Friday, April 11, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Letterman Lets Us Down Easy, Plus TWD Finale In-Terminus-Able


Late night he did save
Funnies and tricks he gave
So if there’s any comedic timing
Within this simplistic rhyming
It’s all thanks to Uncle Dave


A seven seed vs. an eight
Two programs many love to hate
UConn rode its guards
Kentucky its borderline ‘tards
The Huskies won it all on fate

The “How I Met Your Mother” finale
Panned everywhere consistently
This show always made me sleepy
A bold move in the finale to go creepy
Ted always had a stalker side to me

The Tigger bandwagon emptying quick
No Masters for that lying prick
Surgery a back injury couldn’t avoid
Because he had to quit ‘roids?
Jason Day is my true Augusta pick

Rick went cannibal mode
To save his boy on the road
Terminus an obvious trap
They’ve landed in the crap
Bad Rick like cheesy Arnold in code


Friday, March 28, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: Warmer Days On The Horizon, Plus State Brings Back Legends


Sun and blooms all day
At the beach I wanna stay
It’s here, I reckons
Bad golf beckons
Oh spring, don’t be scared to stay


Wrestlers use vise and clamp
On their sport, try to put a stamp
Gwiazdowski gave ‘em hell
As hard to pin as to spell
Congrats for a true national champ

Quietly, a strong offseason for the Bears
No one really notices or cares
Peanut has returned to the fold
Allen replaces Peppers of old
Putting together a roster that scares

Searching all night and day
For a combo of culture and pay
For recruiters to be worth more than this
And it’s as simple as this:
Just do what you say

The Pack honoring heroes
While the Heels just look like zeroes
Russell was the ultimate playmaker
Mario was a sacking soul taker
Cheers, you’ll be able to hear those


Friday, March 21, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: “The Walking Dead” Meanders With Heartbreak, Plus Pack Fans Know From Heartbreak




At a crossroads they arrove
With the horrors of “The Grove”
The Ol’ Yeller putdown of Lizzie
Put TWD fans in a tizzy
Terminus the next storyline to be wove

The NCAAs, they got in
By the hair of their chinny-chin-chin
The key to the Big Dance
Is to survive and advance
D up, share the rock and win

Snow and sleet and other things
Winter continues to cling
Daylight Savings came
But still the weather lame
Where’s this late-arriving spring?

Most of TV is defective
It’s made me quite selective
The best don’t hang around
Leave you with an empty sound
Already missing “True Detective”

As a State fan, no mas (no more)
A choke job worthy of lore
Every free throw a brick
For everyone’s Cinderella pick
Hey bartender, shut up and pour


Friday, March 14, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: “True Detective” Ends With A Whimper, Not A Bang, Plus Tony Buckets Takes Greensboro


Though intensity ruled the day
A ho-hum finale, I’d say
Questions left unanswered, so sure
Cohle had a life-saving cure
“True Detective” still much more than OK

Survive and advance, you know
The Pack gettin’ into a flow
They owe the ‘Cuse one
Perhaps go on a run?
One down, three to go

Help wanted, so they say
You may be right for us, OK?
But descriptions misleading
Don’t know what they’re needing
Keep plugging each and every day

A fanbase of hopeless derps
Filled the media with clueless twerps
The ACC said, “Later, bitches”
Maryland back to revenue glitches
Get the hell out, you useless Terps

Even the blind could see
He was the class of the ACC
Congrats to Tony Buckets
The national media can suck its
The league’s best easily


Friday, March 07, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: The End Of An Error, Plus A Most-Anticipated Season Finale



I polled each bobblehead
About ending the days of dread
Even nodding Michael Scott goes
“Yeah, this company blows”
(“That’s what she said”)

When the going gets rough for fools
Saban tries to change the rules
The hypocrite says, “It’s too fast!”
“Injuries happen when we’re gassed!”
STFU and coach up your cretin tools

Inept, fat and snorin’
Sportswriters keep ignorin’
The easy choice for ACC’s best
And it’s really no contest
Even the blind can vote T.J. Warren

My five years are done
Now they’re left with one
A third-strike British joke
Their reputation up in smoke
No fun + no business won
 
An epic finale now in sight
“True Detective” set up for a fight
Nothing will live up to the hype
But this is a show that can break type
Carcosa and other answers Sunday night



Friday, February 28, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: “True Detective” Has You Chasing Shadows, Plus Comedy Will Never, Ever Be The Same



Far and away TV’s best thing
“True Detective” will make your nerves ring
From Marty’s anal fixture
To Rust’s distorted picture
And who the fuck is the Yellow King?!

