Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Scooters Win The Division, The Scooters Win … Oh, Wait … Say It Ain’t So, Frank Gore!


As usual, celebration time in the Scooters front office has been tempered by more bad luck.

After securing a crucial victory in the finale to take home the division championship and nail down a playoff berth, the Scooters wrapped up the regular season at 7-4-1 overall, including a tidy 6-2 mark within the division. Alas, that good news was destroyed by the revelation that tailback Frank Gore, cornerstone of the Scooters attack, has been lost for the remainder of the season due to a fractured hip.

So it appears I can add Gore to a list that includes Kenny Britt, Reggie Bush, Pierre Garcon, Nate Kaeding, Zach Miller and Kevin Kolb in terms of Scooters players that have missed multiple games due to injury this year. It’s going to take some more clever and suave general manager-ship in order to make up for this enormous loss, but at least I’ll have a shot at the title.

Because after a season that started with a mind-numbing tie, saw vital players going down nearly weekly and seemed to be ended due to the Ron Mexico Incident, it was good to see the Scooters crawl out of the fetal position and clutch the F up when it counted.

Can I pull a little more Chris Ivory-like magic out of my GM hat? Brian Westbrook, anyone? Stay tuned.

Go Scooters.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Thanksgiving Makes Me Wonder Where The F 2010 Went, Plus Heels And Buckeyes Are Embarrassing


A Happy T-Bird Day to one and all
Leaves, turkey and beers mean it’s fall
Throw in disappointment as well
And visits that feel more like hell
But hey, it’ll still be a freaking ball!

They relied on more thug stuff
‘Til the Pack showed who was tough
Left Bitch an embarrassed foe
For the fourth year in a row
Guess you’re not cheating well enough

The Mets prospects keep fallin’s
Behind guys like Jimmy Rollins
New York has a must-win decree
But on one question fans can agree
Who the fuck is Terry Collins?

A short trip over to UNC-Cheat
To make those little sheep bleat
From kickoff to the end of the day
We hit harder than the NCAA
Gotta love a freaking four-peat

From irrelevance comes Ohio State
With reminder of why we hate
Their prez dismisses Boise, TCU out west
When both could kick the shit out of the Vest
Buckeyes trying to again back through the BCS gate

Last time

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Scooters Assume Fetal Position For Inevitable Rogering By Lady Luck


Over the years here on Scooter & Hum, I’ve documented some of the truly insane bits of shit luck I’ve head in fantasy football. And yes, you can’t throw a rock without hitting someone who has a woe-is-me, bad-beat fantasy football story, so I understand the whining-is-poor-form aspect of it. I get that, I really do.

I also get the superstitious side of things. I don’t consider myself overly superstitious in most areas of life, but when it comes to fantasy football, I’ve been forced to become a believer. That’s why, based on my horrific run of luck in fantasy football spanning the best few years, when my team suffered an insane, last-minute loss to Michael Vick/Ron Mexico last week, I started to get a really, really bad feeling about this season.

You see, I was sitting at 6-1-1 at one point. Even after acceding a loss due to mind-numbering bye-week woes, I romped all over a division opponent the following week to push my record to 7-2-1 and officially secure a playoff berth.

Except I didn’t.

I began to view the Vick/Mexico Incident (which I still can’t fully talk about) as an omen, a harbinger of impending fucked-over-ness. And sure enough, the fantasy locusts began to ascend. Frank Gore and Dan Carpenter, two consistent mainstays this season, put their faces on the same milk carton. Kenny Britt’s hamstring separated into multiple pieces and stayed that way. Nate Kaeding healed as slowly as, well, a kicker. Michael Crabtree got abducted in a San Francisco gay bar. Reggie Bush was a late scratch even though he almost played against Carolina two weeks ago and somehow still remained unhealthy after a bye week and another week. Which sucked because every source indicated he would play and he was a 4 p.m. start, so he was in my lineup when the TV panned to him wearing huge Kardashian-ass sweatpants. Even Kevin Kolb is laughing at me as he dog-sits for Vick/Mexico.

