A Purple Heart For A Pants-Shitter

Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart

The Onion nails the hilarity on this one, although I do think they missed an opportunity when the kid was handed a key to the city and there was no joke about how it also opened the doors of every bathroom in the city.

On the plus side, his inclusion in the yearbook with the “Most Likely to Shit Pants Again” heading was freaking inspired genius.

Good shit. Literally.