Friday, July 18, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Six Weeks, 62 Episodes: My “Breaking Bad” Tour de Force

What can you say about Walt?
Cancer freed him from his vault
He paid the ultimate cost
Died like Jack from “Lost”
But at the end, he finally took fault

He found freedom blessedly
His story from sad to messy
No redemption in sight
But he learned love and fight
Now find hope on the horizon, Jesse

An enforcer with a heart of gold
Down the river he finally got sold
Mike Ehrmentraut was calm
‘Til Walt went off like a bomb
Hope his granddaughter gets rich and old

Jesse called him dead-eyed
He shot a kid and then lied
Crushed hard on Lydia
‘Til Walt had to get rid o’ ya
When Opie Todd got his, nobody cried

With visceral pain it was replete
Gut-wrenching from your head to your feet
Comic relief was hard to find
Only two really come to mind
That’s Badger and Skinny Pete

Wasn’t a big Skyler fan
At last, she did as well as she can
Protecting innocent Holly
And Walt Jr. from more folly
A family shattered by a marginalized man

Friday, July 11, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Reliving The Final Daze Of “Breaking Bad,” Plus LeBron Could’ve Hat-Tricked Brazil

Coming down the home stretch
Walt’s now such a wretch
Four epis left
For a series with heft
Jesse’s rabid dog does more than fetch

A Pack name called at the NBA Draft
T.J. Warren was like a life raft
Lifted State to an improbable season
Scored like he had no conscience or reason
He looked at the rest of the ACC and just laughed

They hated LeBron down to his socks
“The Decision” every one of them mocks
Now it’s the return of their guy
And for at least one day in July
Maybe Cleveland actually rocks

A King masterpiece eroded
“Under the Dome” has exploded
With “WTF” sounds
Bad acting abounds
The story still engaging and coded
Germany put up a TD on Brazil
Seems like they’re scoring still
All ‘round was heard “Dios mio”
Then riots began in Rio
Admittedly, the World Cup’s been a thrill

Friday, July 04, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: The Carolina Coverup Is Under Siege, Plus Happy Farkin’ Birthday, ‘Murrica!

Generations of cheating galore
To almighty wins they’re a whore
UNC’s cover-up was a joke
Roy just reached for another Coke
Here comes the NCAA for a little more

Belgium, everybody feared
‘Til Tim Howard stood on his beard
Stymied the waffle-maker mates
But got no help from the rest of the States
Still not world-class, it appeared

I am the danger, said Walt
Ego will be his fatal fault
With Jesse, he’s now switched roles
His plans now full of holes
“Breaking Bad” is intensity with no halt

Collecting lawsuits and losses
Snyder’s the worst of bosses
The Redskins are farked
So I’ve trademarked
The Washington Criss-Cross Apple Sauces

Agreement is rare-ica
But Hobby Lobby is scare-ica
On the Fourth of July
Why do we even try?
Because ‘Murrica

Friday, June 27, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Not Even A Loss Can Stop ‘Murrica, Plus Margaritas For Mo

No one gave the U.S. a chance
To survive, much less to dance
“The Group of Death,” it was called
Every U.S. fan was appalled
‘Til we lost, but still did advance

A new helmet in every fan ‘zine
A new court layout is pretty keen
That’s what passes for good news
As on the field State does lose
At least marketing has joined the scene

Midway through Season 4
Hank has awoken from his snore
Skyler a bit of a drag
If not an out-and-out hag
“Breaking Bad,” what else is in store?

Playing with tempo and pace
With movement all over the place
The Fins have a new offense
But injuries that make no sense
Predicting Philbin falls flat on his face

Mom’s birthday has arrived again
Memories from way back when
Margaritas we’ll be sippin’
To Enya we will listen
Family is everything more now than then

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 72

If you’re planning a visit to the Big Apple, you can score marginal cool points (or, alternately, get punched) by brushing up on your NYC bar lingo.

It’s not fully possible to convey what a tool this narrator is, but the virtual tour of Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment is simply not to be missed. Speaking of not to be missed, the narrator somehow failed to notice the puffy shirt in Jerry’s drawer. Unforgiveable.

How about a slightly creepy, Mafioso-ish store owner trying to sell cups to little kids by discussing “laser swords” and Star Wars? Yes? Here you go.

These ‘Shopped tattoos are utterly brilliant. I have nothing else.

Nobody’s Son” is a beautifully written reflection on collateral fallout of losing a parent …

So how do you take a picture of arguably the world’s biggest tree, one that has more than 2 billion leaves and is more than 3,000 years old? National Geographic embarked on that challenge (get it?).

Social media just got explained using beer.

This mesmerizing time-lapse marine life photography is nearly overpowering. There’s a whole ‘nuther world out there, folks.

Filed under the category “Incomprehensible Abilities,” this woman is able to say the words “Fart Aerobics” like, a lot, without laughing.

I miss “True Detective.” The people behind “Time is a flat circus” feel my pain and raise it to hilarity.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Taking In A Route At Hot, Dusty Pinehurst, Plus We Won’t See The Likes Of Tony Gwynn Again

Kaymer made putts that were obscene
And drove like a German machine
We hung out on five tee
Where Dustin Johnson had to pee
It was over early, but it was a scene

Was definitely pretty droll
Got the Steelers on a title roll
An oft-overlooked coach
His teams beyond reproach
RIP to Chuck Noll

Around the world, it’s thriving
In the US, they say, “Too much diving”
Have you seen a basketball game?
With too many flops to name?
I, for one, glad the World Cup’s arriving

Analysts kept blowing the Heat
Refused to accept defeat
‘Til the Spurs wrecked ‘em soundly
Then were applauded roundly
Sports coverage a laughable feat

Farewell to the best hitter I ever saw
His swing made you drop your jaw
To Tony Gwynn all fans were connected
His passing hit me harder than expected
Always had a smile and guffaw

Friday, June 13, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: No. 2 Will Make The Best Play Like No. 2, Plus It’s Your Day, Dads

Can Mickelson finally finish first?
The humidity’s gonna be the worst
The U.S. Open has come to N.C.
Expect to see a triple bogey or three
I’ll be there Sunday in Pinehurst

It’s like he won the lottery, man
Then complained about the payment plan
Steve Coburn the douche of the horse bash
His whining as cheesy as his ‘stache
California Chrome deserves a better fan

Two seasons through “Breaking Bad”
Walt’s got plenty on his plate as a Dad
Serves meth up on a platter
He only wanted to matter
How he found his voice? Kinda sad

The GOP continues to smolder
Spurred by the upset of Eric Holder
He reached across the aisle
So he got shivved with a smile
The more cynical the more I get older

Another Father’s Day is here
How about some golf and a beer?
Hard to think of myself in that role
But it has somehow made me whole
It’s love that overrides the fear