Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXII: An Insanely Exciting Final Round at Augusta, Plus Applebee’s Doesn’t Really Card

An amazing finish of Masters play
A run by the Aussies, Scott and Day
Luke-a-like Donald, Ogilvy, Woods
Lotsa would’ves, could’ves and shoulds
But Schwartzel’s 66 led the way

Take from the poor, give to the rich?
No wonder the economy’s in a ditch
Cut the deficit now
Then step back and take a bow
A bickering government’s like a collective bitch

Whines like he’s on the rag
Then calls a ref a forkin' fag
He’s the Tiger of the NBA
But the media’s afraid to say
There’s a story, ESPN the Mag

She used to be really fine
But we have to draw the line
“Most Beautiful in the World,” what?
Jennifer Lopez has a big butt
“American Idol,” an apocalypse sign

Applebee’s food ain’t very good
So if you can get drunk, you should
But not if you’re a toddler under 2
Now they have a slogan that’s new
“Dosin’ ‘Em Good in the ‘Hood”

Last time …

Fathers And Sons ...

This year’s was one of the most memorable Masters I can ever remember. And one of my favorite parts was this video short by Wright Thompson, which captures almost everything that’s beautiful about a small slice of heaven in Augusta, Georgia.

“The Help” Bravely Shines A Light On The Unexplored, Revealing Truths Both Brutal and Beautiful

“I reckon that’s the risk you run, letting somebody else raise you chilluns … But the help always knows.”

“Don’t waste your time on the obvious things. Write about what disturbs you, particularly if it bothers no one else.”

“They say it’s like true love, good help. You only get one in a lifetime.”

I didn’t know too much about “The Help,” but when it was recommended and described to me, I quickly fell in love with concept and the story. Using the language and idiom of the times (early 1960s Jackson, Mississippi), this book described the lives of black help and their uneasy, disparate relationships with the white women who turned over child-rearing, homekeeping and family culture duties to them.

The accents felt a bit forced at times and were initially awkward to read, but quickly developed in rhythm and readability as the story progressed. Also, there was a change in narrators every couple of chapters, an intriguing approach which helped to bring the story along and assisted with pacing. The first-person narrative worked well, with only a single chapter in the middle of the book employing a third-person observer.

“There is no trickier subject for a writer from the South than that of affection between a black person and a white one in the unequal world of segregation. For the dishonesty upon which a society is founded makes every emotion suspect, makes it impossible to know whether what flowed between two people was honest feeling or pity or pragmatism.” -- Howell Raines, “Grady’s Gift”

“But the dichotomy of love and disdain living side-by-side is what surprises me.”

This novel was the first written by Kathryn Stockett, making the character-building and storytelling all the more amazing. She swiftly and adeptly sketched memorable, multidimensional characters such as the tough, outspoken, vulnerable and hilarious Minny (“If I’d played Mammy, I’d of told Scarlett to stick those green draperies up her white little pooper.”); the wise, intelligent, serious Aibileen; the disturbed, unaware, pitiable, Marilyn Monroe-ish Celia; the evil, unapologetic, irredeemable Hilly; and the guarded, brave, conflicted Skeeter (“All my life I’d been told what to believe about politics, coloreds, being a girl. But with Constantine’s thumb pressed in my hand, I realized I actually had a choice in what I could believe.”). In this female-dominated tale, these women and others shed light in various ways on the uneasy relationship between the factions of civil rights-era Mississippi.

“Aibileen, she moves on to another job when the babies get too old and stop being color-blind. We don’t talk about it.”

“Things ain’t never gone change in this town, Aibileen. We living in hell, we trapped. Our kids is trapped.”

“The Help” is dominated by the complex, give-and-take relationships between many of the key protagonists: Aibileen and her employer’s little girl, Mae Mobley; Skeeter and Aibileen; Aibileen and Minny; Minny and Hilly; Skeeter and Hilly; Minny and her alcoholic, abusive husband Leroy; Skeeter and her mother; Minny and Celia; Skeeter and Stuart, her prospective boyfriend; and others. To me, there was much beautiful about the relationship between Aibileen and Mae Mobley, which really propelled the beginning and ending of the entire book; it served as a fitting representation of the conflicting emotions that defined white vs. black and help vs. employer during this era.

“ … that’s when I get to wondering, what would happen if I told her she something good, ever day? … What if I don’t even get to tell Mae Mobley goodbye, and that she a fine girl, one last time?
“Lord, I pray, if I have to leave her, give her somebody good.”

“I look deep into her rich brown eyes and she look into mine. Law, she got old-soul eyes, like she done lived a thousand years. And I swear I see, down inside, the woman she gone grow up to be. A flash from the future. She is tall and straight. She is proud. She got a better haircut. And she is remembering the words I put in her head. Remembering as a full-grown woman.
“And then she say it, just like I need her to. ‘You is kind,’ she say, ‘you is smart. You is important.’”

“And I think about all my friends, what they done for me. What they do ever day for the white women they waiting on. That pain in Minny’s voice. Treelore dead in the ground. I look down at Baby Girl, who I know, deep down, I can’t keep from turning out like her mama. And all of it together roll on top a me. I close my eyes, say the Lord’s prayer to myself. But it don’t make me feel any better.
“Law help me, but something’s gone have to be done.”

Without giving too much away, the story really finds its stride when Skeeter decides to covertly write a book about the life and times of black help in Mississippi, enlisting the help of Aibileen, who turns out to be a bit of a closet writer and literature lover. In developing a code and a cautious relationship, Skeeter and Aibileen both grow individually by leaps and bounds, at the same time forging an incredible, under-described bond through their tension-filled, secretive emotional efforts. In their collaborations, each assists the other in truly finding their voices, as well as the inner confidence needed to come to terms with and repair previous wounds and scars. We are witness to Skeeter finding her sexuality and femininity as she is guarding her secret and losing all of her friends, forced to ponder the metaphor of her falling in love at a hotel named for the representation of pro-slavery Civil War feelings.

There are emotional, touching scenes, such as when the maids quietly pass by Skeeter and quietly pledge to help her; and when the churchgoers present a signed secret book to Aibileen, and later to Skeeter; and when Minny lets down her façade long enough to help Celia deal with her hidden secret (“She stops crying and I don’t have any good things left to say. For a minute, we’re just two people wondering why things are the way they are.”). “The Help” does a respectable job of handling the daunting task of depicting and describing the tangled web of racial relationships that exist in every nook and cranny within this book.

“It’s something about that word truth. I’ve been trying to tell white women the truth about working for them since I was fourteen years old.”

“Truth.
“It feels cool, like water washing over my sticky-hot body. Cooling a heat that’s been burning me up all my life.
“Truth, I say inside my head again, just for that feeling.”

