Friday, December 30, 2016

Limerick Friday #418: Princess Leia Becomes One With The Force, Plus A New Hope Spurs The Dolphins

Small-boy crushes she gave
Especially when she was Jabba’s slave
She gave “Star Wars” it’s heart
And stole mine from the start
A princess who never needed to be saved

Finished the year right
Never gave up the fight
Pounded the Cheats
Knocked Vandy on its cleats
The Pack flexed promising might

This year had a bad soul
So many stars passed whole
Plus we elected a turd
And allowed racist voices to be heard
2016, you were a real asshole

Now the salt air beckons once more
The surf pounds with a welcome roar
The Outer Banks, a healing place
Before a new year we face
Dust off and gear up for more

I promise it’s not fake news
The Dolphins really didn’t lose
Made the playoffs, indeed
Nine out of ten did the deed
Can the J-Train light a postseason fuse?

Last time

Friday, December 23, 2016

Limerick Friday #417: “Westworld” Pays Off A Riveting First Season, Plus “Walking Dead” Sputters Into Midseason Hiatus

A riveting finale indeed
Planting a Season 2 seed
“Westworld” with frantic action
A good show gaining traction
Just what TV does need

A predicted tank almost worth a chuckle
To the luckiest-ever motherfuckle
He’s got a shamrock in his arse
While I’m headed straight to bars
Quit the league or just sigh and re-buckle?

After a promising start
“The Night Of” fell apart
Potential uncashed
High hopes dashed
A good show got a little too smart

Nailed down victory #9
The ‘Fins put it all on the line
Hammered the Jets again
For a must-have win
Could this be a playoffs sign?

Another throwaway epi this week
More depictions of a new world, bleak
“The Walking Dead” has been uneven at best
I’m waiting to be more impressed
Coherence and momentum I seek

Friday, December 02, 2016

Limerick Friday #416: A Satisfying, Argyle-Tinted Pummeling In Kenan, Plus The Scooters Try To Disenchant A Shamrock

 After mind-blowing defeats
The Pack again pounded the Cheats
Doeren mighta saved his job
And quieted a gathering mob
But can he put butts in seats?

A dictator suffered his last blow
Boy did that f’er last, though
Took him long enough, say the people
As they spit on a grave near a steeple
Good riddance to Fidel Castro

Six straight for the flying ‘Fins
Games have me on needles and pins
Football kinda fun once more
Intensity lies in store
As we chase the playoffs and wins

Instead of “Oh no, not again”
The Fins finding ways to win
While Doeren hears more boos
As State finds ways to lose
Here comes a Miami bandwagon
A 9-3 regular season
The playoffs are here for a reason
Didn’t want to face the commish
A horseshoe he often does polish
Let’s hope the Scooters top teasin’

Friday, November 18, 2016

Limerick Friday #415: “The Walking Dead” Continues Depression March, Plus “Westworld” Finds Its Stride

Negan appeared a little soon
To bring Alexandria to ruin
Abraham made use of a shovel
While Rick continued to grovel
Hope Maggie’s safe on a babymoon

The Scooters limping to the end
Can we not break and just bend?
Injuries are taking a toll
Suspension is slowing our roll
And the Vikes forgot how to defend

Reality set in with a thump
On democracy we just took a dump
To racists he gave a voice
The uneducated made a choice
May four years pass quickly under Trump

Credit for staying the course
When things were getting worse
A win the Pack had to get
To have any bowl hopes yet
And delay a Doeren-State divorce

“Westworld” has shot on the scene
Violence under a landscape serene
Where AI meets fantasy
And augmented reality
Is this part of the future obscene?

Friday, October 28, 2016

Limerick Friday #414: Benched Back Salvages ‘Fins Season, Plus TWD Goes All In On Reboot

A team making a gain
Can the Dolphins sustain?
Gase finally finding his footing
The proof is in the pudding
All aboard the J-Train

They once called him the King
Had panache and a ferocious swing
A stylish raker
A helluva drink maker
Arnold Palmer, your praise golfers sing

Poor acting was all it took
To kinda ruin a great book
“11.22.63” wasn’t terrible
The story made it bearable
Stephen King deserved a better look

Players dropping like flies
But this fantasy coach really tries
I’ve moved to 6-1
But health, I need a ton
Before another great season dies

The uneven “Walking Dead”
That every fan did dread
The time had long come
To lose key cast and then some
But didn’t need to see that part of Glenn’s head

