Limerick Friday #612: Resuscitating The Cardiac Pack -- Day 1,462

On the verge of making Keatts leave

He may have earned a reprieve

An ACC Tournament run

Has many remembering fun

And maybe just how to believe

The biggest hypocrite of all

Keeps talking college downfall

If you're going to retire

Shut up and expire

A favor Saban can do that's small

State fans wanted to send

Keatts anywhere so it would end

But he rises from the grave

With a smile and a wave

And a "Not so fast, my friend"

Favoritism abounds

Politics resounds

Shooting our feet

Kept on repeat

Hypocrisy collecting in mounds

A team finally showing fight

And coming together right

Survive and advance

Change your underpants

Reconvene for another night

Last time ...

Day 1,461, Quasi-Quarantine: Mystery & Meditation On The Gulf Coast Drive McCarthy's Stunning "The Passenger"

 

“Too soon old and too late smart. You dont know anything till it gets here. You told me once that maybe the end of the road has nothing to do with the road. Maybe it doesnt even know there’s been a road.”

A meditation on grief and an exploration of the role of math and science in questions of eternity, "The Passenger" is a fascinating kaleidoscope of genres. Cormac McCarthy details the life and times of Bobby Western, son of the creator of the nuclear bomb, physics phenom, former race-car driver, and itinerant salvage diver. 

“Names are important. They set the parameters for the rules of engagement. The origin of language is in the single sound that designates the other person. Before you do something to them.”

Western wanders New Orleans and the Gulf Coast, ruminating with an eclectic cast of characters as he struggles to define his life in the wake of the loss of his sister, with whom he had a troubling and vaguely heretical relationship. These characters (Kline seems to exist only as a conduit for lengthy diatribes) can occasionally be difficult to keep straight, chronology can get hazy, and attribution can be problematic, but the sheer brilliance of the dialogue makes the novel an immediate classic.

“The world is full of people who should have been more willing to weep.”

“Mercy is the province of the person alone. There is mass hatred and there is mass grief. Mass vengeance and even mass suicide. But there is no mass forgiveness. There is only you.”

As the narrator, Western is difficult to pin down: Is he insane? Going insane? A ghost himself? In a coma-induced dream state? "The Passenger" stands on its own, but the presence of "Stella Maris" as the companion book inspires hope that some of the mystery and ambiguity could be resolved. 

“The world’s truth constitutes a vision so terrifying as to beggar the prophecies of the bleakest seer who ever walked it.”

Indications are that most of this book was written in 1980 and published 42 years later, and balancing the hilarity and depth can only be achieved by a writer of McCarthy's talent. With 16 years between novels, it's clear that McCarthy is pushing himself here in his final works -- and the results are to be treasured.

“Her hair was like gossamer. He wasnt sure what gossamer was. Her hair was like gossamer.”

“He knew that on the day of his death he would see her face and he could hope to carry that beauty into the darkness with him, the last pagan on earth, singing softly upon his pallet in an unknown tongue.”

Day 1,460, Quasi-Quarantine: Going In On Clarence Thomas And The Supreme Con

 

Clarence Thomas and the Supreme Court are indicative of everything wrong in America 2024, and Ruben Bolling nails it as per usual in "Tom the Dancing Bug."

Best read in a Pedro Pascal laughing/crying sorta way ...

Day 1,458, Quasi-Quarantine: SNL Takes The Piss Out Of Airbnb Design With Rare Stellar Skit

As a recent host of "Saturday Night Live," the undeniable Sydney Sweeney absolutely nailed this take-down/send-up of the arty pretentiousness of Airbnb culture.

All hail Chanel & Chanel ...

Limerick Friday #611: I'm Always Larry David Now -- Day 1,455

No safety in the suburb

In a world that's disturbed

Outlets are rare

But I just have to share

Still, nothing's as funny as "Curb"

Gave every kind of report

The best in the sport

No scoop he'd lose

The king of NFL news

Rest in peace, Mort

It's a frustrating bunch

They can ruin any lunch

On any call or meeting

A feeling that ain't fleeting

So many faces I'd like to punch

Binged a show or three

On the hunt for the right one for me

Moving toward true crime

Or conspiracies sublime

Makes for interesting TV

Another March madness

Missing a little gladness

State's on the outside looking in

Unless the ACC tourney they win

Prepping for more Wolfpack sadness

Last time ...

Day 1,454, Quasi-Quarantine: Unlikely Alliances And Faint Hope In The Darkness Propel "The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store"

"You can forever remember the wrongs done to you as long as you live," she said. "But if you forget 'em and go on living, it's almost as good as forgiving. I don't care who you was, or what you done, or even what you calls yourself. I know your heart."

James McBride weaves a stunning tale of culture clashes in 1930s Pennsylvania in "The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store," with his working-class melting pot joining forces to free the wronged, punish the guilty, and carve out hope in a bleak landscape. 

"He was a man without a country living in a world of ghosts, for having no country meant no involvement and not caring for a thing beyond your own heart and head, and ghosts and spirits were the only thing certain in a world where your existence was invisible."

