Monday, November 27, 2006

Amato Era Ends With Thoughts Of What Might Have Been


“We’re just trying to get these guys to believe in themselves. We want them to believe that they can do things aggressively and not get intimidated by anybody. We want to do the intimidating.

“We want to chase the football hard, and we want to get there with a bad disposition.”

With those words in the spring of 2000, Chuck Amato ushered in one of the most exciting eras in the storied history of NC State football. The brash, energetic Amato had finally received the opportunity he had been waiting for at his alma mater, and he was determined to make sure that everyone knew that he planned on turning the college football world on its ear.

Amato was the captain of the famed 1967 “White Shoes Defense” as a linebacker for the Wolfpack, and he also captured two ACC wrestling titles during his time as a student-athlete. While at State, he earned a bachelor’s degree in mathematics in 1969 and a master’s degree in education in 1973. After assistant-coaching stops at his prep alma mater, Easton Area High School; his college alma mater, NC State; and the University of Arizona, Amato joined Bobby Bowden’s staff at Florida State. He spent 18 years in Tallahassee, helping the Seminoles win eight straight conference championships. However, Amato yearned to return to NC State to guide his own program, and in 2000, he got his chance.

The coach with the predominant pecs had barely a month to put together a 20-man recruiting class that was widely regarded as the ACC’s worst. However, the group included a pair of lightly regarded Alabama natives in quarterback Philip Rivers and receiver Jerricho Cotchery, and the duo would go on to become one of the most prolific aerial tandems in the history of the Atlantic Coast Conference.

Amato’s first team had some top-notch talents in tailback Ray Robinson and wideout Koren Robinson on offense and linebacker Levar Fisher and safeties Adrian Wilson and Terrence Holt on defense, but most observers scoffed at the notion that a true freshman—even one as precocious as Rivers—could lead a team through the rugged ACC. Quickly, however, Amato made believers of his players.

“We’re going to shock the world, I promise you,” said Fisher that spring.

Fisher proved to be prophetic. Every week, NC State seemed to be involved in a contest that game down to the final moments, leading to Amato joking about taking nitroglycerine tablets by the handful. In Amato’s first game, State upended Arkansas State in double overtime, and a nearly three weeks later, in a nationally televised Thursday night game, the Pack outlasted Georgia Tech in overtime again. The Wolfpack’s overtime magic would come to an end in a double-overtime loss to Maryland late in the year, but Amato’s first team had qualified for the MicronPC.com Bowl. In a fitting end to a year that had featured the motto “Finish,” the Pack overcome a 24-0 deficit to beat Minnesota, 38-30, finishing the year at 8-4. Behind Rivers’s right arm and offensive coordinator Norm Chow’s offensive genius, the Wolfpack established single-season school marks for pass completions, attempts and fewest turnovers, and finished second all-time in NC State annals in passing yardage.

Amato parlayed the strong initial campaign into a highly acclaimed recruiting class. The 30-man group was considered the No. 9 haul in the country by guru Max Emfinger and No. 12 nationally by ESPN.com, who called NC State “the big surprise this year.” Among the notable developments were landing Dovonte Edwards out of rival UNC-Chapel Hill’s backyard; the arrival of three junior college standouts—Shawn Price, Terrance Chapman and Terrance Martin—to bolster the defensive line; and landing 10 players out of the state of Florida. Sunshine State natives Tramain Hall, Jay Davis, Greg Golden, Sterling Hicks, Marcus Hudson, Andre Maddox and Patrick Thomas would become mainstays of Amato’s first few teams.

Debuting the motto “Full Speed Ahead,” Amato’s 2001 squad finished at 7-5, with the signature victory coming when State dealt Florida State its first-ever ACC home loss. A tearful Amato embraced his former mentor, Bowden, at midfield following the game. While the Pack was defeated by Pittsburgh in the Tangerine Bowl, NC State established another impressive school record, turning the ball over just 13 times in 11 regular-season contests.

On the recruiting trails, Amato & Co. landed arguably the nation’s top cornerback, A.J. Davis; one of the finest receivers in the country, Richard Washington; and All-American tailback T.A. McLendon in the Class of 2001. The 24-man class was rated No. 30 in the land by Prep Football Report, but an argument could be made that the group could be considered Amato’s best in terms of top-to-bottom depth. Among the lesser-ranked players who proved to be huge contributors to the Pack were receiver Brian Clark, kicker/punter John Deraney, offensive lineman Leroy Harris, safety Garland Heath, linebacker Oliver Hoyte, defensive end/linebacker Manny Lawson, linebacker Patrick Lowery, defensive tackle John McCargo, offensive tackle James Newby and tight end T.J. Williams.

Off the field, Amato fought the erroneous perception, perpetuated by in-state schools, that the Wolfpack was concentrating its recruiting efforts in the state of Florida instead of its home state.

