Friday, February 26, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Ducks’ Arrests Are Like Rain In Oregon, Plus Wuddup Wit Crazy Claire?


One thug cheap-shotted Boise State
Another choked his girl with hate
The quarterback stole from a house
One punked coach with the click of a mouse
Maybe Nike-orange jumpsuits are Oregon’s fate?

LT can no longer cut on a dime
Concussions robbed Westbrook of his prime
Tough sledding for 30-something RBs
Broken down, with broken knees
Ricky’s looking smarter all the time

Toyota crashed with a resounding splat
On American excess they grew fat
But they’re working hard to fix the past!
50,000 cars fixed a day—ain’t that fast!
Of course, nothing bad could come of that …

There once was a douche named Dick Rod
Thought he could run over the Big 10 like roughshod
He installed the spread in a running league
And they practiced until the point of fatigue
Even cheating ain’t working for West Virginia’s ex-god

A disgruntled son for our hero Jack
Crazy Claire’s in cahoots with the Man in Black
Lighthouse mirrors get smashed
Hopes for the temple’s safety get dashed
Does Jack have what it takes to get Jacob’s back?

Last time

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 11


#1
If you’re like me, it was a bit off-putting to see Elaine’s ponytailed boyfriend, Craig (Harry Van Gorkum), from “Seinfeld” making an appearance as British emissary Louis Dalton on “24.”
I cannot put a ceiling on the amount of money I would pay to have Jack Bauer finish an interrogation of him by saying, “The Nicole Miller was never arriving from Milan, was it, pal? WAS IT?!” before choking him with his own ponytail.

#2
Darrell Green recently ran the 40-yard dash in 4.43 seconds. Not bad, you’re saying? He’s. Freaking. 50. Years. Old.
There really isn’t anything I can add to that.

#3
So, in the Scoot Cave, my 8-year-old niece saw a bobblehead of Michael Scott from “The Office.” She promptly asked why I have a bobblehead of George Bush.
She doesn’t know me very well.

#4
It is impressive how far Dabo Swinney has come. From a struggling skater in the movie “The Cutting Edge” all the way to Clemson football coach? Wow.
Excuse me just a second, sorry …
OK, I’m being told that was D.B. Sweeney in “The Cutting Edge.” Carry on.

#5
Has anyone ever seen NC State wingman Scott Wood and Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford) of “Friday Night Lights” in the same place at the same time?
(Work with me here, the Jimmy Chitwood resemblance is played out.)

#6
The father of American speed skater Apollo Anton Ohno is named Yuki Ohno. Goddam that guy for breaking up the Beatles.

#7
First off, to those who say they are disappointed in Tiger Woods because he was the kind of guy you hoped your child would grow into, well, you have no concept of parenting. Choosing to have your child aspire to be like someone because they can hit a little white ball really well is really, well, sad.
Second, if you needed this episode to figure out that Tiger Woods is a complete and utter douche, then you need to turn off ESPN and start forming your own opinions.

#8
LaDainian Tomlinson got kicked to the curb by the Chargers, begging the question: Has anyone ever fallen faster and harder than LT? Hell, Shaun Alexander thinks LT dropped off the face of the earth pretty quick.
Tomlinson certainly sped his downfall with his petulant behavior and refusal to play injured -- and this certainly didn’t help, either.
Oh, well. Thanks for that one year you carried my fantasy football team, dude. Late.

#9
Went for a walk at Shelly Lake recently. In the parking lot, we noticed a dog locked in a car. What kind of complete piece of shit takes his dog to a park … and then leaves it in the goddam car!? How much of a tease is that for a dog?! How freaking cruel can you be!?

#10
It was a bit eerie to hear The Stooges’ “Search and Destroy” playing on “Lost” during the scene where Sawyer is getting drunk in his old home. I was listening to that song and album (“Raw Power”) in the car prior to that episode coming on.
The question becomes: Am I part of the flash-sideways? If so, I’m volunteering to be conned by Kate.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Guinness "Brings It To Life"



Few beers bring a tear to my eye like Guinness, because it always makes me remember Ireland.

Gotta love it.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Epic Fucking “Glengarry Glen Ross” Puts Seedy Fucking Sales Under The Fucking Microscope


Moss: “What's your name?”
Blake: “Fuck you. That's my name. You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *THAT'S* my name.”

Roma: “You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is.”