You'll find yourself swept up in the neighborhood of Chona, Nate, Moshe, Big Soap, Dodo, Addie, Fatty, and others, rooting for justice with a surprising intensity.

As a minor nit, there were a few incidents in the book that were glossed over or not explained well that were central to the plot. What actually happened becomes more apparent as the story progresses, but some initial confusion is possible on the reader's part.

"It was a future they couldn't quite see, where the richness of all they had brought to the great land of promise would one day be zapped into nothing, the glorious tapestry of their history boiled down to a series of ten-second TV commercials, empty holidays, and sports games filled with the patriotic fluff of red, white, and blue, the celebrants cheering the accompanying dazzle without any idea of the horrible struggles and proud pasts of their forebears who had made their lives so easy."

"The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store" is a many-layered feat of storytelling, setting heartbreak against retribution, depression against joy, and prejudice against shared values.

"The difference was that the white man in the South spoke his hatred in clear, clean, concise terms, whereas the white man in the new country hid his hatred behind stories of wisdom and bravado, with false smiles of sincerity and stories of Jesus Christ and other nonsense that he tossed about like confetti in the Pottstown parade."

Day 1,452, Quasi-Quarantine: Celebrating The Comerciales Cerveza Cristal Star Wars

I could not love how Chilean Star Wars approached product placement more. Once that can (or bottle) is opened, the possibilities are endless.

Also, Jar Jar Binks makes a lot more sense if you think of him as being perpetually hammered.

Cheers. May the Coors be with you ...

Day 1,451, Quasi-Quarantine: Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, And Hairy Basketballs -- Oh My!

 

While each Disney World park has its own personality and vibe, perhaps Animal Kingdom is my favorite (despite a recent hard run at the title by Hollywood Studios). 

One of the reasons is Kilimanjaro Safaris, which offers a memorable experience of an African savanna, replete with rhinoceroses (rhinoceri?), giraffes, okapis ... and lions.

This year's visit was highlighted by a private Up Close with Rhinos Tour, where we got to visit -- and pet! -- one of the baby rhinos who lives there. Oddly, this creature felt like a hairy basketball up close.

Of course, the presence of Expedition Everest -- Legend of the Forbidden Mountain will always be my favorite part of this park. We've had so many memorable moments enjoying this ride that it almost makes me cry every time we ride it.

You betcha, Yeti.

Limerick Friday #610: A World Devoid Of Laughs Loses Another Who Created Them -- Day 1,448

The nervous comic

Supplied a laugh tonic

He coped through us

Goodbye, Richard Lewis

To me, you'll always be iconic

The news it does hurtle

There goes the demented fucking turtle

Fade away, Moscow Mitch

You democracy-wrecking bitch

I just want to drink and play Wordle

On the edge of our seats

With rum and popcorn treats

It's the yearly debate

About the state of State

And what to do 'bout ol' Kevin Keatts

Gutless hypocrisy

Useless pomposity

A collective lack of spine

Of cowardice they're the sign

This is today's GOP

Hey, it's spring training

Time for this year's paining

For injuries, New York's the worst

Kodai Senga's the first

For Mets fans, there's no explaining

Last time ...

Day 1,447, Quasi-Quarantine: Isolation, Regret, And Fleeting Moments Of Hope Mark Sublime "Walk The Blue Fields"

 

"Putting the past into words seemed idle when the past had already happened. The past was treacherous, moving slowly along. It would catch up in its own time. And in any case, what could be done? Remorse altered nothing and grief just brought it back." 

~ "Night of the Quicken Trees"

Claire Keegan is a master of subtle praise and the capturing of pastoral Ireland, and she is at her best here in "Walk the Blue Fields," a collection of short stories that explore desolation, regret, fate, and hints of the supernatural.

"She said self-knowledge lay at the far side of speech. The purpose of conversation was to find out what, to some extent, you already knew. She believed that in every conversation, an invisible bowl existed. Talk was the art of placing decent words into the bowl and taking others out. In a loving conversation, you discovered yourself in the kindest possible way, and at the end the bowl was, once again, empty."

~ "Walk the Blue Fields"

"The Parting Gift" was a terrifying and thrilling way to start the collection, and the mercurial "Night of the Quicken Trees" was a stellar way to end it. "The Forester's Daughter" was run through with "wow" moments, while the mysterious "Surrender" felt like it had more to offer.

"Hope always was the last thing to die; he had learned this as a child and seen it, first hand, as a soldier."

~ "Surrender"

This satisfying, quick read did a phenomenal job of channeling the harsh and abrasive landscape and culture of the Emerald Isle. 

"So, being mad was the same as having your wits about you, Margaret thought. Sometimes everybody was right. For most of the time people crazy or sober were stumbling in the dark, reaching with outstretched hands for something they didn’t even know they wanted."

~ "Night of the Quicken Trees"

It's clear that no one better captures the emotions that are bundled up in loneliness and hidden sins than Keegan, whose uncanny ability to depict the results of decisions made and regretted in the short-story format is truly remarkable.

