Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 73

My life and the world at large is in desperate need of Seinfeld emojis. Smarty techie types, please make this happen.

Tony Dungy as the NFL’s moral authority, as I’ve said repeatedly, is a bad joke

This is a crying baby video phone ad that kicks you right in the feels.

I was in this position not all that long ago. But I couldn’t nail this level of honesty in a job interview. Priceless.

Documentary filmmaker Ken Burns and actor Dave Foley look shockingly alike. They both also kind of look like Ellen Degeneres, but that’s neither here nor there.

Senator Whitehouse of Rhode Island is my new hero, destroying reality climate deniers.

I like “The League,” I really do. But their insistence on including the Rafi and Randy storyline goes beyond bizarre to out-and-out stupidity. I’ve never turned off one of these episodes halfway through until one about Rafi and Randy comes on, because they’re routinely unfunny, pointless, and non-football-related. [/rant over]

I want to join this bank. I mean, maybe I really don’t, but still. They were cool before they were illegal.

I’m not sure it’s really possible to describe how awful a broadcaster Boomer Esiason is. Wow.

So let me get this straight: One of the greatest rock bands in the history of music gives away music for free (and one of their best albums in years, it should be noted), and the reaction is offended outrage? Think about that for a minute.

Judging by the response of a new U2 album landing on the iTunes front page, you would have thought that Bono was going around stealing people’s kidneys in the middle of the night. Welcome to the new world of faux entitlement and fabricated sensibility, ladies and gentlemen.

Friday, November 07, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIX: A Melancholy Farewell to “Boardwalk Empire,” Plus Ignorance Sweeps The Vote

Intense, engrossing and clever
Predictable? No, never
Nucky doomed by greed and talk
To die along the boardwalk
One of the best of all-times and ever

Capone bid his son goodbye
There was something in my eye
Narcisse erased by Lucky’s armory
Jimmy’s son avenged the Darmodys
On “Boardwalk Empire,” all must die

Oh, what a happy November
First league win I can remember
Finally didn’t need an excuse
To take down Syracuse
The Pack now a functioning ACC member?

About the Scooters you could say
They sort of find a way
Moving to 6-3
Treading water carefully
‘Til Mathews and Gordon play

A dark day for you and me
As well as for democracy
Senate lost to bigoted thieves
Almost hard to believes
Land of the ignorant but free

Friday, October 31, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIX: Avenging The Bob-Kabob, Plus The ‘Fins Stumble Across The .500 Mark

The cannibals hacked apart
After they made Bob depart
But some left for D.C. Loop
You never split up the group!
The season off to a rousing start

Seems like a likeable-enough guy
And Dave Doeren really does try
But cooked-up stats on youth
Is a little bit uncouth
For Pack football, excuses never go on bye

Good gracious alive
Wee Ube’s five
Where does the time go
Mo’s proud, don’t you know
Not ready for girlhood to arrive

By the hair of my chinny-chin-chin
A most necessary win
Sitting at 5-3
The Scooters hopefully
Get a playoff push to begin
Playing the dreadful Jags
The offense made me gags
The D bailed them out
And made it a rout
At 4-3, optimism still lags

Friday, October 24, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Accountability Not Worth A Chapel Hill Of Beans, Plus TWD Asks “What About Bob?”

Cheating on an epic scale
Others in comparison pale
Teflon Roy said, “Dadgum, I didn’t know”
As UNC administrators say, “Uh-oh
Integrity long ago set sail

Spirals instead of prayers
Scampering like Sayers
Tannehill looked like a winner
And an actual football spinner
As the ‘Fins pounded the Bears

The annual swoon does begin
The Scooters denied a win
Vernon Davis and Fitz
Both playing like shits
Cost me in a tight one again

Brandon Marshall, always a bit strange
Wide is his bipolar range
It’s easy to be healed
When you’re winning on the field
But a leopard’s spots don’t change

They’re calling it to the Bob-B-Q
Randomly walk off, this happens to you
Gabriel gives me the creeps
Plot lines are taking leaps
TWD, a faster pace is working, too

Friday, October 17, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: TWD Back In A Blaze, Plus “Boardwalk Empire” Hurtles Toward The End

Terror inside a trough
Watching was pretty rough
Terminus destroyed by Carol
An emotional reunion with Darryl
“Walking Dead,” you give me just enough

Speaking of the walking dead
Let’s talk of Joe Philbin, instead
He got a little queasy
Made the choke job easy
His tenure reeks of dread

Ain’t rainin’ it's pourin’
For lackluster Dave Doeren
Recruiting is pretty good
But under the coaching hood
His excuses have us all snorin’

Losing dudes left and right
Is there an end in sight?
Need stars to be stars
Then I’ll be smokin’ cigars
Halfway home as the Scooters fight

The end is approaching fast
How many characters will last?
Van Alden’s sudden ka-boom
Chalky’s musical doom
Two giants sublimely passed

Friday, October 10, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: “Homeland” Plot’s Sloggin’ While Dude’s Hoggin’, Plus “Twin Peaks” To Return In 2016

Carrie’s still batshit crazy
The writing’s still lazy
Despite marketing nearly viral
Homeland’s continued downward spiral
Its future lookin’ a little hazy

Pulled ourselves back off the mat
Then trounced big-headed Pat
Our record now 4-1
The Scooters have only begun
Now if we can only get healthy, stat

The sound of Saturday Night Live
Taken for granted when he was alive
To Don Pardo, a belated RIP
His voice meant comedy to me
With him, voiceovers did thrive

As it goes off into that good night
No sense or point in sight
It has no plot or motto
It’s turned into Grand Theft Auto
“Sons of Anarchy” has now seen the light

It’s ending kind of a pooper
Especially for Agent Cooper
But a quarter-century has passed
Now “Twin Peaks” back at last
Expecting a show even loopier

Friday, October 03, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: An Epic Ending Is Lurking Under The Boardwalk, Plus The Pack Pulls Out The Crablegs Vs. The ‘Noles

Flashbacks of young Nucky
As he currently battles Lansky and Lucky
Joe Kennedy has arrived
With an accent contrived
Final “Boardwalk” season anything but sucky

Hammered the Raiders ‘cross the pond
You know of Philbin I’m not fond
But he managed to stay out of the news
For a week, he didn’t lose
During a bye, can he find a magic wand?

Secret Service director relents
A resignation offered
But no explanation proffered
Maybe protect POTUS hence?

Half of my team was on bye
My new logo is of a hurt guy
A third of the way there
3-1 is pretty fair
Now the Scooters have to show they can fly

Vs. the ‘Noles, it was score after score
State fought until they were sore
Carter-Finley couldn’t be louder
Of the Pack, I couldn’t be prouder
At Clemson, we’ll find out a lot more