Friday, March 24, 2017

Limerick Friday #425: State Moves Fast To Land Its Man, Plus The Rock & Roll Angels Take Another


Even in coaching search events
Sometimes it all makes sense
Kevin Keatts was the ideal fit
Pack fans think he’s a hit
Don’t overthink it, just swing for the fence

Yes, the league was tough
But intimidating? A bunch of fluff
The ACC got bounced fast
Only the refs saved UNC’s ass
So save it with hard neighborhood stuff

So Eugene’s a traitor
Gregory’s a hater
Sasha went rogue solo
Rosita said “Oh no”
And Daryl showed up to save her?

They researched many others
But State got their druthers
They found one who wasn’t scared
As Wolfpack Nation prepared
To say, F you, Miller brothers

Played guitar like one should
No one rocked like he could
Revolutionized music, very
So rest in peace Chuck Berry,
Jamming with Johnny B. Goode



Friday, March 17, 2017

Limerick Friday #424: Top O’ The Mornin’, Plus Don’t F This Up, Wolfpack




Guinness we looked on with awe
Green was all that we saw
Thoughts headed Ireland’s way
On this St. Patrick’s Day
Blarney and erin go bragh!

Behind the ACC they did lag
Gottfried struck me as a ‘bag
Ending an awful year brought elation
Good riddance says Wolfpack Nation
Now a coaching search we must not gag

“Ole” defense he did prize
To recruits he told many lies
Coeds he chased
Took the money and raced
Can we hire some respectable guys?

NC State got caught with no pants
But after some coaching rants
Time to respect March
As they pursue Keatts and Arch
Here comes the magical Big Dance

In search of a less-brutal move
Can TWD re-find its groove?
A rom-com with Rick and Michonne?
Sight gags that make you groan?
What’s next, a zombie Boov?



Friday, March 03, 2017

Limerick Friday #423: Giovanni & Cranston Power Sneaky-Good “Sneaky Pete,” Plus TWD Trying To Find New Identity


He plays a con man cheat
Immersed in the role, complete
A cast full of underrated actors
Is one of the many factors
That makes me love “Sneaky Pete”

Needed a red zone threat
On Julius Thomas, they’ve placed that bet
Got him for a late pick
After Branden Albert hit the brick
For the Dolphins, an underrated get

In “Weird Science,” he stole every scene
Made “Aliens” worth every bean
On “Big Love,” he played a Mormon
In “Tombstone,” he wasn’t conformin’
Bill Paxton was talented, funny, and keen

America turning into a dump
Lies now peddled by the lump
USA bashing now in season
When W becomes a voice of reason
That’s all you need to know about Trump

A show that now lurches instead of glides
It’s quality rides with the tides
As obvious as a walker vegan
An inevitable battle with Negan
Did Eugene really switch sides?


Friday, February 17, 2017

Limerick Friday #422: Gottfried Gott Fired, Plus No Hiding From The Fake News


Had lots of optimism from the start
A promising beginning fell apart
Couldn’t keep a roster intact
Defense was a rumor not a fact
Gottfried built a program with no heart

His Hall of Fame bets I did hedge
Thought Jason Taylor was right on the ledge
He stood out on bad teams
As the ‘Fins fell apart at the seams
But he was always a terror off the edge

When all is lost, it seems
Can find stray sunbeams
Happiness a choice they say
Time is nothing but the next day
Solace can be found in dreams

To watch requires Zoloft
With mind-numbing turnovers oft
Individuals who don’t blend
And are pretty easy to defend
The Pack is just way too soft

Hard to avert your eyes
And ignore all the fraudulent lies
The scariest phrase in the mirror
Is our new “post-truth era”
Fascism with no pretense of disguise




Friday, February 10, 2017

Limerick Friday #421: How Long ‘Til Mark Gott Fired?, Plus Disney And “The OA” Good Distractions



Players with no heart
Strategy not worth a fart
A staff with no vision
Makes it an easy decision
Fire Gottfried for a fresh start

The Cheatriots did it again
Fell straight into a win
Brady is no joke
But Matty Ice was an epic choke
Evil Empire has me drinking gin