Nearly over, a winter of worsts
A back-porch beer thirst
Spring beckons, with all that it means
Sipping Sierras and trampolines
Just need a new job first

Warren turned them into a joke
Had poor Roy drunk on Coke
The refs got involved
A problem that can’t be solved
But the bottom line is yet another choke

Oh, the Walking Dead
Once filled with intensity and dread
Now it may have jumped the shark
And instead of being afraid of the dark
Ho hum are my feelings instead

Farewell to a genius prince
Harold Ramis made us laugh and wince
Of “Vacation” & “Animal House” fame
And way too many more to name
Comedy as we know it bears his prints



Friday, February 21, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Free At Last, Free At Last, Plus Yet Another State Screw Job By The ACC




Of their style, I’m not fond
Over five years, just couldn’t bond
So now I bid adieu
To the wanker lot of you
Here’s a middle finger ‘cross the pond

Those Jersey nights, I can
Recall listening to 660 the Fan
Cheering for Mets teams of crap
Even the Kiner’s Korner wrap
RIP Ralph, you were the man

A missed call or 23
Just life in the ACC?
At Syracuse, the Pack got jobbed
A monumental victory robbed
Some say pull a Maryland and flee

In the head, they’re all soft
With the vision of Magoo, I scoff
Bipolar and passive-aggressive
Lack of leadership that’s actually impressive
F you, I say, or how about sod off?
 
Miami burned while Philbin did sit
Ignored all manner of immature shit
No accountability, though
So I ask you, Joe
Do the right thing and quit



Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 71


#1
I would like to live to there ...

#2
“The rise of a different kind of mainstream press, devoted to telling the plain, unvarnished truth, without fear or favor, instead of propping up a false equivalency and calling it objectivity, would also be a great improvement.” ~Sean Wilentz, Rolling Stone

#3
OK, I’ll bite ... how is more not made of Gene Steretore performing as an NFL referee AND a high-Division-I college basketball official?! Dude has essentially reached the pinnacle of two professions.

#4
There was never enough time, manly pacifier. There was never enough time.

#5
There has never been a more Ohio State name than Jack Mewhort. Who plays for Ohio State.

#6
When TV is realer than real-life, or That Time When Edward Snowden Met Harold Finch.

#7
I’ve heard George Costanza described in a lot of ways and even more things that have been attributed to him, but a “hipster pioneer”? Hell, I’ll buy it.

#8
A four-year-old moved to tears by a song. No words from me, just two thumbs up.

#9
Finally, a rug that truly ties everything together ...

#10
When AT-ATs meet snowboarders in Hoth Sochi.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Very Google Reunion



Hadn't seen this one. Totally didn't cry or such like.


Monday, February 10, 2014

"The Games Have Always Been A Little Gay"



Freaking hysterical.

Friday, February 07, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Russia Can Even F Up The Olympics, Plus Get Your Shite Together, Canada



A nation of abuse and repression
Has lived up to their perception
Sochi a disaster of corruption
A gay-bashing, dog-killing eruption
The rules for these Olympics, not the exception

Russell Wilson represents what’s right
Punctuated on Super Bowl night
He’s got a State degree
So he’s a Wolfpacker by decree
But O’Brien extinguished his intrinsic light

Signing Day come and gone
Over 17-year-olds they fawn
State did well, it appears
But ask me in three years
Creepy hype just goes on and on

Inconsistency in hoops
Shooting like poops
Questions about competitive fire
Have drawn Pack fans’ ire
Costanza once called them “Moops”

Bieber enjoyed his jail stay
Ford seems to never pay
Two wrecking trains
Just a coupla Canadian stains
What’s in the water up there, eh?



Tuesday, February 04, 2014

“A Drink Before The Wars” Captures Dennis Lehane Finding His Gritty Voice


“She looked into my eyes and hers were swimming with alcohol and exhaustion and ghosts. She said, ‘Civilization seems to be something we choose when it fits our purpose.’”
“Not much I could argue with there.”

“Fucking whole country’s filled with nasty, unhappy, confused, pissed-off people, and not one of them with the brain power to honestly deal with their situation.”

Having read a number of other Dennis Lehane works, I figured it was high time I took a crack at his first novel, “A Drink Before the War.” His initial foray also represented the introduction of the Patrick Kenzie-Angie Gennaro detective partnership/dynamic. Parts of their relationship reads like “Encyclopedia Brown”-meets-‘tween-flirt-paperbacks, but there are enough good parts to let you know that Lehane is a budding crime writer to be taken quite seriously.

This quick read gets a bit self-righteous on the sidebars and race talk, but Lehane is quite clever in how he weaves the plot through a number of explosive variables. “A Drink Before the War” is a bleak, pessimistic read on how big-city politics runs roughshod on the disenfranchised and marginalized in society.

