Friday, October 24, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Accountability Not Worth A Chapel Hill Of Beans, Plus TWD Asks “What About Bob?”

Cheating on an epic scale
Others in comparison pale
Teflon Roy said, “Dadgum, I didn’t know”
As UNC administrators say, “Uh-oh
Integrity long ago set sail

Spirals instead of prayers
Scampering like Sayers
Tannehill looked like a winner
And an actual football spinner
As the ‘Fins pounded the Bears

The annual swoon does begin
The Scooters denied a win
Vernon Davis and Fitz
Both playing like shits
Cost me in a tight one again

Brandon Marshall, always a bit strange
Wide is his bipolar range
It’s easy to be healed
When you’re winning on the field
But a leopard’s spots don’t change

They’re calling it to the Bob-B-Q
Randomly walk off, this happens to you
Gabriel gives me the creeps
Plot lines are taking leaps
TWD, a faster pace is working, too

Friday, October 17, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: TWD Back In A Blaze, Plus “Boardwalk Empire” Hurtles Toward The End

Terror inside a trough
Watching was pretty rough
Terminus destroyed by Carol
An emotional reunion with Darryl
“Walking Dead,” you give me just enough

Speaking of the walking dead
Let’s talk of Joe Philbin, instead
He got a little queasy
Made the choke job easy
His tenure reeks of dread

Ain’t rainin’ it's pourin’
For lackluster Dave Doeren
Recruiting is pretty good
But under the coaching hood
His excuses have us all snorin’

Losing dudes left and right
Is there an end in sight?
Need stars to be stars
Then I’ll be smokin’ cigars
Halfway home as the Scooters fight

The end is approaching fast
How many characters will last?
Van Alden’s sudden ka-boom
Chalky’s musical doom
Two giants sublimely passed

Friday, October 10, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: “Homeland” Plot’s Sloggin’ While Dude’s Hoggin’, Plus “Twin Peaks” To Return In 2016

Carrie’s still batshit crazy
The writing’s still lazy
Despite marketing nearly viral
Homeland’s continued downward spiral
Its future lookin’ a little hazy

Pulled ourselves back off the mat
Then trounced big-headed Pat
Our record now 4-1
The Scooters have only begun
Now if we can only get healthy, stat

The sound of Saturday Night Live
Taken for granted when he was alive
To Don Pardo, a belated RIP
His voice meant comedy to me
With him, voiceovers did thrive

As it goes off into that good night
No sense or point in sight
It has no plot or motto
It’s turned into Grand Theft Auto
“Sons of Anarchy” has now seen the light

It’s ending kind of a pooper
Especially for Agent Cooper
But a quarter-century has passed
Now “Twin Peaks” back at last
Expecting a show even loopier

Friday, October 03, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: An Epic Ending Is Lurking Under The Boardwalk, Plus The Pack Pulls Out The Crablegs Vs. The ‘Noles

Flashbacks of young Nucky
As he currently battles Lansky and Lucky
Joe Kennedy has arrived
With an accent contrived
Final “Boardwalk” season anything but sucky

Hammered the Raiders ‘cross the pond
You know of Philbin I’m not fond
But he managed to stay out of the news
For a week, he didn’t lose
During a bye, can he find a magic wand?

Secret Service director relents
A resignation offered
But no explanation proffered
Maybe protect POTUS hence?

Half of my team was on bye
My new logo is of a hurt guy
A third of the way there
3-1 is pretty fair
Now the Scooters have to show they can fly

Vs. the ‘Noles, it was score after score
State fought until they were sore
Carter-Finley couldn’t be louder
Of the Pack, I couldn’t be prouder
At Clemson, we’ll find out a lot more

Friday, September 26, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Months Before It Airs, Season 2 of “True Detective” Already Blows, Plus Please Leave Philbin With The Wankers

I loved the first “True Detective”
But now their casting’s defective
Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn?
Were all the real actors gone?
Expectations now put into perspective

Coach K got hammered ‘til the bell
By a name even harder to spell
Wojnarowski blistered the coach
For using USA hoops to poach
When Calipari complains, your tactics must really smell

Nuck dodging hits in Havana
Part of the “Boardwalk Empire” panorama
Meyer Lansky lurking around
Chalky escaped underground
Luciano now Brooklyn’s top banana?

Undefeated with a third win
By the hair of my chinny-chin-chin
Now I’m in bye week hell
My backups have a distinctive smell
Pop that champagne, Garo Yepremian

The body blows don’t abate
As Philbin engenders hate
He’s got Tanny saying, “Why me?”
And a nation saying, “Blimey!”
Shitcan him in London, why wait?

Friday, September 19, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: The ‘Fins Are Who We Thought They Were, Plus The Scooters’ Depth Tested Early

Back to earth with a thud
Every Tannehill pass like a scud
A predictable loss to the Bills
Has fans running for the hills
The future of this team, clear as mud

The reigning Man of the Year
Reinjured and shed a tear
Charles Tillman is what’s right
In a league that’s full of blight
For Peanut, well wishes and a cheer

On the other hand, we read
About Adrian Peterson’s need
To beat his illegitimate 4-year-olds
With trees instead of scolds
Purple Jesus, indeed

The last season has finally hit
“Sons of Anarchy” has violence with no wit
Jax trying to avenge Tara’s killing
Believe his mom, he’s still willing?!
He’s losing control bit by bit

Everywhere, they were dropping like flies
Lost four of my starting guys
In a single cursed afternoon
A 2-0 team with an injury swoon
Fantasy football, I shake my fist at your skies

Friday, September 12, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: Bullying The Hoody, Plus Missing Mo

Finally got a running game
Of the Dolphins, no longer ashamed
Forced Brady into the fetal position
Pounded the Patsies into submission
No more of the same ol’ same?

Fitzgerald made me say uh-oh
My kicker was kinda of a no-show
But Lynch went into beast mode
Vernon Davis never really slowed
Just feels good to be 1-0

An emotional “The Leftovers” finale
Took no time to dilly or dally
The Guilty Remnant got torched
So many memories got scorched
Kevin and Nora may just rally

The NFL repeatedly liared
Guess TMZ they should have hired
Hard to get worse than Ray Rice
He’s like a maggot with lice
But it’s time for Goodell to be fired

Two years gone by
Yet each week I cry
At the loss of you
The one thing that was true
Robbed of the chance to ask why