Lehane Brings Gritty And Cynical To Another Level In “Darkness, Take My Hand”

"No matter how therapeutic, there's something pitiless about wrapping up the past and tying a ribbon to it."

Not that any of Dennis Lehane’s books ever offer a puffy-clouds and pretty-dandelions feel to them, but “Darkness, Take My Hand” is arguably the darkest and grittiest of his tomes to date. The violence is a bit over the top, while the level of cynicism borders on the disturbing and existential musings ("'But we all dream of other lives, I suppose. We all want to live a thousand different existences during our time here. But we can't, can we?'") permeate the prose. There’s a depressing feel to it, with a negative outlook of community-level government ("Politics was the last great tree house, and if you got in with the best kids in the block, you could roll the ladder up on the fools below.") and all else couched amidst the brutal violence that assaults the eyes as you read.

Written in 1996, this was just Lehane’s second novel, coming on the heels of his breakthrough “A Drink Before the War.” It also represents the second in the Patrick Kenzie-Angie Genarro series, following the duo as they investigate (pro bono) murders in the old ‘hood. The deeper they dig into a pattern of violence against children that goes back decades, the more they don’t want to find the answer that is eventually revealed.

In the middle of all that, Lehane manages to drop a few insightful comments about bartending ("He had our drinks in front of us before Oscar finished his nod, and he was back at the other end of the bar before we even realized he'd been by. The definition of a good bartender.") and the confusing nature of relationships ("'But we can love more than one thing simultaneously. We're human, so we're messy.'"). Yet he veers off course at the end, with a pseudo-happy ending involving Patrick and Angie that has the feel of something he didn’t necessarily intend and will have to (and did) correct in later books in this series.

Of course, as always, Lehane manages to weave a highly readable and intense tale … making it a perfect choice for lazy late mornings on the northern coast of Jamaica, with a Red Stripe on one side, a White Russian on the other, the warm sea straight ahead and a gentle breeze at your back.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXIX: Quitters Can See Russia, Plus Strange Times In Sports

Rough news for Republicans and Sarah Palin
Exposed as a fraud, so now she's bailin'
Her only qualification, it seems
Was being the subject of McCain's wet dreams
More proof that right-wingers are desperate and failin'

An epic match between he and Roddick, Andy
Roger Federer is quite the tennis dandy
His predicted downfall led to many wagers
But now he's got 15 majors
He picks up trophies like Kirstie Alley eats candy

She worked over at the Dave & Buster's
Their eyes met when she passed him the mustards
Love blossomed like angel's wings
Over a Leaning Tower of Onion Rings
In death, his reputation lost some of its lusters

Some classic interview quotes
Lead to "yay" or "nay" hire votes
Some things should not be said
No matter what you've seen or read
Like Will mentioning he liked sex with goats


Paddy Harrington makes Tiger look darker
But he's having trouble from the tee box marker
Turned Sergio into a Spanish panhandler
Now he's got the swing of Adam Sandler
I'm hoping he delivers an uppercut to Bob Barker

Last time …

Guru.com: "Mom" Sorta Rhymes With "Napalm," I Speak Swahili In Macedonian, And Eco-Dog Loves His Own Grumpies

The latest round of tempting, can't-miss projects to funnel through the ol' In-Box …

Title: Humor for Mothers Day
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: I'd like 5 humorous Mother's Day poems. Intended length should be at least 3 4-line verses, although based on quality of writing and humor, this is negotiable. Payment upon approval. Please provide writing samples, preferably of some humor.

Comment:
I'm not sure why I found this one so disturbing, but I did. Anyway …

A poem that makes use of humor
One line funnier than another
The pay is merely a rumor
It's worth a laughing mother

Negotiable based on writing
And the quality of just how funny
The humor had better be biting
Or your outlook won't be sunny

So while your approval is pending
I'll be in the basement scratching my nut
Just don't quite start your spending
Until my Mom is busting a gut



Title: translation: German - Swahili
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: i need it in not more than 3500 pages of translation from German to Swahili of a psychological textbook and i would want it done in a matter of 7 days

Comment:
I don't know what a "psychological textbook" is. But I do know that it would be difficult to COUNT 3,500 pages in a week, much less fucking translate it. Much less fucking translate from German. Much less fucking translate it from German to goddam Swahili. How do you translate, "Give me a christing break, you Nazi tribesman" from English to German to Swahili?



Title: restore my cummunity
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: this grant will restore 5 homes that need repair and fix roads so that they will be saft that has been damage do to the weather this grant will also provide funs to remove trees that is too close to the homes and remove those trees that have blown down do to the storms this will also provide ramps for the handy cap this will also provid transpation for those who are not able to for places the need to go with no restriction if someone need to go to the doctor or emergancy room we will be there

Comment:
I'm going to tread lightly here because this sounds like a worthy cause … although I'm not sure you can simply write a grant and get money (or even "funs"). There are so many misspellings here that it actually becomes sad, so poking fun would feel a bit too much like throwing rocks at the kid in the wheelchair.