Roma: “Fuck you, John! You know your business, I know mine. Your business is being an asshole. I find out whose fucking cousin you are, I'm going to go to him and figure out a way to have your ass. Fuck you!”

I currently work at a company in which the salesfolks alternately don’t understand the technology, can’t talk above a whisper, exhibit an alarming lack of energy or caring about their positions, and rarely show up to the actual office -- or all of the above. So when it came time to sit down and watch “Glengarry Glen Ross” (I had seen bits and pieces over the years), it served as a wake-up call as to just what a weak-ass sales organization I had been dragged into.

Now to be fair, I had once worked at a testosterone-fueled pit of latent homosexuality, peopled by chest-thumping, fist-bumping, cigar-chomping, fake-golf-swinging, lie-spewing, coffee-swilling, chicken-finger-ingesting salesfolks powered by mini-scooters, Bluetooth technology and enough knowledge of the Interwebs to be dangerous. Well, “Glengarry Glen Ross” was essentially that atmosphere on ‘roids.

This flick, based on a Pulitzer Prize-winning play by David Mamet, was basically a morality tale about what happens when accountability goes apeshit and grows weapons. After the opening credits roll for seemingly an interminable amount of time, we’re shocked into complete attention by the arrival of Blake -- a mako shark in a nice suit who presides over one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema. Played by Alec Baldwin in a career-defining turn, Blake is sent by the owners of a real estate company to hold underperforming sales to team to the fire. Punctuating every other word with “fuck” or some derivative, he unveils a new contest to the four salesfolks: sell the most and win a Cadillac, sell second-most and take home a set of steak knives, sell third-most … and you’re fired. Get the fuck out.


“Put. That coffee. Down.
Coffee’s for closers only.”


“Your name is ‘you're wanting,’ and you can't play the man's game, you can't close them, and then tell your wife your troubles. 'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin' faggots?”

After Blake comes in and leaves like a hurricane-like vortex of fury, we begin to see the landscape of the office: mousy office manager (Kevin Spacey) trying without success to run an operation of veteran, disgruntled salesmen. As John Williamson, Spacey gets shit on by everybody before finally getting his day near the end. Quickly, Shelley “The Machine” Levene emerges as the star of the show, a past-his-prime legend who moves from smarmy and charming to vindictive and spiteful thanks to the nimble dexterity of Jack Lemmon. Dave Moss (played by Ed Harris in an underrated effort) is too busy bitching and blaming everyone but himself -- and we all know people like this -- to weak-willed cohort George Aaronow (Alan Arkin). All three struggle in the shadow of the effortlessly smooth Ricky Roma, who arrives on the scene later in the movie and serves as the flesh-and-blood representation of one of the film’s taglines, “Lie. Cheat. Steal. All in a day’s work.” Tremendously brought to life by Al Pacino, Roma sells almost by accident or osmosis, mixing in life lessons (“Didja ever take a dump that made you feel like you slept for 12 hours?”) that seem to lead haphazardly to an offer of a prime piece of land in sunny Florida.

Bolstered by the fact that the word “fuck” is thrown out there 138 times and “shit” another 50, “Glengarry Glen Ross” is a more than worthy predecessor to another movie that works in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay (paraphrasing “Christmas Story”): “The Big Lebowksi.” In fact, the cast jokingly referred to the flick as “Death of a Fuckin’ Salesman.” Despite the incredible cast, the movie didn’t enjoy much commercial success, instead thriving as a quasi-cult classic. One of the reasons for the lack of initial success may have something to do with all the obstacles that the production had to overcome just to get made.


Dragged down by several stop-and-start efforts, “Glengarry Glen Ross” had only a modest budget, which led to the actors taking dramatic pay cuts just be attached to the film. Baldwin was a thorn in the side as usual, and he eventually took the job based solely on the strength of the script, putting aside contract arguments. Director James Foley helped get Baldwin on board by slating him to play the Roma character if Pacino was unavailable; so Baldwin studied the part, but Pacino eventually became available, allowing Baldwin to slide into the smaller Blake role. Most reports indicate that every top male lead name in Hollywood expressed interest in being involved and were rumored as casting options (there were no auditions), and the legendary Lemmon went on to say it was the best acting ensemble he’d ever been a part of—four actors with Academy Award wins and two others with Academy Award nominations. Showing the professionalism and respect amongst the cast, scenes that occurred off-camera were often acted out anyway, and the actors would often show up on set during days they weren’t needed just to watch their fellow actors’ scenes.