Friday, October 14, 2016

Limerick Friday #413: The Soundtrack Of Baseball Bids Adieu, Plus State Rocks Like A Hurricane

A golden voice from the west
Evoked diamonds and homers and the rest
His was the sound of summer
His goodbye was a joyous bummer
Vin Scully, you were always the best

A sad goodbye to the Mad Hatter
Tons of wins didn’t matter
At a shit-ton of grass
Allergic to the forward pass
Les Miles, come help State climb the ladder

If this were a race
The 'Fins just fell on their face
A new year but all the same weakness
We're the burro running the Preakness
Better show something soon, Gase

Same ol' Mets I feel ya
They need a mojo healah
An offense full of jokes
And a 'pen of chokes
Somehow it all seemed Familia

Turned the Irish into a dud
With a slippery slide and a thud
Made Notre Dame swoon
In a Carter-Finley monsoon
Then celebrated with a roll in the mud

Last time

Friday, September 23, 2016

Limerick Friday #412: It’s Just A Game And Everything Will Be OK, Plus But Also Miami Is The Same As It Ever Was

A Carter-Finley game night
Makes for an amazing sight
Kids see the charms
While fans are up in arms
People don’t always look at it right

Belicheat has done it again
Third-stringers, win after win
But the culture of cheat
Just continues to repeat
Sure Goodell will fine them a ten

Gave myself a gentle rebuke
For a diploma that looks like puke
But long hours made it hard-earned
With coffee and lessons learned
Now go find me another job, Duke

The Scooters continue to wreck ‘em
Without a thing from Odell Beckham
Jeffries doesn’t get the ball
Stewart does nothing but fall
Waiver wires, I continue to check ‘em
Another sideline face that’s strange
To try for the six-win range
One more mouthpiece and head
But they all shit the bed
The Dolphins will never change

Friday, September 16, 2016

Limerick Friday #411: The Pack Goes Very Pack In Bizarre Loss To EZU, Plus HBO’s Latest Is A Mindbender

More aggressiveness on D, I’m implorin’
The penalties, more focus, less snorin’
A solid win pissed away
In a very NC State way
Clock’s now tickin’ for lost Dave Doeren

Stole your job and your role
Because neither one has a soul
Now you ride your bike with Olive Oyl
And bring Beth’s blood to a boil
Don’t let the door hitcha, a-hole

Played hard in Seattle, no frills
A tough D with lotsa thrills
But slipped through the grasp
Like a 70-yard pass
That was so very Kenny Stills

Moments I wish you had seen
Parties at which you shoulda been
Four years gone in a blink
But time doesn’t make me think
Less of the incomparable Maureen

“The Night Of” a riveting win
HBO has done it again
Racist and justice on trial
A show more than worthwhile
So far a 9 out of 10

Friday, September 02, 2016

Limerick Friday #410: The Torrid Summer Of Thrones, Plus Wolfpack Football Returns A Coupla Days Early

Raced through Game of Thrones
With laughs, gasps, and moans
Dany crossing the narrow sea
Jon Snow victories with a “V”
But Arya has the most stones

The eve of another fantasy year
The draft looms with a hint of fear
Pick high for a change
Which is gonna be strange
Shifting back into football gear

I let the Reserves down, Sarge
And suffered a fracture large
Doubled when I should have dutched
Now I’m fully crutched
Right when Kami put me in charge

“Stranger Things” was a fun romp
Intensity and humor without pomp
More “Goonies” than “Lost”
Season two should be boss
Woke up summer TV with a stomp

Finley got the start
State played with losta heart
Ran the ball almost every play
Penalties made it a mediocre day
But the Pack took the Tribe apart

Friday, August 12, 2016

Limerick Friday #409: All-Around Ichiro Reaches A Milestone, Plus Useless Training At A Myopic Organization

Slap hit and watch ‘im go
And unleash many a big throw
3,000 hits under his belt
Underrated, I’ve always felt
Kudos to the one-of-a-kind Ichiro

One time she lived in Taos
As quiet as a creepy mouse
Ate salsa by the bowl
And screamed at her soul
In a haunted candy house

Can Grant catch a ball?
Can Lippett cover at all?
Will Tunsil shine at guard?
Who will be the wildcard?
Answers start coming tonight, y’all

On business cards did she linger
But did not wash her finger
Likes to lecture about data
While spreading her hate-a
Toward a freakishly tall ginger

The dog days are here for the Mets
Hoping it’s as bad as it gets
Blown leads every night
Injuries left and right
The stretch run’s gonna need jets

Last time

Friday, July 29, 2016

Puff-Puff-Pass And Other Drafty-Type Nuggets From The Dolphins’ Annual Bust Invitational

As training camp quickly approaches, I’ve held off on recapping the Dolphins’ draft. Since a high-round pick gets hurt before the season for a remarkable number of seasons in a row, I was sort of waiting for that to happen, and sure enough, second-round projected starting corner Xavien Howard got slapped on the PUP list with a knee injury.

