Limerick Friday LIII: Football Finally Makes Its Return To The Triangle

Football has now returned, finally
The time for talk is ancient history
Watch for EZU’s QB on the streets
Heels fans will enjoy $10 empty seats
Can’t wait to see the new Pack at beloved Carter-Finley

Buncha astronauts flying drunk and senseless
Found out it’s tasty to mix Tang and Guiness
Thought they discovered a brand-new star
Turns out it was just a bottle cap from the mini bar
It’s much easier to do keg stands when you’re weightless

Had a crooked nose for all to see
Still made movies numbering 123
Right when his popularity was growin’
He got tired of just being Owen
Don’t blame him after “You, Me and Dupree”

An apology from a well-trained Michael Vick
Applauded for no notecards and being slick
He’s already found G-zus, it seems
Guess god’s so gangster when you’re losing greens
Good luck in prison, you self-righteous prick

The ground is still littered with leftover broken dreams
They know what it means to miss New Orleans
But the spirit of the bayou never did leave
From a city that wears its heart on its sleeve
Through them we now know what resiliency means

Last time ...

Think About New Orleans Today …

Today is the two-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina’s evil arrival in the Gulf of Mexico. To some, it may seem like it’s been longer; to others, it seems like it was only yesterday. To those who have seen the devastation first hand, it seems like one of the most shameful episodes in the history of an administration that is littered with them. Ignoring the damage done to New Orleans and the surrounding areas by Katrina, Rita and Wilma, and the way our government swept the problem under the rug and turned its back on our own citizens may be the biggest, most underpublicized crime the Bushies have perpetrated in the last seven forgettable years.

I say that knowing what still lies ahead in Iraq. I say that with the realization that people whose names we do not know continue to make sacrifices without reason and take orders sandwiched in ignorance without hesitation. I say that after learning that a co-worker found out that her son was killed in Iraq this past weekend, leaving behind a wife, a 5-year-old child and a question of whether his death will represent a meaningful sacrifice in a political war. We fear the idea of answering his question and say, “Only 17 more months. Just 17 more.”

Twenty-four months in New Orleans have passed, yet areas still look like a Third World shanty town. So with all that is going on in the world, with wars and global warming and kidnappings and murders and stolen elections and dogfighting and rising gas prices, I ask you to take a moment today to consider New Orleans. The carefree spirit of the bayou, the musical inclination of the region and the European feel of the area has led to whimsical nicknames like, the Queen of the Mississippi, the Crescent City, the Paris of the Americas, the Gateway to the Americas, America’s International City and, of course, the Big Easy.

But there is another nickname for New Orleans that has taken on new meaning in the last two years: The City that Care Forgot. So remember it today, even for just a second. And if you have the impulse to do more, there are a number of ways. If you’re a musician, you can do something to help the city’s musical legacy. You can watch an amazing IMAX film of the hurricane, or you can give in a myriad of other ways. Hell, you can even help by drinking beer.

Even twenty-four dollars can go a long way … just as twenty-four months can seem like a long time. But not long enough to forget.

"I'm Going To Leverage The Absolute Christ Out Of Some Rib Peripherals At The State Game ..."

For those of us who occasionally find ourselves writing things we don't actually understand, much less believe ...

Limerick Friday LII: Puppetteer Rove Takes Hand Out Of Bush’s Arse Long Enough To Wave Goodbye

Karl Rove finally walked out that door
Dear god, I hope we see him no more
I hope that for the rest of his life
He realizes all he did was cause strife
To our country by stealing elections for that in-bred boor

The season’s first hurricane named Dean
Lurks in the Atlantic, unseen
It would be OK if he brought rain
But nothing that would cause pain
I’ve had enough of hurricanes turning mean

400 killed in latest attack
Death in northern Iraq
The biggest bomb yet of the war
Yet still Bush continues to snore
Cut your losses and bring the troops back

Imus can come back if he just behaves
Rumors he could return to the airwaves
Now a Rutgers player decides she should sue
Maybe she’ll win enough to buy a clue
Losing his job is enough—Jameka says forgiveness saves

A blog post from our lost-long friend Will
Thought he was in the trunk of a Coupe DeVille
Cupid’s still slapping him around
He’s still got his feet on the ground
But the thought of Will holding a dildo should give Anonymous a perverse thrill

On the last episode ...

Steven Tyler Can Have His Elevator ...

Apparently, this is where Casie got the idea to make out with a muppet in a Port-A-Potty ... Giddyup.

Global Warming? Naaah ...

As if heat indices of 110 aren't enough to make you wonder, a tornado hit Brooklyn yesterday. Yes -- a freaking tornado. For the first time in nearly 120 years, no less. Winds reached up to 135 miles per hour and knocked out subway service.

No truth to the rumor that President Bush responded to the crisis by attacking Cambodia.

Limerick Friday LI: Pacman Tries Atomic Elbow On Stripper

Pacman to try pro wrestling, for christ’s sake
All you can do is have your head shake
Maybe he can take on Mike Vick
And you can market it as Dick vs. Prick
Put a pit bull in the ring and we’ll see if it’s really fake

Casie trying a new blog for laughs
She’s nothing if not a creative lass
A horse she drags from bar to bar
But in the Port-A-Potty is taking it too far
Don’t you spend enough time with a horse’s ass?

Quote of the year from a reality show
Jameeka said “God is so gangster, yo”
Never heard God described that way
Heard he wears a Kango and hangs with Dr. Dre
Big Brother is proof that society is dying slow

Football has arrived finally
First practice in fair Raleigh
The start of camp for NC State
As they prepare for the fall slate
Now whether Tommy O’Irish can help, we’ll see

Fist pounds and scooters, what a ride
Wife-swapping, but I guess we’ll let that slide
A place without a chin, morals or heart
Spectacular demise after quite a promising start
I saw Jeff Martin at Best Buy with his mail-order bride

Last week's episode ...