I've Signed Off On This ...

Especially on a Monday, this is quite appealing ...

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Recharging The Batteries, Plus Nucky & The Crew Return In Full Force

Feet in the sand feels right

Harvest moon hangs in the night

A few days along the Outer Banks

So much for which to give thanks

Relax and breathe in every sight

The ACC has done it again

Precluding a potential Wolfpack win

The refs made up some rules

Ended up looking like fools

Incompetence is the league’s slogan

As a government shutdown loomed

Amidst bipartisan gloom

I thought about politics of hate

And how maybe it’s too late

Our political system may be doomed

A tough loss to start the season

Cam Newton playing without reason

But a coupla wins in a row

Has optimism starting to flow

But the fantasy gods need appeasin’

Chalky in biz with Nuck

Van Alden now timid as fuck

Harrow can’t avoid danger

Dr. Narcisse is a game-changer

“Boardwalk Empire” back with pluck

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: Heart Never Healed

A week that’s been pretty tough

Memories have been kinda rough

Seared forever, I reckons

The beach certainly beckons

But never soon enough

A school shooting as many shots rang

Torture porn by a Persian gang

Prison rape and strangle in a potty

Adultery with a madam hottie

“Sons of Anarchy” back with an ugly bang

Office flooded, what the shizz

Water pours down on all that’s his

Politics ruined what was once loved

Shit comes down from above

Perfect symbol of this biz

It happens every season

And I just don’t know the reason

I pick all the right players

And have depth in layers

Then they score no points and keep teasin’

They say time heals

And memory steals

So a year seems long ago

I see you still, precious Mo

You’re everything that my heart feels

Last time …

Guinness Brings The Awesome

Not much to add here ...

Let’s Try This Again: The Scooters Aim To Master The Draft In 2013

You know the drill (just like last year). And away we go ...

1^st round, 13^th overall: LeSean McCoy, RB, Philadelphia Eagles

With four of the top five picks being quarterbacks, some skill dudes slid further than anticipated. Calvin Johnson went one pick ahead of me or else he would have been the guy, but my dream scenario of going McCoy-Forte with my first two picks was still intact with this selection. McCoy should be fearsome in the Chip Kelly offense this year.

2^nd round, 16^th overall: Matt Forte, RB, Chicago Bears

And just like that, the dream scenario fell into place. I’m a big believer in Forte’s prospects both running and catching this year in a more imaginative offense propelled by coach Marc Trestman. With the top-tier signal-callers off the board, Forte was a no-brainer for me at this point.

3^rd round, 41^st overall: Vincent Jackson, WR, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Confusion reigned for me here, as CBS’s online draft room began hiccupping. First, it wouldn’t allow me to grab Cam Newton, which was my pick here, and then it did show me as having drafted Newton. However, the clock reset and I grabbed Vincent Jackson (thinking this was actually my fourth-round selection), then found out it was actually my third-rounder. (continued below) Grabbing the best remaining wideout on my board allowed me to stay in line with my draft strategy of RB-RB-QB-WR.

4^th round, 44^th overall: Cam Newton, QB, Carolina Panthers

Whew. Anyway, the next owner grabbed Colin Kaepernick, so when the dust settled, I had both guys I wanted anyway. I dislike Newton overall, but he was far an away the best value at a need position (especially since Matthew Stafford went two picks before), and I sort of had no choice, with six signal-callers have been selected in the first 20 picks.

5^th round, 69^th overall: James Jones, WR, Green Bay Packers

An owner had Jones designated as a potential “keeper” (for the price of a sixth-rounder), but withdrew that status prior to the draft (for reasons not entirely clear). Anyway, here’s a guy who was a TD machine last year who should take on an even larger role for Aaron Rodgers, especially with some injury concerns for Jordy Nelson.