“We signed more people from in-state than anywhere else,” Amato said in 2001. “This is the base.

“We were in every school in this state in May. Our coaches knocked on every door in North Carolina, and we’re going to do it again this May.”

No one was questioning NC State’s reputation on the field. The breakthrough season that Amato had dreamed about had arrived, with the Pack reeling off nine straight wins to start the season and earning a No. 8 ranking in the polls. Even after three consecutive heartbreaking losses, the Wolfpack lived up to its “Step Up” motto, beating Florida State once more and then hammering Notre Dame in the Gator Bowl for its school-record 11th victory. Raleigh had a downtown parade to honor the team’s accomplishments, and amidst the fanfare and confetti, no one could have predicted that it would turn out to be Amato’s only year with a winning conference record (5-3).

Amato and his coaches responded by fashioning its finest recruiting haul, on paper. Headlined by All-Americans Mario Williams, Derek Morris and Marcus Stone, the group was considered the best in the conference and No. 8 nationally by SuperPrep. Standouts Darrell Blackman, Raymond Brooks, Jamesly Jean, James Martin, LeRue Rumph, Miguel Scott, Jimmie Sutton III, Stephen Tulloch and DeMarcus “Tank” Tyler were also part of a class that earned attention with a remarkable seven early enrollees. When the brand-new Wendell H. Murphy Football Center opened a couple of months later, NC State football was arguably riding as high as it had at any other point in the program’s history.

In 2003, Rivers’s final season, the team’s motto was “Cut It Loose”—and Rivers did just that. He and the Pack set school records for total offense, first downs, passing attempts, completions, yards, completion percentage, touchdowns and points scored. Rivers was tabbed ACC Player of the Year, but the 8-5 record was something of a disappointment, even after the Pack took apart Kansas, 56-26, in the Tangerine Bowl.

State’s Class of 2004 featured in-state standouts Andre Brown, Gerard Miller and DeMario Pressley, plus Florida natives Octavius Darby, John Dunlap, DaJuan Morgan and Willie Young, but, for the first time, the high-risk, high-reward recruiting strategy employed by assistants such as Doc Holliday and Chris Demarest began to falter in this class. The group was tabbed as the No. 27 class in the country by G&W Recruiting, but in recruiting circles, the 18-man haul was marked more for its near-misses than the players who ultimately signed with the Pack.

The following season, cracks began to appear in the façade constructed by Amato. The motto of “Discipline” became something of a running joke among observers after the Wolfpack finished at 5-6 and was decimated by penalties and turnovers. State boasted the nation’s top overall defense, but inconsistency at the quarterback position and undisciplined play stymied their efforts all year long. State didn’t qualify for a bowl game for the first time in the Amato era, leading the coach to vow never to have another losing season.

The recruiting Class of 2005 included blue-chippers such as Toney Baker, Curtis Crouch, J.C. Neal and Kyle Newell, but did not contain the depth and athleticism of previous classes, marking two straight years that the recruiting haul had declined in quality.

When NC State won just two of its first six games in 2005, Amato realized that a change was needed at signal-caller. He removed redshirt senior Davis for redshirt sophomore Stone, and despite a similar lack of passing production, the Pack responded by winning four of its last five games to earn a bid to the Meineke Car Care Bowl in Charlotte, N.C. The Wolfpack’s rock-solid defense lifted the squad to a shutout win over South Florida and a 7-5 mark for the campaign. The good vibes from the fantastic finish were short-lived, however, with Williams, McCargo, Tulloch and Morris all deciding to leave NC State early for the NFL Draft. Though the season motto had been “Trust,” onlookers began to question whether these departing players trusted whether Amato still had the program on the right track.

The Wolfpack’s Class of 2006 was stacked mostly with lightly regarded athletes, many of whom were considered projects or ‘tweeners, players without an obvious position who would be fitted into the right spot in time. For the first time, questions about Amato’s future had a tangible impact on off-the-field recruiting efforts.

Instead of answers to the queries about the head coach, the beginning of the 2006 season brought only more questions. State lost two of its first three games, with a controversial loss to Akron at home and a blowout road loss to Southern Mississippi. Amato benched Stone for hometown product and legacy recruit Daniel Evans, and he helped the Pack pull out dramatic wins over Boston College and Florida State, giving the Wolfpack back-to-back conference victories over ranked opponents and a leg up on the fight for the ACC championship. Improbably, though, NC State lost its final seven games of the year, with each and every week seeming to bring a narrow loss in which NC State had every opportunity to win.

Like in 1999, NC State lost to rival UNC and in-state foe East Carolina to end the season, creating the circumstances that paved the way for Amato to land his dream job. Seven years before, it had cost Mike O’Cain his job—and it did the same for Amato.

