Friday, July 29, 2016

Puff-Puff-Pass And Other Drafty-Type Nuggets From The Dolphins’ Annual Bust Invitational


As training camp quickly approaches, I’ve held off on recapping the Dolphins’ draft. Since a high-round pick gets hurt before the season for a remarkable number of seasons in a row, I was sort of waiting for that to happen, and sure enough, second-round projected starting corner Xavien Howard got slapped on the PUP list with a knee injury.

With that out of the way, football is nearly here so it’s worth taking a look back at how the latest incarnation of Miami’s ever-evolving front office fared in the draft. Outside of first-round gift Laremy Tunsil, I actually liked what the ‘Fins did later in the draft this year. There were too many early-round gambles and trades for my liking, but the team did land some intriguing prospects later in the process to somewhat redeem this year’s effort.

With last year’s draft, I predicted the future with way too much accuracy. I hope to be pleasantly wrong more often this time around.

And away we go …

1st Round, 13th Overall: Laremy Tunsil, OT, Mississippi
This selection has received as much attention as any 13th-overall pick in the history of the NFL Draft, so I’m not going to belabor the point. If Tunsil can single-block an above-average end without getting the quarterback folded in half, I don’t care if he has a one-hitter in one hand and a bag of Funyuns in the other. Bottom line this was an easy pick whether Tunsil pans out or not. Miami doesn’t usually have situations like this fall into their lap in a positive way, and it was good to see them not overthink it.

2nd Round, 38th Overall: Xavien Howard, CB, Baylor
So, forget everything I said about the first pick and not overthinking it. The good vibes from the Tunsil choice went out in the window quickly as the ‘Fins gave up a fourth-round pick to move up four spots for a guy that wasn’t sparking a lot of buzz (two Tunsil puns for the price of one, you’re welcome). If you’re going to move up in this area, you do so for Miles Jack, who was the guy they really wanted anyway. Granted, if Howard is one of your starting corners—and he’d better be—on the first day of the season, all will be forgotten, but pick management comes into question here.

3rd Round, 73rd Overall: Kenyan Drake, RB, Alabama
The second-straight shaky pick came at another position of need, but there were more proven backs available at this stage and even Drake admitted to being surprised he went so early. This guy hasn’t been healthy since he was 13 years old, and I just never want his value as a gunner on special teams to be a prominent talking point for a third-round skill position player. Ever.

3rd Round, 86th Overall: Leonte Carroo, WR, Rutgers
The third-straight headshaking pick, and you could make a compelling argument that it is actually the fourth in four picks at this stage. Are you sensing a theme? Miami gave up a ton to move back into the third round to get this kid, a potential No. 4 wideout who had some off-the-field issues. Carroo is described as a playmaker and has been compared to Antoine Boldin, and I’d love to see it. In the short term, though, this trade knocked the ‘Fins out of some highly valuable mid-round possibilities, making this a luxury move that I’m not sure this team could afford at this point in their development.

6th Round, 186th Overall: Jakeem Grant, WR, Texas Tech
The Dolphins waited so long to pick again that it barely felt like the same draft. When they did, however, they made one of my favorite selections in this electric return man and slot project. If you’re going to load up on back-end picks at the end of the draft, you take guys like this with a dominant skill and hope they turn into something more. Even if Grant reduces some of Drake’s value as a return guy (don’t get me started) and even if the NFL is dead set on reducing the importance of special teams, Grant is still a playmaker type that I like in this spot.

6th Round, 204th Overall: Jordan Lucas, SS, Penn State
Miami needed a safety, so this made some sense—until it was announced that Lucas would line up at corner. But the ‘Fins need corners, too, so who the hell knows. Lucas is a guy who has to hope he can buy himself enough time on special teams to make the team for a year and transition to a new spot. I figured the Dolphins would target a linebacker around this time of the draft, but again, defensive backs are a massive need.

7th Round, 223rd Overall: Brandon Doughty, QB, Western Kentucky
No issues at all with a development QB here; it’s smart to take one in probably every draft. Doughty is an accurate kid who doesn’t possess a huge arm, but sees the field well. At the very least, you can always use a camp arm and Doughty should be aiming for a practice squad spot this year with the hope of becoming the backup next year if Matt Moore moves on.