With that out of the way, football is nearly here so it’s worth taking a look back at how the latest incarnation of Miami’s ever-evolving front office fared in the draft. Outside of first-round gift Laremy Tunsil, I actually liked what the ‘Fins did later in the draft this year. There were too many early-round gambles and trades for my liking, but the team did land some intriguing prospects later in the process to somewhat redeem this year’s effort.

With last year’s draft, I predicted the future with way too much accuracy. I hope to be pleasantly wrong more often this time around.

And away we go …

1st Round, 13th Overall: Laremy Tunsil, OT, Mississippi
This selection has received as much attention as any 13th-overall pick in the history of the NFL Draft, so I’m not going to belabor the point. If Tunsil can single-block an above-average end without getting the quarterback folded in half, I don’t care if he has a one-hitter in one hand and a bag of Funyuns in the other. Bottom line this was an easy pick whether Tunsil pans out or not. Miami doesn’t usually have situations like this fall into their lap in a positive way, and it was good to see them not overthink it.

2nd Round, 38th Overall: Xavien Howard, CB, Baylor
So, forget everything I said about the first pick and not overthinking it. The good vibes from the Tunsil choice went out in the window quickly as the ‘Fins gave up a fourth-round pick to move up four spots for a guy that wasn’t sparking a lot of buzz (two Tunsil puns for the price of one, you’re welcome). If you’re going to move up in this area, you do so for Miles Jack, who was the guy they really wanted anyway. Granted, if Howard is one of your starting corners—and he’d better be—on the first day of the season, all will be forgotten, but pick management comes into question here.

3rd Round, 73rd Overall: Kenyan Drake, RB, Alabama
The second-straight shaky pick came at another position of need, but there were more proven backs available at this stage and even Drake admitted to being surprised he went so early. This guy hasn’t been healthy since he was 13 years old, and I just never want his value as a gunner on special teams to be a prominent talking point for a third-round skill position player. Ever.

3rd Round, 86th Overall: Leonte Carroo, WR, Rutgers
The third-straight headshaking pick, and you could make a compelling argument that it is actually the fourth in four picks at this stage. Are you sensing a theme? Miami gave up a ton to move back into the third round to get this kid, a potential No. 4 wideout who had some off-the-field issues. Carroo is described as a playmaker and has been compared to Antoine Boldin, and I’d love to see it. In the short term, though, this trade knocked the ‘Fins out of some highly valuable mid-round possibilities, making this a luxury move that I’m not sure this team could afford at this point in their development.

6th Round, 186th Overall: Jakeem Grant, WR, Texas Tech
The Dolphins waited so long to pick again that it barely felt like the same draft. When they did, however, they made one of my favorite selections in this electric return man and slot project. If you’re going to load up on back-end picks at the end of the draft, you take guys like this with a dominant skill and hope they turn into something more. Even if Grant reduces some of Drake’s value as a return guy (don’t get me started) and even if the NFL is dead set on reducing the importance of special teams, Grant is still a playmaker type that I like in this spot.

6th Round, 204th Overall: Jordan Lucas, SS, Penn State
Miami needed a safety, so this made some sense—until it was announced that Lucas would line up at corner. But the ‘Fins need corners, too, so who the hell knows. Lucas is a guy who has to hope he can buy himself enough time on special teams to make the team for a year and transition to a new spot. I figured the Dolphins would target a linebacker around this time of the draft, but again, defensive backs are a massive need.

7th Round, 223rd Overall: Brandon Doughty, QB, Western Kentucky
No issues at all with a development QB here; it’s smart to take one in probably every draft. Doughty is an accurate kid who doesn’t possess a huge arm, but sees the field well. At the very least, you can always use a camp arm and Doughty should be aiming for a practice squad spot this year with the hope of becoming the backup next year if Matt Moore moves on.

