Friday, February 20, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXX: Debbie Downers Overtake TWD, Plus Brian Williams Morphs Into Bill Brasky

Beset by give-up urges
As depression surges
A pep talk from Rick
Seems to do the trick
Until a new threat emerges

Trying to steal Beast Mode’s thunder
Is their unoriginal blunder
Call them the new Punk Brothers
Westbrook, Durant and others
Blame the media for what, I wonder?

A racing year has passed
Since I bolted a wreck fast
The vision of Magoo
And schizos in charge, too
Landed someplace I can last

Handchecking every dribble and drive
For fairness, State did strive
No, it wasn’t Cameron Indoor
But the Pack still ruled the floor
Beat Pitino to keep hopes alive
Bill Brasky, he thought he was
Fabricates stories, he does
Brian Williams made it all up
Should have to pee in a cup
Shoulda been shit-canned, cuz

Friday, February 13, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXIX: An Agonizing Adieu for TWD’s Gentle Giant, Plus Stewart’s Departure Leaves A Void For Journalism

The moral authority of the team
Made him expendable, it seems
Sloppiness cost us Tyrese
Brought the gang to its knees
Will this group come apart at the seams?

A legend has slipped away
A paver of Tobacco Road, you would say
The Dean of Four Corners
Left lots of mourners
I’ll remember him from the ACC’s glory day

The Grammys, a depressing zoo
A plagiarizing, no-talent crew
A ho-chasing tool
And unoriginal fool
Kanye, they’re laughing at you

Ed Sabol personified the game
Gave the violence a name
Told a story through his art
Film gave football its start
The NFL will never be the same

Blended comedy and commentary
Shined a light on politics scary
Jon Stewart revolutionized news
To the networks, he put the screws
A huge loss for verbal thrust and parry

Friday, February 06, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXIII: Pete Carroll Forgets To Stay Out Of The Way, Plus TWD Tries Not To Jinx Itself

The Seahawks on the verge of bling
And a back-to-back title thing
Then Carroll tried to coach
Thanks to his encroach
Handed Belicheat a sixth ring

Beat up by the league’s dregs
No rebounding and a lack of legs
Passion is lacking
The fouls are stacking
Stop the bleeding, Gottfried begs

Fans jumping ship like roaches
While other teams find good coaches
Latest scapegoat is Mike Wallace
But in this I take solace
Philbin’s last year approaches

I used to enjoy his rap
But he’s just another piece of crap
A fraud who buys ‘hos like lunch
The NFL Network’s got a bunch
This is the tale of Warren Sapp

The first half was kinda great
Will the second uphold the same fate?
“The Walking Dead” is finally back
Can they pick up on the same track?
Or will the pacing once more abate?

Friday, January 30, 2015

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXII: Cheaters Doing Cheating Things, Plus Feels-Kicking “Parenthood” Bids Adieu

Here’s coming the cheating again
It’s not if, it’s when
Belicheat pretended not to know
Brady lied in the snow
Get your asterisks ready, men

Didn’t think it’d be for me
Five days down at Disney
There were inconsiderate pricks
And lots of selfie sticks
But magical, I admit freely

The face of the Cubbies you knew
Ernie Banks was Wrigley, it’s true
One of the best shortstops of all time
They called him “Mr. Sunshine”
Whaddya say we play two

Denver’s kneejerk reaction
Should help Chicago gain traction
John Fox comes to the Midway
To jumpstart the Bears’ play
Already the offseason’s best transaction
The kinda family we should
Be if only we could
Drama included
Reality undiluted
Farewell, underrated “Parenthood”

Friday, January 09, 2015

Scooter & Hum's Top Five Books of the Year 2014

The eighth addition of the "Scooties" books of my year was marked by trilogies and a dearth of time to invest in as much reading as I would've liked. Of course, as usual, a few tales picked me up and shook me.

Without further ado ...

#1: “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” by Stieg Larsson

What I Say Now:

This novel passed the border from engrossing to mesmerizing, with Larsson’s seamless merging of the Blomkvist and Salander storylines halfway through the book being a true feat of literature. Larsson’s prose is stilted and factual—belying the journalist he was in life—but the absorbing mystery of the story steamrolled any potential issues with translation. Lisbeth Salander is hailed in some quarters as the most fierce and complex heroine in the history of literature, and it is her intricate, many-edged psychology that truly powers the book, which features one of the most memorable closing lines I’ve read: “She tossed Elvis into a dumpster.”

Passage to Remember:

“An unloved girl with odd behavior … a taciturn girl with hostile vibrations.”

“Blomkvist had opened the door to hell.”

#2: “White Plague,” by Frank Herbert

What I Say Now:

This 30-year-old tour de force builds a steady momentum, spreading like the virus it tracks throughout the plot. With shifting perspectives, it can be difficult to keep characters straight, but Herbert reels you in with subtle humor and manages to eclipse even the political and societal reverberations described throughout with a walloping conclusion. Like Larsson, Herbert quietly builds a story that runs on—and pays homage to—girl power, long before the Spice Girls stumbled into the spotlight.

Passages to Remember:

“Every outrage has its own euphemism, Enos.”

“ … the essence of diplomacy—creating acceptable solutions out of lies?”

“The failure of civilization can be detected by the gap between public and private morality. The wider the gap, the nearer the civilization to final dissolution.”

