Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Not Even A Loss Can Stop ‘Murrica, Plus Margaritas For Mo

No one gave the U.S. a chance

To survive, much less to dance

“The Group of Death,” it was called

Every U.S. fan was appalled

‘Til we lost, but still did advance

A new helmet in every fan ‘zine

A new court layout is pretty keen

That’s what passes for good news

As on the field State does lose

At least marketing has joined the scene

Midway through Season 4

Hank has awoken from his snore

Skyler a bit of a drag

If not an out-and-out hag

“Breaking Bad,” what else is in store?

Playing with tempo and pace

With movement all over the place

The Fins have a new offense

But injuries that make no sense

Predicting Philbin falls flat on his face

Mom’s birthday has arrived again

Memories from way back when

Margaritas we’ll be sippin’

To Enya we will listen

Family is everything more now than then

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 72

#1

If you’re planning a visit to the Big Apple, you can score marginal cool points (or, alternately, get punched) by brushing up on your NYC bar lingo.

#2

It’s not fully possible to convey what a tool this narrator is, but the virtual tour of Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment is simply not to be missed. Speaking of not to be missed, the narrator somehow failed to notice the puffy shirt in Jerry’s drawer. Unforgiveable.

#3

How about a slightly creepy, Mafioso-ish store owner trying to sell cups to little kids by discussing “laser swords” and Star Wars? Yes? Here you go.

#4

These ‘Shopped tattoos are utterly brilliant. I have nothing else.

#5

“Nobody’s Son” is a beautifully written reflection on collateral fallout of losing a parent …

#6

So how do you take a picture of arguably the world’s biggest tree, one that has more than 2 billion leaves and is more than 3,000 years old? National Geographic embarked on that challenge (get it?).

#7

Social media just got explained using beer.

#8

This mesmerizing time-lapse marine life photography is nearly overpowering. There’s a whole ‘nuther world out there, folks.

#9

Filed under the category “Incomprehensible Abilities,” this woman is able to say the words “Fart Aerobics” like, a lot, without laughing.

#10

I miss “True Detective.” The people behind “Time is a flat circus” feel my pain and raise it to hilarity.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Taking In A Route At Hot, Dusty Pinehurst, Plus We Won’t See The Likes Of Tony Gwynn Again

Kaymer made putts that were obscene

And drove like a German machine

We hung out on five tee

Where Dustin Johnson had to pee

It was over early, but it was a scene

Was definitely pretty droll

Got the Steelers on a title roll

An oft-overlooked coach

His teams beyond reproach

RIP to Chuck Noll

Around the world, it’s thriving

In the US, they say, “Too much diving”

Have you seen a basketball game?

With too many flops to name?

I, for one, glad the World Cup’s arriving

Analysts kept blowing the Heat

Refused to accept defeat

‘Til the Spurs wrecked ‘em soundly

Then were applauded roundly

Sports coverage a laughable feat

Farewell to the best hitter I ever saw

His swing made you drop your jaw

To Tony Gwynn all fans were connected

His passing hit me harder than expected

Always had a smile and guffaw

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: No. 2 Will Make The Best Play Like No. 2, Plus It’s Your Day, Dads

Can Mickelson finally finish first?

The humidity’s gonna be the worst

The U.S. Open has come to N.C.

Expect to see a triple bogey or three

I’ll be there Sunday in Pinehurst

It’s like he won the lottery, man

Then complained about the payment plan

Steve Coburn the douche of the horse bash

His whining as cheesy as his ‘stache

California Chrome deserves a better fan

Two seasons through “Breaking Bad”

Walt’s got plenty on his plate as a Dad

Serves meth up on a platter

He only wanted to matter

How he found his voice? Kinda sad

The GOP continues to smolder

Spurred by the upset of Eric Holder

He reached across the aisle

So he got shivved with a smile

The more cynical the more I get older

Another Father’s Day is here

How about some golf and a beer?