Rides in every park
Fireworks in the dark
Beers around the world
After we looped and twirled
Disney always hits the mark

Once they were relevant in March
Now for wins they are parched
Apathy has set in
Time to press reset again
Wolfpack Nation now turns to Arch

On NetFlix, I found “The OA”
It’s kinda pretty OK
On focus, it’s a bit bleary
On plot, it’s a bit eerie
We all need easy entertainment today



Friday, January 20, 2017

Limerick Friday #420: In-Fraud-Eration Day Is Upon Us, Plus Wolfpack Defense Becomes A Punchline



A dark day for both man and mouse
A fraud has taken the White House
Class and dignity walk out the door
Replaced by an ignorant, failed boor
Sounds like a good day to get soused

Well, the season was pretty fun
Coaching improved a ton
But got clowned by the Steelers
I hope we’re fast healers
Because so much still has to be done

Can we mobilize to amaze
With resistance for 100 days
Gonna take more than that
To call racist elitism on the mat
Accountability must find its ways

ACC sportswriters do grieve
Coach K on medical leave
Grayson Allen his coddled, ‘baggy son
His indefinite suspension was one
Dook makes us all want to heave
 
From darkhorse to joke
Competitiveness up in smoke
Lack of D has gone viral
As we witness a death spiral
On optimism Gottfried does choke




Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Scooter & Hum’s Top Five Books of the Year 2016: 10th Anniversary Edition


Can it really have been 10 years since the Scooties debuted? While that milestone took place during a year that didn’t allow me to read nearly as many books as usual (pesky grad school), I can say that the works I did read this year were universally great. In fact, I labored longer over the ranking (and omissions) this year than perhaps any other edition. I hope for more of the same in 2017.

Without further ado …


#1: “Ready Player One,” by Ernest Cline

What I Say Now:

Nothing reeled me in like this book in 2016. Over an eight-day period, I immersed myself completely into the text like I was logging into the OASIS. This book is a not-too-far-off depiction of the rise of virtual reality in a world destroyed by environmental degradation and lack of wealth distribution. I wouldn’t consider the writing to be great, but this is a tremendous story that lends itself easily to a (upcoming) movie.

Passages to Remember:

"I forgot that my avatar was sitting in Halladay's bedroom and that, in reality, I was sitting in my hideout, huddled near the electric heater, tapping at the empty air in front of me, entering commands on an imaginary keyboard. All of the intervening layers slipped away, and I lost myself in the game within the game."

"It was the dawn of a new era, one where most of the human race now spent all of their free time inside a videogame."

"The collected knowledge, art, and amusements of all human civilization were there, waiting for me. But gaining access to all of that information turned out to be something of a mixed blessing. Because that was when I found out the truth."

"It occurred to me then that for the first time in as long as I could remember, I had absolutely no desire to log back into the OASIS."


#2: “All the King’s Men,” by Robert Penn Warren

What I Say Now:

A brilliant work that faded slightly at the end, this was an eminently quotable beach read that dragged me away for hours. Halfway through, I came to the realization that this was not a book about Boss Stark, the presumptive protagonist; this was a story about Jack Burden and the circular arc of his life in the pursuit of morality and self-realization.

Passages to Remember:

"The end of man is knowledge, but there is one thing he can't know. He can't know whether knowledge will save him or kill him. He will be killed, all right, but he can't know whether he is killed because of the knowledge which he has got or because of the knowledge which he hasn't got and which if he had it, would save him. There's the cold in your stomach, but you open the envelope, you have to open the envelope, for the end of man is to know."

"A diamond ain't a thing in the world but a piece of dirt that got awful hot."

"Graft is what he calls it when the fellows do it who don't know which fork to use."

"Were we happy tonight because we were happy or because once, a long time back, we had been happy? Was our happiness tonight like the light of the moon, which does not come from the moon, for the moon is cold and has no light of its own, but is reflected light from far away?"

"But something happens, or almost always happens, to the gaiety, the brilliance, the communion. You remember the individual words from the old language you spoke together, but you have forgotten the grammar. You remember the steps of the dance, but the music isn't playing anymore. So there you are."


