Day 16, Quasi-Quarantine: 'Fins Hold Their Nose, Ink A Starting Guard

The Dolphins moved quickly as free agency kicked off, making their first bold strike by immediately coming to terms with ... a player labeled a "historic bust" as recently as 18 months ago. Ereck Flowers comes back to his hometown, signing a three-year, $30 million deal that includes a staggering $19.95 in guaranteed money.

The pluses: Flowers is a colossal (6-6, 335 pounds) athlete with versatility, having played both tackle positions with the Giants before shining at guard for the Redskins a season ago. On the interior, his strength proved to make all the difference -- the player who once put up 37 reps on the bench press at the scouting combine emerged as a plus player at a new position for Washington.

The negatives: The Giants tabbed Flowers as the ninth overall pick of the 2015 NFL Draft, penciling him as their left tackle from the jump. His uneven play made him a scapegoat for the tabloids, and he was cut halfway through his fourth season in New York. He played half a season in Jacksonville before moving on to a lone season in Washington -- meaning the Dolphins will be his fourth team in six seasons.

The bottom line: There is always room for an arrow-up, young (25), durable (71 starts in 75 career games) offensive lineman. The 'Fins are hoping Flowers can build on last season's steady play to help shore up a porous offensive interior. However, the arrival of Flowers delays the maturation of yet another draft pick in Michael Dieter, last year's third-rounder. Miami's massive question marks at tackle remain after this signing, and there is no guarantee that Flowers can sustain last year's performance -- his above-average play marks the outlier thus far, meaning he could return to the mean and become another trouble spot for a franchise that can't afford to backslide at any position.

It's easy to see why the Dolphins made this move -- but it does involve a bit of a roll of the dice for a team that has bad offensive lines and worse offensive line coaches for the last two decades.

Day 15, Quasi-Quarantine: Revival of 64

Heal me when I need a salve
Show me when I question what I have

Follow that road
Into the gloam
Revel in what’s showed
As it guides me home

Salt winds as fuel
When I’m hurting and sore
Rebirth and renewal
On highway 64

Crumbling structures in amber air
Bearing witness mute
Reek of rust and despair
Of time’s passage acute

Argyle shadows dapple a bridge
A checkerboard of transience
Hope lies over that ridge
Revealing the ocean’s ambience

So cradle me in the crescent
Of a sentient wave
Mold me to the present
A soul to soothe and save

An answer for every because
Restored once more 
Now bear me back to what I was

On Highway 64

Limerick Friday #460: Shelter-Skelter In Place, Day 12

I listen to "The Shins"
As the world spins
Outside is close
But we're all morose
Yet protective of kins

Stakeholders in fear
Deadlines severe
Say that again?
You need this when?
Gonna need another porch beer

We look askance
With a nervous glance
If we hear a sneeze
Or a sniffly wheeze
This is the social distance

We pretend bravure
Behind healthy behavior
But we're full of angst
And anxiety, thanks
Music has been a savior

Rinse and douse
Clean and delouse
Scrub and read social cues
And wait for new news
As we pace the house

Last time ...

Day 11, Quasi-Quarantine: "The New Pope" Is The WTF We All Need Now

I'm late to "The New Pope," but I did watch "The Young Pope" (with Jude Law), and this is billed a continuation of that premise. More than halfway through this season, I'm experiencing a show that skirts the boundaries of the absurd, the sacrilegious, and the authentic.

John Malkovich is having a ball vamping it up as Sir John Brannox, who takes over as new pope (John Paul III) after the suspicious death of Pope Francis II and the continued coma of Pope Pius XIII (Law). There are hysterical appearances by Sharon Stone and Marilyn Manson, and the incomparable Silvio Orlando carries the day as Cardinal Angelo Voiello.

