Elisabeth Shue Is Huge In The Ukraine

How pissed off must this dude get when someone orders a club soda?

In Attempt to Meet Fanfare, “Moneyball” Had Only Warning-Track Power

I wanted to be open-minded about “Moneyball,” overcoming an internal doubt about how a book about baseball statistics could magically turn into a compelling movie. Then I saw the acclaim the flick was receiving and started growing a small optimism that I was ready to be proven wrong. Then I saw the film and, quite simply, just couldn’t understand what all the hubbub was about.

Sure, Brad Pitt was pretty good as Billy Beane, combining smarm and charm, and Jonah Hill was a revelation as stats dork Peter Brand. But Philip Seymour Hoffman was a gross miscast as manager Art Howe and Robin Wright was wasted as Sharon. I also understood the choice to cast actual baseball scouts in the flick, but that also lent to the awkwardness of a confrontation between Beane and the head scout.

After a slow start, the momentum of the movie relied quite a bit on a winning streak, but overall, it sort of glossed over the fact that the strategy, on the whole, kind of failed. And I felt that if we’re led to believe that Beane’s disappointing playing career—which tagged him with a “bust” label—had influenced his executive career so much, it should have been connected more clearly to the story arc.

At the end of the day, despite reviews and accolades to the contrary, “Moneyball” didn’t rise above being “just” a baseball movie. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—it’s a worthy genre even if baseball isn’t the national pastime anymore. But this film purported to be so much more than what it actually was ... which set up disappointment for anyone expecting—or needing—more than that.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: LT And Chuck Sheen Finally Wedded, Plus “Mad Men” Dials Up The Intensity

A cokehead sells a Super Bowl ring

Bought by a washed-up caricature (winning)

This is what happens, all right

When two trainwrecks pass in the night

Two losers celebrated for sinning

Surprising season for the Mets

About .500 against all bets

Close to .400 for Wright

Dickey on fire every fifth night

Headlines about wins instead of debts

Reputed to be the ultimate pros

Instead a bunch of frat-punk joes

A Secret Service black eye

Misconduct, cover up, then lie

About a roomful of Colombia ho’s

The NBA playoffs home stretch

The game makes some wretch

The refs stars be hasslin’

‘Til the game’s pro wrasslin’

Rather look for a “Seinfeld” to catch

Intense Don-Joan flirting, very

Anal affair for Krishna Harry

Paul’s Star Trek script weak

Forging Lane up shit’s creek

Pissed-off Megan kinda scary

Last time …

Reprising A Legend With "Lazy Sunday 2"

I've always considered Chris Parnell maybe the most underrated comic to enter the "Saturday Night Live" wheelhouse.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: Emotional Finale Sets Stage For Farewell “Fringe” Season, Plus Jealousy Drives “Mad Men” Plotlines

Olivia got shot in the head
Woke up pregnant instead
They animated a dead chick

Then ruined Bell’s shtick

“They’re coming” the warning ahead

To Raleigh he said he would come

Lied to the coaches, say some

Entered a promising ‘tweener

Will exit a helluva screener

Jefferson to the Dookies, kinda dumb

As Facebook goes IPO

Some caution to go slow

Grandmas rule it now

Can it be saved and how?

Zuckerberg missed his window

Josh Beckett, a pro athlete cliché

Doesn’t care, what can you say

Said he was injured, which stinks

But then went out and hit the links

Lovable losers to douches in every way

 

The return of fat Betty

Jealousy has made her petty

Roger beds ex in her space

Don puts Ginsberg in place

As voice of reason, Meg’s ready

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 55

#1

Deion Sanders live-Tweets a domestic violence incident, using his preteen children as props. Case #4,612 of how people don’t ever really change.

#2

More proof that the average television viewer is allergic to anything that actually makes them think: the promising “Alcatraz” has been cancelled. With a clever, intriguing premise that was just gaining momentum, this show will never get a chance to prove itself. Instead, look for Fox to roll out a reality show based on failed presidential candidates who have quit the race.

#3

This infographic really nails how running differs around the globe.

#4

So a sociopathic kid carves his initials into a turtle’s shell and then his father finds the same turtle 47 years later. Charming story or the opening scene to “The Early Days of a Serial Killer”?

#5

It was very difficult not to laugh at the Bill Parcells “Draft Confidential” special on ESPN. Why the network elected to promote a 20-year-old draft philosophy that has resulted in exactly zero playoff wins in the past 15 years is beyond me. Taking one look at his qualifications for drafting a quarterback gives you more than enough reasons why this philosophy is outdated, shortsighted and illogical.

As well, not even referencing his multiple abject failures as the leader of the Dolphins’ draft efforts is akin to the “Simpsons” episode when they visit Germany and the tour guide conveniently leaves out any reference to World War II.

#6

How odd was it to see the final-day leader at the Players Championship seizing up Mackey Sasser-style with a mental block that precluded the start of his backswing? Kudos to Kevin Na for battling the demons on that stage and still putting up a respectable showing. Hope he gets it all figured out.

#7

Is Mel Kiper Jr. the NFL equivalent of Dick Clark and Bob Costas? Dude could be 45 or 70, it’s just impossible to tell.

#8

On the show “Magic City,” Ike Evans’s youngest son, Danny, is a dead ringer for a Kennedy. Considering the timeframe of the show, that makes him a tremendous fit as the do-gooder in a family that skirts the morality line every minute of every day.

#9

I find Merril Hoge to be an insufferable tool for a lot of reasons. His wee douchebag ties are among those reasons.

#10

In one of the many classic “Seinfeld” episodes, George goes off on his boss, walks out, later regrets it, is later officially fired and then has Elaine slip that boss a mickey for revenge. So imagine my delight when I saw the dude that played George’s boss, Fred Applegate, show up as a doctor in an episode of “Persons of Interest.” Too good.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: North Carolina Becomes A National Punchline, Plus Pete Tries To Become The Don

Fueled by ignorance and hate

Bigotry won out, no debate

They passed Amendment One

Damage far and wide has been done

An embarrassment to our state

The heart of the “Beasties,” they say

Revolutionized rap in his way

His style was chill

His communication was ill

Rest in peace, MCA

At so many TMZ headlines we sneered

Then a John Travolta story reared

Tried to shake a pickle loose

Propositioned a masseuse

Mel Gibson thinks this one’s weird

A bully without a stand

Not exactly as the GOP planned

Another prep-school queef

Torturing for comic relief

Better deserved for our land

Megan turned away from the biz

Now doubt and concern is his

Pete had an affair with Rory

From “Gilmore Girls” to kinda whore-y

Don is one shaken advertising whiz

Last time …