7th Round, 231st Overall: Thomas Duarte, TE, UCLA
Like Lucas, Duarte is another transitional option as he goes from wideout to tight end. He’s a very intriguing athlete, but the key is obviously to see how he adapts to the blocking aspect of the game. Miami’s tight end depth chart is sort of in flux, so there is long-term potential for Duarte to earn a larger role if he can make the team as a rookie.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Limerick Friday #408: Stenson Puts On A Show For The Ages, Plus Another Monster Of The Midway Bids Adieu



Royal Troon set the scene
A British Open more gray than green
Mickelson threw darts all week
But Stenson was at an impossible peak
The best major Sunday I’ve seen

All the pitchers find harm
The Mets don’t have a live arm
Setback after setback it seems
That would ruin any teams
Is Jesse Orosco still down on the farm?

Cleveland is a dump
An apt site for Trump
The GOP is in shambles
As this moron rambles
Might as well vote for Forrest Gump

At RB, they needed a vet
So they searched for what they could get
Arian Foster is now in the fold
A lot injured and slightly old
But maybe he’ll surprise us yet

Forced turnovers by the bunch
Even ate Randy Moss’s lunch
A Bear legend, no doubt
Charles Tillman, on his way out
How about a final Peanut Punch?




Friday, July 08, 2016

Limerick Friday #407: Brexit Is A Thing That Actually Happened, Plus Durant Takes Easy Way Out



Ignorance triumphs
With racist harrumphs
Brexit in the UK
What have we done, they say
Here come the politics of Drumpf

State’s lifeboat rafted
Cat Barber got shafted
He went unchosen
Another Pack hopeful frozen
Gottfried needs someone to get drafted

Classes by a monitor glow
Learning is going slow
Digital marketing at Duke
Blue makes me want to puke
But forward is the only way to go

Discord throughout the land
As consistency does disband
I scream to the identity guide
With frustration I can’t hide
Whither the integrity of brand
 
KD flew the coop
Joining the Golden State troop
The Thunder now up in smoke
The NBA, kind of a joke
More money, less competitive hoops



Friday, June 24, 2016

Limerick Friday #406: LeBron Resuscitates Believeland, Plus Dustin Johnson Shoots His IQ To Win



Curry deserves many blames
As the Warriors went up in flames
The mistake by the lake
A trophy they did take
Thanks to mercurial King James

A trek through southern lands
In search of Legos and white sands
Fueled by coffee and water fizz
Discovered South Carolina is
Just kudzu and fireworks stands

The king of the summer
Pulled off another stunner
State with another coup
To team with Dennis Smith and Abu
Recruiting anything but a bummer

I admit from the start
I’m a pessimist at heart
But after years of losing
Can’t help musing
That I’m optimistic about the ‘Fins, in part

At Oakmont he drove it pure
While others couldn’t be sure
A real fiend for coke
A skeeve who used to choke
Dustin Johnson, finally a major on tour




Friday, June 10, 2016

Limerick Friday #405: Navigating The Brutal World of GOT, Plus Pack9 Continues To Be Snakebitten




 Intrigue and sly crones
Incest and dragon stones
I’m late to the game
But understand its fame
All hail “Game of Thrones”

A polarizing figure, you see
Could sure sting like a bee
Brought trash talk to sports
With the media held courts
RIP, Muhammad Ali

A new site has arrived
Along with awards contrived
A slight improvement we laud
Cake selfies for a proven fraud
Blame passed as she shucked and jived

Injuries have besets
The water-treading Mets
Pitching keeping them alive
As batting averages dive
Get healthy and start raking, lets

Fought for several rainy days
And made many clutch plays
But when it came to do it
Pack baseball blew it
In the most NC State of ways



Friday, May 27, 2016

Limerick Friday #404: Frightened Rabbit Lays Siege To Saxapahaw, Plus Baseball Used Well-Thrown Punch To Get Mildly Exciting



From Scotland to Saxapahaw
One of the best concerts I ever saw
A set list to make you shiver
Tore up all of Haw River
Frightened Rabbit left me in awe

Under pretty high stakes
Some key recruiting takes
All of a sudden the Pack
Looks a little stacked
The difference a month makes

A strong Wyoming lass
The epitome of class
Left a legacy of grace
And plenty of Vogies in place
As a beloved Grandma did pass