Powered by arguably the best current opening sequence on TV, "The New Pope" is cringe-worthy at times and hard to follow at others, but relies on a spine of real-world politics and irony to keep it on track. Equal parts "Twin Peaks," "The Godfather," and "Being John Malkovich," this show doesn't qualify as an easy watch, but it's been worth the effort thus far.

Day 10, Quasi-Quarantine: Last Week's Free Agency Feels Like a Lifetime Ago

Today's a good a time as any to revisit one of the Dolphins' moves early in free agency. Rumblings began about Miami chasing Dallas corner Byron Jones in the runup to the FA period starting, and while most didn't have the 'Fins opening up the checkbook to this extent, the team pounced quickly on the top available cornerback.

The pluses: Jones is a good-sized (6-1, 200 pounds) corner with a physical style of play. He's an athletic freak, holding the unofficial world record in the standing long jump (12-3) and running the 40-yard dash in 4.43 seconds. It's rare to get a crack at a 27-year-old second-team All-Pro on the open market, and Miami clearly couldn't resist. The trials and tribulations of the second-highest-paid corner in the league, the Dolphins' own Xavien Howard, likely made this an even more important move.

The negatives: The real talk is $54 million guaranteed is a lot to hand to a player with two interceptions in five NFL seasons. Yes, he likely didn't see as many passes to his side of the field, but the legit playmakers in the league find ways to force turnovers no matter what. I'm guessing the thinking here is that if Howard can return to form opposite Jones, both players will get more pick opportunities.

The bottom line: The 'Fins had a ton of money to burn and massive holes throughout the roster. The NFL has become a league that openly rewards teams that stack quality defensive backs, and coach Brian Flores runs a defensive scheme that is highly dependent on top-notch corners. It's clear that Jones fills that bill at an age that is attractive to a rebuilding franchise -- whether he can become the kind of playmaker that justifies a five-year, $82 million deal remains to be seen, but that's a quibble when a team finds itself with an option like this at the intersection of need and opportunity.

Day 9, Quasi-Quarantine: "The Plot Against America" Isn't Coronavirus

HBO's latest ripped-from-the-headlines endeavor is an adaptation of Philip Roth's stellar novel "The Plot Against America."

This work envisions Charles Lindbergh riding a wave of popular fanfare, anti-war sentiment, and dog-whistle anti-Semitism to wrest the Presidency from FDR. The story unfolds from the perspective of a young boy cocooned within his larger Jewish family, as they struggle with decisions about whose country this is, where they belong, and how to spark awareness of duplicity among the hordes.

"Though on the morning after the election disbelief prevailed, especially among the pollsters, by the day after that everybody seemed to understand everything, and the radio commentators and the news columnists made it sound as if Roosevelt's defeat had been preordained."

Just two episodes in, the HBO version is capturing the building intensity in a very real way, thanks to the efforts of executive producer David Simon, the genius behind such series as "The Wire" and "Treme."

In uncertain times when, according to one poll, only 37% of people actually believe actual words that the actual President is actually saying, "The Plot Against America" serves as both beacon and omen to our current state.

"How could I not be confused, when our disgrace and our glory were one and the same? Something essential had been destroyed and lost, and we were being coerced to be other than the Americans we were ..."

Day 8, Quasi-Quarantine: Social Distancing in a "Westworld"

The onset of Week 2. 
People are calculating days of toilet paper left. 
But Amazon is still working -- can the world really be in that much peril?
I should be planning for an apocalyptic future. I should be foraging for food and making a garden out of rabbit shit and tofu fertilizer. But I can only think of how "Westworld" is, against all odds, somehow becoming more confusing.
I just socially distanced my dog.
More later.