"There are tears there but she is too proud to blink and let one fall. If she blinked, he would take her hand and take her away from this place. This, at least, is what he tells himself. It’s what she once wanted but two people hardly ever want the same thing at any given point in life. It is sometimes the hardest part of being human."

~ "Walk the Blue Fields"

Day 1,446, Quasi-Quarantine: The Hidden Gem Of Hollywood Studios, "Star Tours" Has Staying Power

 

"Star Tours: The Adventures Continue" was unveiled at Disney's Hollywood Studios in 2011, so our family was new to Disney just as the ride was. Over the years, it's become a favorite -- at least for us.

As Black Spire Outpost and Baatu emerged into reality, "Star Tours" was slowly relegated a bit to second-citizen status. Tucked away in a replica Endor forest village setting underneath an AT-AT Walker, scores of tourists either race by on their way elsewhere or never quite make it to that corner of the park.

The randomized variability of your experience on the Starspeeder 1000 -- you can end up on some combination of Kashyyyk, Hoth, Jakku, Kef Bir, Tattooine, Coruscant, Geonosis, Crait, Exegol, or Naboo -- has been one of our favorite elements of the ride. Unfortunately, on our most recent visit, we rode "Star Tours" twice and ended up on Naboo both times, but we look forward to checking out the new destinations that will be added this year (update: they're coming April 5!) in the future.

"Star Tours" will always hold a special place in my heart (both kids have been identified as Rebel spies at various times as part of the ride during our visits), and I maintain it is one of the more underrated and overlooked attractions at Disney.

And I desperately hope it stays that way.

Day 1,444, Quasi-Quarantine: "How To Be An Antiracist" Blends Meticulous Research And Lived Experiences

 

"To be antiracist is to focus on ending the racism that shapes the mirages, not to ignore the mirages that shape peoples' lives."

As much textbook as narrative, "How to Be an Antiracist" weaves tales from the author's personal journey with an essential dissection of nomenclature and vocabulary. 

"Racist ideas make people of color think less of themselves, which makes them more vulnerable to racist ideas. Racist ideas make White people think more of themselves, which further attracts them to racist ideas."

"This is the consistent function of racist ideas -- and of any kind of bigotry more broadly: to manipulate us into seeing people as the problem, instead of the policies that ensnare them."

Ibram X. Kendi is transparent about his own struggles with racism and his beliefs about it, which lends an element of personification to the book.

"Harmless White fun is Black lawlessness."

"How to Be an Antiracist" is an essential exploration of alternating progress and regression in the area of race in the United States and beyond. 

"Every policy in every institution in every community in every nation is producing or sustaining either racial inequity or equity between racial groups."

This intensely researched book seeks to establish a baseline of understanding and shared knowledge in hopes of facilitating vulnerable and honest conversations about where to go from here.

"The history of racist ideas is the history of powerful policymakers erecting racist policies out of self-interest, then producing racist ideas to defend and rationalize the inequitable effects of their policies, while everyday people consume those racist ideas, which in turn sparks ignorance and hate."

Day 1,440, Quasi-Quarantine: "Untangled" Seeks To Shed Light On How Best To Approach Being A Girl Dad

"The urge to hold you at a distance is largely an unconscious one. This means that her feelings about you change for reasons she can't explain. What she knows is that you used to be pleasant company but you have suddenly become inexplicably annoying."

Full of helpful real-world examples, "Untangled" is an essential read for anyone embarking on the journey of raising a well-adjusted, empowered daughter. Lisa Damour includes a litany of resources and professional insights designed to give parents and loved ones the best chance for success at having difficult, revealing -- and ultimately, successful -- conversations with the the young women destined to change our world.

"Your daughter works hard every day to harness powerful and unpredictable emotions so that she can get on with doing everything else she means to do."

Subtitled "Guiding Teenage Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood," the book was full of useful, thought-provoking tools: pool metaphors, definitions of porcupine depression and other concepts, and the idea that legal isn't the same as safe.

"Under these conditions, consider my favorite fallback line: 'Is there anything I can do that won't make things worse?' Set to a compassionate tune, there's beauty in this phrasing."

It was also validating to read that girls can be as surprised at their own emotions as parents are and that they spend an inordinate amount of time questioning their own sanity (this doesn't change in adulthood).

"Emotional pain can be a good thing, but we have to account for the fact that teenagers often have the right feelings on the wrong scale. They sometimes become swamped by their emotions, and no one can learn and grow when she feels as if she's drowning."

As a "girl dad," I am grateful for resources like this one as I seek to help navigate the emotional minefield of raising a complicated -- and amazing -- daughter.

"Raising a young woman will be one of the most vexing, delightful, exhausting, and fulfilling things you will ever do. Sometimes all on the same day. The job is hard enough even under the best conditions, and anyone doing a hard job deserves support. When we get that support, when we understand the developmental tour de force that is adolescence, we can truly enjoy and empower our girls."

