Friday, October 14, 2016

Limerick Friday #413: The Soundtrack Of Baseball Bids Adieu, Plus State Rocks Like A Hurricane

A golden voice from the west
Evoked diamonds and homers and the rest
His was the sound of summer
His goodbye was a joyous bummer
Vin Scully, you were always the best

A sad goodbye to the Mad Hatter
Tons of wins didn’t matter
At a shit-ton of grass
Allergic to the forward pass
Les Miles, come help State climb the ladder

If this were a race
The 'Fins just fell on their face
A new year but all the same weakness
We're the burro running the Preakness
Better show something soon, Gase

Same ol' Mets I feel ya
They need a mojo healah
An offense full of jokes
And a 'pen of chokes
Somehow it all seemed Familia

Turned the Irish into a dud
With a slippery slide and a thud
Made Notre Dame swoon
In a Carter-Finley monsoon
Then celebrated with a roll in the mud

Last time

Friday, September 23, 2016

Limerick Friday #412: It’s Just A Game And Everything Will Be OK, Plus But Also Miami Is The Same As It Ever Was

A Carter-Finley game night
Makes for an amazing sight
Kids see the charms
While fans are up in arms
People don’t always look at it right

Belicheat has done it again
Third-stringers, win after win
But the culture of cheat
Just continues to repeat
Sure Goodell will fine them a ten

Gave myself a gentle rebuke
For a diploma that looks like puke
But long hours made it hard-earned
With coffee and lessons learned
Now go find me another job, Duke

The Scooters continue to wreck ‘em
Without a thing from Odell Beckham
Jeffries doesn’t get the ball
Stewart does nothing but fall
Waiver wires, I continue to check ‘em
Another sideline face that’s strange
To try for the six-win range
One more mouthpiece and head
But they all shit the bed
The Dolphins will never change

Friday, September 16, 2016

Limerick Friday #411: The Pack Goes Very Pack In Bizarre Loss To EZU, Plus HBO’s Latest Is A Mindbender

More aggressiveness on D, I’m implorin’
The penalties, more focus, less snorin’
A solid win pissed away
In a very NC State way
Clock’s now tickin’ for lost Dave Doeren

Stole your job and your role
Because neither one has a soul
Now you ride your bike with Olive Oyl
And bring Beth’s blood to a boil
Don’t let the door hitcha, a-hole

Played hard in Seattle, no frills
A tough D with lotsa thrills
But slipped through the grasp
Like a 70-yard pass
That was so very Kenny Stills

Moments I wish you had seen
Parties at which you shoulda been
Four years gone in a blink
But time doesn’t make me think
Less of the incomparable Maureen

“The Night Of” a riveting win
HBO has done it again
Racist and justice on trial
A show more than worthwhile
So far a 9 out of 10

Friday, September 02, 2016

Limerick Friday #410: The Torrid Summer Of Thrones, Plus Wolfpack Football Returns A Coupla Days Early

Raced through Game of Thrones
With laughs, gasps, and moans
Dany crossing the narrow sea
Jon Snow victories with a “V”
But Arya has the most stones

The eve of another fantasy year
The draft looms with a hint of fear
Pick high for a change
Which is gonna be strange
Shifting back into football gear

I let the Reserves down, Sarge
And suffered a fracture large
Doubled when I should have dutched
Now I’m fully crutched
Right when Kami put me in charge

“Stranger Things” was a fun romp
Intensity and humor without pomp
More “Goonies” than “Lost”
Season two should be boss
Woke up summer TV with a stomp

Finley got the start
State played with losta heart
Ran the ball almost every play
Penalties made it a mediocre day
But the Pack took the Tribe apart

Friday, August 12, 2016

Limerick Friday #409: All-Around Ichiro Reaches A Milestone, Plus Useless Training At A Myopic Organization

Slap hit and watch ‘im go
And unleash many a big throw
3,000 hits under his belt
Underrated, I’ve always felt
Kudos to the one-of-a-kind Ichiro

One time she lived in Taos
As quiet as a creepy mouse
Ate salsa by the bowl
And screamed at her soul
In a haunted candy house

Can Grant catch a ball?
Can Lippett cover at all?
Will Tunsil shine at guard?
Who will be the wildcard?
Answers start coming tonight, y’all

On business cards did she linger
But did not wash her finger
Likes to lecture about data
While spreading her hate-a
Toward a freakishly tall ginger

The dog days are here for the Mets
Hoping it’s as bad as it gets
Blown leads every night
Injuries left and right
The stretch run’s gonna need jets

Last time

Friday, July 29, 2016

Puff-Puff-Pass And Other Drafty-Type Nuggets From The Dolphins’ Annual Bust Invitational

As training camp quickly approaches, I’ve held off on recapping the Dolphins’ draft. Since a high-round pick gets hurt before the season for a remarkable number of seasons in a row, I was sort of waiting for that to happen, and sure enough, second-round projected starting corner Xavien Howard got slapped on the PUP list with a knee injury.