That’s not to say there weren’t some struggles and holes in this work. There are massive holes in Skeeter’s relationship with Stuart, stemming from the fact that it is quite apparent that he is still in love with his ex-fiancee and likes Skeeter only for the fact that she is the anti-ex -- a safe, nice girl who is just ugly enough to where she wouldn’t and couldn’t cheat on him. Also, the placement of the novel within historical perspective feels a trifle forced at times, with timely references to Bob Dylan, Martin Luther King, Vietnam, the Rolling Stones and John F. Kennedy peppered throughout. I also couldn’t help wondering why Skeeter wouldn’t travel with the completed book herself to New York to ensure it arrived at its destination, and also to make multiple copies while there to ensure there was some insurance involved.

And finally, the ending was an enormous letdown after the stellar job of building weighty, impressive intensity -- creating the perception that you’re tiptoeing around Jackson with the lead characters, ducking the trouble that lurks around every corner -- throughout the ending of the book. It was disappointing to read the lack of profundity involved in the conclusion, though I guess there is an aspect to it that could be read as the recognition that this book wasn’t going to immediately cause any changes and that mundane life would simply go on. But I still felt there was a lost opportunity there.


So imagine my surprise when I discovered the claimed opportunity and the true ending on the other side of the acknowledgements. In a small section titled “Too Little, Too Late,” Stockett describes her early life, her growth under the help of her family’s live-in help, Demetrie -- and essentially, the fact that she is Skeeter, as well as her reasons for undertaking “The Help.” This represented the beautiful ending, after all, but it was tucked away in the back of the book, and so many people stop reading at the acknowledgements. How many people missed that part of the book that really tied everything together, the nominal Lebowski’s rug of the novel?

“Finally, my belated thanks to Demetrie McLorn, who carries us all out of the hospital wrapped in our baby blankets and spent her life feeding us, picking up after us, loving us, and, thank God, forgiving us.”

Yet, assessed in its totality, “The Help” is a memorable, brave work, a promising and head-turning debut for Stockett. No matter where you’re from and what you believe about civil rights, it will forever change the way you look at racial relationships within not only the South, but the entire country.

And for a first-time novelist, that is a truly, truly staggering accomplishment.



“I’m pretty sure I can say that no one in my family ever asked Demetrie what it felt like to be black in Mississippi, working for our white family. It never occurred to us to ask. It was everyday life. It wasn’t something people felt compelled to examine.
“I have wished, for many years, that I’d been old enough and thoughtful enough to ask Demetrie that question. She died when I was sixteen. I’ve spent years imagining what her answer would be. And that is why I wrote this book.”

“Wasn’t that the point of the book? For women to realize, We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I’d thought.”

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXI: Yow Lands Coach, Then Blasts A Drunkard, Plus The Masters Is Finally Here

A search with twists and turns
So-called experts who never learns
Mark Gottfried got the call
Now let’s shut up and ball
When Gary Williams pees, it burns

For Japan, another earthquake
Already, so much radiation at stake
It hit at a massive 7.1
For a nation under the gun
How much more can they take?

A national championship game
So poorly played, what a shame
“Hoosiers” fell short again
UConn’s cheaters did win
“One Shining Moment” was also lame

A government shutdown on the way?
Can’t even agree on the time of day
Abortion waylaying budget dreams
The environment unimportant, it seems
Compromise impossible -- whaddya say?

Masters time of year, what a thrill
A top-five sporting event, still
Media’s pulling for Tigger
He’s best when the stakes are bigger
But this weekend, look out for Phil

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 42

#1
Reason #6,806 why dogs are awesome. Loyalty. And it got a little dusty in here when the one dog sort of hugged the other.

#2
“Inception” was almost two-and-a-half hours long. This Victorian woodcut animation sums it up in 60 seconds.

#3
Maybe I’m getting old, but a “sagging pants” bill is long past due. Kudos, Florida (and I can’t believe I typed that).

#4
A roll-top computer? I can dig this.

#5
Len Elmore is the type of dude who can be wrong, be proven wrong by a replay, watch said replay, ignore it, then go on pretending he’s still right. And I believe that says everything you need to know about Len Elmore.

#6
This is an incredible aurora borealis video. That’s really all I’ve got.

#7
On top of all the other things the national title game was missing, such as offense and excitement, it was really missing Gus Johnson. But listening to Gus call great moments in history almost made up for it.

#8
Apparently, some of you out there are using vodka tampons (you know who you are). Just … be careful. You know?

#9
This April Fool’s border crossing sign is nothing short of tremendous. Wonder if anyone stopped and actually looked at themselves as a result?

#10
Part of me thought Debbie Yow should have been more professional, not stooped to Gary Williams’s level and not taken the spotlight off of Mark Gottfried.
And then part of me thought that it was goddam great that she essentially told that sweaty, slobbering, maniacal drunk to fuck off for all to hear.

Mark Gottfried Is The New State Coach ...

... and this is the only reaction I can muster.


Best of luck, Coach (and you too, Debbie Yow).

Go Pack.

“Soul Pancake” Isn’t Quite What You Expected, But Possibly Much More

“To quote Teilhard de Chardin:
‘We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience.’”

So I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from “Soul Pancake: Chew on Life’s Big Questions.” I mean, my only impressions of Rainn Wilson came from his portrayals of Arthur Martin in “Six Feet Under” and, of course, Dwight from “The Office.” Let’s just say both of those characters are, well, quirky. And then I had been told to follow Wilson’s Twitter feed, where he is alternately hysterical and thought-provoking. So I guess I had the feeling that “Soul Pancake” would be a bit humorous and a bit quirky -- but I wasn’t ready for how deep it turned out to be.

“What is SoulPancake? SoulPancake is a movement to chew on life’s big questions. It’s a space to tackle art, philosophy, creativity, and spirituality. And ultimately, SoulPancake is about you -- the thinkers, artists, poets, and misfits who seek to stamp out stigmas, shake up truths, and redefine what it means to be human.”

“Soul Pancake” called for a lot of reader involvement, with numerous requests for interaction. It was largely a workbook, asking you to consider certain monumental issues about life, religion and all else, then document your answers (or questions). I have to admit I didn’t use the book in that way, so I’m sure I didn’t get everything I could have out of it, but it was still thoroughly intriguing.

In the intro/foreword, I was surprised at how good a writer Wilson is … I was also surprised at how much of an impact Darryl Strawberry and “A Chorus Line” had on his career and spiritual choices, but those are stories for another day. It turns out Wilson had endeavored to read all the religious books of all the core religions, in order to give himself the most information possible to inform his decisions about his belief paths and his soul direction.

“To my crowd of artist friends, belief in God or religion seemed like a throwback to a previous generation. It was quaint and obsolete, a weakness of our parents and grandparents. It was a simplistic way to moralize and to live for some superstition-filled fantasyland of heaven with God, the ultimate daddy-figure, patting you on the back and telling you that you were a good kid. Faith was a crutch for the weak. Religion was there to make you feel bad and keep you oppressed. Believers were judgmental simpletons who lived in big, square states in the center of our country and equated Jesus with gun rights and hated gays and oppressed people of color, and wanted women to stay in the kitchen. Religion’s time had come. And gone.”