Day 1,439, Quasi-Quarantine: The Start Of The Final Mission Of "The Bad Batch"

Clone Force 99 has captivated us since the early days of the pandemic, helping us to navigate some of the more challenging and emotional moments. So the idea that "Star Wars: The Bad Batch" is kicking off its final season today brings up a lot of feels.

We're gonna miss Hunter, Tech, Wrecker, Echo, Omega -- and, yes, even ol' Crosshair. In the meantime, we'll savor every last moment of their final hurrahs together.

"Good soldiers follow orders." So make sure you watch, y'all.

Day 1,438, Quasi-Quarantine: "Cat's Cradle" Blends Comedy And Doom In Commentary On Technology And Religion

"It’s all human relations now. The eggheads sit around trying to figure out new ways for everybody to be happy. Nobody can get fired, no matter what; and if somebody does accidentally make a bicycle, the union accuses us of cruel and inhuman practices and the government confiscates the bicycle for back taxes and gives it to a blind man in Afghanistan."

Tabbed as the "laughing profit of doom" by the New York Times, Vonnegut is at his satirical peak in "Cat's Cradle." The familiar Vonnegut themes of irony and parody are used to full effect throughout.

"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."

"Her breasts were like pomegranates or what you will, but like nothing so much as a young woman’s breasts."

Through the eyes of a narrator whose named is used exactly once and is ostensibly writing a book about the Hiroshima bombing, we go on a whirlwind, slapstick-ish escapade through religion, science, colonialism, the military-industrial complex, and beyond.

"Science is magic that works."

"For instance, do you know the story about Father on the day they first tested a bomb out at Alamogordo? After the thing went off, after it was a sure thing that America could wipe out a city with just one bomb, a scientist turned to Father and said, ‘Science has now known sin.’ And do you know what Father said? He said, ‘What is sin?’"

Somewhat predictably, the plot can be difficult to follow at times, but the novelist's trademark humor -- most of it built directly into the dialogue -- aptly bridges the gaps. "Cat's Cradle" is both prescient and ridiculous, making it the ideal book to greet an impending end of the world.

"When a man becomes a writer, I think he takes on a sacred obligation to produce beauty and enlightenment and comfort at top speed."

Day 1,437, Quasi-Quarantine: We Came, We Saw, We're Glad, We're Not Likely To Return -- The Universal Studios Story

 

Recently, we sacrificed a day at a Disney park to check out Universal Orlando -- and specifically, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter -- for the first time ever.

We peaked with our first ride, Hagrid's Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure. This stellar experience set the bar really high, but the rest of the rides offered a steady decline.

The Forbidden Journey and Escape from Gringotts were immersive narrative rides, but the former, in particular, elicited sensory overload. The Hogwarts Express was underwhelming, as was Flight of the Hippogriff (which I could tell from the ground, which is why I skipped this one).

Elsewhere, the Jurassic World VelociCoaster and the Incredible Hulk Coaster were proper coasters, but one of our best experiences was the simple but calming High in the Sky Seuss Trolley Train Ride.

The Harry Potter section did have a strong vibe and a good presence, however, though the rest of Universal (that we explored) felt a bit odd and nonsensical. Why was there a San Francisco area? We may never know.

All that to say that Universal Studios had the distinct feel of a one-and-done visit for us (we had a massive Harry Potter fan with us), as it wasn't worth giving up a day at, say, Animal Kingdom or Hollywood Studios on the Disney front.

Evanesco!

Limerick Friday #609: "Masters Of The Air" Is Helping Me Escape Care -- Day 1,432

The intensity grates

And increases heart rates

"Masters of the Air" is sublime

Like you're making the bomber climb

Even already knowing their fates

Baseball is upon us

So start up that Mets bus

Another up-and-down season, I fear

But at least it's a "City Connect" year

So I can look good as I cuss

Favoritism & business incest

Chasing out the best

An approach unconventional

That feels intentional

Good luck with the low-performing rest

Inanity in the suburb

Never fails to disturb

Larry David, you mensch

The nigh end makes me clench

Gonna miss so much about "Curb"

Can't drop many more

The ceiling is the floor

Running out of games

A tourney bid in flames

The Pack's gotta find a way to score

Last time ...

Day 1,431, Quasi-Quarantine: Dolphins-Chiefs Game 18 Review

 

Another year, another road loss in frigid temperatures by an injury-ravaged team on wild-card weekend.

This was the Miami story as the narrative of the team being uncompetitive against quality teams was ultimately proven unequivocally true. A third-straight loss ended the Dolphins season, as the visitors were destroyed by time of possession (34:05-25:55), poor offensive game-planning, and predictably disastrous officiating. With the deck stacked against them from a few different directions (this was the fourth-coldest game in NFL history, with wind-chill temperatures reaching minus-27 degrees), the 'Fins rolled over and played dead.

On to the make-it-stop recap ...