Beat every foe on his plate
Took home the Players late
Even without his best game
Jason Day cruised with no shame
Well-played as always, mate
 
On their shoulders they had a chip
Thanks to Bautista’s bat flip
So the next time they had a look
Made him eat a right hook
Odor made him eat meals with a sip



Friday, May 06, 2016

Limerick Friday #403: Feeling A Windy City Draft, Plus HBO Saves TV Season Again



Gas mask bong for the win
Laremy Tunsil now a ‘Fin
But the rest of the picks
Full of head-scratching risks
Ask me in three years again

“Veep” and “Silicon Valley,” reborn
It’s kinda like Christmas morn
A coupla smash hits
To cure network TV’s shits
Best comedies on air, I’ve sworn

It’s the NFL Draft
The mediocre’s life raft
So when in Chitown
Wear this like a crown:
“Please ‘Fins, don’t be daft”

Beer you can’t nurse
Run through every curse
You mumble Ned Ginn
And say, “Never again”
And then you watch something worse

“Twin Peaks” meets “The Killing”
“Top of the Lake” is quite thrilling
The detective, “Mad Men’s” Peggy
The atmosphere quite heavy
Early on, both creepy and chilling



Friday, April 22, 2016

Limerick Friday #402: The British Overrun Augusta, Plus “Vinyl” Turns Finale Up To 11



 For all those who had a golf hanker
The Masters went to a wanker
Danny Willett a great story
But no Day, Johnson, or Rory
Spieth reacted like a pissy banker

As spinoffs goes
“Fear the Walking Dead” kinda blows
Have always liked Kim Dickens
The rest of cast lame chickens
Like a made-for-TV movie shows

Miami’s got needs and musts
For their annual festival of busts
The offseason quietly good
Can they draft like they should?
Or leave me head-shaking and cussed

John Oliver is an heir
To the genius of Colbert
Meticulous details
With laughter regales
Cross him only if you dare
 
A memorable “Vinyl” finale
Richie with a nice little rally
The Nasty Bits rock
Boosting Alibi stock
Season 2 should be interesting, pally



Friday, April 08, 2016

Limerick Friday #401: “The Walking Dead” Whimpers Into The Offseason, Plus Augusta Takes Over The Sports Stage



Once a pulse-pounding show
Is quickly losing mojo
Negan with his Lucille banger
Reduced by a needless cliffhanger
TWD is losing audience as they go

Goodbye to the Martin twins
As the Pack roster thins
A crossroads time for Gott
As his seat starts to get hot
Only way out is recruiting and wins

“Vinyl” has made the leap
Digging into issues deep
From race to religion to murder
The writers keep pushing it further
Makes you laugh, dance, and weep

A dramatic buzzer beater
Fans cried at Harris Teeter
Quite a run, but now it’s ovah
The year belonged to Villanova
Karma for each and every cheater
 
The morning dew is clear
Green grass that could bring a tear
Magnolias scent the air
The vision of a golf love affair
Masters means spring’s truly here



Friday, March 25, 2016

Limerick Friday #400: A Milestone Friday, Plus The Underwoods Resort To The Lowest Levels



From an MSI blast back in time
To poems about SEO sublime
The 400th week of this
Limericks that laugh and diss
Now my Fridays all rhyme

A year that was no vacation
The Pack reduced to low station
A season with no safe harbor
Made bearable by Cat Barber
Many thanks from Wolfpack Nation

Another season petering out
A whimper instead of a shout
Doctor Denise, a tough loss
But a crossroads they have to cross
Negin is now lurking about

Pro Bowls he once earned
‘Til he got old and burned
A pint-sized corner with hops
And a ratchet who never stops
Brent Grimes, marriage lesson learned

A Presidency in shards
With no corruption guards
Starting a war
For distraction and more
That’s the season of “House of Cards”



Friday, March 11, 2016

Limerick Friday #399: Can A Pack Legend Help Turn Around The ‘Fins, Plus Blindsiding The Saviors Seems Not Smart



A franchise in the dumps
Perennial offseason chumps
But Mario was a baller move
Could help the ‘Fins find a groove
But we’ll still take our media lumps

Gutty but undermanned
Nothing went as planned
The Pack had a lot of heart
But a season of false starts
True fans will understand