“I didn’t want to be like so many others and have some unexplored, unexamined philosophical stance on something that was truly important. I mean, there either has to be a creator or the universe has always been as it is, beautiful and purposeless.”

“I thought about all of this long and hard. (That’s what she said.)”

I certainly appreciated the depth of feeling and thought that went into the construction of this book, but I derived perhaps the most utility of it through the amazing collection of quotes it contained. Sarcastic, emotional, ironic, informative, awe-inspiring, controversial; they ran the gamut -- much like the book itself.

“Soul Pancake” is certainly worth checking out if you don’t mind a book that will make you work a little bit in the reading. And you have to get past the image of Dwight writing a book, which is harder than it seems (that’s what she said); because if you maintain that image for too long, this particular book will blow your mind …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVX: Boom Shaka Laka?, Plus Wait ‘Til Next Year Almost Here For Mets

Optimism abounded from the start
Forgot to put the horse before the cart
We’ll Shaka the world, they say
When the new coach arrives one day
Only option left that is Smart?

Consistent cheater through the years
Fake apology and crocodile tears
Keep lying, fraudulent Jim Tressel
In a cell, you and Clarett can nestle
Just keep kissing those booster rears

Didn’t see it coming, the tool
Ignored his failure like a fool
A fake “expert” who didn’t know shit
Kept biting until he got bit
I hear unemployment is the new cool

Chasing the March Madness dream
With upsets that make us all scream
A mockery, most tourney pools
Makin’ us all look like damn fools
Happy to have one Final Four team!

Baseballs and spring in the air
Hope alive from here to there
Even the Mets have a shot, I say
After all, it’s Opening Day
At least a month before I don’t care

Last time …

Epicness In A Tube

I’m nearly speakless after watching this clip from the BBC documentary “South Pacific.” The videographer literally put his life on the line to get what was touted as the “first shot of its kind ever recorded.”

You’ll get no doubts expressed from me.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIX: Farewell To A Silver-Screen Symbol, Plus Silence Is Deafening In Raleigh

A tumultous life for glamorous Liz
Eight times in the marriage biz
The picture of tortured grace
Men fighting over her epic face
Rest in peace to a one-of-a-kind Ms.

All for player safety? Do tell
It all reeks of poo smell
F’ing with kickoffs now
That’s going to help, how?
Go to hell, Roger Goodell

NATO unleashes air strikes
Terror in Libya -- yikes
Chasing Gadhafi underground
Will it work this time around?
No wonder we’re seeing gas price hikes

A fraud, a liar and a cheat
A prick and words I can’t repeat
What does Barry Bonds deserve?
How about some time served?
Ruined baseball’s most-honored feat

Rumors flying up and down
National media sits back to clown
State chasing a man through desert nights?
Or is Texas the state in their sights?
Sorry -- no leaks this time around

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 41

#1
One of the players for UConn, Roscoe Smith, got a black eye recently. He now looks exactly like Will Smith when he got a food allergy in “Hitch.”

#2
I keep hearing an ad on the radio for a local paving company that specializes in “duck elimination.” And every time I hear it, I picture Paulie Walnuts taking a tire iron to a duck’s knee, and then I start wondering if ducks really have knees, and then I realize I’m not really paying attention to driving and then I usually turn on a CD.

#3
It was amusing to hear all the denigration of the Big East after they lost nine teams in the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament, accompanied by chirping about the “strength” of the ACC with three teams remaining. You can count both UNC and Duke among the teams that won at the buzzer; the Heels didn’t as much win as Washington choked, while the Blue Devils were a missed eight-footer away from going to overtime. And these were both in the round of 32 ... and essentially home games, mind you.
When the league team playing the best right now appears to be Florida State, it’s time to settle down some.

#4
For all you drunk-texters and drunk-Facebookers out there, this is the app for you: “Last Night Never Happened.”

#5
Seeing Virginia Madsen cameo-ing on “The Event” (as a Proverbs-citing, unprepared Senator from Alaska? Hmmm. Reminds me of someone) is a little jarring. Given that I’ve never seen her in a setting that doesn’t involve her going topless, I keep waiting for her to rip off her bra during a conversation with the President.
And the federal Sargeant at Arms must have seen the same movies I did, because he gave the Senator access to her private files as he was confiscating him based purely off a mild flirt.

#6
Was anyone surprised to learn that Chris Webber was a no-show for the ESPN “30 for 30” documentary on the Fab Five (or the Fraud Five, depending on who you ask). I guess the pitch didn’t really resonate with Chris: “Hey, remember that time you cost the Wolverines a chance at a national championship when you called a timeout you didn’t have? Oh yeah, and remember when you then got indicted for lying about taking money and getting Michigan put on probation? That was awesome. Wanna talk about it on camera so the country can relive it with you?”

#7
Elsewhere on “The Event,” Jason Ritter’s character found out his girlfriend was an alien, which didn’t seem to faze him at all. Apparently he always wanted to bang an alien.

#8
I have to say that something has to be done about the state of officiating in college basketball. On the one hand, we’re somehow supposed to applaud the “guts” of officials to make calls at the end of the Pitt-Butler game, with “experts” giving kudos for refs not swallowing the whistle based on game circumstances. But then we’re just supposed to ignore the missed calls at the end of the Washington-UNC and Arizona-Texas games? You can’t have it both ways.
Listen, I’ve never reffed, so I can’t say how hard it is. All I know is it is not good enough.

#9
The tragedy in Japan continues to be a heartbreaking ordeal that we simply can’t look away from. The video footage coming in from the region is truly unbelievable and purely insane, especially this one and this one.
I don’t know if I would call the second videographer brave or bat-shit nuts or what, but simply incredible footage, especially the very end.

#10
On a little more serene note, you can hike the Appalachian Trail in around four minutes, thanks to this tremendous video diary.
Enjoy.

A Purple Heart For A Pants-Shitter

Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart

The Onion nails the hilarity on this one, although I do think they missed an opportunity when the kid was handed a key to the city and there was no joke about how it also opened the doors of every bathroom in the city.

On the plus side, his inclusion in the yearbook with the “Most Likely to Shit Pants Again” heading was freaking inspired genius.

Good shit. Literally.

Effects-Friendly “Inception” Matches and Exceeds Expectations

“She locked away a secret, deep inside herself, something she once knew to be true … but chose to forget.”

“They say we only use a fraction of our brain’s true potential. Now that’s when we’re awake. When we’re asleep, we can do almost anything.”

So I was really late to the “Inception” game, but it was hard to miss all the cryptic pop-culture references about dreaming and alternate realities. When I did finally get around to checking this one out, I was still blown away.

I’ve never been a big Leonardo DiCaprio fan, but I have to admit that he was pretty impressive in this flick as Dom Cobb. I thought it would be a little more difficult to get past the “Juno” aspect of Ellen Page, but I thought she was good. Marion Cotillard brilliantly captured the vulnerability and imbalance of Mal -- on which much of the movie truly hinged on.