Tackling gang violence, race wars, cultural chasms, political intrigue, child porn, blackmail and daddy issues feels like a bit much for a book of this scope, but Lehane doesn’t shrink from the challenge. The Kenzie-Gennaro interactions take on all sorts of submeanings, and Kenzie’s relationship with his father overhands the entire book. There’s also a well-crafted twist that succeeds in tying the entire novel together.

The result is a promising first effort, and fast-forwarding to the present day, we can see that Lehane capitalized on that promise with tremendous works such as “Mystic River” and “Shutter Island.” The author now seems engrossed with the pursuit of big-screen success, but seeing him digging into the mud that comprises his roots is a welcome throwback.



“L.A. burns, and so many other cities smolder, waiting for the hose that will flood gasoline over the coals, and we listen to politicians who fuel our hate and our narrow views and tell us it’s simply a matter of getting back to basics while they sit in their beachfront properties and listen to the surf so they won’t have to hear the screams of the drowning.”

Monday, January 27, 2014

"You Got A White Russian"



Dying. Just dying.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: Reeling ACC Adds Some High Class, Plus Christie The Latest N.J. Blemish



They already have Quick-Shot Pitino
Now they add douchey Petrino
Louisville, way to be
Welcome to the ACC
The conference of Harleys and vino

Bit by bit, ruining the game
Will be Goodell’s claim to fame
Special teams phased out
Scoreboards spinning about
A commish with no clue or shame

Call them cowards or worse
Biting my tongue not to curse
On your chain, they’re just yankers
These double-talking, cheap wankers
The dancing changes, but not the verse

You might not be shocked
That the ‘Fins are a laughingstock
Coach is a dead man walking
Yet the owner is balking
No GM? We deserved to be mocked
 
Just another political rat
Good at lying and being fat
Chris Christie is Jersey wrong
Facing re-election odds long
Find us some accountability, stat!



Wednesday, January 22, 2014

From The Mountains Of Whogivesashit ...



Breaking down domestic beer ...

Monday, January 20, 2014

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Scooter & Hum’s Top Five Books of the Year 2013



Amazingly, this is my seventh year of doing this highly unofficial ranking of the favorite books I read during the course of the year. I think the fact that two books incorporated “Zen” into their titles and philosophies may speak volumes on my year, no?

Overall, it was a slightly disappointing year for books, really; last year’s slate of books was harder to judge and were better. That being said, I still unearthed a few gems, however.

Without further ado ...

#1: “The Dog Stars,” by Peter Heller

What I Wrote Then:
 
Heller takes on an ambitious environment with aplomb, sketching out how what we might cling to, turn to and lean on in times of unthinkable depravity and loss. In that sense, he has pulled off a minor miracle in “The Dog Stars”—painting a believable picture of what an America might look like after it goes to the dogs.

What I Say Now:
Heller’s unique bit off quite a bit to chew on (dog pun intended), and I wasn’t thrilled with how it said goodbye, but his style evoked unexpected emotion and visceral feeling throughout, a true gift and feat for any author.


Passage to Remember:
“Is it possible to love so desperately that life is unbearable? I don’t mean unrequited, I mean being in the love. In the midst of it and desperate. Because knowing it will end, because everything does. End.”


#2: “Joyland,” by Stephen King

What I Wrote Then:

Stephen King’s “Joyland” was an exquisite fit in the Hard Case Crime series. It took place along the coast of North Carolina (fictional Heaven’s Bay), a place near and dear to my heart. It took just over a week to read. It featured emotional, oft-beautiful prose about coming of age and first loves. It managed to interweave a compelling cold-case plot within it. But it still had one impossible-to-overcome problem, in my estimation:

It was too short.

What I Say Now:
As memorable for the feelings it evoked as for the story it spun, “Joyland” was a metaphorical breath of fresh air, a love story meeting a ghost story meeting a coming-of-age story.


Passage to Remember:
“It’s hard to let go. Even when what you’re holding onto is full of thorns, it’s hard to let go. Maybe especially then.”


#3: “Perfection,” by Bob Griese and Dave Hyde

What I Wrote Then:

For a kid who didn’t want to wear glasses and then found a role model in Bob Griese, this was a book that transported me back quite a few years. “Four decades later, I still hear those cheers,” wrote Griese.

And so many years later, I’m still grateful for the privilege of being among those cheering.

What I Say Now:
In a year in which I read three tomes on football, “Perfection” was the only one that had me riveted, that was able to make a 40-year-old story come alive like it was happening in real time, that brought my heroes to life—warts and all.


Passage to Remember:
“In the locker room ... no one talked of the undefeated season. It was the title we cherished. The ring. This moment when we were the best.”


#4: “Doctor Sleep,” by Stephen King

What I Wrote Then:

King certainly bit off plenty in electing to pursue an extension of such a landmark novel, and with a few hiccups here and there, he largely pulls it off. It’s an ambitious work that lacks some of the frantic intensity and horror of some of his earlier pieces, but he does a more-than-admirable job of tackling a monumental task in “Doctor Sleep.”