So my team is all of a sudden 6-4-1, and even with a 5-2 division record, is now in danger of missing the playoffs altogether. Eight of the 14 teams in our league are still in playoff contention in this, the final week of the fantasy football regular season. But the good news is that if I win, I win the division title and nail down my automatic postseason spot. Yet the superstitious, bad-luck-recognizing part of me knows somewhere deep down inside that that’s not going to happen. It thinks my team isn’t strong enough to withstand the Vick/Mexico Incident.

But then you walk out of a Food Lion with a $4.99 pumpkin pie to be given to coworkers for a Thanksgiving pot-luck lunch at a UK-based company on a beautiful November morning and sometimes you realize you just have to laugh.

Because that’s all you can do.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

When Six Flags Meets Katrina and Apathy



Six Flags New Orleans closed down in preparation for Hurricane Katrina, but never opened again. For the past five years, the park, located in the devastated Ninth Ward of the city, has been abandoned. With the City of New Orleans’s permission, this cinemographer captured this eerie, haunting and emotional film of the park, which is slated to be demolished in a coupla months.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a more apt and symbolic representation of the challenges facing the post-Katrina Big Easy.

Carry on.

Monday, November 22, 2010

How I Allowed Sandler To Fool Me Again, This Time With “Grown Ups”


I find Kevin James to be hysterical (although I’ll always think of him as Doug Heffernan). I think Chris Rock is pretty funny (though not really in movies). I know that Rob Schneider’s deal is acting like a retard with lots of semi-serious lines punctuated by awkward silences. I don’t get David Spade and never have. I don’t understand Adam Sandler anymore in a movie setting, especially when he paints himself in the leading-man role with the hypothetical hot wife and rocking career (see “Funny People,” et al).

Even knowing that Sandler had co-written “Grown Ups” and enlisted longtime crony Dennis Dugan to direct it, I thought I would take a gamble on it based on the presence of James and Rock. I didn’t know Salma Hayek was also in it, which was a nice surprise as the movie unfolded.

But that’s where the fun ended.

“Grown Ups” reeks of a movie that was done for Sandler and his posse and no one else. I would guess that 70% or so of the flick was ad-libbed, and the film was littered with laugh-at-their-own jokes moments, at times coming off like a bad Jimmy Fallon–era Saturday Night Live episode (or is that redundant?).

Of course, there were a number of funny moments, but it was like it got stuck between being a comedy, a kid’s movie and a film-with-a-message. And that just never works. The movie was also marred with occasionally confusing plot lines, a meandering direction and mostly obvious humor, but that was not a shock considering the director and the lead writer.

I’m guessing that Hayek got the sense that this was a bomb-in-the-making, because there were reports that she got her name removed from the billing, both on the poster and the title. I guess she saw that this SNL reunion tour movie looked like a solid idea, but didn’t quite fulfill those expectations.

If I could offer Sandler any advice (not that he needs any), I would ditch the Hecrew (“Hebrew” + “crew”) and concentrate on the safety of movies like “Bedtime Stories” (review here) and the occasional reach with depth, like “Reign Over Me” (review here). Also, I would totally give a buttload of money to me.

But if you’re into self-serving flicks with the occasional chuckle mixed in with rather uncomplicated and low-brow humor, I suggest you check out “Grown Ups.” Then go through with that lobotomy you’ve obviously been putting off.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: On Being Violated In Airports, Plus Dolphins Roll Over For Bears


As the TSA puts fondling forth
What is self-respect worth?
To put air travel in a funk
Protest against touching junk
And opt out on flying the 24th

Hypnotizing the weak the norm
GOP now applying it to global warm
Just declare war on science
With ignorant defiance
Stupidity taking our country by storm

As the Pack heads over to Cheater Hill
The cover-ups threaten to overspill
Bitch Davis keeps lying to all
John Blake set up to take the fall
Sacrificing ethics to pay a stadium bill

Everyone knows Tigger is bitter
Can’t change that by going on Twitter
He’s a 140-character cliche
He does whatever Nike say
Just don’t Tweet about banging the babysitter

A third-string QB for the ‘Fins
A diva receiver with plenty of sins
An offensive coordinator old as dirt
Every offensive lineman got hurt
Made me drink so much I got the spins

Last time

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 34


#1
I was watching the “Seinfeld” episode “The Heart Attack” the other day, and even though it was probably my 122nd viewing, I finally realized that George calls Jerry a “jerkoff” in one scene. Jerry starts to crack up. Hysterical.