Limerick Friday #459: A Wistful And Epic Goodbye to "Mr. Robot," Plus State Bitches The Devils

Under the radar, it flew

But anyone who watched knew

It broke barriers every season

Emotional and riveting beyond reason

Holding out hope for a Mr. Robot 2

Don Imus, a radio icon

Part genius, part raving moron

A pioneer who walked the edge

Had to be talked off the ledge

His legend grew as time wore on

Beach wind and salt air

Washing away every care

When the world feels strange

And threatens too much change

Always guide me right back there

It crossed every genre there was

Never got promotion or buzz

An ethos and relatability I could dig

Was fleeting, but its impact was big

Get in your skin, "Enlightened" did and does

Vaunted Duke was coming to town

One-and-doners full of renown

In a season full of errors

A must-win for the Red Terrors

A Pack romp turned K into a clown

Last time ...

Scooter & Hum's Top Five Books of the Year 2019

After setting the bar at 30+ books in 2018, I refused to go backwards, and ended up reading 36 books this year. According to Goodreads, that breaks down to 12,329 pages.

Many tended toward the harrowing and the unspeakable, but there were so many impactful reads that it was even more difficult to identify the winners -- a "problem" I hope to face again in 2020.

Without further ado ...


#1. "Sing, Unburied, Sing," by Jesmyn Ward

What I Say Now:

This novel represents a lyrical, lilting treatment of difficult subject matter, a beautiful telling of a tale that intertwines racism, poverty, history, and the supernatural. Ward's rhythmic writing carries a novel that is, at times, numbingly emotional, wryly humorous, and wince-inducing. A worthy winner in a year full of powerful works.

Passages to Remember: 

" ... with his father, my death-crowded household, behind. We move forward, and the air from the open windows makes the glass shudder, alive as a bed of mollusks fluttering in the rush of the tide: a shimmer of froth and sand. The tires catch and spit gravel. We hold hands and pretend at forgetting."

"I let her ideas drain from me so that the truth could pool instead. Sometimes the world don't give you what you need, no matter how hard you look. Sometimes it withholds."

" ... look to my left and see that world again, and then it is gone. I claw at the air, but my hands strike nothing; they rend no doorways to that golden isle. Absence. Isolation. I keen."

"Home is about the earth. Whether the earth open up to you. Whether it pull you so close the space between you and it melt and y'all one and it beats like your heart. Same time. Where my family lived ... it's a wall. It's a hard floor, wood. Then concrete. No opening. No heartbeat. No air."

" ... Because from the first moment I saw him walking across the grass to where I sat in the shadow of the school sign, he saw me. Saw past skin the color of unmilked coffee, eyes black, lips the color of plums, and saw me. Saw the walking wound I was, and came to be my balm."


#2. "The Sympathizer," by Viet Thanh Nguyen

What I Say Now:

This powerful work crosses and transcends a number of genres while tackling weighty social issues. Viet Thanh Nguyen balances hilarity and satire and irony and sadness in equal parts, creating a remarkable novel. The emotionally resonant closing passages end this book on a momentous note, yet one that speaks resonantly to and about our current political climate.

Passages to Remember: 

"She was a poor person, I was her poor child, and no one asks poor people if they want war."

"At least we'll live to fight again. But for now, we are well and truly fucked. What kind of toast is right for that? The words came to me after a moment. Here's blood in your eye, I said. Damn right."

"America, land of supermarkets and superhighways, of supersonic jets and Superman, of supercarriers and the Super Bowl! America, was there ever a country that coined so many 'super' terms from the federal bank of its narcissism, was not only superconfident but also superpowerful, that would not be satisfied until it locked every nation of the world into a full nelson and made it cry Uncle Sam?"

"So I fell in love with Phi Phi, a harmless enough emotion. I was to fall in love two or three times a year and was now well past due."

"But anything can always happen. That's what hope is all about. He shrugged, contemplating the end of his burning cigarette. Hope's thin, he said. Despair's thick. Like blood."


#3. "The Tattooist of Auschwitz," by Heather Morris

What I Say Now:

This overwhelming story is a whirlwind of emotions, absorbing you into its history and parameters. The so-so writing is more than overcome by the raw power of the tale itself, which handles the horror and violence of the subject matter in a circumspect but pervasive way. Morris handles the devastating material with the care it demands, resulting in a truly moving reading experience.

