#1
UNC receiver Greg Little is emblematic of the Miami-style thugs that Bitch Davis is bringing into the Tar Heel fold. Not smart enough to make it into most schools, a tremendous athlete, little on-field sense, no control of emotions … in short, a guy you expect to read about shooting up a liquor store every morning when you open up the paper. His actions during the Jarvis Byrd injury and throughout the State game would get him suspended at any program that has an ounce of class, so I fully expect him to be starting in the Holes’ bowl game. And I never root for a player to get injured, but I hope he snaps his femur in about nine places and then gets run over by the team bus for good measure. 0-3 vs. the Pack, punk bitch.
#2
OK, I’ve been sitting on this for years now, but w.t.f. on the FOX NFL robot? What the hell is that supposed to be? What does it mean? Does anyone else find it odd that some strange robot cabbage-patching and throwing up gang signs is supposed to somehow represent the NFL? I guess it is Fox, after all; I can count the things they do that makes sense on one hand.
#3
Newest football pet peeve: CB tries to cover WR. WR beats CB severely. Ball is overthrown. CB celebrates. Worse, yet, WR drops ball. CB celebrates. Really? Is that how far we’ve sunk in our athletic culture, that you can get destroyed by your opponent, but then try to act like it’s an accomplishment when your opponent then fails to make the play? Christ.
#4
I used to like Gus Johnson. I think we don’t have enough announcers who are actually invested in the game anymore, and Gus calls his games like he’s a 12-year-old attending his first pro contest. His epic call of the end of the State-UConn tourney game—“And here comes the man from Harlem!”—will always ensure he has a place in my heart. All that being said, he’s crossed that line to where he’s becoming a joke. His sucking up to the home team and over-exuberance is essentially turning him into a slightly less sellout, two-functioning-eyed version of Stuart Scott. Check yourself, Gus, before it’s too late.
#5
On Saturday against the Holes, State quarterback Russell Wilson sported eyeblack that said “Dana” under one eye and “Bible” under the other. Talk about a kid who just “gets” it; things got a little dusty for Scoot when he saw that. Contrast that with Ohio State signal-caller Terrelle Pryor, who wore “Michael Vick” on his face in the season opener. Nice message, jerkoff; an overrated, borderline bust “honoring” a convict. It’s no wonder college football is turning into a shadier version of the NFL.
#6
Out of Context Quote of the Week: Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne was asked about erasing the memory of his three-interception fourth quarter last week. According to the Miami Herald, he said, “I am going to wipe all of this behind me.” It’s OK, Chad, I’m sure that doesn’t mean what we think it means. And maybe this is only funny to a new Dad who changes his one-month-old daughter’s diapers consistently.
#7
Freshman Dion Lewis may have been the best running back I saw all year. Unfortunately, he plays for Pitt, which means Dave Wannstache isn’t going to stop giving him the ball until he destroys the kid’s career. In the Big East championship game, Lewis—who goes 5-8, 195 pounds, by the way—got the ball on the first 15 plays. Yes, you read that right—15 fucking plays. He had 29 carries at freaking halftime. What does your gameplan become at that point? “Hey Coach, Lewis already has 30 carries, so … what do you want to do?” “What do you mean? Run that 5-8 kid until his spleen ruptures. Then throw it to him.” I mean, this is exactly the reason why Ricky Williams retired: because the ‘Stache made him run it every goddam play, even when the other team had 12 guys in the box. Lewis ended the day with 47. Freaking. Carries. Are you fucking kidding me?!
Note to Dion: Transfer. Now. If you want to have any chance of playing professional football, it is time to say goodbye to Pittsburgh.
P.S. I hear Raleigh is a nice college town.
#8
If you have two functioning legs, the cutoff for using an elevator is a mandatory two-floor difference between where you’re getting on and where you’re going. If it’s a single floor, grow a pair, have some self-respect and take the goddam stairs.
#9
During a night football game in Boise, Idaho, a coupla weeks ago, they showed an entire row of students wearing Boise State Snuggies in the freezing cold. I’m not positive why, but I found that absolutely hilarious.
#10
I have a crush on Flo from Progressive. There. I said it.
No comments:
Post a Comment