The final report card on Amato showed his final overall record to be 49-37, with a 25-31 mark in conference play. The record was similar to his predecessor O’Cain’s (41-40, 26-30) and paled in comparison to that of O’Cain’s predecessor, Dick Sheridan, 52-29-3. Say what you will about the relative strength of the Atlantic Coast Conference in these respective tenures, but Amato’s ultimate demise likely came from an underwhelming 7-7 mark against Big Four foes UNC and Wake Forest. Amato’s teams consistently appeared to play down to the level of competition and find ways to allow the other team multiple opportunities to win.

Amato was also hit hard by attrition on his coaching staffs just about every year, leading to speculation that he was a micro-manager who made it difficult for coaches to exhibit creativity or correct their own mistakes. In seven seasons, he had four different offensive coordinators (Chow, Marty Galbraith, Noel Mazzone and Marc Trestman) and four different defensive coordinators (Buddy Green, by committee, Reggie Herring and Steve Dunlap). The lack of continuity hindered the growth of offensive and defensive philosophies, relationships between players and coaches, and the approach to recruiting.

What cannot be underestimated, however, was the role that Amato played in generating excitement among the fanbase and motivating the powers-that-be to build facilities that rank among the very finest in the nation. Amato dared to dream and to bring up the possibilities of what might be achieved at a place that he held close to his heart.

“When I came to North Carolina State University, I set my dreams very high,” said Amato in a statement announcing his dismissal. “My vision was to take this program to places that it had never been before in 100-plus years of playing football.

“I didn’t come here to use this job as a stepping stone like many others have or could. I wanted to surround myself with people who would help me stretch my vision and not choke my dreams.”

When Amato addressed his team for the final time, he urged his players to continue getting good grades and to play hard for their new coach. He emotionally told them that he would be the first one to buy tickets when NC State finally earned its rightful spot in an ACC championship game. The players were moved by the words of the man they had come to play for and respect.

“Chuck went up there, heart on the outside of his chest, and just had all his emotions on his sleeve,” said sophomore cornerback Levin Neal. “After hearing that, I feel a whole lot different about everything now. He loved every one of us, and I do believe that. I believe he wants the best for us.”

With dramatic wins over Florida State, tooth-and-nail battles with Ohio State, ESPN Gameday appearances, gleaming new facilities, headline-making recruiting victories, NFL first-round draft picks and school-record fan attendance, Amato breathed life into a moribund program and made everything seem truly possible. Many fans will always look on the renovated Carter-Finley Stadium as the “House That Chuck Built” and will wonder how things might have been different if the “game of inches” had eventually turned NC State’s way.

In the end, however, Amato’s downfall was not that he dreamed too big; it is that the details that go into consistent success and resounding accomplishments were too often overlooked. That is why Pack fans say goodbye to one of their own and wish good luck to a fellow alumnus today—and why they will hold their new coach to a higher standard for having come to know and cheer for one Charles Amato.

This story also appears on Pack Pride. Thx.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Best Of ... Limerick Friday!


You know how sitcoms have crappy reruns during the holidays or when major sporting events are going on? You know how writers of shows like “Lost” get bored and just have a “recap show,” splicing together “season highlights”? Since there will be no Limerick Friday this week, I went back and put together a “Best of” compilation for your amusement. I included limericks from all our faithful readers. There were actually some funny ones that “Anonymous” had posted, but he/she seems like sort of a buttnugget, so I didn’t include those.

I also had an honorable-mention category for limericks that sort of like, well, sucked. Kind of like the handicapped kid getting a blue ribbon since he couldn’t compete in the three-legged race. The limericks aren’t ranked in any particular order, for no good reason – except I didn’t feel like it. I also didn’t edit these or put them in correct grammatical context, frankly because some of you are beyond help. I swear Borat has a better handle on the English language than some of you degenerates.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. As Michael Richards would say …

“Up here … I’m already gone.”

What?

What did you think I was going to say?

Without further ado, here are the top 15 limericks of the season. Happy holidays!

TOP 15
Once there lived a monster with no neck
He was dumb, loud and obnoxious as heck
His favorite big word was literally
He led in a way referred to as pitifully
Now he’ll have to sell knishes off Hooters’ deck

haha no dating tips from me
or maybe let me see…
will stop being such a schmuck
Paul so serious? What the f$#k?
stop trying so hard and just be

Zhao took a break from googling "guy's butts"
And searching MySpace for sluts
To make rude comments about my sister
I gave her a call and have sad news mister
She said she's not into guys with hairless nuts

Pondering a life without BizFlow,
There’s a hole in my heart, don’t you know
I’m sure it cost several mil
But it made sense to no one but Bill
A Speak ‘N’ Spell woulda been a better way to go

2 desks covered in glamour shots
2 men's wives for none had the hots
One dweeb watched the Tide through this glasses
The other excelled in kissing people's asses
No one else would touch their bathing suit spots