#3. “1 Dead in Attic,” by Chris Rose

What I Say Now:

I read this one near the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina rewriting lives in New Orleans and surrounding areas. While ostensibly a story of a natural disaster and its ripple effects, I found it to be an emotional tale of a staggeringly talented writer who lost pieces of who he was, piece by piece, in passing floodwaters. This collection of columns comprised a very public recitation of someone descending into depression, and while the conclusion to Rose’s story has yet to be written, it unquestionably cost him an unspeakable amount to share these stories.

Passages to Remember:

"The prevailing sentiment among such folks was that New Orleans--bless her charming, offbeat little powdered-sugar heart--was not worth fixing."

"You can regulate our smoking and regulate our music and--hard to believe this day has come--you can even regulate our go-cups.
"But you cannot regulate soul. You cannot legislate funk. And you cannot pass an ordinance that makes us ordinary.
"The best things about us will never change."

"We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large, and frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't."

"Fly the flag. Be in that number. This is our battle to win or lose. Hopefully, of one mind and one message. That we are still here. And that we are still New Orleans."

"What doesn't drown burns."

"To the doctors, therapists, and counselors who have tried so valiantly to put me back together again.
"And to New Orleans, my sweet, bedeviling mistress; cunning, baffling, powerful.
"Never surrender."


#4. “Tar Baby,” by Toni Morrison

What I Say Now:

There are few writers I respect more than Morrison, and her prose is perhaps at its strongest in this one. The pacing and tempo are bolstered by a fragmentary style that is truly admirable. I had an initial qualm about the lack of context at the start, but it dawned on me that that trait helped spin me into the story. Morrison positions setting as a character, drawing out the characteristics with sensual, evocative, impactful descriptors.

Passages to Remember:

"He knew backs, studied them because backs told all ... A back where the pain of every canker, every toothache, every missed train home, empty mailbox, closed bus depot, do-not-disturb and this-seat-taken sign since God made water came to rest."

"Let go a woman who was not only a woman but a sound, all the music he had ever wanted to play, a world and a way of being in it? Let that go? 'I can't,' he said. 'I can't.'"

"For if he loved and lost this woman whose sleeping face was the limit his eyes could safely behold and whose wakened face threw him into confusion, he would surely lose the world."

"You loved my son, didn't you?" It was more a statement than a question.
"I love anything small that needs it," said Ondine.


#5. “Leftovers,” by Richard Perrota

What I Say Now:

This one was a very close translation to the terrific HBO series, but this was still a worthwhile read. Using solid, utilitarian writing, this book is powered by strength of story and the undeniable draw of ambiguity. The ending refuses to provide an easy out in a world that is so confusing and absent of easy outs. It asks us to consider what happens to the human psyche when nothing is guaranteed or certain anymore. The talk of the comfort level being day to day persists, but when that is really tested and demonstrated—when the idea of the future is rendered moot so definitively, how do personal interaction and societal mores change?

Passages to Remember:

"We all basically live in a world that we define by the people who have disappeared."

"They were never close—never socialized or exchanged more than the usual parental small talk—but there was always that secret between them, the memory of a summer night, the awareness of a road not taken."

"What he was going to miss was her smile in the morning, and the hopeful feeling she gave him, the conviction that fun was still possible, that you were more than the sum of what had been taken from you. It was hard to think about giving that up, especially when there was nothing waiting to replace it."


Honorable Mention (in 10 words or less):

“The Prince,” by Niccolo Machiavelli: Undeniable classic peppered with quotes that’ve stood test of time.
“The Day the World Came to Town,” by Jim DeFede. Fascinating read of small Newfoundland town harboring diverted 9/11 passengers.
“End of Watch,” by Stephen King. Finale of detective trilogy is unmemorable—unheard of for King.
“Apocalypticon,” by Clayton Smith: Sneaky, comedic apocalypse story falls short despite emotional, redemptive ending.
“Unhappenings,” by Edward Aubrey. Complexity compromises fascinating premise, though absorbing and fast-paced.
“Girl in the Spider’s Web,” by David Lagercrantz: Severely limited book unsuccessfully continues late Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Series.