What I Say Now:
In any comparison to its predecessor, “The Shining,” this novel is going to come up short, so I will admit to some harsh grading here. “Doctor Sleep” did have bursts of high emotion and fear-inducing moments, with a story about the normalcy of heroism that reels you right in.


Passage to Remember:
“Life was a wheel, its only job was to turn, and it always came back to where it had started.”



#5: “Collusion,” by Stuart Neville

What I Wrote Then:

The lack of soul, for lack of a better word, within this novel made it more “just” a crime mystery story—though Neville’s writing talents make that work to a more-than-passable extent.

What I Say Now:
Similar to “Doctor Sleep,” I felt that “Collusion” paled in comparison to its predecessor (the tremendous “Ghosts of Belfast.” However, Neville once again uses a diminished (and underutilized) Gerry Fegan does a tremendous job of tying together the traditional evils of politics, corruption, violence and all the overlap that comprises what Northern Ireland is and was.


Passage to Remember:
“She was safe.
“That was the most important fact in his world now, the one thing that made tomorrow better than yesterday, and he clung to it like a pillow in his sleep.”



Honorable Mentions (fringe top-five considerations):
All That Is,” by James Salter
Listening In,” by Ted Widmer
Minimalist Parenting,” by Christine Koh and Asha Dornfest



Others Receiving Votes Category:
Doc,” by Dwight Gooden and Ellis Henican; “Dude and the Zen Master,” by Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman; “The Essential Smart Football,” by Chris B. Brown; “The Public Relations Writer's Handbook,” by Merry Aronson, Don Spetner and Carol Ames; “Coaching Confidential,” by Gary Myers; “Zen in the Art of Writing,” by Ray Bradbury



Friday, January 10, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: The Tar Heels Can’t Read, Plus “Treme” Will Be Oh, So Missed




Cheater Hill is under more fire
Real reporters jumping into the mire
National doing what local won’t
Read very well, they don’t
Reap what you sow in a situation dire

To 2013 we said goodbye
In the sand under a gray sky
One more year in the books
Never as good or bad as it looks
More fun in 2014, less asking, “Why?”

A comeback for the ‘Noles
The ACC sits atop the polls
But Auburn pissed it away
When Jameis couldn’t make a play
Another season has taken its tolls

The Ireland tenure finally through
A long time coming, ‘tis true
But dysfunction still does abound
As long as Philbin’s still around
Optimism dwindled right after it grew

Treme” captured every note and verse
The Big Easy, for better or worse
From Katrina to rebirth
Examined what New Orleans is worth
The beauty alongside the warts



Thursday, January 09, 2014

Dry, But Necessary, PR Writer’s Textbook Was Useful In Tackling The Digital Age



“The motto for public relations personnel within a company and those at an agency representing a client is: NO SURPRISES.”

I’m not going to sugarcoat you, here; “The Public Relations Writer’s Handbook: The Digital Age” was a slog of a road. But I mean, hell, you make the decision to read a textbook, you kind of know what you’re getting yourself into, amirite?

Merry Aronson, Don Spetner and Carol Ames collaborated on this work back in 2007, and obviously seven years in this arena is akin to dog years. But still, there was a lot covered in here that was quite useful, particularly to someone (me) who has public relations as just one aspect of many bundled within his ridiculous ever-changing job description.

“One factor that has not changed with the advent of the digital age is good writing, which remains at the core of effective public relations.”

Among the intriguing topics covered included the impact of SEO on headline writing, media fragmentation, treatments, letters of commission, and successful (and not) pitch-making. The trio also tackled editorial considerations, the Associated Press Daybook, speechwriting, multimedia, how not to use PowerPoint, broadcast writing and even press-event logistics, among other lively and contentious areas.

The book also delved into blogging policies, official statements, anticipating needs in a crisis and what should constitute a PR program. Throughout, the authors did a commendable job of mixing in useful statistics and citing relevant studies to bolster their recommendations. I found the chapter recaps, in particular, quite handy; and I even found only one egregious grammatical error, which speaks to the credibility of the work.

As a communications professional in my current role, I don’t anticipate having to incorporate or navigate through many of the issues brought up. However, it’s somewhat comforting to know that should such necessities arise, “The Public Relations Writer’s Handbook” sits nearby on the shelf.

And even in the event that it resides there collecting dust for many years, I know that wouldn’t be the worst thing—and still would justify the time spent hammering my way through this useful resource.



“Effective public relations writing forms the core of nimble, innovative marketing made possible by digital technology.”

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

"I Was Going Too Fast ..."



Powerful.

Listen.