Creepy as hell and named Green River
He made every last one of us shiver
Dressed up for Halloween as a priest
Introduced himself to Casie 10 times at least
His favorite meal is Chianti, fava beans and liver*

will is full of tension
dood is so old he should collect pension
He needs to get some like Now
so he can layoff Mr. Brandow
Or maybe Will just likes the attention

There once was a writer named Dave
Who toiled away like a slave
He had a hack boss named Jack
Who sputtered and twitched like on crack
Porn, his life it does save

Like Nicholson in “The Shining”
His manic depression was quite binding
Looked like a worn Fred Flinstone
He tried to dig up dirt alone
Then got offended at what he was finding

A no-neck lying cult leader
Like Jim Jones except a little creepier
Pretended to fight for the rest
A Bulls game made them say, "He's the best!"
Now he sneaks away while the boat gets leakier

somenone is jealous you keeping getting bigger
while your wife's the real bread winner
you kickback sunkists
and blame xbox for limp wrists
I think for once you should cook dinner

With WebSourced Paul is in cahoots
Gives bad advice and for Will roots
Employees are hearing the alarm sound
Remember the words of your twin, Short Round
"Indy, Indy -- No more parachutes!"

That hobbit-like dude was pretty nice
Even if he got let go twice
Knocking back O'Mulligan's brews
While he tried to fit lifts in his shoes
Will he try to come back and be fired thrice?

Oh, Casie I really miss the snow
No real winter in Raleigh can really blow
But we do have a great redneck coalition
They’re the same characters you saw with the Gimp in Pulp Fiction
I’m wondering if Brent was Zed’s little leather friend in tow

Farewell to lovely Sy Snootles
We're sure to all miss her oodles
Triangle rock will never be the same
Stockings will go back to being lame
But soon she'll be back home eating Cup o' Noodles


EXTRA CREDIT
[Editor’s Note: This one was not technically a limerick, but it was pretty damn good nonetheless.]

In the span of time
That you'll read this rhyme
You'll understand what ails me
Unfortunate labor that
I no longer faovr
and feel very much like it jails me
when I first signed on
I was sold on a song
And a dance that sounded inviting
Now 12 months have passed
And all I've amassed
Is a a useless title and uncredited writing
What a way to spend a year
Leaving now would shed no tear
Going to work drunk on beer
would be enitrely satisfying
but sitting there in an empty abyss
people have left that are no longer missed
Only makes me feel like crying
as I feel my poor brain dying


HONORABLE MENTION
[Editor’s Note: Basically, these blew or, frankly, just didn’t make any goddam sense.]

Suck it up u bunch of loser dinks
Do u really think just management stinks?
Take yor heads out of asses and breathe
A lack of oxygen is making u seethe
U can cry and moan that “we were screwed”
But look in the mirror – you’re the finks

Confused Brent was feeling quite massage-y
A tight back and neck made him feel somewhat stodgy
Stripping to his boxers by choice was a little gay
But was only uncomfortable when it came time to pay
It was always free when his masseuse was Literace

Gotta Love my Virginia Tech Hokies
Last night they did better than okie-dokie
The Tigers they did spank
Next, we're taking Miami to the bank
Oh how we love to do the Hokie-Pokey!!!

Will has a blog about datin'
He's trying but all those women are hatin'
It's all good cuz you're the man
And you almost got the master plan
Just tell them byches you ain't playin'

Harry Potter is a brown-nosing bitch
About marketing his doesn't know a stitch
He hangs around because he's a shortsighted fool
But say this for that bespectacled tool
That fucker knows his way around some Quidditch

Limerick Friday I (4 comments)
Limerick Friday II (2 comments)
Limerick Friday III (42 comments)
Limerick Friday IV (56 comments)
Limerick Friday V (58 comments)
Limerick Friday VI (37 comments)
Limerick Friday VII (62 comments)

Monday, November 20, 2006

Who's The Next Coach At NC State?



The State-UNC game at Kenan Stadium on Saturday—between two teams who had lost a combined 12 games in a row—set football in the state of North Carolina back 20 years, with the Tar Heels winning, 23-9. The question becomes whether it takes the Wolfpack 20 years to realize that coach Chuck Amato is a snake oil salesman, a used car dealer, an emperor with no clothes. There is rampant speculation that the power brokers—i.e., the big-money boosters—at NC State want Amato out, and are simply hammering out the details of how to do so most smoothly and respectfully.

At the core of the issue is the looming presence of Bill Cowher 329 miles away in the Steel City. The former State linebacker and current head coach of the Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers has reportedly grown disenchanted with the pro ranks, and after taking home the Lombardi Trophy last year, could be wondering what else there is to accomplish at that level. He and his family recently bought a new home in Raleigh and Pack diehards want desperately for that to mean he would be open to taking the reins of the Wolfpack program. One potential snag is that Cowher and Amato have a good relationship, and Cowher would want to distance himself from any appearance that he was pushing Amato out the door. All this assumes that Cowher would want to jump right back into the coaching ranks; some will tell you that he will likely want a year away to recharge his batteries, while others will say that the idea of him taking over at State is farfetched at best.