Offense

• With everything happening within five yards of the line of scrimmage (the "Adam Gase Offense," as I've come to call it), Miami never stretched the field and earned just 13 first downs, including failing to convert 11 of 12 third downs. Though the 'Fins managed to convert three of six fourth-down tries, they averaged only 4.5 yards per play and managed 264 yards. As was too often the case this season, the Dolphins forgot about the running game, carrying  just 18 times despite a 4.5-yards-per-carry average. Miami never entered the red zone, and McDaniel refused to or was simply unable to adjust to the Kansas City defensive approach.
• Tua Tagovailoa completed barely half (20 of 39) of his throws for 199 yards and a score, but he was picked once and sacked twice on his way to a 15.8 QBR. He ran three times for 25 yards, but was also called for a delay of game. McDaniel's plan did the quarterback no favors, but Tua also was panicky and too quick to check down for minimal gains.
• In the backfield, Raheem Mostert got just 27 snaps, rushing eight times for 33 yards and catching one of two targets -- for a three-yard loss. DeVon Achane carried six times for just nine yards in his 23 snaps, though he reeled in three of six targets for 21 yards. Jeff Wilson was targeted twice and managed a six-yard catch in his 13 snaps, but did not get a carry. Oddly, in a game where the ground attack would be vital based on weather, fullback Alec Ingold got just a dozen snaps, failing to record a touch.
• The receiver snaps were split pretty evenly among the top three of Tyreek Hill (40 snaps), Jaylen Waddle (41), and Cedrick Wilson (38). Hill caught five of eight targets for 62 yards, but most of that came on a 53-yard touchdown and he was too often dominated physically at the line of scrimmage. Waddle was targeted five times, catching two for 31 yards and adding a nine-yard run. Wilson pulled in three of seven targets for 37 yards, while River Cracraft made the most of his 23 snaps, catching two of three targets for 33 yards. In 13 snaps, Braxton Berrios was targeted once without a catch, while Chase Claypool did not get a pass thrown his way in four snaps. The lack of production from the wideout corps was made even worse when both Wilson (illegal formation) and Hill (false start) were called for presnap penalties.
• At tight end, Durham Smythe got three of four targets for just 12 yards in his 54 snaps, while Julian Hill was not targeted in his 17 snaps.
• Every starter played all 61 snaps along the offensive line. That's the good news. The bad news is they were largely dominated, struggled to pass off blitzes, and committed damaging penalties (right tackle Austin Jackson had a false start and left guard Robert Jones had an illegal use of hands). The front probably deserved more of an opportunity to establish physicality in the ground game, but the reality is that they were a net negative in the Dolphins' offensive efforts in this one.

Defense

• In what would be his final game as defensive coordinator, Vic Fangio emptied his playbook, trying pretty much everything to disrupt Kansas City -- and it largely worked early on. Recognizing that the "D" had to manufacture pressure somehow in the face of a withering number of injuries, Miami blitzed on more than half of the Chiefs' passing plays and even went zero-blitz a number of times, but the KC offensive line adjusted well. The Chiefs managed 409 total yards and 25 first downs, but the 'Fins limited them to six of 15 on third down and just two of six on red-zone trips. Kansas City converted its lone fourth-down try, but did fumble three times -- though the Dolphins recovered just one. Arguably, this was a winning performance by a severely depleted unit in more-than-difficult conditions.
• The dynamic duo of Christian Wilkins and Zach Sieler played an incredible 73 and 67 snaps, respectively, doing their best to affect Patrick Mahomes. Sieler recorded four assisted tackles, a pass breakup, and a quarterback hit, while Wilkins contributed three assisted tackles and a quarterback hit. Unfortunately, Wilkins's highly questionable unnecessary roughness penalty gave KC a first down on a 3rd & 20 and effectively ended the game.
• At nose tackle, Raekwon Davis had two tackles in 32 snaps, while Da'Shawn hand notched three tackles and a fumble recovery in 20 snaps.
• None of the 'Fins' late-season plans included Melvin Ingram playing 55 snaps in a postseason game, but he was one of a group pf free-agent veterans who had to step into the fray. Ingram had a pair of tackles, while brand-new additions Justin Houston (assisted tackle in 22 snaps), Bruce Irvin (no stats in 12 snaps), and Malik Reed (five tackles and a stop for a loss in 31 snaps) did what they could -- especially Reed. Emmanuel Ogbah posted four tackles and a pass breakup in 38 snaps as the lone long-term Dolphin remaining. Miami had to try to catch lightning in a bottle considering the injury situation, and the results were as expected.
• At inside linebacker, Duke Riley and David Long carried heavy work loads -- 79 and 76 snaps, respectively -- and it showed. Riley registered 10 tackles and a quarterback hit and Long racked up seven tackles, a stop for loss, a quarterback hit, and a holding call, but both missed key tackles and seemed worn down in the weather.
• Jalen Ramsey (74) and Eli Apple (73) saw the most action at cornerback, with subpar results. Ramsey had five tackles, a stop for a loss, and a pass breakup, while Apple contributed five solo stops and a tackle for loss. Kader Kohou got 48 snaps in the slot, notching seven tackles and six solos, but his slide in play continued, as all three of the top corners struggled to get ballcarriers on the ground. Once again, rookie undrafted free agent Ethan Bonner saw significant action (11 snaps) over veteran Nik Needham (one snap) and second-round-draft-pick Cam Smith (inactive). Bonner responded with two solos, a stop for a loss, and a forced fumble. Whether Bonner is a legitimate find remains to be seen, but without Xavien Howard, Miami needed a lot more from a veteran cornerback rotation.
• The situation wasn't any better at safety, where both Brandon Jones (78 snaps) and DeShon Elliott (61 snaps) had their struggles. Jones had eight tackles, a quarterback hit, and a questionable roughing-the-passer flag, while Elliott picked up nine tackles but was a half-stepper in this one and seemed overmatched by the weather and the moment. When he mercifully left the game, Elijah Campbell came in for 18 snaps but did not record a statistic. The back end certainly missed Jevon Holland, but it's become clear that the Dolphins will need to find another quality safety this offseason.