Though producers Jerry Tokofsky and Stanley R. Zupnik got into a heated and long-drawn-out fight over money and credit, Foley added some directorial techniques that were intriguing. He used images of trains in intermission-type ways, allowing them to serve as a metaphor for things going off the tracks and the tension building like a runaway freight train. Also, one has to think that that lack of diversity in settings is designed to evoke a feeling of claustrophobia. Working a flick that essentially exists in only two different locations also makes it adamant that the pace and dialogue be stellar—two areas where “Glengarry Glen Ross” hits a home run.

Since its release in 1992, this movie has not only served as a well-spring of memorable quotes, but has been used as a living training video for salesfolks the world over. Possessing a blend of emotions ranging from hilarity to desperation to mortality to morality to many others, “Glengarry Glen Ross” is, as one of its taglines espouses, “A story for everyone who works for a living.”

And even for those who pretend at it.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Traitor Dick Fights For Relevance, Plus That’s Just Tiger Being Tiger


Of history, Cheney trying to rewrite
Even for him, the lying is quite a sight
Was a puppeteer for a fraud
The in-breds for him do applaud
On the face of our country, treasonous Dick is a blight

A carefully orchestrated plea
“Please, won’t you feel sorry for me?”
Classy Tigger is back with a story
Stress made him chase a whore-y
Now stealing attention from an actual tourney

On Southwest, he tried to fly
‘Til they told him he was too fat of a guy
Kevin Smith took his battle to Twitter
With no intention of getting any fitter
His complaint gone viral in the blink of an eye

Goodell’s raise to $9 mil crossed the ticker
That made Ray Edwards even sicker
But calling out the commish ain’t wise
And they sound like a loser’s cries
Hell, the Raiders have $32 mil tied up in kickers

A powerful episode for Locke
His wife, Peg Bundy, he did shock
On the island, he’s the Man in Black
Tells Sawyer he can leave and go back
From a secret cave in the side of cliff rock

Last time

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Following The Blueprint, Queens-Style


Pitchers and catchers report tomorrow ...

Go Mets.


EDITOR'S NOTE: Click on the picture to make it bigger (that's what she said). Mets fans, you may not want to click on the picture. Carry on.

Monday, February 15, 2010

King Traps Readers “Under the Dome” Once Again



“’For we saw as if through a glass darkly,’ Piper Libby said. She was weeping. ‘But now we see as if face to face.’”

“ … a little girl who made the mistake of thinking she was big when she was small, that she mattered when she didn’t, that the world cared when in reality the world is a huge dead locomotive with an engine but no headlight.”

“Great events often turn on small wheels.”

“They walked back into the world together, wearing the gift that had been given them: just life.”


When the massive bulk of Stephen King’s “Under the Dome” arrived under my Christmas tree, I took one look at its heft and wondered just how in the hell I would find the time to tackle it. Then, someone I trust told me that once I started this particular tale, I would find and make the time. He was right.

King’s story about how a invisible, impenetrable, semipermeable, unidentifiable wall of glass suddenly settles over a small sleepy town captivates you from word one and never lets you go. It could be argued that some of the Chester’s Mill town’s characters come across as a bit too stereotypical, cliché-ish and over-the-top, and even some of the kids’ jargon feels slightly forced. But Big Jim Rennie was almost eerie as a direct reincarnation of Rush Limbaugh, although King himself notes that the Andy Sanders-Rennie (“‘The advice is this: Never give a good politician time to pray.’”) relationship (they are First and Second Selectmen, respectively) was meant as a direct reflection of the George W. Bush-Dick Cheney dynamic—and it is hilarious (and at the same time, terrifying) in its accuracy. Also, King said that “Under the Dome” was partially intended as a statement about the environmental and ecological issues we now face as well, with the message being that we are all essentially living under the same dome, so we should be wary of what we fill it up with.

I could see some readers taking issue with how long it took the “good” townspeople to understand that they needed to work together against the “bad” police force and Rennie, but then again, in a small town, there is a level of disbelief involved in seeing people who have known each other well throughout their entire lives behave in such aggressive and evil ways. At first, it can hard for even the reader to believe that there are people this purely evil, corrupt and even sociopathic, especially in such a small town, but our headlines are littered with folks like Pat Robertson and Limbaugh that are exactly this way, so the cynical aspect of me scoffs at surprise and suspends disbelief willingly. In that vein, there is room for some of the strange, bad decisions made by people like Rusty Everett, Piper Libby, Brenda Perkins and even the coincidentally placed Dale “Barbie” Barbara (a decorated military veteran working as a short-order cook at a town in middle-of-nowhere, Maine?).