If we accept that the powers-that-be at NC State oust Amato or that he resigns for the good of his alma mater following Saturday’s game vs. East Carolina, and if we also accept that Cowher is a longshot candidate as an immediate successor, what are some of the other names that would be bandied about?

Perhaps at the top of that list is one-time Pack quarterbacks coach and offensive coordinator Norm Chow. Arguably the most respected offensive mind in the college ranks, Chow fashioned high-powered attacks at BYU, NC State and USC before moving on most recently to serve as offensive coordinator of the Tennessee Titans. The quarterback guru has tutored gunslingers like Jim McMahon, Steve Young, Ty Detmer, Philip Rivers, Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart. The idea of him working with promising young State signal-callers like Justin Burke, Harrison Beck, Russell Wilson and Daniel Evans has many NC State fans understandably excited, and this is no message board frenzy. The Denver Post and other outlets have discussed the possibility of him emerging as a top candidate for the Wolfpack, while Sports Illustrated guesses he may follow Titans coach Jeff Fisher wherever he goes if Fisher leaves and the Deseret Morning News tosses him out as a name to remember for the job at Utah.

Some feel that Chow’s easygoing demeanor fits him best as a career assistant, while others question whether he would want to try his hand at head coaching for the first time at 60 years of age. He also has West Coast ties and missed his family quite a bit during his one year in Raleigh, another factor that would certainly enter into the equation. However, it would be a coup for the Pack if Chow took the job and set the table for Cowher down the road.

Some other names to remember for Wolfpack fans eager for a change at the top include Paul Johnson, the head man at Navy and a North Carolina native who holds degrees from Western Carolina and Appalachian State; Shane Montgomery, a former Pack quarterback who has endured some struggles after taking over as head coach at Miami (Ohio); John “Doc” Holliday, former associate head coach and wide receivers coach under Amato and current associate head coach and safeties coach at Florida; and Mike Canales, the passing game coordinator and quarterbacks coach at Arizona and one-time quarterbacks coach at NC State. Former State quarterback and ex-Georgia coach Jim Donnan’s name will also likely be brought up, although it is doubtful that he would emerge as a viable consideration.

With the facilities that State has put in place—and Amato rightfully deserves the bulk of the credit for this as a top-notch fundraiser—and the increased exposure of the expanded ACC in football would make the Wolfpack job an attractive one in coaching circles. Amato may yet make it through the offseason, but that would make 2007 almost an unfair environment in which to allow his coaching staff and student-athletes to grow. Each and every game would spark status reports and updates on his job security and coaching skills. Say this for Amato: he is a loyal guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and bleeds Wolfpack red. His love for NC State would allow the thought of stepping aside to enter the argument for him, but his never-say-die, fighting spirit would never let him admit that he couldn’t get it done. For that reason, it will be up to athletics director Lee Fowler and the behind-the-scenes money men to pull the plug, and Amato’s chances of keeping his job are much closer to a coin flip than anyone would have thought even three weeks ago.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Limerick Friday VII: Go To Hell Carolina


NC State travels to Chapel Hill to take on the Tar Heels tomorrow at high noon at Kenan Stadium. Since the teams have a combined three wins over Division I teams--zero by UNC--all we are left with is bad football and the potential for slightly amusing limericks.

Have at it ...

At a bachelorette party, Casie got insane
At the airport, she almost got detained
Didn’t know you could party in Ohio
Gotta watch for snipers in your Volvo
Will Steve allow weenie straws on his plane?

Along comes Butch to save Chapel Hell
Bunting’s wife was a butch too, near as I can tell
Will John put Chuck’s job on the hot seat
Or will the Pack send him off with another defeat
Either way, I’m taking a dump in the Old Well

I died laughing at Brent’s parenting tips
Though they are mostly made up of funny quips
Breast feeding is as natural as snowfall
But it’s more than that to Will and Paul
It means they finally get to see a girl’s nips

A rivalry game that always gives me a fright
If State loses it will be a long flight
Nightmares of T.A. McLendon all day
And the touchdown that was taken away
T.A. bagged my groceries at Piggly Wiggly last night

Last Limerick Friday before Thanksgiving Day
A nice reprieve from limericks that begin “Will is gay”
Turkey and potatoes and gravy for me
Then watch my sorry Dolphins on the TV
I wish you all the best straight away!

Happy T-Bird Day, everyone ...

Limerick Friday I
Limerick Friday II
Limerick Friday III
Limerick Friday IV
Limerick Friday V
Limerick Friday VI

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Post Your Good NC State News Here ...