Passages to Remember: 

"His eyes seem to see nothing; this is a man whose soul has died and whose body is waiting to catch up with it."

"We stand in shit but let us not drown in it."

"He drops to his knees and dry retches. He has nothing to bring up; the only fluid in his body is tears."

"There will be a tomorrow for us. On the night I arrived here, I made a vow to myself that I would survive this hell. We will survive and make a life where we are free to kiss when we want to, to make love when we want to."

"Behind him, Baretski says, 'Shit.'
"That one word from a sadist only deepens the well of inhumanity that Lale is drowning in."


#4. "Love in the Time of Cholera," by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

What I Say Now:

At times creepy, sublime, contradictory, beautiful, confusing, and staggering, this novel spans a life-long love affair. Setting is character for Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who uses his gifts to gut-wrenching and moving effect in describing passion found and lost. We can all see common life experiences in aspects of this truly profound work from a one-of-a-kind writer.

Passages to Remember: 

"In any event, it was difficult for him to comprehend that two free adults without a past and living on the fringes of a closed society's prejudices had chosen the hazards of illicit love."

" ... but the girl raised her eyes to see who was passing by the window, and that casual glance was the beginning of a cataclysm of love that still had not ended half a century later."

"He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell."

"So that it was reasonable to think that the woman he loved most on earth, the one he had waited for from one century to the next without a sigh of disenchantment, might not have the opportunity to lead him by the arm across the street full of lunar grave mounds and beds of windblown poppies in order to help him reach the other side of death in safety."

"Then he looked at Florentino Ariza, his invincible power, his intrepid love, and he was overwhelmed by the belated suspicion that it is life, more than death, that has no limits."


#5. "I'll Be Gone in the Dark," by Michelle McNamara

What I Say Now: 

It's nearly impossible to read this book without a touch of heartbreak infringing on a number of levels. The passion and intensity of McNamara's connection to the hunt permeates every word, every clue. A ray of sunshine breaks through only in the recognition that the arrest of the object of her obsession was due in no small part to her life's work.

Passages to Remember: 

"There's a scream permanently lodged in my throat now."

"What gripped me was the specter of that question mark where the killer's face should be. The hollow gap of his identity seemed violently powerful to me."

"They hunted a man whose face they didn't know. Didn't matter. The action of moving forward, their hands unrestrained, of physically doing something, was all that did."

"If you commit murder and then vanish, what you leave behind isn't just pain but absence, a supreme blankness that triumphs over everything else. The unidentified murderer is always twisting a doorknob behind a door that never opens. But his power evaporates the moment we know him."

"This is how it ends for you.
"'You'll be silent forever, and I'll be gone in the dark,' you threatened a victim once.
"Open the door. Show us your face.
"Walk into the light."


Honorable Mention (in 10 words or less):

"Young Lions," by Irwin Shaw: Staggeringly well-constructed, if dense, story of World War II.
"Where the Crawdads Sing," by Delia Owens: Lively, emotional coming-of-age book that drifted toward YA.
"Lincoln in the Bardo: A Novel," by George Saunders: Fascinatingly unique in structure and style, occasionally hard to follow.
"Henderson the Rain King," by Saul Bellow: Highly quotable tale with fully rendered characters and sardonic tone.
"The Girl with All the Gifts," by M.R. Carey: Visually arresting story that translates better to screen than page.
"Paradise," by Toni Morrison: Beautiful, poignant, sparse prose tackles dizzying collection of damaged characters.
"Good as Gold," by Joseph Heller: Hysterical, inane, pedantic work from the everlasting master of irony.
"Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI," by David Grann: Terse, matter-of-fact, meticulously detailed accounting of true crime.
"Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland," by Patrick Radden Keefe: Bland prose, but painstakingly researched and vividly detailed Irish history.
"Dialogue," by Robert McKee: Great ideas and stellar examples, tending toward preachy and verbose.
"The Institute," by Stephen King: Political escapism, "Stranger Things" + "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."