Personally, I had shifting impressions of just how large the town of Chester’s Mill was supposed to be; the map and the perception created by King of how many of the same faces keep running into each other would seem to suggest a very small satellite town of Castle Rock. The population is described as 2,000 (and 15,000 in tourist season) in the beginning of the book, and it didn’t feel quite that big to me in the reading, and the map is both poorly constructed (with some missing landmarks) and falls short of capturing the true size of the town. I also took issue with some of the rape and sexual imagery, even though some of it could be considered essential to the plot. I certainly thought that Barbie plowing Julia Shumway in an orchard near radiation seemed slightly unnecessary and forced.

So what did “Under the Dome” remind me of, in terms of other King works and cultural references? Well, it was reminiscent of “It” somewhat, with the theme of the kids working as a close-knit team to deal with very adult issues in a challenged neighborhood and community. Sticking with that theme, Joe (“‘Chester’s Mill has been a town since 1803 -- we learned that in school. Over two hundred years. And a week to wipe it off the face of the earth. One fuckin week is all it took. How about that, Colonel Barbara?’”) makes a reference about how enterprising kids usually save the day in Steven Spielberg movies (see: Round, Short), at the same time lamenting that he couldn’t be that kid for the town. However, the town drunk fills a heroic role at one point, which is kind of similar. From that standpoint, the story was even evocative of the epic “Lord of the Flies” in many ways: what happens when traditional societal mores are violated in a time of upheaval and anarchy descends? I recognized some aspects of “Tommyknockers” as well, and the author himself even compared the earliest versions of this story to “Needful Things” (minus the social comedy). King also makes a self-reference, something he’s increasingly done as his career has progressed into the twilight stages, by alluding to “The Mist” and using Shumway’s words to describe his own professional fears (“Maybe a novelist, although it seemed to her that writing novels was pretty risky; what if you spent all that time, wrote a thousand-pager, and it sucked?”).

Among the many things done well were the building of not only character, but an entire community -- I’ve long contended that no one, possibly ever, does this as well as King. He somehow managed to capture the essence of small-town Americana -- and its inevitable under-the-surface secrets -- almost perfectly, in so many subtle ways. The description of the fire and its aftermath as cataclysmic (“This is the end of October and in Chester’s Mill, October is the cruelest month, mixing memory with desire. There are no lilacs in this dead land. No lilacs, no trees, no grass. The moon looks down on ruination and little else.”) was very vivid and surreal (sidenote: how did Barbie know to order all those fans?), yet very real. Also, the case can be made that the sad and stunning death of Piper’s dog, Clover, was the clarifying moment and turning point of the book.


Also, the scene of Ollie Dinsmore dying in a scrubbed-out window of the Dome as his new friend, Private Ames, tries helplessly to do anything was very touching and emotional -- for my money, Ollie’s side story was most underrated and well-done secondary plot line of the book. And as usual, King finds a way to weave an unforgettable scene that includes terror and tension, and he does it well enough that you find yourself actually cheering for ghosts.

Some of “Under the Dome” devolves into watching a trainwreck in slow motion, especially when the machinations of Rennie begin clicking into place and Barbie (“But maybe was a gulf better men than him had fallen into.”) is racing the clock before the arrest that he’s awaiting occurs. At one point, I feared that events were possibly leading up to an eminently predictable Barbie-Rennie endgame, but we were thankfully spared that dramatic cliché.

The difficulty in writing a book like “Under the Dome” becomes apparent when you consider that King started and stopped it multiple times over the course of some 35 years. The first chapter was initially written long ago, but King balked under the responsibility and sheer size of it. Indeed, even this version’s manuscript checked in at some 1,500 pages and weighed 19 pounds. He was able to scale it down to just under 1,100 pages, but one can see how the creation of a plot that includes so many different themes -- ranging from anarchy to agnosticism and lots in between -- that can afflict a small town can be almost unbelievably burdensome. Also, there appeared to be some editing mistakes and a few grammatical errors, leading me to surmise that the act of slicing, whittling and cutting the manuscript down was not only a huge job, but also one that might have been somewhat rushed. You could tell that the technical information regarding the Dome’s effect on weather patterns, chemical dispersion and nuclear attack were highly detailed and rigorously researched; in fact, King noted that the need to ensure the accuracy of such data was so vital to the story that it helped play a role in delaying its release for 35 years or so.