The liver heals fast
Ghosts of the past
Marriage of convenience, indeed
When a campaign is in need
“House of Cards” has conspiracies vast

Bundles of cash fly around
Solutions bought but not found
It’s free agency time in the NFL
For those who’ve avoided cap hell
Overpaying and egos abound
 
Another rash decision by Rick
Will Nagin pull off the last trick?
Killing strangers in their sleep
Leads to many questions deep
Of bad outcomes, you can take your pick



Friday, March 04, 2016

Limerick Friday #398: Dook’s Serial Tripper Roams Free, Plus “House Of Cards” Might Now Be Reality TV


Can shoot the three or dunk
A Lil’ Abner with some funk
Cheap shots for all to see
Hypocrisy from the ACC
Grayson Allen, Duke’s latest bitch punk

A welcome change of scenes
In a world inescapably obscene
The team takes to the Hilltop
While Abraham ponders being Pop
Calling out Nagin takes a lot of beans

Another situation unfunny
The ‘Fins have no money
Maybe they’re better off
To give free agency a scoff
And stop pretending things are sunny

B.C. gave them a scare-a
Remember the fat lady and Yogi Berra
A home loss would’ve been clowned
To the worst team around
Finally saved by Michael Cera

A political kick to the ‘nards
Ripping our government to shards
This actually isn’t about Trump
That pompous, bankrupted lump
It’s about the return of “House of Cards”




Friday, February 26, 2016

Limerick Friday #397: A Brilliant Look At The ‘70s Music Industry, Plus Miami’s Bust Identification Season Is Quickly Approaching




The cutthroat ‘70s music biz
An NYC made of bellbottoms, coke, and jizz
A force of nature, Bobby Cannavale
Like a walking, snorting bacchanal
“Vinyl” makes you say “gee whiz”

Another in a string of defeats
At the hands of the Cheats
Cat Barber’s the best
But it’s a one-man team mess
Gottfried can’t afford many repeats

A rocky six-episode run
Finished with intensity by the ton
Was it another placeholder
For a psudeo-Scully and Mulder
There’s more to tell about a smoking gun

I motivate like Matt Foley
Fuck up the redesign, slowly
 I’ve given 35 presentations
Show up drunk without hesitation
My hair smells like desperation and Stoli

Can you cut on a dime?
Do you interview sublime?
Are you pre-injured or a bad fit?
Miami’ll put a ring on it
Welcome to NFL Combine time



Friday, February 19, 2016

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXIII: “Better Call Saul” Nails Its Comeback, While “Walking Dead” Wallows In Confusion




Trapped in the trash at the mall
Running scams to escape it all
Chasing what he wants with Kim
The walls closing down on him
How we’ve missed you, “Better Call Saul”

Blow it up once again
Or shuffle a position or 10
A rebuild or tweak case?
Is the question for Adam Gase
I’ll be over here remembering when

Hackers thumb the government eye
Saul is sexing a spy
Quinn is like Jason Vorhees
“Homeland” is now “24” degrees
Drink every time Carrie does cry

A giveaway for the Cheats
Continuing the rivalry defeats
Roy blew another lead
And his players cannot read
11 out of 14 Blue Devils beats

A zombie massacre upon its return
In Alexandria did walkers all burn
Maybe Glenn is Jason Vorhees
More often I say, “Oh, puh-lease”’
“Walking Dead” takes a sketchy turn




Friday, February 12, 2016

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXII: Scam Newton Makes A Business Decision, Plus “X-Files” Makes An Erratic Comeback


Chances, Denver not given a stitch
But with talent on D they were rich
Cam protected his dabbing arm
And cowarded away from harm
Broncos reverted him to a whiny bitch

A late start to our new year
Embrace every worry and fear
February feels like a chance
To press reset and try to dance
Like Morgan, I just want to clear

A tremendous player, indeed
A defense he could read
And a stats hound to be sure
A self-promoting insufferable boor
Peyton Manning, retire now, I plead

A one-man show every night
In a lost season, a spot that’s bright
Cat Barber, a year for the ages
Performing on ACC stages
For sore eyes, he’s been quite a sight

Two more episodes remain
More monsters have been slain
The “X-Files” uneven return
Has ignored questions that burn
Watching has at times been a pain