Notable (in 7 words or less):

"Cal," by Bernard MacLaverty: Rhythmic, terse, foreboding exploration of The Troubles.
"Hunting Eichmann," by Neal Bascomb: Comprehensive account of the search for evil.
"Full Throttle," by Joe Hill: Frantic collection of macabre, oppressive short stories.
"Fates and Furies," by Lauren Groff: Implausible story is vivid, if overly wrought.
"New York 2140," by Kim Stanley Robinson: Clever concept weighed down by competing storylines.
"Billy Bathgate," by E.L. Doctorow: Lyrical, heavy-handed depiction of Mob indoctrination.
"Cilka's Journey," by Heather Morris: Emotional, gut-wrenching "Tattooist of Auschwitz" complement.
"The Chain," by Adrian McKinty: Creepy, bold premise lacking pacing and nuance. 
"The Lovely Bones," by Alice Sebold: Strange, beautiful commentary on grief and reverberations.


The Rest (in 5 words or less):

"The Girl Who Lived Twice," by David Lagencrantz: Forgettable extension of Millennium series.
"Omerta," by Mario Puzo: Mafia legend out of ideas.
"The League," by John Eisenberg: Historical look at NFL creation.
"Throttle," by Stephen King & Joe Hill: Action-packed short story collaboration.
"Face in the Crowd," by Stephen King & Stuart Nan: Another eerie short story collaboration.
"Sportswriter: The Life and Times of Grantland Rice," by Charles Fountain: Poorly written look at legend.
"Go Set a Watchman," by Harper Lee: Controversial piece of "Mockingbird" world.
"Process: The Writing Lives of Great Authors," by Sarah Stodola: Intriguing concept with meh results.
"Wonder," by R.J. Palacio: Surprisingly emotional kid lit entry.
"Restart," by Gordon Korman: Required parental reading on bullies.
"Crusader's Cross," by James Lee Burke: Formulaic work with saccharine ending.

Limerick Friday #458: Godspeed To Normy, Plus FF Done Got Me Again

Jokes and laughs without end
Stubborn and refused to bend
Loved the Pack, he sure did
Rest in peace, grinning Kid
'Twas lucky to call you my friend

After a season so full of sucks
And so many shits and fucks
Doeren had to cover his arse
And make some assistants sparse
And fired a beleaguered Coach Hux

With contemporary issues it does wrassle
All of them weighty, not facile
Xenophobia and racism and more
Against the backdrop of constant war
Important work, "The Man in the High Castle"

The 'Fins have won about three mo'
Than anyone thought befo'
Bitched the Iggles
Which gave me the giggles
We've got something in Coach Flo

Luck bordering on obscene
More injuries than ever scene
So I say loudly to one and all
Fuck fantasy football
The same as it's ever been

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #457: "Castle Rock" Is Back With A Blast, Plus It's All Crashing Down Around Elliott

"Castle Rock" has Annie Wilkes on board

An intense backstory, good lord

Stephen King just got even funner

Season 2 is a freaking stunner

Lizzy Kaplan needs every award

A Rookie of the Year rules the town

A Cy Young winner mowing them down

Polar Bear crushed balls without reason

de Grom, another impeccable season

Yet the Mets still without a division crown

The injured have become a pile

While Goff misfires by a mile

A player lost each week

This year is just peak

Fantasy football Scooters style

Points leader losing games

Bad luck may be to blame

But isn't it strange

That the leagues change

Yet the horseshit stays the same

A "Mr. Robot" swan song

Intensity has been there all along

Elliott with memories suppressed

Split personalities to digest

Hacking capitalism cannot be wrong

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #456: "Mindhunter" Nails The Details And Mood, Plus There Are No Lows Low Enough In Miami

