Friday, July 31, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Battle Of Douches Continues In NFL, Plus The Mets Just Out-Metsed Themselves

Brady’s latest deceit
Rivals that of Belicheat
Who oversees Dumpster fires
A team of phonies and liars
Lie, cheat, rinse and repeat

Too much to tie up with a bow
Sad to see Carla Gugino go
Ran out of episodes
Picked one of many creepy roads
“Wayward Pines” was a promising show

Every house we did comb
Almost decided to just roam
Memories we’ll still hold
‘Til we grow gray and old
Let’s turn a house into a home

Feels like it’s been a year
Fall camp’s finally here
The Fins’ 50th season
Optimism with some reason
Coaching still a problem, I fear

Like an extended shoelace fall
Without much style or grace, y’all
Pretend it’s normal, lets
But you know, with the Mets
There’s definitely crying in baseball

Friday, July 24, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: “True Detective” Feels False, Plus An Amazing Open

Casting choices with no reason
Rapt fans they are teasin’
“True Detective” can’t find its stride
A weak plot you can’t hide
In a clunker of a second season

The “No Name Defense” guru
And “The Killer Bees,” too
Bill Arnsparger was Shula’s right hand
His D’s were sound and well-planned
RIP to a Fins legend who never got his due

An Open for the ages
Played in wind-blow stages
A leaderboard made up of stars
But when it came down to pars
Zach Johnson blew up Twitter pages

Friday, July 17, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: “Wayward Pines” Is “Twin Peaks” Meets “Shutter Island,” Plus The Time Of Year For Football Stupidity

Matt Dillon struggles with lines
And the plot has some land mines
But in a Shyamalan stunner
The surprise of the summer
Has been the complex “Wayward Pines”

Fireworks really aren’t funny
But he still wants guaranteed money
Jason Pierre-Paul lost some digits
And apparently, his wits
His dealings with the Giants ain’t sunny

Their players punch so-called bimbos
Doing the rug-sweeping-under limbo
Florida State is majoring in
Sexual assault and thuggery again
Will they keep protecting spineless Jimbo?

Another lazy beat writer
Whose relevance couldn’t be lighter
Ignorance personified
Stupidity you can’t hide
Omar Kelly, the pen ain’t mightier

Hadn’t seen it in ages
A snoozer with interminable stages
Then the home run derby they changed
And I might be deranged
But it was exciting and worth the wages

Friday, July 10, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Lack Of Spine Doesn’t Slow NBA Free Agency, Plus The Dog Days Have Arrived

The Mavs he did ditch
Like a cowardly bitch
Hid in his house
Like a frightened mouse
DeAndre Jordan, he’s still rich

Baseball’s a game of cheat
With history, it’s replete
So now there’s a case of hacking
Credibility the Cards are lacking
MLB just wants to press delete

One step forward, one back
The tale for a genius sad sack
Pied Piper rose from the ash
Then Richard got tossed out like trash
Laughs “Silicon Valley” doesn’t lack

LeBron was dominant and tough
But his team wasn’t up to snuff
Golden State kept forging ahead
With threes and dunks on their head
The Warriors were deep enough

The Metsies continue to fight
Battling a no-hitting plight
Harvey has been getting shelled
But first place they have held
Gonna need a healthy David Wright

Friday, June 12, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: FIFA Empties Itself Of Sepp’s Blatter, Plus A Hectic NBA Finals

FIFA an utter disgrace, you say
Headlines bash soccer all day
Corruption was always known
The story that’s hidden alone
Is why Hope Solo is allowed to play

In the Keys, secrets, murder and booze
The biggest liar is hard to choose
“Bloodline” reeled me in with its trailer
Led by a chunky Coach Taylor
Red eyes, broken hearts, can’t lose

Insults they were hurled
As LeBron danced and twirled
A battle of have-nots and haves
An Aussie propels the Cavs
As Mozgov dunks on the world

Friday, June 05, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXXXIII: Now What Will Local “Media” Do To Defend The University Of No Control?

The allegations read
Words to be dread
By every Tar Hole
Lack of Institutional Control
“Burn it down,” they said

A seven-run lead
With five outs to bleed
Then a meltdown from hell
Bad karma, alive and well
NC State Shit, indeed

They tried to play coy
Exhausted every ploy
The cover-ups kinda worked
‘Til Willingham twerked
Will they finally shit-can Ol’ Roy?

The low point of the sports year
Punctuated by a yawn and a beer
But summer has arrove
Beach-goers in droves
Family time is finally here

Friday, May 29, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXXXII: Summer Reruns Lead To Cinematic Revelations, Plus Pack9 Chases Rings

Portrayed on the silver screen
The Village folk scene
“Inside Llewyn Davis” for the win
The Coen Brothers did it again
Oscar Isaac, poignant and serene

Cleveland vs. Golden State
That’s the rumor, at any rate
LeBron vs. Steph Curry
But still, I’m in no hurry
To watch these games on so late

Here comes springtime cleaning
Of possessions, I’ll be weaning
But you stumble across
Things you just can’t toss
Boxes full of memories and meaning

Spying that can’t be quantified
On Snowden, “Citizenfour” testified
A whistleblower’s plight televised
Had me completely mesmerized
But also, more than a little terrified
With a title they were flirting
Missing out had them hurting
The Pack Nine like a shooting star
So close, yet so far
Is State’s perpetual burden