Hard to think of myself in that role

But it has somehow made me whole

It’s love that overrides the fear

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: A Baseball Icon Passes, Plus The Heels Cheating Story That Just Wouldn’t Stop

Don Zimmer has passed to many tears

A baseball legend with stories for years

Some called him a “Gerbil”-looking guy

Others tabbed him as “Popeye”

Always reminded me of Coach on “Cheers”

A somber commemoration

For those who saved a nation

Not to mention the world at last

D-Day’s70 years in the past

A salute to the greatest generation

Flexible and a stalwart at the same time

Omnipresent, serene and sublime

He was Gallo’s running mate

A good, long life was O-Dog’s fate

Had a great Dad, plus a 17-year prime

San Antonio cut off the A/C

Smoked out the Heat easily

LeBron got the cramps

Haters gave him pussy stamps

Can they still win title #3?

 

The latest to torch UNC’s cheating dance

The one and only bipolar McCants

At sham classes he did scoff

As Roy Williams signed off

Burn it down before he “recants”

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Many Giant Leaps For “Mad Men,” Plus Farewell To The Gifted Maya Angelou

A furious midseason finale

Chose nerd over douche, did Sally

Bert Cooper died in high style

For divorce Megan will file

Don and Roger threw Cutler down a valley

Peg fabricated a family

Nailed a presentation emotionally

Against a moon landing backdrop

Roger steps up to stop Cutler’s co-op

Are the best things in life really free?

A douche and fiancé soon parted

O’er the phone? A bit retarded

Ah well, such is Rory

A new chapter for his story

Check out the 63 he just carded

For murder, he put his teaching on the shelf

That’s how Walter White found himself

“Dead man walking,” in the doctor’s voice

Cooking meth the natural next choice

The best pilot ever, I do say myself

From sex worker to cook

From singer to the book

Maya Angelou, an extraordinary life

Balancing achievement with strife

With words and sentiment she did hook

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: “House of Cards” Manages To Hyperbolize Even Politics, Plus “Mad Men” Careening Toward Midseason Finale

“House of Cards,” I have a beef

Involving suspension of disbelief

The Veep a serial killer

Equal parts comedy and thriller

Will Frank become Convict in Chief?

When it was all on the line

Looked like the Pack was fine

Then a blind ump happened

Disappointing season did end

Avent shoulda paid a fine

The return of Jack Bauer

“24” makes an amusing hour

Chloe a tatted punk hacker

Audrey back as a dour cracker

Miss Kim but not Jack’s glower

Again my head I did bow

To be better, that was my vow

Maybe you were in the wind

As love and memory I did send

A void that’s just part of me now

 

Don took pity on Peg

Said goodbye again to Meg

Ghey Bob proposed to Joan

Pete once again alone

The rep of SCDP has flown

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: Nipsy Russell Did Not Appear On “Mad Men,” Plus Not Feeling A Draft At The Beach

Lou and Cutler scheming everywhere

Stephanie arrived from nowhere

Don had threesome with Meg

Ginsberg gave his nipple to Peg

Betty got berated and didn’t care

Every year I preach

Pick value and don’t reach

Once again the Fins didn’t listen

Got fans moanin’ and pissin’

Glad I missed most of it at the beach

The front desk, just a little contentious

Wrightsville was kinda pretentious

With people, we were up to our necks

Really missed the OBX

But a day outta town was conscientious

Donald Sterling and his heinous broads

The NBA is full of frauds

His wife like an old leather bag

His mistress, a plastic hag

Put ‘em all on the moon, good gawds

HBO outprograms and outwits

They just keep churnin’ out hits

“Silicon Valley” is awkward humor

“Veep” is a fast-paced funny zumor

Summer TV is gonna be the pits

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: A Too-Long Hiatus Ends, Plus TV Be Heatin’ Up

Don takes a backseat

But continues his deceit

Roger’s orgies have him floored

Peg a minimized slumlord

Megan has me hitting rewind and repeat

Draft winds a-blowing

But no one’s knowing

Just where anyone is leaning

The Fins head careening

Toward more of me oh-no-ing

“Silicon Valley” taking over Sunday night

With lines like “VP of Spite”