Title: Translating...
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: Translating movies, books, documents from english to macedonian to english!
P.m me

Comment:
Is this a ransom note? What the F is Macedonian? Is that some Trekkie language bullshit? And why do you want to convert English to Macedonian and then back again? Can I just take your English copy, pretend I translated it to Macedonian and give it back to you in English and still get paid? "P.m me" (not sure I want to know what that means), I think we can help each other out.



Title: Eco Dog Theme Song
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: We have a character called Eco Dog that we will need a ghost writer to write and compose the theme song for an animated children's cartoon. It is about a green dog that helps the planet by recycling, saving energy, eating organic, etc. He is the planet's watch dog. Some of the keywords we use for him is leave a smaller footprint, follow eco dog, keeping it green. Things like that. It would be a minute or so long. We would want to own all rights to it. I attached some images of him from our t-shirts so you can see him as a reference.

Comment:
OK, so are you asking a freelance writer to make a cartoon? Design T-shirts? Compose a song? Create a Google campaign around the keyword "leave a smaller footprint"? Aren't dogs inherently enviro-conscious? I mean, don't they eat their own shit? What's more organic than that? I mean, it's cool that the dog's green and all—I get that. But there's a lot of competition out there in the cute-animated-dog area.

Embracing The Groundswell Could Put You In Charge Of Social Media—And Cost A Few Lilliputian Lives

“Your brand is whatever your customers say it is. And in the groundswell where they communicate with each other, they decide.”

With little choice and less forewarning, I've been put in charge of social media for my company. Being that said company is based in the UK, and therefore terrified of marketing and frightened of public relations, I figure I'll be OK taking a slow and easy approach to social media, lest they react like so many Lilliputians and tie me up like Gulliver in a Swiftian world. Sometimes their approach makes me think of Phil Hartman playing Cirroc in the classic SNL skit, "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer." "Your world frightens and confuses me!"

But I digress. Having some experience working in the interactive world, I'm up to speed on a number of online marketing techniques, but gaining some more knowledge on social media was a must. I was recommended to "Groundswell: "Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies," one of the definitive books on the subject. Written by Josh Bernoff and Charlene Li, the book uses case studies, well-thought-out lists and practical recommendations to help you navigate the harrowing and ever-changing social media path.

Despite the fact that the authors are considered two of the top researchers at Forrester Research, the book was surprisingly readable. They manage to make the transition from the expected tech speak defined by references to metrics, analytics and measurements of all kinds to a conversational, informative, more casual read.

Of course, if you're like me, the first question is, "What is the groundswell?" According to Bernoff and Li, "Simply put, the groundswell is a social trend in which people use technologies to get the things they need from each other instead of other companies." Part of the book's purpose is to potentially frighten marketers and executives, with troubling language like, " … traditional PR tools [are] as useless as a broadsword against a rain of poison darts.” The authors appeal to every business person out there by noting (correctly, by the way, considering some of the reputation monitoring work I've done), "“No matter what your company does, whom it sells to, or what parts of the world you do business in, people are blogging about your product.”

I had a friend who told me once that the proliferation of blogs was troubling because of the sense of entitlement it provoked, the literary license it provided, the voice it gave to those with little to no education or experience in how to use it. "Not everyone needs a %^#@ing blog," he said. "Some people just don't have anything )^$!ing worthwhile to say." I don't disagree; he made a tremendous point. Unfortunately, such an attitude is akin to pissing in the wind. Our society's sense of entitlement is so ingrained that everyone feels like they are owed something, that they are special, and that people should be listening to them because they can find letters on a keyboard. It is this trait that is part of the root of social media, a fact mildly touched upon by the authors with this gentle thought: “Validation is a powerful driver for social networks, and it’s a huge force driving bloggers. People put themselves out there, and the community reassures them about their place in the world.”

Bernoff and Li discuss "crowdsourcing" ("asking the groundswell to provide you with ideas") and a host of other valid and intriguing techniques, backed by real-world examples. They note the keys to successful groundswell adaptation as listening, having patience, and being flexible, collaborative, humble and opportunistic. Then, and only then, goes their thought process, will the interaction and engagement that drives social media fully click into place.

“ … Remember that conversations require not just listening but responding. It’s not about the big bang; it’s about constant responsiveness, whether in a blog, a community, or a social network … Campaigns begin and end, but conversations go on forever.”

Some (OK, many) aspects of social media are annoying, and others are downright disturbing and still others are just mind-numbing. But they ain't going anywhere, to some folks' chagrin. So what to do except jump into the groundswell and try to make it work for you? No matter how big the pond I have to cross or how wary and unaccepting the limeys are on the other side, that's my task.

So what if I have to step on a few Lilliputians along the way? It's a small (pun intended) price to pay to get where I need to be. I'll Tweetcha when I get there …

This Happened: Tucked Independence Day Parking Lot Old Fella

Now, I try to be as patriotic as the next guy, and considering some of the struggles of our times, it seems a little easier these days. But it never occurred to me to rock a Star-Spangled Banner shirt in public.

