Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Newtown Redefines “Unspeakable,” Plus Frank Costanza Had It Right All Along

Horror played out at Sandy Hook

Tears made it hard to even look

One more coward with an assault rifle

Saw precious life as but a trifle

If there’s a hell, he’d better cook

To an older generation, a link

Even though he didn’t always think

Larry Merchant is stepping away

He was there during boxing’s heyday

Finest hour was clowning Mayweather with a wink

We bicker and argue and fight

And ignore others’ plight

Sure, it’s the holiday season

Credit card bills soar for no reason

And hope the Mayans weren’t right

Pete Carroll a douche to the core

Faking a punt up 30, you dirty whore?

Russell Wilson has made a career

Of making coaches better than they appear

Pete the Fraud will get his until he’s buttsore

Festivus Day is nigh

A holiday defined by a sigh

Grievances loudly aired

Feats performed with muscles bared

That metal pole, it stretches so high ...

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 62

#1

Just in case you need an example of personalized marketing done right, I offer up Wimpy’s Braille burgers for your consideration.

#2

A Mitt Romney visit to McDonald’s would play out just as you imagined a Mitt Romney visit to McDonald’s would play out.

#3

I’m not a big fan of the NFL’s “crackdown” on dangerous plays. However, if the league is serious about curbing such hits, they need to adopt an NBA-type rule that decrees that if you accrue a certain number of personal fouls, you begin earning suspensions. The fines simply aren’t a viable deterrent.

#4

Hey look, a handy guide to every grocery store of all times and ever! Well, except for the creepy dude that hangs out by the wine cooler section, waiting for fat girls in pajama pants to roll by.

#5

This Corona Extra commercial will always make me think of Christmas:

#6

If you’re like me, you find social media “gurus” largely annoying as shite. This video nails these clowns in a nutshell as it discusses the new social media: robots talking to robots who can’t buy any products.

#7

Incredible footage of the largest recorded “calving” event in history, involving a glacier the size of a mountain. Just imagine how big it would be if global warming was a real thing!

#8

Because there’s a plot to destroy America’s beer. Where is Jack Bauer when you really need him?

#9

To all the NFL automaton media types, the term “50-burger” to describe the feat of reaching 50 points in a single game is reserved solely for the largest of tools. Use accordingly.

#10

On the off chance that recent events haven’t reminded you to try to live each day as fully as possible, this 17-year-old with cancer and months to live just might. He is saying goodbye through song and a pledge to make the most of what he has left.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Only Jack Bauer Can Save Carrie, Plus “Fringe” Is Ramping Up To Epic Finale

A first season marked by an intense pace

But now it’s turned into a “24” freebase

“Homeland” has gone off the rails

A second year full of believability fails

I now watch with my Claire Danes Crying Face

A liar, a douche and a cheat

A philanderer, too? Pretty neat!

Petrino hired by Western Kentuck

Character? They didn’t give a f%&k

Say “My bad,” then rinse and repeat

A season of holiday cheer

Offset by missing those held dear

The lights twinkle though thoughts turn bleak

A smile even as a tear streaks your cheek

Blessed, pained, life in the course of a year

I saw Tannehill’s accuracy and laughed

Couldn’t hit the ocean from a raft

Another lost year, you don’t say

Sad days for the Dolphins, but hey ...

I heard we’ll get a good pick in the draft

A weekly hour-long adrenalin binge

With melancholy, perhaps a little tinge

Not ready for the end of Walter’s story

Or to say bye to Olivia in all her glory

Yet these are the final days of “Fringe”

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: “Boardwalk Empire” Pays Off Season 3 With Epic Gang War, Plus The Pack Moves Fast To Get Its Man

Nuck pushed right buttons like before

Bested Masseria and Rothstein in war

Rosetti, a too-merciful death

Harrow went Rambo on meth

Holy crap, what’s in store for season four?!

On all cylinders State wasn’t hitting

So the Jimmy V Classic was fitting

Tears when the V speech came on

Then a solid win over UConn

On a promising team Gottfried is sitting

Big bucks for David Wright

Face of the franchise, day and night

Not to be all that picky

But next up is R.A. Dickey

C’mon Metsies, just do what’s right

Michonne pierced Penny on the sly

Then dug out the Governor’s eye

New visitors to Carl’s Green Mile

Daryl and Merle together on trial

A midseason finale where the blood did fly

A listless program, snorin’

A reputation borderin’ on borin’

Status quo, not good enough

Needed a coach with the right stuff

Welcome to State, Dave Doeren

Last time …