As I was watching, I found “Inception” to be a fascinating blend of “Memento,” “Ocean’s 11” and “The Matrix.” So imagine my surprise when I learned that the writer, co-producer and director of “Inception,” Christopher Nolan, also wrote “Memento” as well. It turns out Nolan wrote a treatment about the ideas behind “Inception” nine years before production on the flick even began, with the original concept imagining dream-stealing as a horror movie. After showing his chops as director of “Batman Begins,” Nolan earned the industry reputation that allowed him to get the huge budget he needed to film and market “Inception.” It turns out he made a wise decision, as evidenced by the fact that the movie garnered eight Academy Award nominations and four little bronze men.

I won’t get into too many other details of the actual movie because I don’t want to confuse myself again—and after all, I’m really not sure whether I’m writing this or really just dreaming about writing it. Anyway, it is hard to be mesmerized, absorbed and engrossed by a film for two hours and 20 minutes, but that was the case with “Inception.”

After all, who would thought that a movie about dreaming could keep you wide awake?

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: An Emotional Departure After Program Lowe Point, Plus We Need March Madness In Times Of International Woe

We knew it was time to go
Still an emotional day, though
You were a championship hero
But Big Dance invites were zero
Best wishes to classy Sid Lowe

Wonder why the economy’s in the ditch?
‘Cause Wall Street made us their bitch
No regulation or the like
No accountability for a fraud hike
Evil greed making richer the rich

When left out of March Madness
Bubble teams whine on their sadness
Cry me a river where I can swim
Then play someone and actually win
Now shut up and let us enjoy hoops gladness

Thousands dead amidst the rubble
Nuclear reactors with scary trouble
Flooding and devastation
Japan, a shaken nation
Life’s lived in a precious bubble

Even when times are lean
St. Patrick’s Day keeps us green
Shamrocks in our Guinness
A shepherd’s pie to finish
And an ankle monitor for Charlie Sheen

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 40

#1
Michael Kitts is not only arguably the worst referee in any sport, ever, but also looks like that cartoon buzzard that used to F with Bugs Bunny.

#2
On the off chance that you’ve ever found yourself asking, “You know, what makes atheists worry?”, here you go.

#3
If you’re like me, you’ve been wondering who the guy is that looks like Tony Kornheiser on NC State’s bench? Turns out it’s Wright Wayne, director of strength and conditioning. Maybe Kornheiser could’ve kept these guys in better shape.

#4
When they’re not shooting each other or committing violations, Baylor basketball brings in some top-notch names: Quincy Acy. LaceDarius Dunn. Stargell Love. Dragan Sekelja. And things get even better next year when Deuce Bello comes aboard.

#5
So, beer consumption for me will go WAY down with the ending of NC State basketball season.

#6
I had a dream that I was invited to a dinner honoring Bruno Kirby. I have no idea what that means.

#7
So the Wofford coach, Mike Young, bears a striking resemblance to tremendous actorPaul Giamatti. That is all.

#8
I have to ask: When did Gonzaga go gangsta?

#9
Agent Gary Wichard, who was near the center of the UNC football cheating investigation, recently passed away. RIP. And I really need someone to stop me from making a “Where was Marvin Austin?” crack.

#10
I actually believe Mike Maniscalco and Mark Thomas represent the best that Triangle sports talk has to offer, and I’ll let you decide whether that says something about them or Triangle sports talk. So nothing against these guys, and not to be mean, but can anyone give me any reasonable explanation at all why in the hell they were calling ACC Tournament basketball games on the radio? I mean … seriously?

"A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy, Far, Far Way, On A Piece Of Paper ..."

Kudos to musician Jeremy Messersmith, who took the ill-advised brave career path of writing a song about a "Star Wars" setting. The video is pretty darn cool, and the song ain't bad either.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Jim Tressel Is The Fraud We Thought He Was, Plus The Final Frontier for Discovery

Another violation for Ohio State
But it won’t open the NCAA floodgate
A mild suspension for the Vest
Big 10 class? Surely you jest
When you’re 42, will those tattoos look great?

Protests on the Wisconsin government floor
A stirring speech from one Michael Moore
The rich are mocking us all
Up with people ‘til they all fall
Will this debate go down in our country’s lore?

An ending we all have to hate
Sid Lowe has now sealed his fate
Out with a whimper, not a bang
Even though there’s no bannger to hang
Your legacy won’t be tarnished at NC State

Psychiatry has to be rough
They feel they’re not paid enough
So they just take out their pads and quills
And prescribe you a buttload of pills
Addicting America ‘cuz your job’s tough?!

Discovery’s final journey to space
Science and technology won’t win this race
The beauty that is out there, it seems
We’ll explore only in dreams
As our minds dance across the moon’s face

Last time …

ACC Tournament 2011, Part III: No Postponing The Inevitable?

In part I and part II, we broke down opening day and the quarterfinals round. Now, we move on to crunch time …


SEMIFINALS, MARCH 12

Game 9, 1 p.m.: #1 UNC vs. #5 Boston College
They say you make your own breaks, and that’s exactly what the Tar Heels did when they knocked off Duke to earn the top seed in the tourney. That allowed UNC to avoid a potential game with Florida State in the semifinals, which wouldn’t have been a good matchup for the Heels.
Instead, UNC gets a BC team that could be in a little bit over their heads at this level of the tournament. Nothing against the Eagles (translation: this is your warning that I’m about to say something against the Eagles), but the fact that BC is the five-seed in the tourney this year says a lot about just how weak the ACC is this year.

Reggie Jackson will always give Boston College a shot, but UNC simply has way too much for the Eagles to handle at this point of the campaign. Thanks to an easy bracket, the Tar Heels will coast to the championship game without much of a challenge.



Game 10, 3 p.m.: #2 Duke vs. #3 Florida State
Normally this would be a highly intriguing matchup between two defensive-minded clubs, but the Blue Devils have slipped on “D” somewhat toward the end of the year. The difference as I see it is that both teams can defend extremely well, but the Seminoles struggle much more to score.
How much of a lift the ‘Noles get from a possible return by Chris Singleton remains to be seen, but overall Florida State lacks the aggressive, penetrating offensive pieces needed to make the Blue Devils pay for hand-checking overextending on defense.

Without that go-to guy to offset Duke’s Nolan Smith, FSU will be challenged to keep pace with a Devils team that many are predicting to get bounced from the tourney early this year. In arguably the best contest of the ACC Tournament thus far, I see Duke sliding past the Seminoles late to reach yet another tourney final.