6^th round, 72^nd overall: Seahawks, D/ST, Seattle

I don’t believe I’ve ever spurred a defensive run by being first in drafting one, but this was a tricky spot for me. With 25 picks between here and my next choice, I knew the pickings would be slim, and even though Eric Decker was still here, I figured you can  never go wrong picking the top player at any position.

7^th round: 97^th overall: Tavon Austin, WR, St. Louis Rams

I’m a believer in this kid as a home-run threat, and I also feel the Rams have an entire package of plays for him that they’ve kept under wraps until the regular season. I had a shot at New Orleans wideout Lance Moore here, and that was a tough one to pass up. But our league really rewards distance scores, and the hope here is that Austin develops quickly as the top option in St. Louis—and that more of his impact comes from scrimmage rather than on special teams.

8^th round: 100^th overall: Chris Ivory, RB, New York Jets

My first “UGH” pick, and the fact that it came this late in the draft is a win. Ivory has been dinged-up all preseason and plays for a woeful offense, but should be far and away the main guy in New York when healthy (apologies to Bilal Powell) and is a strong goal-line option. Not what I had  in mind for my #3 running back, but I could have done worse. Ugh.

9^th round, 125^th overall: Kyle Rudolph, TE, Minnesota Vikings

I bypassed Antonio Gates in each of the last two rounds, making this one of my favorite picks right here. I had my eye on Chicago’s Martellus Bennett, but he went a few picks beforehand and I was very surprised that the consensus #5 tight end was still hanging around in this spot. Rudolph will suffer from having Christian Ponder throwing him the ball, but he’s a beast in the red zone and should develop some as a seam threat this year.

10^th round, 128^th overall: Pierre Thomas, RB, New Orleans Saints

He’s been an unsung hero for years in the Big Easy, and though the Saints RB situation is cloudy at best, I liked this grab at this point as my RB4. Now I was cleared to pinpoint the rest of the WR corps and fill depth.

11^th round, 153^rd overall: Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers

Having been jumped on Mike Vick a coupla rounds earlier, I rolled with “Big Ben” as a solid backup here. His weapons have changed faces over the last coupla years, but with huge uncertainty in the running game, he could be airing it out this year. I figured I could do much worse for a QB2.

12^th round, 156^th overall: Percy Harvin, WR, Minnesota Vikings

This one involves a quick explanation: in my league, if you take a player in the 12^th round or later, you can then keep him for the price of a sixth-rounder the following season provided he stays on your roster all season long (and you still want him). Harvin was a no-brainer for me, being that he could return earlier than most expected, plus he could give me some intriguing options going into the 2014 draft.

13^th round, 181^st overall: Julian Edelman, WR, New England Patriots

Basically, I wanted a Patriots wideout, because I don’t think anything is set in stone in terms of Brady’s favorite targets and the general WR rotation this year in New England. Edelman was come through in the clutch for Brady in the past, and I believe the opportunity is there for him to emerge as a viable, reliable threat as this year progresses. Hell, he even looks like the illegitimate child of Wes Welker and Danny Woodhead.

14^th round, 184^th overall: Markus Wheaton, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers

I rolled with another rookie wideout here, with Wheaton garnering rave reviews throughout the preseason. In the 14^th round, he was well worth a gamble as a dude who could potentially replicate the deep-threat ability of the now-departed Mike Wallace. As my sixth and final receiver, I like the upside he offers—with little risk.

15^th round, 209^th overall: Dwayne Allen, TE, Indianapolis Colts

I was a little surprised Allen was still around, despite the mitigating factors of his injury status and the presence of Andrew Luck favorite Coby Fleener. Allen is more of a seam threat than Fleener, and at times Luck looked Allen’s way every other pass a season ago. In the 15^th round and as a backup tight end, I have zero complaints.

16^th round, 212^th overall: David Akers, K, Detroit Lions

He’s been less than stellar of late, but here’s to thinking he turns it around indoors and the Lions put up beaucoup points in 2013. And if not on either count, he’s a kicker. They abound.