Special teams

• Jason Sanders contributed a single extra point in a quiet one.
• Jake Bailey struggled massively, averaging 40.8 yards on four punts thanks to some extremely fortuitous bounces. 
• Berrios returned three kickoffs for an average of 23 yards, with a long of 30, while Ingold had a 19-yard kickoff return on a squib kick.
• Julian Hill and Ingold led offensive players with 11 snaps each on special teams, while Campbell paced defensive players with 22 snaps -- though Riley inexplicably added 20 snaps in the third phase to his already huge workload. Chris Brooks, Ingold, and Channing Tindall had assisted tackles in the kicking game. 

Momentum plays

• After a promising start that saw the Miami "D" force two incompletions, Kansas City converted a 3rd & 10 with a pass to Travis Kelce. Tackling immediately emerged as a massive issue for the 'Fins as the next four plays covered 45 yards, with Elliott whiffing on multiple opportunities to make stops. A miscommunication allowed an easy 11-yard touchdown on the following play, which featured Elliott loafing as Rashee Rice coasted into the end zone for the 7-0 advantage.
• The Dolphins followed with a quick three-and-out, as two Mostert runs covered two yards and poor blocking waylaid a screen pass to Jeff Wilson. A terrible 28-yard punt by Bailey set up the Chiefs with great field position at their own 43-yard line.
• Miami came up with a much-needed three-and-out of its own when a third-down blitz resulted in a deep ball that Mecole Hardman didn't see, with Apple in coverage. However, a 41-yard punt pinned the 'Fins at their own 11-yard line.
• The Dolphins delivered a pair of first downs, but despite having a second-and-inches, they had a third-and-short conversion nullified on an illegal formation call on Cedrick Wilson. On 3rd & 5, Tua overthrew Waddle on a ball that appeared to be tipped, and the Chiefs managed to reel in the crucial interception.
• Starting with tremendous field position again on its own 42-yard line, Kansas City went to work. Poor tackling by Riley, Elliott, and others allowed 34 yards on back-to-back plays by the Chiefs. After a missed hold on second down, KC converted a 3rd & 7 on a short pass that was marked short, but overturned on replay. Miami rose up to get a red-zone stop, however, forcing a 28-yard field goal that Harrison Butker made look easy despite the conditions.
• Trailing 10-0, the 'Fins were entering the danger zone and turned to Hill to change the momentum after Ingold gave Miami strong field position after a 19-yard kickoff return. Following a nine-yard pass to the wideout, Tua went deep on an RPO that saw Hill fight through interference, come back to the ball, break a tackle, and pick up a block from Julian Hill to get into the end zone from 53 yards away to cut the lead to 10-7.
• The good feelings were short-lived, however. Mahomes immediately hit Kelce for 22 yards after a coverage breakdown by Brandon Jones and business-decision tackling by Jalen Ramsey and others. On a third-down blitz, Ramsey was beaten for a first down, but a third-down tackle by Apple forced a 4th & 4. With all day to throw, Mahoms eventually decided to run, eluding Ogbah to scamper for 28 yards. A screen-pass touchdown was brought back on a block in the back before Ramsey was beaten again for 10 yards. Sieler kept the 'Fins alive with third-down pressure and a fourth-down tipped pass that forced another short field goal for a 13-7 Chiefs advantage.
• Four straight Mostert runs covered 21 yards on the ensuing Miami possession, but a drop by the running back on 3rd & 1 was followed by Tua throwing too late for Hill on fourth-and-short.
• Starting yet another drive at its plus-40-yard line, Kansas City went three-and-out when Jones had strong coverage on a third-down deep ball that fell incomplete to force a punt.
• With a chance to at least flip field position, the Dolphins responded with a two-yard run, a zero-yard pass, a false start, a dropped snap, and a sack. A lucky bounce on another poor kick resulted in a 51-yard net punt.
• The field-position dominance continued for the Chiefs, as they started on their own 39-yard line. A strong tackle by Kohou and pressure from Ogbah helped create a 3rd & 11, but Kohou was beaten badly by Rice, who raced 39 yards with Kohou just running next to him for about half of that without trying to tackle him for no apparent reason. Kansas City got more help from the officials when the crew managed to miss a hold, grounding, and illegal touching in the course of just two plays. With the "D" stiffening again, Butker converted once more from 32 yards to push the lead to 16-7.
• Miami hit a 17-yard pass to Waddle to begin the next drive, but the officiating struggles continued when an illegal use of hands was somehow called on Robert Jones. The 'Fins tried a Hail Mary to Cedrick Wilson with two seconds remaining in the half, but the ball feel harmlessly to the frozen turf to send the teams into the halftime locker room.
• The sheer offensive ineptitude continued in the second half as the 'Fins received the kickoff and promptly went three-and-out. KC promptly embarked on a 13-play drive that featured at least five missed calls by the officials. Thanks to third-down pressure by Riley, the "D" did rise up to force another short field goal to limit the damage to 19-7.
• Four handoffs in five plays seemed to finally signal a change in offensive philosophy, but the initial first down (on a fourth-down run) was ruined when Tua was forced to take a sack and then dump it off for a yard on 3rd & 14 to result in yet another punt. The series revealed McDaniel getting completely pantsed by defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, as the play concepts did not feature hot reads for Tua.
• The Chiefs continued toying with a depleted Miami defense on the ensuing possession, going 72 yards in 14 plays and eating up more than seven minutes. Yet another awful call -- this time on Brandon Jones for roughing the passer -- was nearly overcome by a Ramsey interception, but he couldn't hold on. A tough game for Kohou continued when he and Jones were beaten easily on a 2nd & 19 plays for 28 yards. An incompletion on 3rd & 20 would have given the Dolphins the ball back, but an inconceivable cheat job occurred when the refs missed three calls on a single play: an uncalled holding, an uncalled grounding, and an inconceivable late-hit penalty that was whistled on Wilkins. With the game having attained WWE status at this stage, McDaniel would have been fully justified in taking his team off the field. More missed tackles by Long, Campbell, and Apple led to another third-down conversion, and the ensuing Wildcat touchdown felt like a formality afterward, pushing the score to 26-7.
• The Dolphins pieced together a 10-play drive that was highlighted by a 19-yard catches by Cedrick Wilson (to convert 3rd & 9) and Cracraft. A 14-yard Tua scramble gave Miami a first down at KC's 25-yard line, but contact in the end zone went uncalled, Tua threw incomplete for a near backward-pass fumble, and the quarterback inexplicably threw six yards behind the line of scrimmage to get Hill lit up. On 4th & 16, Tua elected to throw short for nine yards to Wilson, representing yet another pointless and illogical decision.
• The 'Fins defense overcame another missed holding call to force a three-and-out, and Miami somehow managed to cover just 27 yards in a DOZEN plays. Another Wilson conversion on fourth down established him as the unlikely only offensive player contributing, and a missed offsides on the following 4th & 10 didn't hurt the Dolphins, as Waddle made an appearance with a 14-yard reception. A missed pass interference and back-to-back incompletions set up yet another fourth down, but Hill couldn't hold onto it in-bounds, turning the ball over to the Chiefs yet again.
• The one-sided officiating continued on the Kansas City drive, but Bonner came up big, delivering a strong hit that forced a fumble that Hand pounced on.
• A screen to Achane covered 11 yards and a dart to Cracraft covered 14 more, but with time running out, Smythe took a big hit on a useless three-yard gain, a fitting ending to yet another disappointing Dolphins campaign.