With that out of the way, football is nearly here so it’s worth taking a look back at how the latest incarnation of Miami’s ever-evolving front office fared in the draft. Outside of first-round gift Laremy Tunsil, I actually liked what the ‘Fins did later in the draft this year. There were too many early-round gambles and trades for my liking, but the team did land some intriguing prospects later in the process to somewhat redeem this year’s effort.

With last year’s draft, I predicted the future with way too much accuracy. I hope to be pleasantly wrong more often this time around.

And away we go …

1st Round, 13th Overall: Laremy Tunsil, OT, Mississippi
This selection has received as much attention as any 13th-overall pick in the history of the NFL Draft, so I’m not going to belabor the point. If Tunsil can single-block an above-average end without getting the quarterback folded in half, I don’t care if he has a one-hitter in one hand and a bag of Funyuns in the other. Bottom line this was an easy pick whether Tunsil pans out or not. Miami doesn’t usually have situations like this fall into their lap in a positive way, and it was good to see them not overthink it.

2nd Round, 38th Overall: Xavien Howard, CB, Baylor
So, forget everything I said about the first pick and not overthinking it. The good vibes from the Tunsil choice went out in the window quickly as the ‘Fins gave up a fourth-round pick to move up four spots for a guy that wasn’t sparking a lot of buzz (two Tunsil puns for the price of one, you’re welcome). If you’re going to move up in this area, you do so for Miles Jack, who was the guy they really wanted anyway. Granted, if Howard is one of your starting corners—and he’d better be—on the first day of the season, all will be forgotten, but pick management comes into question here.

3rd Round, 73rd Overall: Kenyan Drake, RB, Alabama
The second-straight shaky pick came at another position of need, but there were more proven backs available at this stage and even Drake admitted to being surprised he went so early. This guy hasn’t been healthy since he was 13 years old, and I just never want his value as a gunner on special teams to be a prominent talking point for a third-round skill position player. Ever.

3rd Round, 86th Overall: Leonte Carroo, WR, Rutgers
The third-straight headshaking pick, and you could make a compelling argument that it is actually the fourth in four picks at this stage. Are you sensing a theme? Miami gave up a ton to move back into the third round to get this kid, a potential No. 4 wideout who had some off-the-field issues. Carroo is described as a playmaker and has been compared to Antoine Boldin, and I’d love to see it. In the short term, though, this trade knocked the ‘Fins out of some highly valuable mid-round possibilities, making this a luxury move that I’m not sure this team could afford at this point in their development.

6th Round, 186th Overall: Jakeem Grant, WR, Texas Tech
The Dolphins waited so long to pick again that it barely felt like the same draft. When they did, however, they made one of my favorite selections in this electric return man and slot project. If you’re going to load up on back-end picks at the end of the draft, you take guys like this with a dominant skill and hope they turn into something more. Even if Grant reduces some of Drake’s value as a return guy (don’t get me started) and even if the NFL is dead set on reducing the importance of special teams, Grant is still a playmaker type that I like in this spot.

6th Round, 204th Overall: Jordan Lucas, SS, Penn State
Miami needed a safety, so this made some sense—until it was announced that Lucas would line up at corner. But the ‘Fins need corners, too, so who the hell knows. Lucas is a guy who has to hope he can buy himself enough time on special teams to make the team for a year and transition to a new spot. I figured the Dolphins would target a linebacker around this time of the draft, but again, defensive backs are a massive need.

7th Round, 223rd Overall: Brandon Doughty, QB, Western Kentucky
No issues at all with a development QB here; it’s smart to take one in probably every draft. Doughty is an accurate kid who doesn’t possess a huge arm, but sees the field well. At the very least, you can always use a camp arm and Doughty should be aiming for a practice squad spot this year with the hope of becoming the backup next year if Matt Moore moves on.

7th Round, 231st Overall: Thomas Duarte, TE, UCLA
Like Lucas, Duarte is another transitional option as he goes from wideout to tight end. He’s a very intriguing athlete, but the key is obviously to see how he adapts to the blocking aspect of the game. Miami’s tight end depth chart is sort of in flux, so there is long-term potential for Duarte to earn a larger role if he can make the team as a rookie.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Limerick Friday #408: Stenson Puts On A Show For The Ages, Plus Another Monster Of The Midway Bids Adieu

Royal Troon set the scene
A British Open more gray than green
Mickelson threw darts all week
But Stenson was at an impossible peak
The best major Sunday I’ve seen

All the pitchers find harm
The Mets don’t have a live arm
Setback after setback it seems
That would ruin any teams
Is Jesse Orosco still down on the farm?

Cleveland is a dump
An apt site for Trump
The GOP is in shambles
As this moron rambles
Might as well vote for Forrest Gump

At RB, they needed a vet
So they searched for what they could get
Arian Foster is now in the fold
A lot injured and slightly old
But maybe he’ll surprise us yet

Forced turnovers by the bunch
Even ate Randy Moss’s lunch
A Bear legend, no doubt
Charles Tillman, on his way out
How about a final Peanut Punch?