So I salute you, Random Tucked Weird Dude With Flag Shirt In Lowe's Parking Lot. Hope you all had a happy Fourth of July ...

"Old School" + "Road Trip" + "Very Bad Things" = "The Hangover" … A Formula That Works

"I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school … or a Chuck E. Cheese."

I'm not sure if it's because blockbusters like "Transformers 2" have bombed harder than Carlos Mencia at a Rotary Club meeting or because our standards of politeness in cinema have faded or because rollicking, frat-house-type flicks have always thrived in summertime, but all the talk around the proverbial film watercooler of late has centered around "The Hangover."

Director Todd Phillips has put together a movie that isn't exactly treading new ground. Flicks like "Bachelor Party Vegas" (featuring a not-of-this-world Diora Baird) and "Very Bad Things" have pretty much captured the idea of the rite-of-passage journey to Sin City for debauchery, mayhem and illegality. So from that standpoint, and Phillips's directorial background, "The Hangover" plays out pretty much how you would expect it to. After all, here's a guy who has directed "Old School," "Road Trip", "Frat House" and "School for Scoundrels." Basically, you can throw these avant-garde pieces into a blender, push mix on high and what's left over is "The Hangover."

The quintessential Joe Average, Justin Bartha, plays Doug, the groom—who appears in the movie for roughly 20 minutes. Bradley Cooper is on hand as the best man, Phil ("Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit."), in a who-the-hell-is-this-actor sort of role, but hell … here's a guy who got to fondle Scarlett Johansson in "He's Not That Into You," so any other progress in his career at this point is pretty much gravy. Bartha and Cooper were ho-hum casting choices, but rounding out the foursome with SNL alum Ed Helms as Stu ("I look like a nerdy hillbilly!") and frighteningly quirky Zach Galifianakis as Alan ("No, it's a satchel. Indiana Jones has one.") were inspired and ideal decisions. Helms was tremendous as a bust-out-of-his-shell dentist in a disturbing relationship, while Galifianakis—an NC State alumnus, by the way—is perfect in the role of the slightly demented, hysterical, physical-humor-excelling sidekick. The inclusions of Helms and Galifianakis save the quartet, making the dynamic work with the other duo. Throw in a neutered Short Round type of actor, some ill-administered roofies, a Mike Tyson cameo, a masturbating baby, a rooster, Heather Graham (we should all be so lucky as to wake up having "accidentally" married a hooker who looks like Heather Graham) and a tiger and … well … hilarity ensues.


Parts of the story were reminiscent of my recent trip to attend a wedding on Long Island. Later, reviewing the footage on my Flip video camera—which included lingering shots of a large, bald, Mafioso-type of dude with a cane and mirrored sunglasses as well as shaky footage of old ladies doing old-lady dances—brought back some memories I wasn't quite lucid enough to recall beforehand. But that's a story for another day.

So while you can pretty much use your imagination to predict how the plot unfolds and where the shock-factor scenes will appear, it still works through the sheer will and power of great laughs. A somewhat odd and uncomfortable side note would involve the fact that the audience during our viewing contained more than a few older couples, presumably out to see what all the fuss is about and be among the "cool kids." However, the biggest result was that some of the scenes became even more uncomfortable due to the presence of the 4 P.M. Dinner Club. Just be warned, old folks—this ain't "Cocoon 4: The Metamucil Years" being shown here.

The bottom line is that "The Hangover" wasn’t quite as funny as I would expecting, didn't cover any new ground and was more than slightly predictable in spots. Yet that being said, it worked, over and over and over again. Maybe people just want an escape in the middle of trying economic times. Perhaps stellar comedy will simply always be in style. Whatever the reason, "The Hangover" is more than worth your hard-earned beans.

Just don't bring Grandma. And stay away from Chuck E. Cheese beforehand.


The Hangover - Restricted Trailer - The best video clips are right here

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXVIII: Best Wishes to the Predator, Plus The Dream Job Begins

Bad news swept Wolfpack Nation quickly
Nate Irving fell asleep and ran into a tree
The Predator could be sidelined for the season
State seems to be cursed for no reason
Though some think it's because of Jimmy V

Dennis Green never could coach a lick
Now he's saying Miami is the destination for Vick
You shake your head and say what the heck
He's got a pack of hot dogs on the back of his neck
But they aren't what you thought they were, you prick

"But Obama never woos us or asks us!
Never reads our illegible e-mails or faxes!"
More Republic bitching and moaning
After eight years of straining and groaning
Payback's a bitch, now shut up and pay your taxes

The "Miracle Girl" could swim only barely
She spent 13 hours clinging at sea
As 150 died in the Indian Ocean
Amidst a scene of sadness and emotion
Her rescue was a reason for glee

Blogging and exploring the Great Barrier Reef
"The Best Job in the World" indeed, good grief
Better than working at Mifflin-Dunder
I've always wanted to visit Down Under
This lucky bastard stole my dream job, that limey thief

Last time …