#2
DirecTV has a really cool series of commercials documenting some of the NFL’s best rivalries in the context of real-life scenarios and interactions between Average Joes. One depicts Eagles fans drinking sweet tea and watching the games on their laptops in a diner. Because that’s how most Philadelphia fans roll. Way to know your fanbase, DirecTV.

#3
On one of my first visits to New Orleans, I tried to visit Louis Armstrong Park. It was locked up for some fabled “repairs.” Sad what it has degenerated into.

#4
Incredibly powerful and moving “30 for 30” on Marcus Dupree. I had read the landmark book “The Courting of Marcus Dupree” as a kid, so I had a bit more invested than most. I found the shots of him watching old footage of himself from a quarter century or more before, and his reactions and almost disbelief, like a surprised kid on Christmas morning, really emotional. Well done, ESPN (I don’t say that much, so it’s heart-felt).

#5
This story about UK secret nuclear testing and subsequent corpse mutilation is almost unfathomable. And it’ll be an even bigger and even more unbelievable crime if it is allowed to go under the radar and not warrant more reporting and investigation.
Just, wow.

#6
So there’s an Enterprise Rent-A-Car commercial that runs incessantly, where the older dude calls the younger dude “Tiger.” I would find that creepy as hell even if the old guy was his father, which he isn’t.

#7
“The T.Ocho Show.” You deserve to get punched if you even consider watching this. That is all.

#8
Can anyone tell me why they put a slippery tarp on the sidelines during football games? Seriously? How many players have to slip and fall and risk a blown-out knee before this is looked at? Are you telling me there’s not a better idea than this?

#9
Dear college coaches, you can’t play for the field goal at the end of games in college. You just can’t. You can’t trust college kickers. Go for the touchdown. Win the game. End of advice.

#10
When I first started writing for the Technician, the NC State student newspaper, trying to juggle schoolwork, a job waiting tables and this volunteer work, I got put on the Wolfpack men’s soccer beat. My first assignment was to cover a tournament in Durham, where I interviewed coach George Tarantini. As a nervous reporter, I was completely disarmed by his engaging personality, his appreciation of the student paper and his easygoing demeanor. Later, when I wrote for the Wolfpacker, I was always blown away when he hand-delivered brochures for his soccer camp to our offices to be packaged with the magazine. Even recently, I bumped into him at Cup A Joe, where he was quick with a smile as usual, waiting in line for coffee.
Almost 20 years after I first met him, and after a quarter-century as the Pack’s coach, Tarantini is finally retiring. In many ways, he’s State’s last link to Jim Valvano, his close friend and confidante. Many soured on Tarantini after years of perceived underachieving, so I can only hope he knows how much the NC State community is going to miss his personality and all his contributions. Best of luck in this next stage of your life, Coach.
Go Pack.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

With Apologies To Lebowski ...



Two of my favorites meet up: Hugo Reyes and Don Draper. Repetition ensues.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How Ron Mexico Shat In The Scooters’ Front Yard


They say that, in the lobby of the Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino where the World Series of Poker is held, they have a booth set up where you can sidle up, pay a dollar and tell your “bad beat” story. It’s supposed to be cathartic, a way to get the tale told to a sympathetic ear in hopes of moving on more quickly. Well, that’s what this blog post is serving as today: a forum to tell perhaps the worst “bad beat” story in the history (well, at least my history) of fantasy football.

Going into last night’s Redskins-Iggles game, I was up by 80 freaking points. 80. I had 131 points, my opponent had 51. He had Michael Vick still yet to play, but that was the only bullet left in his gun (Vick reference intentional).

So by the time I flipped over to the game, Vick had run for a touchdown, thrown for an 88-yard touchdown and was just moments away from throwing for another. The ‘Skins, playing what appeared to be some type of Tecmo Bowl defense, then allowed another long touchdown throw (which was sketchy) and another Vick touchdown. In less than a half of football, Vick had already racked up 69 points -- by himself.