FINALS, MARCH 13

Game 11, 1 p.m.: #1 UNC vs. #2 Duke
You have no idea how much it pains me to go chalk and write these two teams in this spot. But the reality is I just don’t see where either slips up on the path to Sunday. If the Heels had lost any of the five games they won by three points or less, they would have potentially drawn Florida State in the semifinals round, in which case I would have pulled the trigger on the ‘Noles in an upset. Yet credit goes to the Tar Heels and Harrison Barnes for the late-game heroics that lifted them to the top seed. You can also credit this year’s close-to-embarrassing league for the easy brackets.

All that being said, everyone around the nation, the area and Wal-Mart clamoring for this matchup for the third time this year will get their wish. The Heels have come out on fire in each of the two previous matchups, but I don’t see them pulling off that trick for a third time against a Coach K team. Look for the Plumlees to avoid the bail-out calls this time around and for Kyle Singler to actually sheepishly decide to pitch in and help out Nolan Smith and Seth Curry.
You have to figure there’s no way Ryan Kelly will miss every open shot he gets in this one, and with some more tape on UNC’s Kendall Marshall, Duke should be able to figure out something to stop the rookie in transition.

The bottom line is the Heels will be hard-pressed to duplicate their shooting performance from the last matchup, and this is where the perimeter struggles will finally catch up to Roy’s boys. I see the Blue Devils cutting down the nets in Greensboro yet again, locking up a top seed and nauseating roughly 87% of the state.

Anyway, that’s how I see it. Hopefully some self-respecting conference team will prove me wrong somewhere along the way.

Enjoy the hoops …

ACC Tournament 2011, Part II: Heavy Hitters Dominate Quarterfinal Square-Offs

After tackling the first-day results earlier, let’s jump into the quarterfinal round. Crazy things usually happen on Friday, so let’s get to it …


QUARTERFINALS, MARCH 11

Game 5, Noon: #1 UNC vs. #9 Miami
With five of their ACC wins coming by a total of a dozen points, the Heels are vulnerable to a team that can control tempo and match up on the interior. Unfortunately for Miami, that’s not the Hurricanes.
The best the ‘Canes can hope for is that the refs call John Henson for some of his over-the-backs, travels and hacks, which would even things up in the paint, but Miami isn’t necessarily a strong perimeter team, either. Can Frank Haith’s squad get out fast enough to limit the Heels’ transition opportunities? Doubtful.

The ‘Canes are outmatched at just about every position, making this a relatively easy win for UNC, much to the chagrin of Larry Drew’s mommy. An opening-round victory would help take some of the heat off of Haith this offseason, while the question for the Tar Heels will be whether Miami can keep it close enough for long enough to force a relatively small rotation to play more minutes than Roy Williams would like in a tourney setting.



Game 6, 2 p.m.: #4 Clemson vs. #5 Boston College
Another day, another matchup of first-year head coaches. Brad Brownell has gotten the max out of a limited Tigers squad, while Steve Donahue has done the same with the Eagles. BC’s Reggie Jackson is a handful, but he can be spotty from the field, and he can caught up in the in-game battle, this time against Clemson’s Demontez Stitt.
Joe Trapani probably doesn’t get the rock enough for the Eagles, but the Tigers have a formidable inside presence with Jerai Grant.

This one’s going to be a real battle, but look for Boston College to pull off a mild upset that will cement their NCAA tourney bid and put the Tigers in an uncomfortable position come Selection Sunday. In a toss-up game that I’ve gone back and forth on, the best player on the floor, Jackson, comes up big at crunch time for the Eagles. Afterward, Brownell’s mood won’t be improved when Mike Patrick butchers his name five different ways.



Game 7, 7 p.m.: #2 Duke vs. #7 Maryland
After a humbling loss to UNC to lose the regular-season title, I expect the Blue Devils to come fired up for this one. The underrated rivalry they’ve built up with the Terrapins over the past decade or so certainly will only add to the intensity of this one. The Devils’ hand-checking aggressive perimeter defense is likely to throw off Terps frosh Terrell Stoglin, putting more pressure on big man Jordan Williams to dominate.
But Duke will have 15 fouls to throw at Williams between the Plumlee brothers and Ryan Kelly, and Kyle Singler and his dead eyes (and dead-eye shot) will finally reappear.

Maryland (with Williams’s return) is probably a year away from challenging the top of the league again, but under Gary they’ll always pose a huge threat to Duke. With Nolan Smith doing his thing, Singler showing up and strong defense stifling the Terps’ flex offense, the Devils are likely to cruise relatively easily in this one.



Game 8, 9 p.m.: #3 Florida State vs. #6 Virginia Tech
Will Chris Singleton return from injury for the Seminoles? Do the Hokies need to win this one in order to secure a trip to the NCAAs? Those will be the dominant questions headed into this intriguing matchup for Late Night in Greensboro. Few teams in the land play better defense than FSU, and that’s a nightmare scenario for the halfcourt-challenged Hokies.
The ‘Noles have the beef (and fouls) inside to neutralize Jeff Allen, and Malcolm Delaney and Erick Green will struggle to carry the load due to questionable shot selection.

This is the one the Hokies had to have, but they won’t get it. Florida State could get a huge lift from the return of Singleton, and this is the year when the ‘Noles truly believe they can make a momentous move in the conference hierarchy by taking home a banner. Seth Greenberg will probably start calling media outlets from the bench late in the game to lobby for his VT team to get in the Big Dance, but it’s not going to help as FSU wins.



Keep an eye out for Part III, where we’ll take a look at Semifinals Saturday and Finals Sunday. Cheers …

ACC Tournament 2011, Part I: Opening Day (Good Seating Available)

If you’ve been following along (and if you haven’t, wtf), you saw our tourney seeding breakdown (part I and part II) the other day. We also have a nice little history -- well, 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010, anyway -- of attempting to predict the ACC Tournament brackets as well, with little to no success. Undeterred, however, we’re giving it another shot this year, starting in our Part I, which covers the opening day/night.

Without further ado …


FIRST ROUND, MARCH 10


Game 1, Noon: #8 Virginia vs. #9 Miami
A nine-seed over an eight isn’t really an upset in the ACC Tournament, but I do see the ‘Canes outlasting the Cavaliers in this one. Sure, UVa is coming in on something of a hot streak, but how long can they really count on busted-leg, walk-on-ish Will Sherrill to drain triples and the four-guard offense to flourish in a tourney setting? Expect Miami to go inside early and often to Reggie Johnson to get Virginia’s lone inside presence, Assane Sene, in foul trouble.
That will open up plenty of opportunities for Malcolm Grant & Co. to take advantage of a Wahoos defense that employs pressure strategies around Sene’s shot-blocking at the rim.

The Hurricanes prevail in a victory that will be underrated in its importance for coach Frank Haith’s future in Coral Gables. Virginia coach Tony Bennett and Farrahkhan’s father, Louis, commiserate by undertaking a karaoke duet at a downtown G’boro dive bar.