It has been a rough go of it lately for Wolfpack sports:

* We have lost five straight ACC games by a total of 29 points.
* We just gave up 88 points to Wofford in hoops.
* The girls in blue just hired one of the top college coaching candidates in the country.
* Our Florida players historically have a hard time getting up for a game against the Heels.
* We're going to be underdogs to a Conference USA four-year junior college in our own stadium to end the season.
* The EZU game is at 7 p.m., meaning that a flood of illiterate inbreds will be drinking grain alcohol all day before the game and be ready to fight anyone who went to NC State for "fancy book-learnin'."
* Even if we lose out to end the season on a seven-game skid, there is no guarantee that Chuck Amato will be fired due to financial reasons.
* Bill Cowher is still the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
* We have like six recruited scholarship players on our active basketball roster.

On the plus side, the addition of Tracy Smith to the hoops program could give State a top-10 recruiting class in Sidney Lowe's first full year on the job -- which would be nothing short of remarkable considering the circumstances in which he took over in Raleigh.

If you can think of anything else that us State fans can cling to right now, please add it here.

Signed,
Perpetually Sighing in Raleigh

Friday, November 10, 2006

Limerick Friday VI: Casie's Revenge


Ahhh ... Limerick Friday is finally here.

We've gone from four responses to two to 42 to 56 to 58.

Let the games begin ...

Confused Brent was feeling quite massage-y
A tight back and neck made him feel somewhat stodgy
Stripping to his boxers by choice was a little gay
But was only uncomfortable when it came time to pay
It was always free when his masseuse was Literace

Goodbye to disgraced Rumsfeld
A joke for the job that he held
“A war!” he said as he planted the seed
Wrote memos for a boss who couldn’t read
Will he answer to the soldiers that he felled?

Where’s Honaker since he got put in detention?
I wonder if they even gave him a pension?
I miss his hilarious weekly newsletter
But methinks he’s in a place even better
Wearing PJs, Googling “naked Scarlett Johansson”

An Evan-sponsored trip to Nags Head
Former Sauceboxes sunburned all red
Collecting seashells the whole day around
Pumpkin lattes and ice cream when the sun goes down
Just make sure Casie has her own room and bed

K-Fed will still be able to pay the rent
Kicked Britney to the curb when she finally was spent
He’ll be able to find more trailer trash
And if he runs out of enough spending cash
He can charge to get a massage from a worshipful Brent

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Mini-Season Makes for Long, "Lost" Winter Months


The “Lost” braintrust has heard all the criticisms: they don’t give enough to their loyal viewers, they bring up 10 questions with every one answer, they get lost in their own creativity, you never know when a rerun is going to pop up in the middle of the season, etc. To make it very clear that they are listening, they broke new ground with last night’s fall finale. In a revolutionary move, “Lost” broke off the first six episodes into a “mini-season,” allowing them to tease the full season—starting February 7—while also giving them the creative license to be able to market two cliffhangers in one season.

Last year, their audience became frustrated and infuriated when the show would rely on reruns or flashback shows for weeks at a time. To ensure their viewers that they gotten the message, they’re packaging the resumption of the rest of the season in no uncertain terms. The text of the February preview was as subtle as a kick in the ‘nads: “No repeats. Not. Even. One.”

The fall finale gave viewers plenty of questions to ponder in the months and weeks in between. Will the February-May run provide any more clarity than the mini-season did? Will there be a resolution to the Pickett-Sawyer feud? Will Kate’s love for Sawyer make her stay or will her feelings for Jack allow her to try to get off the island? Will she heed Sawyer’s warning that they are trapped on a separate island? Will Jack really let Ben die? Where do Juliet’s loyalties really lie? What the hell happened to Sun, Sayid and Jin? Are Michael and Walt gone for good? Why does Desmond hang around and make strange, constipated-looking faces all the time? What does the engraving that Locke espied on Mr. Eko’s “Jesus stick”—“Lift up your eyes and look north”—really mean? Will it lead the other survivors to the other island, a four-toed statue, a giant polar bear, a whisp of black smoke or a pair of Hurley’s Depends?

I guess we’ll have to wait until February. In the meantime, we’re offered up “Daybreak” as an alternative … a painful-looking combination of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” and “Groundhog Day.” Giddyup.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Strickland Talks Wolfpack Hoops


Doing some freelance work for Pack Pride, I had an opportunity to speak with one of the members of basketball coach Sidney’s Lowe’s new staff at NC State. Pete Strickland was most recently the head coach at Coastal Carolina (1999-2005), leaving as the second-winningest coach in that program’s history. He helped coach Lowe and fellow Wolfpack great Dereck Whittenburg as an assistant under legendary coach Morgan Wootten at DeMatha Catholic High School in Maryland. Here’s an excerpt of the interview with Strickland.