To define the term serial killer

Makes for a real psychological thriller

"Mindhunter" is pure tension

I need a many-season extension

So much more than the usual TV filler

After a rally made me gladden

Another lost year makes me sadden

One more season made for Flushing

The Mets should really be rushing

To make their next manager Joe Maddon

After years of impeachable stuff

To ignore got impossibly tough

But don't get sweaty palms

Just need to stay calms

And believe the truth is enough

Undisciplined football is the norm

Lack of preparation has taken State by storm

No identity to be found

Rinse and repeat is the sound

Behind me the disappointment line does form

It's losing they've chosen

Their own players they are hosin'

After a brutal winless start

The 'Fins have lost all heart

Despite hope in poor Josh Rosen

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #455: HBO Wins Most, Loses Some, Plus The Beautiful Campiness Of "Black Spot"

Purveyor of comedy sublime

John Oliver is hard to rhyme

A stammering Brit

Who's funny as shit

A legitimate hero for our time

A comeback loss like a sneak attack

For bitterness, it did not lack

When that's how it goes

It's how you knows

That fantasy football is back

HBO intrigued with a new show

Then it got stupid and slow

"Righteous Gemstones" ran outta gas

Not enough John Goodman, alas

Great premise without any get up and go

As the tank got rank

And the culture sank

The fans got pissed

And players got dissed

My only approach: just to drank

With eerie atmosphere it does scare

One character translates to "Teddy Bear"

The foreboding woods of France

With mysticism the show does dance

"Black Spot" is stellar Netflix fare

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #454: When "Stranger Things" Feels Like Reality TV, Plus OBX Ever And After

A real love note to the '80s
And all the mall Biffs and Katies
Will got lost in the plot
Hopper is dead (or not?)
"Stranger Things" made good TV out of Hades

An Indy visit we couldn't skip
For a memorable training camp trip
Then Andrew Luck said goodbye
We tried hard not to cry
And moved on with a quivering lip

"Chrenobyl" peeled back the coverup plaster
About ideology going nuclear faster
Demanding party before people
Turning leaders into sheeple
Something familiar about this profile of disaster

Flores off to an ugly start
For a braintrust that's never been smart
Tone-deaf in every dumbest way
For improvement we just have to pray
This season shaping up to be a hollow fart

An escape when real life is pending
Family and waves, the ocean kept sending
Then the Atlantic made its reckoning
With school and work beckoning
Another summer, another beautiful ending

Last time ...

Limerick Friday #453: The Staggering Genius of Flowers, Plus A Hole Where Fantasy Football Used To Be

Humor that only empowers

Drama that brings tears like showers

The brutalities of mental illness

Shattering the English stillness

The sublime brilliance of "Flowers"

After a decade, the story kept livin'

Despite pettiness and relationships riven

"Deadwood" returned intact

HBO's best ensemble cast, a fact

At the first Swearingen curse, all forgiven 

A staggering heat makes you number

As you mow to the tunes of Joe Strummer

You hit the pool and the beach

To camps and meets out of reach

All for a porch beer: This is summer

It returned just like it came

Amid subtitles and mystery and flame

A second season dropped out of the sky

Like a time travelin', cave-dwellin' guy

"Dark" vexes and intrigue stayed the same

Two decades of depth charts and boasters

Of rankings written on beer coasters

The WFFL was a tent post

When things got fucked up the most

An underestimated loss, I raise a glass to my toasters

Last time ...

Dolphins Draft 2019: Fighting For The Future, One Painstaking Move At A Time

In what turned out to be a fatal blow for owner-of-pictures-of-Stephen-Ross-with-a-goat (for lack of a cogent official title) Mike Tannenbaum and head bro coach Adam Gase, the 'Fins clearly went for need over best player available in last year's draft. After the operation went tits up and Tannenbaum and Gase were mercifully jettisoned after the 2018 regular season, Miami hired Brian Flores from New England and then mind-bogglingly promoted Chris Grier to general manager. This new braintrust then set about gutting the entire roster, leaving the Dolphins as perhaps the least-talented team in the NFL. That context is useful when evaluating the team's efforts in the 2019 NFL Draft, since Miami needs EVERYTHING and could legitimately claim they were going best player available while filling needs at the same time.