There is apparently now some discussion of “Under the Dome” being turned into a cable series; despite its length, the reader still didn’t want it to end, so that might actually work and it might actually make sense for TV. In some ways, allowing the story to build while King himself matured over the last 35 years or so helped turn the tale into a truly modern vehicle; indeed, there are several viral sites attached to the Dome, from Big Jim’s Used Cars to Sweetbriar Rose Diner to the Chester’s Mill Democrat to Burpee’s Department Stores to Dipper’s Roadhouse to WCIK Christian Radio to Chester’s Mill itself. A talented artist even helped lend some personality to the story through some vivid illustrations.

In the end, never has a 1,100-page book been devoured so quickly by me. Rarely has King so acutely sketched a villain that inspires such deep hatred by a reader. And never have you wished for a dome to keep an entire town locked in for just a few pages longer …

Friday, February 12, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXVI: The Saints Go Marching On Into Super Bowl History, Plus Wherefore Art Thou, Claire?


For years the Ain’ts had no alibis
The bags on their heads told no lies
Then along came Payton and Brees
And victories piled up with ease
Now New Orleans is filled with “Who Dat?” cries

State hoops keeps stubbing its toe
How much lower can they go?
Wide open shots missed by many inches
Players throwing up and needing stitches
Might be down to one more year, Lowe

An elderly Boy Scout out of the blue
Teaches knots to a boy or two
Whittled a boat as a high schooler
Now he’s bought a 33-foot schooner
Oh Mo, now what will you do?

The Olympics getting ready to begin
With Costas’s hyperbole and creepy skin
Vancouver’s where they’ll ski and jump
NBC’s ratings will get quite a bump
Will you get emotionally invested again?

Sayid infected with black smoke?
A poison pill after a hot iron poke?
Kate chasing Sawyer around
Jin trying to hunt Sun down
Claire’s reappearance made me choke

Last time

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 10


#1
There may not be an actor better-suited for his particular TV role than Jim Parsons of the “Big Bang Theory.” Playing uber-geek Sheldon Cooper, Parson is so ideally cast in this role that he actually seems to become Sheldon at times. He was nominated for an Emmy, but hopefully next year is his year to win it.

#2
Is it me, or has Luke Harangody been at Notre Dame forever? I swear that bucket-headed bastard roomed with Rudy in the freshmen dorm.

#3
It was tough to hear the news about Warren Sapp’s arrest for domestic violence without going, “Damn.” I’ve always been an unapologetic Sapp fan, but his arrest and the NFL Network not allowing him to work the Super Bowl means there must have been something to allegations that he choked a woman in a hotel room. I really want to believe you’re better than that, Warren.

#4
In this week’s installment of “Who’s Stealing from ‘Seinfeld?’”, we call out “Accidentally on Purpose.” During a recent episode, there was a scene involving a dude struggling to pull off pants that were stuck on another dude. This, of course, was a direct ripoff of the epic Kramer dungaree scene from “The Wait Out” (which featured, as well, the always-tremendous Mickey).

#5
Who here can’t wait for the John Swofford “In My Own Words” special? Maybe they’ve captured footage of the ACC commish living in Dean Smith’s garage while wearing Roy Williams’s boxers around his head.
Here’s something “In My Own Words,” Swoffsticka; you’ve taken ACC basketball from the pinnacle to mediocrity by allowing for the favoritism of a couple of hand-picked schools and you’ve made ACC football into a bigger joke by chasing the buck and bringing in schools that don’t belong in the league. And for good measure, you’ve presided over officiating in both sports that make the ACC the laughingstock of the nation when it comes to officials.
There’s your documentary.

#6
Has anyone ever seen “Fringe” bad guy Thomas Jerome Newton (Sebastian Roche) and Chef Gordon Ramsay in the same place at the same time?

#7
It’s hard not to respect Peyton Manning as a quarterback, but the guy has taken the term “tool” to completely new levels. I mean, I read that he asked his teammates to start watching game film instead of the in-flight movie on the team plane. How do you think stuff like that goes over with the third-string special-teams linebacker from East Compton High School and the University of Detroit? Does anyone else think that there are a lot of eyerolls and mutterings of “Dork-ass cracker” over shit like that?