Not wanting to sit around only to watch a historical moment in fantasy football history happen to my team, I turned off the game with three minutes left in the first half and went to bed, secure in the knowledge that I would somehow lose in an almost unlosable fashion. Of course, this morning I got up to see that Vick had scored 87 points.

Read that again.

Mind you, this is the most points ever scored by a single player in the history of our league. And it is easily the most ridiculous loss in the history of our league.

As if I needed yet another reason to want Vick to contract an incurable disease, apparently the Eagles didn’t call off the dogs (Vick reference intentional). In snatching defeat from the jaws (Vick reference intentional) of victory in an almost incomprehensible way, I didn’t, in fact, advance to 7-2-1 and lock up a playoff berth. Instead, losing 138-131, I fell to 6-3-1 and all of a sudden brought a handful of teams who were essentially out of contention back into it.

Over at NC State, football coach Tom O’Brien said before the season that he wasn’t necessarily asking for his team to go through a season with no injuries and at full health -- all he wanted from the football gods was a “normal” season as it relates to injuries, instead of the mind-numbing litany of physical ailments that had struck the Wolfpack over and over and over again in 2008 and 2009.

All I wanted this year for the Scooters was a “normal” season of fantasy football as it related to luck and the impossible. In jumping out to a 6-1-1 start, I was playing on a level playing field and taking full advantage with a stellar team. Now, from beyond the grave, the fantasy football ghosts of the past few seasons have seized the Scooters’ cleat strings yet again. Can the Scooters push through and weather an almost unfathomable setback? We’ll find out soon.

Sometimes all you can do is laugh at situations like this. And someday, I’ll look back at this and have a chuckle.

Today is not that day.

Death to Ron Mexico.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Poetry Is Found In Images

The production company Everynone made a video poem. And it was powerful.

WORDS from Everynone on Vimeo.



Then they remixed it using YouTube vids. It was still powerful.

Re:WORDS from Everynone on Vimeo.



They made me think of the creepy kid from “American Beauty.” He said that there was beauty all around us, in even the most mundane things. He was right.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: An Overdue, Big Change In Miami, Plus At Least We Can Take Pride In Our Vets


Benched is a robotic Henne
Inserted is trustworthy Penny
Can he find the ’08 magic?
Or will ’10 turn tragic
Can’t be any worse, can he?

An up-tempo Pack took the floor
Behind the Lethal Weapon Four
A trio of rookies are fearless
In the ACC, Tracy Smith is peerless
Will they meet expectations and more?

Apathy setting in once again
Hope thrown in a trash bin
Lowest common denominator rules
Idiocracy” coming true, fools
Open-mindedness may return -- but when?

A choke job for the Pack in Death Valley
The whole offensive line played like Sally
When the pressure mounts
O’Brien failing when it counts
Against the Demon Deacs, will they rally?

Another Veterans Day come and passed
Hope our appreciation does last
Spent the morning with Ube
Thankful for so much, you see
Freedom across a land so vast

Last time

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 33


#1
I totally wish I had gone to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, if only for the awesome signs.

#2
So, I like the ringing noise a shop door makes when you walk in. It’s hard to explain, but it feels sort of nostalgic or something. Anyway, carry on.

#3
Have a look at the “World According to San Francisco,” one of my favorite cities in the US. By the way, congrats on the Giants World Series win.

#4
You can admit it: when you were little, you were secretly in love with Elvira. Anyway, she is still alive, kicking … and joining all of us in laughing at Christine O’Donnell.

#5
So the show “The Big C” has generated a lot of interest -- and quite a bit of controversy -- for its portrayal of a cancer patient trying to make her way through life. However, the lead character, played by Laura Linney, makes a series of choices that are damaging to her family, which shows her not as brave and free, but as careless and selfish. She plays someone who feels it’s a license to do all the things you’re not supposed to, whether it hurts those closest to you or not.
There is a difference between making the most of the rest of your days and living without accountability. I’m hoping the minds behind “The Big C” begin to see that difference.