17^th round, 237^th overall: Titans, D/ST, Tennessee

They were here, they had a different bye week than the Seahawks and they are an underrated unit in an offense-challenged division.

18^th round, 240^th overall: Caleb Sturgis, K, Miami Dolphins

I wanted a Dolphin and I expect Miami to stall out quite a bit in the red zone (as per usual). And with a 58-yarder already under his belt in the preseason, Sturgis could get some distance looks if Akers falters.

SUMMARY

CBS now generates a recap minutes after your draft concludes, and our league’s read like this: “When the dust settled from the draft, The Scooters were left on top. Their starters project out to score more points than any other team this year. Coach Scott Vogelsberg made some savvy pickups in Kyle Rudolph, Tavon Austin and LeSean McCoy. Rudolph was rated as the 3^rd-best pickup in the draft.” CBS was also kind enough to deem me “Master Drafter,” then went on to potshot the other owners in the league.

Anyway, from the 13^th spot in a 14-team league, I couldn’t have been much happier with how I netted out. My running back depth isn’t great and I will likely need another wideout to emerge, but the good news is I stocked those positions with low-risk, high-reward types late in the draft. But honestly, my problem has never been drafting; it has been getting players to play up to their profiles, staying healthy and roster management.

But since this is purely a draft assessment, I’m tickled pink green with how I allocated my roster this year. Giddyup ... now the fun (?) starts.

“Trouble With the Curve” Carves Out A Role As Anti-“Moneyball”

I used to love baseball. I really did. I used to lay awake at night listening to Mets games (*fill in your own joke here*) on WFAN, following guys like Hojo and David Cone and Strawberry and Gregg Jeffries Mackey Sasser and Kevin McReynolds and Mookie Wilson.

Under that premise as a one-time fan (jaded by years of steroid abuse, player strikes and juiced balls), I was pitched on “Trouble With the Curve.” The presence of a rambling Clint Eastwood was offset by the presence of an adorable Amy Adams, so with a sigh and a beer, I settled in.

Immediately—well, after a highly disturbing opening involving Eastwood having a conversation with his penis that reminded of his speech to an empty chair at the RNC—this flick was billed as an anti-“Moneyball” vehicle. Eastwood is depicted as the stereotypical Luddite, past-his-prime scout, fending off a New Age of analytics, metrics and evaluation by computer.

John Goodman was (as always) a tremendous add, but the rest of the cast was interesting, though mixing in Justin Timberlake was a poor choice (as always). Set in Asheville, N.C., the film relied on a cliché, though arguably accurate, version of North Carolina.

“Trouble With the Curve” was certainly a bit cliché and trite, but it also had a heart, neatly tied up in a cute bow with a predictable ending. Not exactly thought-provoking or groundbreaking territory, but a guilty pleasure on a late-summer evening with memories of what the former national pastime once meant to so many ... one could do worse.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: McCain Chases A Flush As Syrian Lives Debated, Plus Poised For “Boardwalk Empire” Return

On his fellow Congressmen did drone

While McCain f’d around on his phone

Playing poker, trying to stay awake

While Syrian lives are at stake

High time for a quiet nursing home

Pushed through an empty time of year

Of boring sports to steer clear

The NBA has floppers and repeats

Baseball, a snooze of cheats

Finally, NFL football is here

Nicholson announced retirement today

Think he’s earned enough in play

Was he phoning it in recently

Though he certainly acts decently

Doesn’t he just play himself anyway?

To avoid a fantasy disaster

Must draft smarter and faster

For McCoy and Forte, I be rootin’

Hated to pick Cam Newton

CBS called me “Draft Master”

Can Nucky possibly lay low?

How will sacrificing love affect Harrow?

Of Margaret, what will become?

An A.C. with Capone should be fun

“Boardwalk Empire” is back, dontcha know

Last time …

Rotund Dude Narrates Strangers' Lives In Movie Trailer Voice

Pretty quick wit here ...