2023 Schedule

Miami 36, Los Angeles 34 (1-0)

Miami 24, New England 17 (2-0)

Miami 70, Denver 20 (3-0)

Buffalo 48, Miami 20 (3-1)

Miami 31, New York Giants 16 (4-1)

Miami 42, Carolina 21 (5-1)

Philadelphia 31, Miami 17 (5-2)

Miami 31, New England 17 (6-2)

Kansas City 21, Miami 14 (6-3)

Miami 20, Las Vegas 13 (7-3)

Miami 34, New York Jets 13 (8-3)

Miami 45, Washington 15 (9-3)

Tennessee 28, Miami 27 (9-4)

Miami 30, New York Jets 0 (10-4)

Miami 22, Dallas 20 (11-4)

Baltimore 56, Miami 19 (11-5)

Buffalo 21, Miami 14 (11-6)

Kansas City 26, Miami 7 (11-7)

Day 1,430, Quasi-Quarantine: "The Refugees" Explores Themes Of Identity, Displacement, And Legacy

"I am a refugee, an American, and a human being, which is important to proclaim, as there are many who think these identities cannot be reconciled."

Exploring the complexities of the post-Vietnam refugee experience, the incomparable Viet Thanh Nguyen spent 20 years putting together the stories that comprise "The Refugees" -- and the investment of time and emotion are worth it for readers.

Nguyen spares no sentiment in writing the struggles of identity, displacement, and mortality into existence. Powered by impeccable short stories like "Black-Eyed Women," "Someone Else Besides You," "Fatherland," and others, "Refugees" is at its best when it delves into the theme of domineering parents who hang like a specter over displaced lives.