#6
Have you ever heard the saying about not pissing off a tattooist or you’ll end up with a giant penis on your back? Well, this guy forgot that saying when he picked the worst friend ever and got on his bad side.

#7
Apparently New Mexico’s quarterback suffered a “pumpkin-related” injury that knocked him out of the lineup. I guess he’s the wrong guy to turn to to carve up a defense?
Tip your bartenders, folks.

#8
Read this bit about U.S. life expectancy and then tell me that healthcare reform is a bad idea. Jeezus.

#9
Will injuries waylay yet another Scooters fantasy football season? Somehow, I’m out to a 6-2-1 record despite losing Reggie Bush, Kenny Britt, Zach Miller and Nate Kaeding and having half my team out on bye in Week 9. The injury gods have to let up on me—and soon—if a good-looking team is to live up to its promise.

#10
OK, I change my mind from #6. This poor bastard officially had the WORST. FRIENDS. EVAR.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

This Is Not The Jar Jar Binks You Are Looking For ...



A rather hilarious look at what might have been had Jar Jar Binks been written into the original "Star Wars" trilogy, rendered in Legos.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Holy Hailstorm!



I don't know why this reminds me of the Tea Party. It just does. Anyway, pretty incredible video here of a storm in Georgia.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Long-Awaited Sequel “The Gate House” Is An Epic Fail By Almost Every Measure


“An individual life passes through a continuum of time and space, but now and then you enter a warp that sucks you back into the past. You understand what’s going on because you’ve been there before; but that’s no guarantee that you’re going to get it right this time. In fact, experience is just another word for baggage. And memory carries the bags.”

“A verse from Matthew popped into my head: Wide is the gate, and broad is the road, that leadeth to destruction.”


“She’d never really left my side for ten years, so this was not a reunion, because we had never been apart, and this voyage we were about to take would be our second together.
“And if Fate had already decided that we would not return from the sea, then that was all right. Every journey has to end, and the end of the journey is always called Home.”


This is a book that shouldn’t have been written.

If you think that’s a rather controversial way to start a book review, well, strap on your seatbelts. Parts of “The Gate House” by Nelson DeMille came across as contrived, others felt predictable and still others appeared to be illogical. You wouldn’t want any book to be described with any of those words, much less all three. We’ll call it the Shit-Hack Hat Trick.

“The Gate House” is the sequel to the popular “Gold Coast” (which I enjoyed), and DeMille succumbed to some outside pressures to write it 18 years after the first book. The plot itself takes place a decade after the events in “Gold Coast,” and in terms of the book’s timeline, only nine months after the events of 9/11, which overhangs the story in many ways.

After a fitting line from the “Great Gatsby” (“Gold Coast” was often described as a modern-day “Gatsby”), the book got off to a promising start, with the hero (or antihero) John Sutter waking up after a rather evocative dream involving his ex-wife, Susan, and the man she cheated on Sutter with and then murdered, Mafia kingpin Frank Bellarosa. Sutter is flying back to New York’s Long Island after a decade of self-imposed exile in London (three of the years spent sailing around the world) to preside over the estate of Ethel, a longtime family servant. Sutter temporarily (which we never believe, based on loaded comments like “Though, on second thought, what difference does it make to me? I’m only passing through.”) takes up residence in the gate house of Stanhope Hall, Ethel’s former home that sits less than a mile away from where Sutter used to live with Susan -- who, by the way, has just moved back to the guest house after a failed marriage in South Carolina. Convenient, yes?

“We had been separated for a decade by oceans and continents, and now we were a few minutes’ walk from each other, but still separated by anger, pride, and history, which was harder to overcome than continents and oceans.”

Anyway, after poring through old pictures and papers of his former life with Susan, Sutter gets nostalgic, until the doorbell rings … and he sees the ghost of Frank Bellarosa. I’ll stop here to say that it might have been a much more interesting book if it really was his ghost. Unfortunately, it turns out that Bellarosa’s son, Anthony, is a dead-ringer (pun intended) for his father, and has apparently taken a shine to Dad’s previous line of work. Long story short, he essentially threatens Susan’s life to help force Sutter to become his personal attorney, a role Sutter had “enjoyed” for a time when the elder Bellarosa was around. Cue the “Every time I think I’m out, they pull me right back in!” line.