7th Round, 231st Overall: Thomas Duarte, TE, UCLA
Like Lucas, Duarte is another transitional option as he goes from wideout to tight end. He’s a very intriguing athlete, but the key is obviously to see how he adapts to the blocking aspect of the game. Miami’s tight end depth chart is sort of in flux, so there is long-term potential for Duarte to earn a larger role if he can make the team as a rookie.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Limerick Friday #408: Stenson Puts On A Show For The Ages, Plus Another Monster Of The Midway Bids Adieu

Royal Troon set the scene
A British Open more gray than green
Mickelson threw darts all week
But Stenson was at an impossible peak
The best major Sunday I’ve seen

All the pitchers find harm
The Mets don’t have a live arm
Setback after setback it seems
That would ruin any teams
Is Jesse Orosco still down on the farm?

Cleveland is a dump
An apt site for Trump
The GOP is in shambles
As this moron rambles
Might as well vote for Forrest Gump

At RB, they needed a vet
So they searched for what they could get
Arian Foster is now in the fold
A lot injured and slightly old
But maybe he’ll surprise us yet

Forced turnovers by the bunch
Even ate Randy Moss’s lunch
A Bear legend, no doubt
Charles Tillman, on his way out
How about a final Peanut Punch?

Friday, July 08, 2016

Limerick Friday #407: Brexit Is A Thing That Actually Happened, Plus Durant Takes Easy Way Out

Ignorance triumphs
With racist harrumphs
Brexit in the UK
What have we done, they say
Here come the politics of Drumpf

State’s lifeboat rafted
Cat Barber got shafted
He went unchosen
Another Pack hopeful frozen
Gottfried needs someone to get drafted

Classes by a monitor glow
Learning is going slow
Digital marketing at Duke
Blue makes me want to puke
But forward is the only way to go

Discord throughout the land
As consistency does disband
I scream to the identity guide
With frustration I can’t hide
Whither the integrity of brand
KD flew the coop
Joining the Golden State troop
The Thunder now up in smoke
The NBA, kind of a joke
More money, less competitive hoops

Friday, June 24, 2016

Limerick Friday #406: LeBron Resuscitates Believeland, Plus Dustin Johnson Shoots His IQ To Win

Curry deserves many blames
As the Warriors went up in flames
The mistake by the lake
A trophy they did take
Thanks to mercurial King James

A trek through southern lands
In search of Legos and white sands
Fueled by coffee and water fizz
Discovered South Carolina is
Just kudzu and fireworks stands

The king of the summer
Pulled off another stunner
State with another coup
To team with Dennis Smith and Abu
Recruiting anything but a bummer

I admit from the start
I’m a pessimist at heart
But after years of losing
Can’t help musing
That I’m optimistic about the ‘Fins, in part

At Oakmont he drove it pure
While others couldn’t be sure
A real fiend for coke
A skeeve who used to choke
Dustin Johnson, finally a major on tour

Friday, June 10, 2016

Limerick Friday #405: Navigating The Brutal World of GOT, Plus Pack9 Continues To Be Snakebitten

 Intrigue and sly crones
Incest and dragon stones
I’m late to the game
But understand its fame
All hail “Game of Thrones”

A polarizing figure, you see
Could sure sting like a bee
Brought trash talk to sports
With the media held courts
RIP, Muhammad Ali

A new site has arrived
Along with awards contrived
A slight improvement we laud
Cake selfies for a proven fraud
Blame passed as she shucked and jived

Injuries have besets
The water-treading Mets
Pitching keeping them alive
As batting averages dive
Get healthy and start raking, lets

Fought for several rainy days
And made many clutch plays
But when it came to do it
Pack baseball blew it
In the most NC State of ways

Friday, May 27, 2016

Limerick Friday #404: Frightened Rabbit Lays Siege To Saxapahaw, Plus Baseball Used Well-Thrown Punch To Get Mildly Exciting

From Scotland to Saxapahaw
One of the best concerts I ever saw
A set list to make you shiver
Tore up all of Haw River
Frightened Rabbit left me in awe

Under pretty high stakes
Some key recruiting takes
All of a sudden the Pack
Looks a little stacked
The difference a month makes

A strong Wyoming lass
The epitome of class
Left a legacy of grace
And plenty of Vogies in place
As a beloved Grandma did pass

Beat every foe on his plate
Took home the Players late
Even without his best game
Jason Day cruised with no shame
Well-played as always, mate
On their shoulders they had a chip
Thanks to Bautista’s bat flip
So the next time they had a look
Made him eat a right hook
Odor made him eat meals with a sip