not ready for the end of Walter’s story
Or to say bye to Olivia in all her glory
Yet these are the final days of “Fringe”

Last time

Friday, December 07, 2012

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: “Boardwalk Empire” Pays Off Season 3 With Epic Gang War, Plus The Pack Moves Fast To Get Its Man

Nuck pushed right buttons like before
Bested Masseria and Rothstein in war
Rosetti, a too-merciful death
Harrow went Rambo on meth
Holy crap, what’s in store for season four?!

On all cylinders State wasn’t hitting
So the Jimmy V Classic was fitting
Tears when the V speech came on
Then a solid win over UConn
On a promising team Gottfried is sitting

Big bucks for David Wright
Face of the franchise, day and night
Not to be all that picky
But next up is R.A. Dickey
C’mon Metsies, just do what’s right

Michonne pierced Penny on the sly
Then dug out the Governor’s eye
New visitors to Carl’s Green Mile
Daryl and Merle together on trial
A midseason finale where the blood did fly

A listless program, snorin’
A reputation borderin’ on borin’
Status quo, not good enough
Needed a coach with the right stuff
Welcome to State, Dave Doeren