Friday, August 28, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Human Dump Trump Presides Over Republican Dumpster Fire, Plus Sark The Sot Is A Thing That Happened

A collection of WASP-y tools
Misogynist and racist fools
This is the state of the GOP
If they were on fire, who would pee
A clown car full of loose stools

Mouthed off to the wrong dude
Now he drinks his food
Geno Smith is the face of the Jets
A bit swollen now, I would guess
They even make the Dolphins look shrewd

Another shooting, another day
“Senseless,” the word on replay
Gun control is worth a debate
If it’s rational and without hate
Before another innocent does pay

Another fantasy season
Has arrived, if you’re pleasin’
Our league is leaking owners
Who were tired of being donors
I’m back, for whatever reason
News from the Pac 12 region
Trouble at USC is legion
Coach shows up drunk
Like a frat-douche punk
Well-played, Steve Sarkisian

Last time

Friday, August 07, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: Division-Leading Mets Signal Apocalypse, Plus Controversy Mars Football’s Start

 After many a puzzling move
The Mets have found their groove
Brought in some bats
To boost first-place stats
Enjoy it now, it does behoove

Lies continue to pour-a
The media he does ignore-a
A ‘roided-up coach
With a myopic approach
Hilarious Larry Fedora

Reading headlines out there
You might not be aware
But football has returned
Sports radio never learned
No one does listen or care

The Bills’ child abuser
Paid off the accuser
He’s back on the field
Representing the shield
Aaron Kromer, the biggest loser
Race talk surrounds the Iggles
Avoiding the issue with wiggles
Say what you will ‘bout Chip Kelly
Sad that slander plays on the telly
And on the radio for giggles

Friday, July 31, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Battle Of Douches Continues In NFL, Plus The Mets Just Out-Metsed Themselves

Brady’s latest deceit
Rivals that of Belicheat
Who oversees Dumpster fires
A team of phonies and liars
Lie, cheat, rinse and repeat

Too much to tie up with a bow
Sad to see Carla Gugino go
Ran out of episodes
Picked one of many creepy roads
“Wayward Pines” was a promising show

Every house we did comb
Almost decided to just roam
Memories we’ll still hold
‘Til we grow gray and old
Let’s turn a house into a home

Feels like it’s been a year
Fall camp’s finally here
The Fins’ 50th season
Optimism with some reason
Coaching still a problem, I fear

Like an extended shoelace fall
Without much style or grace, y’all
Pretend it’s normal, lets
But you know, with the Mets
There’s definitely crying in baseball

Friday, July 24, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: “True Detective” Feels False, Plus An Amazing Open

Casting choices with no reason
Rapt fans they are teasin’
“True Detective” can’t find its stride
A weak plot you can’t hide
In a clunker of a second season

The “No Name Defense” guru
And “The Killer Bees,” too
Bill Arnsparger was Shula’s right hand
His D’s were sound and well-planned
RIP to a Fins legend who never got his due

An Open for the ages
Played in wind-blow stages
A leaderboard made up of stars
But when it came down to pars
Zach Johnson blew up Twitter pages

Friday, July 17, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: “Wayward Pines” Is “Twin Peaks” Meets “Shutter Island,” Plus The Time Of Year For Football Stupidity

Matt Dillon struggles with lines
And the plot has some land mines
But in a Shyamalan stunner
The surprise of the summer
Has been the complex “Wayward Pines”

Fireworks really aren’t funny
But he still wants guaranteed money
Jason Pierre-Paul lost some digits
And apparently, his wits
His dealings with the Giants ain’t sunny

Their players punch so-called bimbos
Doing the rug-sweeping-under limbo
Florida State is majoring in
Sexual assault and thuggery again
Will they keep protecting spineless Jimbo?

Another lazy beat writer
Whose relevance couldn’t be lighter
Ignorance personified
Stupidity you can’t hide
Omar Kelly, the pen ain’t mightier

Hadn’t seen it in ages
A snoozer with interminable stages
Then the home run derby they changed
And I might be deranged
But it was exciting and worth the wages

Friday, July 10, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Lack Of Spine Doesn’t Slow NBA Free Agency, Plus The Dog Days Have Arrived

The Mavs he did ditch
Like a cowardly bitch
Hid in his house
Like a frightened mouse
DeAndre Jordan, he’s still rich

Baseball’s a game of cheat
With history, it’s replete
So now there’s a case of hacking
Credibility the Cards are lacking
MLB just wants to press delete

One step forward, one back
The tale for a genius sad sack
Pied Piper rose from the ash
Then Richard got tossed out like trash
Laughs “Silicon Valley” doesn’t lack

LeBron was dominant and tough
But his team wasn’t up to snuff
Golden State kept forging ahead
With threes and dunks on their head
The Warriors were deep enough

The Metsies continue to fight
Battling a no-hitting plight
Harvey has been getting shelled
But first place they have held
Gonna need a healthy David Wright

Friday, June 12, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: FIFA Empties Itself Of Sepp’s Blatter, Plus A Hectic NBA Finals

FIFA an utter disgrace, you say
Headlines bash soccer all day
Corruption was always known
The story that’s hidden alone
Is why Hope Solo is allowed to play

In the Keys, secrets, murder and booze
The biggest liar is hard to choose
“Bloodline” reeled me in with its trailer
Led by a chunky Coach Taylor
Red eyes, broken hearts, can’t lose

Insults they were hurled
As LeBron danced and twirled
A battle of have-nots and haves
An Aussie propels the Cavs
As Mozgov dunks on the world