While the hope is that a competent coaching staff and a year of maturity can help some of Miami's younger players turn into legit contributors, it is clear that the Dolphins also need to start nailing picks at a much higher rate. Keeping that in mind, Miami seemed to approach this draft with logic and caution, sprinkled in with a low-risk, high-reward move that represented an opportunity that the 'Fins couldn't really afford to pass up.

All that being said, here's what Miami came up with during this year's draft ...

1st round, 13th Overall: Christian Wilkins, DT, Clemson

An experienced, proven linemen with leadership traits, Wilkins felt like one of the safest picks in this year's NFL Draft. But was he the best? That remains to be seen, but for a franchise like Miami that is in dire need of building blocks, the front office simply had to eliminate as much bust potential as possible. Wilkins has flexibility and personality to spare, and he could become a fan favorite at a time when the franchise needs to curry favor and patience with the fanbase. The big tackle will be measured against Ohio State quarterback Dwayne Haskins, but we had that disclaimer last year with Josh Rosen, and look what happened with the next pick ...

2nd round, 62nd Overall: [TRADE] Josh Rosen, QB, Arizona Cardinals

After shrewdly trading back from No. 48, the Dolphins flipped their 62nd overall pick (and a fifth-rounder) to Arizona for ... Rosen. This move endeared me to Grier & Co., especially after so many years of outright ignoring the quarterback position. The reality is that the Patriots staff had a much higher opinion of Rosen than Miami's fired staff did, and well, the results seem to slightly lean toward the Cheatriots in such comparisons. Even if Rosen doesn't pan out as a franchise guy, this was too good a deal to pass up, and he at least fortifies a position that has been woefully thin on talent for close to a quarter-century. The front office gets credit for manipulating the draft to accrue a huge second-rounder next year while still ending up with Rosen at a spot that was more palatable to their value board. Even the Dolphins' crotchety and out-of-touch beat writers seemed to come around on this steal after some initial hand-wringing and illogical criticism.

3rd round, 78th Overall: Michael Deiter, G, Wisconsin

In a bit of a gut punch, the Patsies snared versatile defensive lineman Chase Winovich one pick ahead of Miami. In many years, it seemed like a surprise like this one would have led to panic in the 'Fins draft room, but Miami seemed to recover nicely by grabbing Deiter, a huge lineman with the flexibility to play a number of spots on a woeful offensive line. When in doubt, you can never go wrong selecting an offensive lineman from Wisconsin, and this Badger projects to be a starter along Miami's retooled front. Draft analysts seemed to be lukewarm on Deiter's pick in this spot, but the Dolphins were in desperate need of talent (and hell, warm bodies) in the trenches, and the franchise will know whether it has something in Deiter relatively quickly.

5th round, 151st Overall: Andrew Van Ginkel, LB, Wisconsin

Van Ginkel's selection seemed to be a bit of a response to Winovich being lifted out from under Miami's noses -- always a dangerous way to conduct a draft. The 'Fins lost their fourth-rounder in the deal with the Saints that netted picks No. 62 and 202 this year and a second-rounder next year, leaving the Dolphins as bystanders during the selections of some of the draft's most fertile ground. On the plus side, Van Ginkel does seem to be a scheme fit and could fill a key pass-rushing role in the modified 3-4 that the 'Fins are expected to run. If you can unearth a situational contributor in the fifth round, you have done well, and that's the hope the Dolphins have for Van Ginkel.