#3: “Revival,” by Stephen King

What I Say Now:

The King of foreshadowing hits his trademark hard in this one. While channeling his personal stance on religion in the form of “The Terrible Sermon,” King makes the audience wait for the creepy shit to get rolling with the minister. When it finally arrives, the payoff is well worth the suspense, as he paints a scene on par with any horror he’s described during his illustrious career. Somehow King has managed to forge new ground here by intertwining questions of faith and the politics of religion with a coming-of-age tale that deals with the consequences of innocence truly and irrevocably lost.

Passages to Remember:

“I muse on that, sometimes, Jamie. When I can’t sleep. How a little paint can make shallow water seem deep.”

“I remember sunsets as red as the blood on my father’s knuckles, and how that makes me shiver now.”

“He spoke with the patience of a true believer. Or a lunatic. Maybe there’s really no difference.”

“I thought of how life had been before I realized I was a frog in a pot.”

#4: “A Short History of Nearly Everything,” by Bill Bryson

What I Say Now:

It took me quite a while to slog through this one, but Bryson did a pretty good job of taking textbook-y material and making it readable, with a few comedic wrinkles sprinkled in. I will say it that it made me feel a little bit smarter by the end of it, which is no small feat.

Passages to Remember:

“It is a curious feature of our existence that we come from a planet that is very good at promoting life but even better at extinguishing it.”

“There seemed to be a mystifying universal conspiracy among textbook authors to make certain the material they dealt with never strayed too near the realm of the mildly interesting and was always at least a long-distance phone call from the frankly interesting.”

“It’s an unnerving thought that we may be the living universe’s supreme achievement and its worst nightmare simultaneously.”

#5: “Slow Getting Up,” by Nate Jackson

What I Say Now:

Jackson’s hilarious, revealing and thoughtful autobiography peels back the façade of modern-day pro football. From painkillers to sexcapades to Cognac on the sideline, he destroys the romanticism of the game, shedding light on how players must assimilate or disappear. He stops short of diming out specific players at times, but he eviscerates former Denver coach Josh McDaniel. The book has some repetition and a few mistakes, but overall this was a clever tale, told from the perspective of the guy whose NFL existence is decided week to week, far from the glow of ESPN and fantasy football.

Passages to Remember:

“In the NFL, you are alive until you are dead. There is no in between, and no way to put yourself on the other side mentally. You fight every day to keep your job by convincing yourself that you belong. And every day you return to work and see your name still posted above your locker is proof that you deserve that locker. Then one day, fate sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and breaks your nose—or blows out your knee.
“Then it’s over.”

“Football players are conditioned for violence. We are at home in the melee. We may have moments of quiet reservation and doubt when lying on our living room couches, but on the field we are pulled toward the mayhem. The feel of the helmet and shoulder pads, the sound of the whistle, the taste of the mouthpiece, the smell of grass and sweat: sacraments for bloodshed.”

“One day after the next: all days the same. It’s the routine of football in the lives of football men that quiets the demons within. It’s the routine that keeps them at bay. And it is the end of the routine that we all fear.”

“Satisfied that my endless pursuit of football perfection has finally been reached, or is finally revealed as unreachable, the hand of fate steadies, lines up the scope, and pulls the trigger. No doubts this time. The sniper hits his mark.”

Honorable Mention (in 10 words or less):
“Zen of Marketing,” by Seth Godin: Fascinating and unique look at applying practical marketing applications.
“A Drink Before the War,” by Dennis Lehane: Absorbing debut novel from a promising writer who chose cinema.
“Mr. Mercedes,” Stephen King: Foray into detective genre lacks characteristic King pacing.
“Girl Who Played with Fire,” by Steig Larsson: Salander and Blomvkist return to tackle conspiracies and sex trafficking.
Divergent, Veronica Roth: “Hunger Games” Lite.
Insurgent, Veronica Roth: “Hunger Games” Lite-r.
Allegiant, Veronica Roth: “Hunger Games” Lite-est.

The Office: Middle Earth

SNL is stepping up their game. I can dig it ...

Friday, December 19, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXI: “Newsroom” Fades To Black, Plus Patience During The Holidays

Three seasons of “Newsroom”
They went by in a zoom
Through all the drama of right and wrong
It was about Charlie Skinner, all along
Sorkin tricked those who assume

After the Dolphins reach another low
Everyone but the owner seems to know
It’s time to press restart again
In pursuit of a playoff win
So sorry, but Joe has to go

Jax kissed a Mac truck grill
Ending the “Sons of Anarchy” thrill
A show with enormous holes
But it dragged you over the coals
Cartoonish but engrossing still

He’s the emo QB
Moodier than a child of 3
His whiny face smolders
In the City of Big Shoulders
Cutler ain’t cuttin’ it, ya see?

Traffic beyond reason
At work, no appeasin’
Yet the lights twinkle merry
The kids are excited, very
So grin and say, “‘Tis the season”

Last time

Friday, December 05, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXI: The Commish With The Horseshoe Anal Implant, Plus Beth Shuffles Off The TWD Immortal Coil

Another playoff trip. oh boy

By using every owner ploy
But Shamrock used all his luck
Had me saying, “What the fuck?!”
Knocked out by goddam Colt McCoy?!

Playoff hopes barely alive
Thanks to a Geno Smith drive
Pushed around by the Jets
Escaped at the end, you bets
For consistency, we do strive

Down by five TDs
Still talking trash incessantly
Or maybe it was just Swahili
Expected better, silly me
Cheaters won’t be humbled, don’t you see

Lined up and punched ‘em in the face
Added to the cheaters disgrace
Hit ‘em until they quit
Then rubbed their face in the shit
The Pack took over the whole place
Impromptu lullabies
And anime eyes
With a shot to the head
Innocence lost on “Walking Dead”
For Beth, a fanbase cries