The latest triumph from Mike Judge

Examining tech’s satirical sludge

So far, all the caricatures are right

An avoidance of back-nine disasters

Delivered another Masters

To Bubba Watson, weeping

Lack of drama had many sleeping

But I’ve never seen Augusta greens faster

A new gig for Scoot

A team that seems astute

What a nice change

To give me more range

And fewer wankers to boot

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Letterman Lets Us Down Easy, Plus TWD Finale In-Terminus-Able

Late night he did save
Funnies and tricks he gave
So if there’s any comedic timing
Within this simplistic rhyming
It’s all thanks to Uncle Dave

A seven seed vs. an eight

Two programs many love to hate

UConn rode its guards

Kentucky its borderline ‘tards

The Huskies won it all on fate

The “How I Met Your Mother” finale

Panned everywhere consistently

This show always made me sleepy

A bold move in the finale to go creepy

Ted always had a stalker side to me

The Tigger bandwagon emptying quick

No Masters for that lying prick

Surgery a back injury couldn’t avoid

Because he had to quit ‘roids?

Jason Day is my true Augusta pick

Rick went cannibal mode

To save his boy on the road

Terminus an obvious trap

They’ve landed in the crap

Bad Rick like cheesy Arnold in code

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: Warmer Days On The Horizon, Plus State Brings Back Legends

Sun and blooms all day
At the beach I wanna stay
It’s here, I reckons
Bad golf beckons
Oh spring, don’t be scared to stay

Wrestlers use vise and clamp

On their sport, try to put a stamp

Gwiazdowski gave ‘em hell

As hard to pin as to spell

Congrats for a true national champ

Quietly, a strong offseason for the Bears

No one really notices or cares

Peanut has returned to the fold

Allen replaces Peppers of old

Putting together a roster that scares

Searching all night and day

For a combo of culture and pay

For recruiters to be worth more than this

And it’s as simple as this:

Just do what you say

The Pack honoring heroes

While the Heels just look like zeroes

Russell was the ultimate playmaker

Mario was a sacking soul taker

Cheers, you’ll be able to hear those

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: “The Walking Dead” Meanders With Heartbreak, Plus Pack Fans Know From Heartbreak

At a crossroads they arrove

With the horrors of “The Grove”

The Ol’ Yeller putdown of Lizzie

Put TWD fans in a tizzy

Terminus the next storyline to be wove

The NCAAs, they got in

By the hair of their chinny-chin-chin

The key to the Big Dance

Is to survive and advance

D up, share the rock and win

Snow and sleet and other things

Winter continues to cling

Daylight Savings came

But still the weather lame

Where’s this late-arriving spring?

Most of TV is defective

It’s made me quite selective

The best don’t hang around

Leave you with an empty sound

Already missing “True Detective”

As a State fan, no mas (no more)

A choke job worthy of lore

Every free throw a brick

For everyone’s Cinderella pick

Hey bartender, shut up and pour

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: “True Detective” Ends With A Whimper, Not A Bang, Plus Tony Buckets Takes Greensboro

Though intensity ruled the day
A ho-hum finale, I’d say

Questions left unanswered, so sure

Cohle had a life-saving cure

“True Detective” still much more than OK

Survive and advance, you know

The Pack gettin’ into a flow

They owe the ‘Cuse one

Perhaps go on a run?

One down, three to go

Help wanted, so they say

You may be right for us, OK?

But descriptions misleading

Don’t know what they’re needing

Keep plugging each and every day

A fanbase of hopeless derps

Filled the media with clueless twerps

The ACC said, “Later, bitches”

Maryland back to revenue glitches

Get the hell out, you useless Terps

Even the blind could see

He was the class of the ACC

Congrats to Tony Buckets

The national media can suck its

The league’s best easily

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: The End Of An Error, Plus A Most-Anticipated Season Finale

I polled each bobblehead

About ending the days of dread

Even nodding Michael Scott goes

“Yeah, this company blows”

(“That’s what she said”)

When the going gets rough for fools

Saban tries to change the rules

The hypocrite says, “It’s too fast!”

“Injuries happen when we’re gassed!”

