'Cuz Throws Hard And Stuff

In his first career start, my cousin John Cody threw five shutout innings and got his first college win at the University of New Orleans. He struck out seven and gave up just two hits in a 5-0 victory over Nicholls State in the first night game at Maestri Field since Hurricane Katrina hit. The Privateers have now won four in a row and stand at 6-5 on the season.

There were two things I liked in particular about his performance. First, he plunked the first batter. Good stuff, Johnny; keep those bastards honest and set the tone early. Second, he appears to have all the clichés down already:

"After I hit him, I had to gain my composure and move on," Cody told The Times-Picayune. "My defense played really well behind me, and our offense put the runs on the board … It was a cold day, and I threw a good game. We caught some balls, and really the team played good defense. It was a team win … [The relievers] were just phenomenal. They just came in and shut Nicholls down.”

Every good player in any sport masters the trite remarks toot-sweet. So keep it up, John … your ‘cuz is gonna need a fly new pad someday soon and your MLB millions are gonna come in handy.

Remember who played catch with you when he was drunk at our aunt’s wedding reception until my hand started to hurt and we began endangering obscure relatives’ lives …