This opening part of the story is rather slow-developing, filled with lots of words but not much actually being said, like DeMille is just passing the time while trying to think up a suitable plotline. After passing mention of a serious “girlfriend” in the UK that is brushed aside and a rather odd and nonsensical dalliance with Elizabeth, the daughter of the dying servant, all of a sudden Sutter is back with Susan. And Sutter isn’t the only one who appears to be taken off-guard by this turn of events -- as a reader, you find yourself asking, “What just happened?” In fact, I almost got the sense that DeMille himself was surprised by this “twist” (well, at least its suddenness).

Joining the “wtf” and out-of-the-blue themes, all of a sudden Sutter starts allowing Susan to dictate his life and decisions, which is out of character for him. She essentially demands that their relationship be revived and he ask her to marry him, she begins telling what and when to drink, what he is allowed to eat, what happens next, etc. We’ve known Sutter is a racist and a hypocrite who pretends to hate the gentrified life, but then passes judgment on those who don’t follow, honor or respect it; but not only is that reinforced, but once Susan starts removing his spine piece from piece, the reader starts to wonder just what it is that is supposed to make Sutter likeable as the main character?

“I was happy, too, but this was a little sudden, and I wasn’t processing it at the speed it was happening, and I really wanted at least ten minutes to think about completely changing my life.”

“I sensed that I was losing some control of the agenda, and my life.”


In the background, Sutter had irrationally been allowing himself to get sucked back in by the Bellarosa family, conversing with Anthony and meeting him for dinner a couple of times (“‘If you are going to sup with the devil, bring a long spoon.’”). When Sutter finally tells Anthony he is getting back with his former wife, Anthony overtly threatens him and her, feeling that Sutter is backing out on an unstated agreement to work with him. Showing a passive-aggressive side, Sutter, for some reason, slashes a painting (done by Susan) that sits in Anthony’s office while over for dinner. It is the latest act in a major stretch of the book that all feels dramatically out of scale and out of character for Sutter.

On a side note, there are other somewhat awkward devices that are introduced by DeMille, led by literary clichés such as multiple times Sutter being lost in thought and being brought out of his reverie by someone saying, “What are you thinking about?” Annoying and ghey, sorry. Then, at one point, Susan goes out for a jog and comes back naked and evasive; I’m not sure if DeMille had this in mind, but the seed was planted in at least my mind that Susan was now potentially involved romantically with the son of her former lover, which whom she had a torrid affair. But no explanation is offered then nor at any later point. Oh well … moving on, as they say.

From there, the story drifts badly, filled with melancholy reminiscences, overly dramatic family reunions, fabricated threat levels, the involvement of local and national law enforcement, John Gotti’s funeral and Anthony’s disappearance. Being set in New York, you almost find yourself saying, “Yada, yada, yada” throughout most of the book, up until an abrupt, illogical and forced ending.

I guess one of the lessons here is that you should recognize that you’re in for a bad book when the testimonials on the back cover are NOT for the book that you are holding in your hand. And the reviews for “Gold Coast” only serve to remind you of what is missing badly in “The Gate House”: pacing, relevance and humor.

All that being said, Sutter still brings the funny sometimes (“And my mother made it more difficult. I wonder if she ever understood the irony of her calling me a son of a bitch.”). But there’s an overriding sense that he is being written in a different way, almost as if DeMille is fighting an internal battle over who he really wants Sutter to be. Is he redeemed? Is he a forgiver? Is he still supremely flawed? What are we to make of his snide comments, hatred of his new (and old) bride’s family, as well as his own? Why does DeMille feel it necessary to have Sutter launch into this overly sentimental, Hallmark–greetingish soliloquies out of nowhere? What future does Sutter really see extending from here? Who is he now? How and why did he change so much?

The brush with which DeMille paints the evil of Susan’s father is also way too broad, to the point of not being believable. In fact, Sutter rather quickly jumps to the conclusion that he will have to go back to London and leave Susan because of her father, which naturally leads the reader to assume that maybe that is really what he has wanted all along -- essentially giving him the easy out he’s been waiting for.