STFU and coach up your cretin tools

Inept, fat and snorin’

Sportswriters keep ignorin’

The easy choice for ACC’s best

And it’s really no contest

Even the blind can vote T.J. Warren

My five years are done

Now they’re left with one

A third-strike British joke

Their reputation up in smoke

No fun + no business won

 

An epic finale now in sight

“True Detective” set up for a fight

Nothing will live up to the hype

But this is a show that can break type

Carcosa and other answers Sunday night

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: “True Detective” Has You Chasing Shadows, Plus Comedy Will Never, Ever Be The Same

Far and away TV’s best thing

“True Detective” will make your nerves ring

From Marty’s anal fixture

To Rust’s distorted picture

And who the fuck is the Yellow King?!

Nearly over, a winter of worsts

A back-porch beer thirst

Spring beckons, with all that it means

Sipping Sierras and trampolines

Just need a new job first

Warren turned them into a joke

Had poor Roy drunk on Coke

The refs got involved

A problem that can’t be solved

But the bottom line is yet another choke

Oh, the Walking Dead

Once filled with intensity and dread

Now it may have jumped the shark

And instead of being afraid of the dark

Ho hum are my feelings instead

Farewell to a genius prince

Harold Ramis made us laugh and wince

Of “Vacation” & “Animal House” fame

And way too many more to name

Comedy as we know it bears his prints

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Free At Last, Free At Last, Plus Yet Another State Screw Job By The ACC

Of their style, I’m not fond

Over five years, just couldn’t bond

So now I bid adieu

To the wanker lot of you

Here’s a middle finger ‘cross the pond

Those Jersey nights, I can

Recall listening to 660 the Fan

Cheering for Mets teams of crap

Even the Kiner’s Korner wrap

RIP Ralph, you were the man

A missed call or 23

Just life in the ACC?

At Syracuse, the Pack got jobbed

A monumental victory robbed

Some say pull a Maryland and flee

In the head, they’re all soft

With the vision of Magoo, I scoff

Bipolar and passive-aggressive

Lack of leadership that’s actually impressive

F you, I say, or how about sod off?

 

Miami burned while Philbin did sit

Ignored all manner of immature shit

No accountability, though

So I ask you, Joe

Do the right thing and quit

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 71

#1

I would like to live to there ...

#2

“The rise of a different kind of mainstream press, devoted to telling the plain, unvarnished truth, without fear or favor, instead of propping up a false equivalency and calling it objectivity, would also be a great improvement.” ~Sean Wilentz, Rolling Stone

#3

OK, I’ll bite ... how is more not made of Gene Steretore performing as an NFL referee AND a high-Division-I college basketball official?! Dude has essentially reached the pinnacle of two professions.

#4

There was never enough time, manly pacifier. There was never enough time.

#5

There has never been a more Ohio State name than Jack Mewhort. Who plays for Ohio State.

#6

When TV is realer than real-life, or That Time When Edward Snowden Met Harold Finch.

#7

I’ve heard George Costanza described in a lot of ways and even more things that have been attributed to him, but a “hipster pioneer”? Hell, I’ll buy it.

#8

A four-year-old moved to tears by a song. No words from me, just two thumbs up.

#9

Finally, a rug that truly ties everything together ...

#10

When AT-ATs meet snowboarders in Hoth Sochi.

A Very Google Reunion

Hadn't seen this one. Totally didn't cry or such like.

"The Games Have Always Been A Little Gay"

Freaking hysterical.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Russia Can Even F Up The Olympics, Plus Get Your Shite Together, Canada

A nation of abuse and repression

Has lived up to their perception

Sochi a disaster of corruption

A gay-bashing, dog-killing eruption

The rules for these Olympics, not the exception

Russell Wilson represents what’s right

Punctuated on Super Bowl night

He’s got a State degree

So he’s a Wolfpacker by decree

But O’Brien extinguished his intrinsic light

Signing Day come and gone

Over 17-year-olds they fawn

State did well, it appears

But ask me in three years

Creepy hype just goes on and on

Inconsistency in hoops

Shooting like poops

Questions about competitive fire

Have drawn Pack fans’ ire

Costanza once called them “Moops”

Bieber enjoyed his jail stay

Ford seems to never pay

Two wrecking trains

Just a coupla Canadian stains

What’s in the water up there, eh?

Last time …