Game 2, 2 p.m.: #5 Boston College vs. #12 Wake Forest
I’ll reiterate that I’ve never seen an ACC team as bad as the Deacs this year, so this one will be pretty quick. Reggie Jackson, Joe Trapani and B.J. Raji have all the focus and discipline that Wake doesn’t in this matchup of first-year head coaches.
Perhaps the lone bright spot for the Demon Deacons has been All-Rookie standout Travis McKie, but he has nowhere near enough help to offset Boston College’s experienced, veteran crew.

Throw in the fact that the Eagles are a bubble team in need of a strong showing in Greensboro and this is as no-brainer a pick as I can recall in ACC Tournament bracketology: BC rolls in front of about 900 fans or so. Wake athletics director Ron Wellman and football coach Jim Grobe share a hearty chuckle in a quiet corner in the rafters.



Game 3, 7 p.m.: #7 Maryland vs. #10 NC State
Sidney Lowe has made (part of) his coaching reputation on the seeingly annual runs that his Wolfpack makes at the ACC Tournament. He’s led State to the verge of a breakout postseason triumph a couple of times in his tenure, but there is no way to spin the fact that he has completely lost this version of the Pack. Right now, NC State’s a bad mix of veterans with glaring holes in their games, youngsters who make mind-numbing mistakes and gritty types who can’t overcome a lack of athleticism.
Gary Williams has owned State, and with Jordan Williams dominating a limping and weary Tracy Smith on the interior and Terrell Stoglin showing who is the best freshman guard in the conference this year, that won’t change in this one.

The Sidney Lowe Era ends not with a bang, but a whimper, as there is nothing to indicate that State has the intestinal fortitude or respect for their coach to be able to replicate the tourney magic of previous seasons. But at least C.J. Leslie will memorialize the experience in a poem after another 3-for-14, five-turnover “effort.” Terps by 14.



Game 4, 9 p.m.: #6 Virginia Tech vs. #11 Georgia Tech
The Yellow Jackets have their own dead man walking in coach Paul Hewitt, and one would think that with the Hokies in desperate need of a couple of victories in Greensboro, Virginia Tech should roll. However, with Iman Shumpert suiting up for GT, he always gives the Jackets a chance to pull a big upset—depending on which Glenn Rice Jr. shows up for GTech.
Seniors Malcolm Delaney and Jeff Allen don’t want to let their final shot at the Big Dance slip through their fingers, so this could be a surprisingly intense game, even though few will be watching due to the late hour and the non-North Carolina matchup.

In a contest that’s likely to be much closer than anticipated, VT finds a way to pull through for Stanley Tucci’s doppleganger, coach Seth Greenberg. Hewitt is left to sigh his way through the Greensboro night, cursing the name of Jarrett Jack.

Point your clicky thing here for Part II (the quarterfinals) ...

Fighting For Relevance: ACC Tournament Seeding Breakdown, Part II

Earlier, in Part I, we took a look at the top six seeds as the league and 4,000 fans descend on Greensboro for the ACC Tournament. In Part II, we analyze the disappointing, the bottom-dwelling, the up-and-coming and the middle of the pack: the bottom six seeds of the conference tourney.

Giddyup.

#7 Maryland (18-13, 7-9)
One gets the impression that Gary Williams would have liked to have centered (pun intended) his club around sophomore big man Jordan Williams, then relied on his experienced veterans (seniors Adrian Bowie, Cliff Tucker and Dino Gregory, plus junior Sean Mosley) to balance out the attack. Fortunately, rookie guard Terrell Stoglin also proved to be a dynamite newcomer; unfortunately for the Terps, those upperclassmen never gave consistent-enough contributions, allowing teams to double-down on Williams inside. The result was an up-and-down compaign in College Park, though there is hope for the future with Stoglin leading a promising group of four freshmen. Williams is a strong tourney coach, but the Terrapins are too inconsistent to make any kind of sustained run in Greensboro ... leaving Gary more time to eat buffalo wings as a spectator this year.

#8 Virginia (16-14, 7-9)
On the strength of winning four of their last five games to conclude the regular season, the Wahoos are a potentially dangerous matchup at the ACC Tournament. Virginia usually relies on a four-guard lineup around seven-footer Assane Sene, making the Cavaliers vulnerable to frontcourt-focused clubs, but when they’re knocking down treys, UVa can be very tough. Guards Mustapha Farrakhan, Sammy Zyglinski and Joe Harris are flighty on offense, but fit nicely in the Cavs’ defense-oriented approach. Former walk-on Will Sherrill gave Virginia a late-season lift as well. The ‘Hoos are a nice story, but are likely to run out of gas in Greensboro no matter how often coach Tony Bennett sings “I Wanna Be Around” …

#9 Miami (18-13, 6-10)
Folks have been waiting on coach Frank Haith’s breakthrough season in Coral Gables for quite a while now, and most expected a better campaign this year. Big man Reggie Johnson has improved by leaps and bounds, and there are intriguing pieces in Adrian Thomas, Malcolm Grant, DeQuan Jones and Durand Scott, but the ‘Canes always seem to be a playmaker away. Miami never seemed to recover from an early stretch of four straight losses by four points or less, and Haith has had trouble imprinting an identity on his Hurricanes squads. Haith would appear to be on safe ground for at least another year, but his ‘Canes team has shown nothing to indicate they’ll be a factor in Greensboro.

#10 NC State (15-15, 5-11)
There is no argument that can be made against the fact that State is the most disappointing team in the ACC. From lackluster defense to mind-numbing shot selection to late-game disappearing acts, the Pack has proven only that they are capable of 10 good minutes of play per game. There would appear to be a huge disconnect between coach Sidney Lowe’s staff and the players, and that would appear to be an issue that is resolved with an imminent coaching change. The most frustrating part for Wolfpack followers is that there are a lot of disparate talent that just don’t jibe well, from Tracy Smith to Lorenzo Brown to C.J. Leslie to Scott Wood. Mix in a lack of leadership from the roster and the staff and there is simply no reason to suggest that the Pack will make one of their patented ACC Tournament “mini-runs” this year.

#11 Georgia Tech (13-17, 5-11)
Iman Shumpert is perhaps the league’s most underrated player and Glen Rice Jr. can score in bunches, but outside of those two, the Yellow Jackets have fallen on difficult times in the final days of coach Paul Hewitt’s tenure in Atlanta. The blowout win over UNC feels like a million years ago, which coincidentally is about how long it seems like Hewitt has been on the hot seat. Can he muster up enough motivation for one more run in the conference tourney? Shumpert can do a lot on his own, but he just doesn’t have enough help to make GT anything more than a one-and-out team this year.

#12 Wake Forest (8-23, 1-15)
I don’t know whether there is a huge culture clash between Air Force import Jeff Bzdelik and his coaching staff and the players he inherited. I don’t know whether years of no-defense, shoot-it-quick approaches in Winston-Salem have caught up to the talent base. I don’t know all the variables that had to converge to drop the bottom completely out of the Demon Deacons program. All I know is that this is the worst team I’ve seen in the ACC. Ever. And that’s about the nicest I can manage in this space, so I’ll just leave it there.