#8
Tremendous winter season finale of “Fringe,” punctuated by Broyles’s line of “There are times when the only choices you have left … are bad ones.” On a side note, you gotta feel for Pacey in his pursuit of Agent Dunham—how much bad luck do you have to have to get cock-blocked by a freaking building from another goddam universe?

#9
I recently saw two more of my favorite “King of Queens” episodes: “Hi, School,” where Burt Reynolds guest stars as Doug’s old high school football coach and utters two all-time lines: “He ran like he was mad at the grass” and “When you’re a little kid and you moon somebody, it’s funny. When you’re approaching middle age, shaped like you are, it’s … disturbing.”
The other was “Tank Heaven,” where Doug submarines Carrie’s efforts to make friends at work by doing stuff like lifting up his shirt and saying, “Is this a lot of hair? Seriously? I mean, a lot of people say I’m hairy, but I don’t think I’m hairy enough.” The episode also unveils “Nachos 101” (“You don’t take the nucleus; you work around it. You honor it.”) and a Scoot go-to line: “… And all is quiet under the dome.”

#10
So we went to get Ube’s three-month pictures done, and among the frightening melting pot of fellow customers were some, shall we say, urban-looking fellas dressed out in minister garb. One of them was apparently nervous, because his mentor chided him at one point, “Remember, these are your priest pictures … Try not to look like you just got of jail.”
Yes. This happened.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

“Extract” Doesn’t Quite Equal “Office Space” In A Plant, But Still Brings The Laughs


Suzie: “Who’d you want to have an affair with, anyway?”
Joel: “Just some criminal drifter.”

I can admit to being slightly obsessed with the genius of “Office Space,” which I first saw when it was just a cult movie, before it grew to the point where quotations from it dominate much of the modern lexicon. So when I found out that Mike Judge was at it again with “Extract,” I was eager to see it.

Now, any review of it has to begin with the disclaimer that Judge raised the bar so high with “Office Space” that it’s nearly impossible to reach with anything else. That being said, “Extract” was highly amusing in general and downright hysterical in parts (the pot-smoking scene was a freaking riot). There were some memorable performances, with my favorite perhaps being the insanely annoying neighbor, Nathan (played by David Koechner, best known to me as Todd Packer from “The Office”). As someone who has a neighbor much like this one, it resonated big-time with me.

I’ve always been of the mind that Jason Bateman is supremely underrated from a comedic standpoint, and he does a strong job carrying the film (his relationship with the Brad character was tremendous) as extract business owner Joel Reynolds. Mila Kunis was good as the con artist/femme fatale, but Ben Affleck was a very strange and awkward choice for his role as the bad advisor/friend/bartender. I also had a hard time buying SNL cast member Kristen Wiig as Bateman’s wife, Suzie; it was another odd casting decision that I just couldn’t quite wrap my head around. J.K. Simmons was good as the name-challenged foreman and the ladies working the conveyor belt in the extract plant were very recognizable and relatable.

Judge does a great job of taking the everyman that we all know, and the people that he surrounds himself with that we all recognize, and squeezing the funny out of the entire situation. The message that kept coming through as the flick progressed was that Reynolds is in dire need of new friends, but the ending was solid. And solid is the descriptor that keeps popping into my mind; judged (pun intended) against “Office Space,” “Extract” is found wanting in a big way. But on its own merit (and if I had seen it without knowing of “Office Space”) it’s still humorous enough to dig.

Monday, February 08, 2010

Bimbo No Spell So Well, So Republicans Try Mimbo This Time


"These people are fans of something they call America, a long-running comedy/drama series in which cowboys fight bad guys while fucking prom queens and then feeling bad about it in church, all the while wearing a flag." -- First Draft, on the Republican power-brokers

You have been introduced to the new Republican savior, and he is the same as the old Republican savior -- well, without the boobs and apparently without superpowers such as being able to spy on continents from more than 4,000 miles away. New Massachusetts senator -- rumors of “new” voter cards already checked with votes for him notwithstanding -- Scott Brown is the conservative flavor of the month, and the he-Palin has energized the close-minded base like no one since … well … Palin. By the way, if you’re looking for that trailer-trash igloo-trash rogue harpy, she’s been relegated to Fox News, where Republican failures and washouts go to lie die.

I’ll be honest: the only thing I know for sure about Scott Brown is that he drives a truck and he really wants you to know about it. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we live in an age where “I drive a truck” passes for a campaign promise. I’ve also read that he posed nude for Cosmo once, also likes posing with his bikini-clad daughters, pimped out those daughters during a press conference, and his wife, Gail Huff, once took her top off and simulated a sex act during a suggestive music video. Beyond that, I’m sure he’s achieved something notable and important, but his party simply hasn’t been able to conjure it up yet.