"'You aren’t afraid of the things you believe in,' he said. This, too, I wrote in his memoir, even though I had not understood what he meant. Now I did. My body clenched as I sobbed without shame and without fear. My brother watched me curiously as I wept for him and for me, for all the years we could have had together but didn’t, for all the words never spoken between my mother, my father, and me. Most of all, I cried for those other girls who had vanished and never come back, including myself."

Despite the weighty topic, Nguyen is capable of the occasional humor needed to make moving on possible, as displayed in "War Years."

"I had seen Star Wars a dozen times on videotape, and if anyone was so deprived as to have not watched it even once, then the country in which he lived surely needed a revolution."

Dedicated "For all refugees, everywhere," "The Refugees" is a worthy complement to Nguyen's other stunning works, "The Sympathizer" (runner-up in the 2019 Scooties) and "The Committed." 

Admirers of Nguyen's work will see a blend of his sparse prose and a number of autobiographical elements. The potent mix culminates in a hard-earned read that will linger long after the final word is read -- and written.

"In a country where possessions counted for everything, we had no belongings except our stories."

"Tell me something," it said. "Why did I live and you die?"

"You died too," he said. "You just don’t know it."

Day 1,429, Quasi-Quarantine: Joining The "Moana" Flow At EPCOT

 

Even though it feels like a million years ago, the final day of a recent trip to Disney World took us to EPCOT. 

Braving the Festival of the Arts crowds, we were able to experience the "Journey of Water." This "Moana"-themed walk-through attraction had a welcome tropical feel, and I wish we had had more time to immerse ourselves within it.

Until next time ...

Day 1,428, Quasi-Quarantine: Accessible And Relatable, "Scrum: The Art Of Doing Twice The Work In Half The Time" Verges Too Far Into Overpromising

“Scrum embraces uncertainty and creativity. It places a structure around the learning process, enabling teams to assess both what they’ve created and, just as important, how they created it.”

Drawing on varied and fascinating life experiences, Jeff Sutherland reveals the underpinnings of scrum and the agile methodology. "Scrum: The Art of Doing Twice the Work in Half the Time" offers a variety of tools and methods to apply scrum outside of software development, demonstrating its applicability in almost every setting and vertical.

“[The Agile Manifesto] declared the following values: people over processes; products that actually work over documenting what that product is supposed to do; collaborating with customers over negotiating with them; and responding to change over following a plan.”

The author has a fascinating back story, serving as a reconnaissance pilot in Vietnam and working at high-profile companies. However, Sutherland does make some dangerously simplistic and binary observations, including the concept that scrum can "help teams of poor people to work together to leverage themselves out of poverty."

Despite some overpromising and weighty assumptions, the book painstakingly describes the framework and explains the nomenclature. Practitioners of scrum and agile will find a lot to guide in this work, which does a fine job of making nonstandard concepts accessible.

"Inspect and Adapt. Every little while, stop doing what you’re doing, review what you’ve done, and see if it’s still what you should be doing and if you can do it better."

Limerick Friday #608: The NFL Hall Of Fame Still Doesn't Understand The Assignment -- Day 1,425

 

Another snub for "Big Game"

And some of the selections were lame

His inclusion overdue

What more can we do?

The Hall without Holt ain't the same

A rough week for hoops

Both teams played like poops

Shooting an issue

Pack fans need a tissue

The problems just play on loops

Of later years did death rob

With a lament and sob

Family, faith, and football

This was it all

For ol' "Bayou Bob"

Helped redefine a position

Hard to believe his omission

Antonio Gates was a beast

He and Philip Rivers would feast

All HOF voters earn derision

Like sake with rice

A show sleek as ice

Yakuza and honor

Every gaijin a goner

Welcome back, "Tokyo Vice"

Last time ...

Day 1,424, Quasi-Quaranting: A Dying Eruption Of Color

Perhaps I'm more emotionally vulnerable than normal or something, but I found this strangely moving and poignant.

Fare thee well, gentle female chameleon ...

Day 1,423, Quasi-Quarantine: Vegas, Coffee, Big Fish, High Rollers, And Vegas. May Your Windows Ever Be 95 Again.

This type of energy was massively on offer for this week's aggressively white, toxically masculine, and Monster Energy-fueled sales entrancement.

The net-net is win-win, folks. Sell or die.

Day 1,422, Quasi-Quarantine: The More-Innocent Days Of "Concepcion Recepcion"

 

Oh, just a little text exchange between me and my 11-year-old after State rolled UNC yet again. 

I'm still not positive I'm doing the right thing as a parent by raising a Wolfpack fan, but dammit if this doesn't give me justification. Also, all hail K.C. Concepcion.

I'm not crying, you're crying ...

Day 1,421, Quasi-Quarantine: The Joys Of (Charlie) Day Drinking

I can't vouch for the relative merits of Four Walls Whiskey, but I'll go out on a limb and say they have the funnest ad campaign.

After all, it's always (too) sunny when you're day drinking.

Day 1,417, Quasi-Qurantine: Stanley Cup Fever Is Not What You Think It Is, Eh?

Proof that SNL has still got it, sometimes.

Also, we are a really fucking weird country ...