6th round, 202nd Overall: Isaiah Prince, T, Ohio State

A common refrain in draft circles is that when you are picking late, pinpoint dudes with "plus" assets. Prince has two of these: his size (6-6, 305+) and his status as a three-year starter in the Big Ten. He's seen as a project, but there are tools to work with here, and at some point, the Dolphins are going to have to come to terms with the idea that offensive linemen don't come fully formed, and that coaching actually has to play a role. Ostensibly, not having an offensive line coach who does bumps of coke and chases hookers in the team facility will help with that. 

7th round, 233rd Overall: Chandler Cox, RB, Auburn

One of the last of a dying breed, Cox was seen as the draft's best fullback (fill in your own tallest-midget joke here). Of course, the New England offense features this position and hybrid players, and Cox will be asked to fill that role while adding a toughness element to Miami's offense -- something that has been missing for years. If Cox can impress, he could appear in some sub-packages as well as impacting most, if not all, of the Dolphins' special teams units.

7th round, 234th Overall: Myles Gaskin, RB, Washington

One pick after taking Cox, Miami added a potential backfield mate in Gaskin, the first back to surpass 1,000 yards in four different seasons in Pac-12 history. He's obviously durable, but how much will he have left in the tank after so many carries in college? He also doesn't possess the size or speed of most pro backs, but he has produced on a high level and done so consistently, which likely drew the eye of the Dolphins scouts at this stage of the draft. With Frank Gore off again on his never-ending journey and Kenyan Drake far from cemented as Miami's lead back, Gaskin should get plenty of opportunities to seize a role in training camp.

Summary

Considering how bereft of talent the depth chart is, we'd be remiss not to mention the undrafted free agents that the Dolphins landed, for they will have a better chance to stick in Miami than any other team in the league. Two players (linebacker Terrill Hanks of New Mexico and defense end Jonathan Ledbetter of Georgia) actually had fifth-round grades from analyst Dane Brugler, while a handful of others should get legit shots, including UTEP CB Nik Needham, Northwestern CB Montre Hartage, and Mississippi State OG Shaq Calhoun. Big, fast receiver Preston Williams got the most pub among Miami's beat writers, but there are reasons he went undrafted, so he'll have an uphill climb as well.

Overall, the Dolphins focused on big programs, drafting only players from Power 5 conferences -- a departure from previous drafts like 2014, of which exactly zero players still remain with the team. Miami didn't take any traditional pass rushers or defensive backs, and those remain massive holes for the team. However, the 'Fins knew there was only so much they could do in a single draft and they did a good job of stockpiling picks for the 2020 NFL Draft. So while a couple of decades of bad football and worse management have given fans PTSD (Pretty Terrible and Stupid Draft), for the first time in a while, it does feel like the 'Fins have a plan. Whether Grier and Flores be around to see the strategy to fruition is the ultimate question arising from this and subsequent drafts. My worst-case scenario from last year ended up hitting way too close to home, so let's hope this season's version edges closer to best-case territory.

Best-case scenario: Rosen becomes "the dude" Miami has been wishing for (instead of chasing) for two decades, cementing the most important position in a franchise and setting the course for pursuit of the Cheatriots. Wilkins and Deiter become instant starters, lending needed physicality as tone-setters for a team trying to find an identity. Van Ginkel develops into a viable situational pass-rusher, while Cox and Gaskin impact as special-teamers as they carve out reserve roles in the backfield. The Prince lottery ticket pays off as a team in desperate need of lucky breaks gets one as the big man flashes enough potential to carve out a development plan that eventually leads to him becoming a starting right tackle.

Worst-case scenario: Rosen identifies himself as only a passable signal-caller, and Miami finds itself back in the same boat in the 2020 draft, having to pony up precious resources on another quarterback with question marks. Wilkins becomes merely a rotational defensive lineman, while Deiter struggles to pin down his best spot on the offensive front. Van Ginkel is overmatched and undersized for a leading role, Prince continues to be a guy whose output doesn't mesh with his ability, Gaskin is too worn down and ordinary to earn carries, and Cox doesn't do enough in the third phase to merit carrying an obsolete position.