“It was hard to believe that two idiots -- Anthony Bellarosa and William Stanhope -- could alter my future, and Susan’s future, and our future together.”

“It occurred to me that there was nothing here for me, except unhappiness and bad memories … I felt no further obligation toward her, and no desire to be part of her life.
“That wasn’t true, of course, but that would have to be my exit line as I packed my bags—then maybe we could try again, ten years from now.”


Undoubtedly, there is something captivating about the setting, the scene, the culture of this part of Long Island and its history -- of that, there is no argument from me. Yet there is a reason this sequel was nearly 20 years in the making: there was never a story there to follow, and DeMille’s attempt to sizzle one up out of thin air not only doesn’t resonate, but pans badly.

Which all leads to the inevitable question: “Besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?”

Friday, November 05, 2010

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: Fear And Ignorance Prevail, Plus Life’s Too Short


As our once-hopeful country turns redder
Ignorance prevails right down to the letter
A victory for the fear-mongering right
How much left to continue the fight?
Canada’s looking better and better

They called him Captain Hook
He managed by doing whatever it took
With bullpens he was ahead of his time
To Detroit his contributions were sublime
RIP to Sparky Anderson—one tough cook

A celebration taking place by the bay
The Giants finally have their day
Big-head Beroid is finally gone
The 49ers have been a con
A well-deserved World Series title, gotta say

A pen in the back is called a Bic stab
That’s how Shanahan’s felt to McNabb
Too fat and too little flex
Makes one lose out to Rex
It feels like the end for Donovan McFlab

A long coupla weeks it’s been
Full of remembrances of what’s been
One life blossoms into a year
Another winks out with many a tear
Hug yours tight and love again and again

Last time

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Will Britt Go From Afterthought To Season-Sinker For The Scooters?


Tennessee Titans receiver Kenny Britt participates in bar-room melees unharmed … yet suffers injuries that could sideline him for two months by dropping long touchdown passes.

That’s the state of Britt after he “popped” his hamstring this past Sunday. As one of my key receivers, the hope was that Britt’s continued emergence (five straight games with a touchdown up until last weekend, including a three-score outburst against the Iggles) would allow my team to more easily withstand the trade of Megatron. While signal-caller Kyle Orton and wideout Michael Crabtree have been solid in return, the indefinite absence of Britt is likely to waylay a season that had been looking rather promising.

Of course, the Scooters are no strangers to catastrophic midseason injury. And sitting at 6-1-1 with four weeks left in our fantasy regular season, I guess I can’t complain too much. I’m banking on a loss this week as half my team is on bye, but admittedly had begun to look more long-term with this campaign -- as in a first-round playoff bye and potential matchups thereafter.

Now, the attention turns to the free agency waiver wire, where the receiver pickings are predictably slim. Even if Britt comes back sooner than expected, what can he really be counted on now that Randy Moss has arrived in Tennessee? And as a side note, do the Titans really think it’s a good idea to bring in a diva douche like Moss to team with Britt -- an immature, punkish type -- down the stretch?

But that’s Jeff Fisher’s concern, not mine. So I’m putting on my GM cap and turning over every rock today, in hopes of finding a way to get the Scooters right again after this latest setback.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Real. Open Fly. Jeans.


... And Butt Favre's status as a national punchline is officially complete.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Here’s Hoping You Vote For Hope, Not Fear

A lot of people are pissed off. Some of them have a right to be. Most are hypocrites who prey on weakness, the herd mentality and misplaced trust. Most people would call that reprehensible. I would call it what our country has devolved into.

But at the end of the day, I don’t care who you vote for. I care that you care enough to vote for someone. Because that makes you involved. Because that terrifies most politicians.

So vote today. Please.



And to lighten the mood, here’s is a pretty hilarious look at the stance on California’s Proposition 19, which deals with the legalization of marijuana:

Monday, November 01, 2010

"Damn It, My Mom Is On Facebook!"



SNL is now the Haley's Comet of comedy. You can count on a great skit once every 94 years.