What has it been like so far to be part of a new staff trying to start a new era at an ACC school?
“I’m the only guy [on the staff] who’s not ‘back’ at NC State, really. But I feel like it is going well. We’ve got a young, enthusiastic squad that’s thirsty for direction. I’ve been pleased in the two outings we’ve had; they’ve played well and played within themselves. I was worried with the Red-White Game, that they might want to show what they had individually, so I was pleased with that [unselfishness]. Courtney Fells is a great example; he was 8-10 from the field in that game. And then Friday, against Northern, we showed good togetherness and good receptiveness. Those are the early signs you look for, that chemistry that will allow you to hit on all cylinders as a team.”

Was there any reaction within the program when NC State was picked to finish last in the ACC?
“We really haven’t yet kind of loaded it as ammo for motivation—but the time will come. I don’t think we needed sobering up, so it didn’t serve that purpose. We’re just hard at work right now, and I’m not avoiding the question, but that’s really where we are. We haven’t put it in the gun to use it yet. But the players didn’t seem daunted; they’re hard at work. We’re just busy trying to be the best we can be, because we’re so young that we want to spend all of our energies on helping them grow up as players.”

What do you remember of Lowe as a player when you were at DeMatha?
“He was remarkably poised and was older than his years as a player. He was never, never rattled. Coming back from Pitt, I was coaching him and ‘Whitt’ [Dereck Whittenburg] in the summer leagues. Coaches on the highest level would say, ‘I’m not sure, we like them a little taller, a little more streamlined, a slight bit more quicker …’ But [DeMatha coach] Morgan [Wootten] maintained that no one had come through that was any better [than Sidney]—and that’s a pretty good pedigree. And lo and behold, he won a national championship in 1983.

“And with all due respect to Jimmy V., Sidney was the one out there making sure Houston scored 52 points. Jimmy threw up the ‘Stop’ sign a few times, but … Even if I would have predicted Houston would have lost—and no one in their right mind would have—I never would have predicted the score to be 54-52. And that’s really my memory of him as a player, how he could control the pace of a game.

“And what I’ve found out in working with him is that, technically, there’s nobody better. In terms of understanding and the grasp of offensive and defensive movements and the adjustments players have to make within those, it’s unbelievable. He’s used those 21years in the pros very well, because he has a lot of insight and he’s experienced. So we’ll be fine. He has an acute awareness—and he doesn’t refer to paper much. It’s all in his head, because he lived that for 21 years. He’s on a different level; I thought I knew some things, but he’s just on a different level.”

Some of the current players have commented that it was difficult to endure the job search, in the sense that they started to feel that no one wanted to coach them. Has that made it more difficult for this staff to build and repair relationships?
“We’re still doing that. It’s hard to meet somebody the first day and say, ‘I’m your best friend.’ It takes time to develop trust, because these guys did feel jilted at the altar to a degree. With different guys, it takes longer, so individually, we’re still working to try to do that. Your actions speak louder than words, so they need to see you work and care.

“The fall didn’t help. Like we talked about, in playing catch-up in the recruiting wars, by necessity, we’re not here as much, so it’s been a process. I like where we are, and we’re getting there. There is a commitment to this place, and Sidney and [assistant] Monte [Towe], plus [staff members] Justin [Gainey] and Levi [Watkins] and those guys, they wear that commitment on their sleeve. It’s evident, and players see that. And obviously, [assistant] Larry’s [Harris] loyalty to them is unquestioned.

“But time will heal that [feeling of being slighted]. We are here to make them succeed.”

Lowe has spoken at length about the importance of making sure that the current players and recruiting targets are aware of State’s storied tradition. He’s also spoken very candidly about how the Pack doesn’t need to take a backseat to anybody, much less Duke and UNC. How important do you feel that is?
“It allows them to see the passion that Sid and Monte bring to the table. Larry’s developed that, too. It’s also, practically, a very good kind of strategy. I remember Morgan telling Sidney and [staff member] Quentin [Jackson] and I, and others over the years, to always prepare to beat the best teams in the league. We were always the best team, so he was talking about the second-best, I guess. But if you take care of that, everything else will take care of itself.

“Those guys [Duke and UNC] are successful, and we tip our hat … but now we go about trying to change that. So it’s an obvious emotional piece that Sidney and Monte can’t deny if they tried, so why try? And practically, it’s a good piece, a good barometer and strategy for us being successful.”

Friday, November 03, 2006

Limerick Friday 5: The Curse of the Speak 'N' Spell


From humble beginnings, Limerick Friday was resurrected to little fanfare. A week later, the buzz was somewhat greater, but the masses still did not want to believe. Seven days later, they surrendered their inhibitions, unleashing 42 responses in support of the new tradition. A week ago, readers generated a whopping 58 replies, cementing Limerick Friday as the greatest day of the week.

Where will this trend end? Bent and cowering at the bottom of the stairs like a Slinky? Or taking over our lives like Al Gore's Internet? You hold its fate in your hands. Choose wisely, you rhyming bastards.