The best I can tell is that his party wanted someone who was white and photogenic, so since Joe the Plummer was otherwise preoccupied with working on a shitter that was full, they propped up Scott Brown (I guess it kind of sounds like a real person’s name). Running out of options, the Republicans ran a mimbo up the flagpole to see what sticks.

Sadly, in 2010 America, mimbos stick pretty well.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXV: “Lost” Returns With A Fury, Plus J-Peezy’s Turn To STFU


Three hours of “Lost” to digest and take in
Locke was the smoke monster just fakin’
Juliet said that bomb worked, then died
Sayid taken to a magic spring and revived
It’s one hell of a final season in the makin’

Joey Porter likes to blame haters
But played like he was wearing hip-waders
He used to back up the smack
Now he can’t rack up a sack
So trade his punk-ass to the Raiders

Another Signing Day has come and passed
Amato always loved a lane that was fast
O’Brien keeps it slow and steady
Gets kids who are promising and ready
Butch rolls out money until the last

The season finale of “Fringe”
Was like an intensity binge
Olivia had to go back in time
Walter had to face up to his crime
The show always gives an emotional twinge

Everywhere you go, you hear “Who dat?”
And it’s not even Tuesday, Fat
The Saints are in the Super Bowl
Facing Manning, that dorky a-hole
The Big Easy will be rocking, believe that

Last time

Thursday, February 04, 2010

“Strange And Beautiful Days” In The Soul Of New Orleans

“I don’t think New Orleans has a place for people who are lukewarm. You’re either with us or you’re against us.
“We have a city here made of people who want to be here, and that makes all the difference in the world.”

-- Chef John Besh, Restaurant August

This video truly speaks to not only the love-affair between “The Big Easy” and its Saints, but also the passion that lies in those who stayed after Hurricane Katrina – and those who came back. The strength of spirit and willingness to confront all challenges as you throw yourself back into the heart of the city make up the soul of New Orleans.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

G'Lo's Another Brick In The Wall


Recently, we took Ube over the NC State Vet School because we had ordered a brick for Gallo and there was an indication online that it had been added to the brickyard near the Small Animal Hospital. We wanted to see the brick and show it to Ube as well.

However, upon arriving, we didn't see his brick in the area it was supposed to be in ... but we did find it in a stack of bricks leaning up against a statue. Since it was a bit brisk, I quickly took the brick and took a couple of pictures of it. We'll go back and see it when it is placed and Ube is a little bit older so she can meet G'Lo in her own little way.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Pixar Does It Yet Again With the Irresistibly Charming “Up”


I’ll admit it: “Up” was a flick that I was pretty eager to see. I’m a sucker for Pixar, and as noted earlier, it becomes a bit easier to get away with watching kids movies when you actually have a kid. So when “Up” showed “Up” in the mailbox and I got a chance to check it out, I have another admission: I loved it.

It was slightly unfortunate that the lead character, Carl Fredricksen, looked like a pint-sized version of Kim Jong Il in the beginning, and there were some rather adult themes throughout the flick: death of loved ones, animal abuse, corporate greed, violence and abandonment, among others. However, the underlying story was an undeniably beautiful one—a charming love story hidden beneath a great adventure.

When Carl (perfectly voiced by Ed Asner) is approaching 80, never realized his hopes of having children, has lost his lifelong love and partner, and risks having his home ripped right out from underneath him, he finds the strength to pursue the dream he’s had since boyhood: find Paradise Falls. And live there. So, naturally, he ties like a bazillion balloons to his house and drifts there, aided (sort of) by a stowaway Wilderness Explorer named Russell. Hilarity ensues as the unlikely duo have to steer the floating house through a jungle, navigating around talking dogs and the crazed explorer Charles F. Muntz, one of Carl’s childhood heroes—who is no longer what Carl always wanted him to be. I’ll let you figure the rest of the plot out by yourself, but the film neatly ties in some environmental themes and displays Carl achieving many of his dreams at once, in ways he never expected.

“Up” takes on larger and more serious issues than many children’s movies are willing to, and gets away with it by making sure it somehow all works out in the end. If you haven’t seen it yet, let yourself be a kid for 90 minutes—and you’ll find that your outlook is looking “Up.”