Stick around for the tourney predictions tomorrow. Until then, cherish this time, in case the NFL really does enter a lockout.

Fighting For Relevance: ACC Tournament Seeding Breakdown, Part I

Though you can expect to see a slew of articles decrying the demise of the league tourney and the gradual decline of the conference as a whole, there’s still a bit of magic left in the event that is the ACC Tournament. In the past few years (2007, 2008 and 2009), we’ve broken down the tournament by seed before rolling out some predictions.

In Part I here, we’ll take a quick snapshot of the top six seeds, and then we’ll tackle the bottom six in Part II later.

Have at it:

#1 UNC (24-6, 14-2 in the ACC)
Count me among those who is super-surprised at how effective the Tar Heels have been during the bulk of the regular season. Say what you will about how down the ACC is (and it is, indeed, way down), UNC has won a bunch of nail-biters and knocked off Duke to take home the regular-season crown. There are still huge questions about the perimeter shooting and whether John “Black Gumby” Henson will continue to get the protection he gets from ACC refs, making the Heels a candidate for an upset at some point. But the team has jelled even after losing the Wear twins, Will Graves, Larry Drew and Reggie Bullock, thanks to the arrival of Kendall Marshall and the maturation of Harrison Barnes (who still takes a lot of ill-advised shots). If UNC continues to shoot the way they did late in the season and can avoid foul trouble on the interior, they’re going to be awfully tough to beat in Greensboro.

#2 Duke (27-4, 13-3)
Simply put, the Devils will go exactly as far as three-point shooting takes them. Nolan Smith, easily the ACC’s best player, has become Duke’s only threat from 20 feet in, and he has turned himself into a tremendous playmaker and finisher. Kyle “Creepy” Singler disappeared in the latter half of the conference slate, while Seth Curry seems to live only to light up UNC. The Plumlee brothers give the Blue Devils a formidable presence on the defensive end, but they can’t score and Ryan Kelly just isn’t ready for prime time. In the backcourt, foul-machine Tyler Thornton and Andre Dawkins aren’t much more than role players. The lack of a pure point guard has hurt Duke badly, which means that Smith could carry this team to the ACC title, but he’s going to need Singler to get off the milk box and into the game.

#3 Florida State (21-9, 11-5)
The Seminoles undeniably have a lot of pieces, but in my estimation they lack the go-to guy needed to win a crunch-time game in a tourney setting. Derwin Kitchen is coming out of his shell somewhat, but is still tentative on the offense end, while backcourt mate Deividas Dulkys has lost his long-range stroke, but still plays strong defense. Ian Miller is giving them instant offense as the third guard, while Xavier Gibson, John Kreft and Chris Weinke’s black twin, Bernard James, give the ‘Noles a formidable front line. Throw in key players like Michael Snaer, Luke Loucks and Okaro White, and it’s easy to see how FSU put together such a strong campaign even after Chris Singleton went down. If the rumors are true and Singleton ends up playing in Greensboro, Florida State can make some noise, but they feel more like a semifinalist with Leonard Hamilton drawing up late-game strategy.

#4 Clemson (20-10, 9-7)
Brad Brownlee has done a tremendous job in his first season with the Tigers, even if some of his late-season comments suggest he’s got an awful lot to learn about how the ACC works. Big man Jerai Grant is one of the league’s most improved players, and he’s getting help up front from versatile Devin Booker, the enigmatic Milton Jennings and the pesky Bryan Narcisse. At guard, Demontez Stitt always seems to play well in the ACC Tournament, while Andre Young has turned himself into a viable perimeter threat and the annoying Tanner Smith gives great minutes as well. The Tigers have been overachievers under Brownlee and a victory in the ACC Tournament would likely cement an NCAA berth, but it’s hard to envision them as a contender for the tourney championship this year.

#5 Boston College (19-11, 9-7)
Behind a tremendous campaign from Reggie Jackson, the Eagles have been perhaps the surprise team of the conference. Jackson is a dynamic, do-it-all performer from his guard spot, and he is aided by frontcourt senior standouts Joe Trapani and B.J. Raji. Josh Southern and Biko Paris are two more seniors who give this veteran squad (an unheard-of 11 upperclassmen, including eight seniors) a lot of complementary pieces. After a midseason lull that saw BC lose four of five, the Eagles finished strong with three straight victories. Can Jackson lift the team through the ACC Tournament? Possibly, but at the very least, this is the kind of squad that no one wants to see on the other side of the bracket in Greensboro, where Al Skinner’s teeth will certainly be missed.

#6 Virginia Tech (19-10, 9-7)
Coach Seth Greenberg could make a lucrative career as an endorser of bath soaps, because this is one bald man who lives life on the bubble. Improbably, VT overcame a slew of early-season injuries to seemingly punch their dance card with a primetime victory over Duke, but then suffered disastrous losses to fellow fringe teams Boston College (at home) and Clemson to end the regular season. Seniors Malcolm Delaney and Jeff Allen give the Hokies as good an inside-outside duo as you’ll find in the league, and Erick Green and Victor Davila also lend some firepower to a team that can bog down badly in the halfcourt offense. If tattoos were worth points, Virginia Tech would be in great shape, but this hasn’t traditionally been a strong tourney team under Greenberg, and an early loss will likely leave the Hokies yet again on the outside looking in come NCAA Tournament time.

Head on to part II now ...

Preach It ...

Spot on.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: Sheen Is Dying, Not Hilarious, Plus Press Box Cheering Gets You Unemployed

The train wreck that is Charlie Sheen
Can’t look away from this crime scene
He must have Keith Richards’s blood
Because now his name is mud
His issues aren’t laughable, they’re obscene

Brandon Davies got shown the door
Then #3 BYU got run off the floor
In the SEC, UNC, athletes get paid
BYU suspends you for getting laid
Sad, but NCAA could use this integrity and more

Faux News ain’t worth a wet poot
Yet they decided to get rid of Newt
Also jettisoned Rick Santorum
Both with a lack of decorum
But can’t earn legitimacy with a boot

An outcome that we all hate
But sealed is Sid’s fate
No reason Pack’s the worst
You read it here first:
A good coach is coming to State

Rule: no cheering in press box
SI racing guy had a head full o’ rocks
Both unprofessional and rude
So you got shit-canned, dude
Writing talks, bullshit walks

Last time …

"The Kings Speech" Re-Envisioned ...

Tyson. W. What took so long for these two to join forces?

Epicness.

Correcting The Fallacies Surrounding Wolfpack Hoops

"If you call one wolf, you invite the pack."
-- Bulgarian proverb

For the last 20 years or so, State’s been considered the redheaded stepchild of Tobacco Road basketball, used to being told by outsiders what can and cannot be expected of its program. In the last month or so, that has led a litany of has-been and never-will media types, along with some respected reporters, to declare open season on the Pack.