Carry on.

To Raleigh comes ranked Georgia Tech
Calvin Johnson is tall, strong and fast as heck
Reggie Ball is 32 years old
On his arm I’m not so sold
I hope any yellow’s not for flags but for the Ramblin’ Wreck

Pondering a life without BizFlow,
There’s a hole in my heart, don’t you know
I’m sure it cost several mil
But it made sense to no one but Bill
A Speak ‘N’ Spell woulda been a better way to go

It’s going to be cold tomorrow at Notre Dame
I hope the few true Heels left see a good game
Pray for no shutout to Touchdown Jesus
We told you Bunting blew, but no one believed us
Butch Davis ain’t coming, so it’ll be more of the same

Creepy as hell and named Green River
He made every last one of us shiver
Dressed up for Halloween as a priest
Introduced himself to Casie 10 times at least
His favorite meal is Chianti, fava beans and liver*

The Brandow Witch Project did creepy sound
Bravely tested the Devil’s Tramping Ground
Though scared, he pushed on further
Like Hack chasing a Wendy’s burger
He cursed more than Pat at every ghost around

* For those who don’t know, this is a reference from “Silence of the Lambs” (see (#21 on this list). I swear it is funny.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Vaya Con Dios, Mr. Eko


In a previous season of “Lost,” Mr. Eko and Charlie come across a flying tornado of black sand in the jungle. After the frightening encounter, the two found each other again, with a shocked, out-of-breath Charlie freaking out.

Mr. Eko: Did you see it?
Charlie: Yeah, I saw it. What the bloody hell did you do?!
Mr. Eko: I did nothing.
Charlie: Most people, when they see a creature made of swirling black smoke, they run.
Mr. Eko: I was not afraid of it.

In last night’s episode, Mr. Eko suddenly had a lot of reasons to be afraid of the “swirling black smoke.” Because it killed him.

This was after this terrifying apparition appeared to take the form of his fallen priest brother, Yemi. After Mr. Eko refuses to confess or take responsibility for his sins, Yemi/Black Smoke gets angry and says that Mr. Eko is speaking to him as if he’s his brother. Mr. Eko chases him, demanding to know who he is, before meeting his ultimate demise. The back-and-forth recalled two earlier conversations:

Drug Dealer: It is true what they say about you.
Mr. Eko: And what is that?
Drug Dealer: You have no soul.

Mr. Eko: We are both sinners now.
Yemi: Perhaps we are. But God will forgive me, Eko.

And so ended the life of one of the series’ most dynamic, mysterious, conflicted characters. Here are a few of the impactful quotes that Mr. Eko made during the course of his run on “Lost.”

“Do not mistake coincidence for fate.”

“Go. Go and tell your friends I have let you live, that Mr. Eko let you live.”

“I understand that you live in a world where righteousness and evil seem very far apart … but that is not the real world.”

“And then one day, the boy confessed to me that he had beaten his dog to death with a shovel. He said the dog had bitten his baby sister on the cheek and he need to protect her. And he wanted to know whether he would go to hell for this. I told him that God would understand, that he would be forgiven, as long as he was sorry.

“But the boy did not care about forgiveness. He was only afraid that if he did go to hell — that dog would be there waiting for him.”

Take care, Mr. Eko. Maybe you can team up with Big Pussy, Ralphie Cifaretto, Tony Blundetto and others from “The Sopranos” and make a show comprised solely of killed-off gangsters.

P.S. Where the crikey has Nikki been hiding for the past two-and-a-half seasons?! Are they introducing she and Paulo into the plot simply to kill them off, a la Mr. Artz? And what about Paulo “pulling a Chewie” in the Pearl hatch (for the uninformed, this involves dropping a grumpy in the middle of a meeting).

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The Great Novel Adventure of 2006


Is it possible to write a legible, 175-page novel in 30 days? Can it be done without developing a severe tic, a disturbing drinking problem or picking up a comforting crystal meth addiction? Apparently, I am getting ready to find out.

Today is National Authors Day, and November is National Novel Writing Month. As a result, the demented folks at Nanowrimo.org challenged writers around the world to complete a 50,000-word novel during the course of the month. Last year, almost 60,000 writers took part—less than one out of six of them actually finished.

So what do I win if I complete these frightening task? A “winner’s certificate.” Sweet. A book deal would have been a little more of a draw, but hey, a piece of paper from a Web site is cool, too.

Can I do it? Will I get there? Or will I wake up on hung over on November 15 and realize that I am roughly 9,000 words behind schedule already and give up? We’ll see. In the meantime, I just wanted to have a built-in excuse in case the blog posts aren’t as frequent. But don’t worry … Limerick Friday will be unaffected.

At the end of this month, I will either be a novelist or I will be rocking Rainman-style in the corner, muttering and assuming the fetal position. Hell … maybe both.

Wish me luck and thanks for the support …