They took on a wounded fanbase that has been sparring with the hometown newspaper, rivals, the media and basically all comers for a quarter of a century. They’ve minimized a job that isn’t vacant, they’ve taken potshots at a struggling program, they’ve attempted to rewrite history for a school that has a storied past. All to poke the bear—or the wolf, in this case -- that is Wolfpack Nation, in hopes of getting ratings, hits and attention.

It worked. Sort of.

It certainly earned attention, with most of the mistruths, misconceptions and outright lies being lost in the chorus of raised voices and me-too journalism that forces lazy writers to piggyback on semi-stories. At least until the area’s most knowledgeable and best sportswriter, Al Featherston, had heard enough and decided to head to Duke Basketball Report to set the record straight.

I can’t add much, if anything, to what Al has already produced in his tremendous column. But I do have some thoughts on the matter, mostly cultivated over the course of covering Pack athletics in some form or fashion over the last decade or more. And I have to place this in the context of having all kinds of respect for Sidney Lowe, for what he did as a player at NC State and all of the contributions he’s worked hard to make as a coach. He continues to lead the Wolfpack hoops program, so I’ll couch much of this as a “what if” column.

Anyway, here are five fallacies that I’ve seen develop around the State program over the last few years, most of them largely unchallenged and most of them unsubstantiated in any way whatsoever. Here goes:


Fallacy #1: Herb Sendek Was Pushed Out

Pushed out. Fired. Forced to resign. Dismissed. Encouraged to leave. Replaced with a more attractive candidate. All misinformed characterizations of how Sendek’s era at NC State ended, at best; lies at worst. Enough already. You won’t find any knowledgeable basketball observer who wouldn’t agree that Sendek is a good coach; however, his personality and approach are likely better fits in the desert, where he is currently busy enough with his own hot seat.

You can bundle another, related fallacy under this one: that coaches around the nation somehow hold some type of grudge against NC State for how Sendek was treated. As laughable as it is off-base, this one couldn’t be further from the truth. There are only so many major-conference coaching positions available in this sport and in this land; you really think a coach worth his salt who is confident in his abilities would pass up one of those spots because of a media perception that someone named Herb got a raw deal in Raleigh? Is anyone gullible enough to get hooked like a fish by that one?


Fallacy #2: No One Wanted the NC State Job in 2005

You have to love lazy, revisionist history. So I’ll keep this one pretty short: Under athletics director Lee Fowler, State was involved with John Calipari, Rick Barnes, John Beilein and Steve Lavin, among others, with various degrees of interest or reciprocation. So to say that “no one” wanted the job is kind of, well, not smart.

You could argue -- compellingly, from my point of view -- that Fowler did a poor job of conducting the coaching search five years ago. But that is a separate and distinct issue from whether or not the job was viewed as attractive or desirous at that point in time. In fact, quite to the contrary of what many media pundits think, I actually feel that folks would be pretty surprised at how many “name” coaches would be and are highly intrigued by the NC State job.


Fallacy #3: Wolfpack Fans Expect Too Much

Being vocal is never a bad thing. Look around the country at the programs that are calling out for a coaching change or more success. Heck, how about a closer example: How about UNC when Matt Doherty was embarrassing the school, program and legacy? Were Tar Heel fans portrayed as bad fans for expecting different and more? What many miss is that years of being third fiddle and expecting the worst has actually created a generation of defeatist Wolfpack "fans" who have managed to combine rooting and mocking in a sad, tired, repetitive way.

The corollary to this fallacy is that Wolfpack fans will only settle for Duke- and UNC-level success. Not at all so; believe it or not, the vast majority of Pack backers understand that you need to crawl before you can walk. The fanbase wants a top-25-caliber program that consistently earns postseason inclusion and is at least competitive with its neighbors; if that is somehow expecting too much, than there are about 91.7% of college basketball fans around the country who are going to be sorely disappointed to hear that.

And what is more rational? For a program with no history of success anywhere in their background to hope for national relevance? Or for a program with a storied past to hope for a return to glory? All fans have a right to hope for a place in the national pecking order, as unlikely as it may be; and maybe, just maybe, NC State fans have more of a right to expect that than most.

Are Wolfpack fans passionate about their basketball? Absolutely. Does it occasionally go overboard? Sure. Does it make the fanbase an easy target for folks looking to fill airtime or online space? Definitely. But is it something that can be seen as a detriment to hiring a good coach? Of course not.


Fallacy #4: State Can’t Compete with UNC and Duke

In what context? On the court? The Pack plays UNC twice a year, but usually only has one matchup with Duke. Factor in a possible ACC Tournament matchup, and let’s just say that’s five games against the Heels and Blue Devils per season. That leaves 30 or more contests against teams not wearing those particular shades of blue.

In recruiting? Do you know how many scholarship kids NC State has on the roster from the state of North Carolina? Two. How about UNC? Also two. Well, what about Duke? Two as well. The truth is that all three schools recruit on a national scale, so they aren’t necessarily competing for the same players as often as folks would like to believe.

The reality is that, yes, matching what the programs are doing down the street in Chapel Hill and Durham would be great. But this perception that NC State can’t be great because it is already “too crowded” on Tobacco Road is patently ridiculous. There is always room for excellence—and it is never based on what other people are doing.


Fallacy #5: NC State is Not an Attractive Job

* The RBC Center.
* A vibrant fanbase.
* The Dail Practice Facility.
* Two national championship banners in the rafters.
* The OPPORTUNITY to compete against UNC and Duke, not necessarily the OBSTACLE.
* One of the most highly thought of cities in America.
* And say what you will about the ACC being overrated for the last decade or more (no argument here), it’s still a highly respected basketball conference.

To say that the head basketball coach position at NC State doesn’t have an awful lot of built-in advantages is sheer ignorance. Tobacco Road isn’t for the faint of heart; nobody is disputing that. Heck, Herb Sendek learned that over his decade in Raleigh. But that doesn’t preclude every good coach and personality; it only means that it takes a certain kind of coach and a certain kind of personality.

Every year when the NFL Draft approaches, one of the gurus makes the comment that it doesn’t matter if 32 teams like you or not; it only matters if one does. The same goes for the coaching search. So what if, as the national media “experts” swear that the coaching community hasn’t “forgiven” NC State for “firing” Herb Sendek. Not only is that statement patently ridiculous on many levels, but who cares? All it takes is one coach—the RIGHT coach—to see beyond the fallacies surrounding the Wolfpack program and appreciate it for what it is: a great job in a great area at a great school in a strong conference. New athletics director Debbie Yow understands that old sales credo of “Hope is not an option”; and is ready to sell all that State has to offer in an effort to ensure that the Pack is in good hands going forward.

So as the talk of ugly ducklings and comparisons to Khloe Kardashian persist, it’s become quite apparent that there are too many faux “journalists” who don’t spend quite enough time actually, you know, researching their subjects -- and spend a little too much time watching bad reality shows and misunderstanding children’s fairy tales.