ACC Tourney Predictions: “Mask,” “West Side Story” and “Iron Eagle IV” All Rolled Into One

Earlier, Scooter & Hum broke down the ACC Tournament field. Today, we get down to bidness, make some by-god picks and sort out the bracket. Without further ado … giddyup …

THURSDAY, MARCH 8

Noon: #8 Clemson vs. #9 Florida State
Al Thornton is due for one of those climb-on-my-back games (*fill in your own UNC pedicure joke here*), and he isn’t going to be denied. Oliver Purnell is going to wonder how a 17-0 season went down the drain so quickly – and why he ruined a once-promising acting career by “starring” in “Iron Eagle IV.”
Winner: #9 Florida State

2 p.m.: #5 Maryland vs. #12 Miami
Brutal matchup for the Hurricanes, but when you finish last in the ACC, you don’t get much pull in who you play. Mike Jones has finally decided that he can be a scoring machine for Maryland, and that is bad news for the rest of the league. The Terrapins coast while Ekene Ibekwe spends most of the second half staving off rickets.
Winner: #5 Maryland

7 p.m.: #7 Duke vs. #10 NC State
Spin-control meister Coach Krazooski has done a phenomenal job of painting his Dookies as the victims and underdogs this year. The Devils’ intense denial defense is a bad fit for a State team whose only backup guard is the kid from “Mask”, but Engin Atsur is going to dial up a shutdown of Greg Paulus. With Courtney Fells taking John Scheyer out of the game and no Gerald Henderson, Dook is going to struggle to score. Migben BaCauley finally busts out of his slump for the Wolfpack in the tourney’s first big upset.
Winner: #10 NC State

9 p.m.: #6 Georgia Tech vs. #11 Wake Forest
The season highlight for “Bangs” Prosser and the Deacs came when they took the ACC regular-season title out of Virginia’s grasp. They’ve got a couple of athletic, young players and a big man in the middle, but Kyle Visser can’t stay out of foul trouble against the Yellow Jackets’ Ra’Sean Dickey and Jeremis Smith. Tech is playing its best ball of the season and Wake Forest is … well, they’re a football school now.
Winner: #6 Georgia Tech



FRIDAY, MARCH 9

Noon: #1 UNC-Chapel Hill vs. #9 Florida State
The Tar Heels don’t have a good candidate to check Al Thornton, but they do have 23 players to rotate and wear out a one-man team. Tywon Lawson will have his way with the drive-and-dish game, leaving little drama in this one after halftime. The only excitement will come when Tyler Hansbrough takes the floor in his newly fitted mask and officially states his case as the goofiest-looking ACC player since Rafael Vidauretta.
Winner: #1 UNC-Chapel Hill

2 p.m.: #4 Boston College vs. #5 Maryland
The Eagles have shown a propensity for sleepwalking through games, losing their composure and getting their arses handed to them lately. They’ve got a lot of guys who like to look for their own shots and don’t play defense when they don’t get them, which plays right into Maryland’s hands. The Terrapins thrive on forcing their tempo on other teams, with their pressing defense and flex offense. ACC Player of the Year Jared Dudley keeps his team in the game for a half or so, but the Terps pull away. Boston College responds by trying to trade Al Skinner to NC State for Sidney Lowe and a swimming coach to be named later.
Winner: #5 Maryland

7 p.m.: #2 Virginia vs. #10 NC State
It’s hard to beat a team three times in a single season in the ACC. The Wahoos haven’t shot as well late in the year and they blew their chance at the top seed, making this a tougher matchup than expected. Sean Singletary and J.R. Reynolds can do a lot, but they can’t do it all, especially against a Pack team that can slow the tempo down and beat you in the halfcourt. Brandon Costner hits the go-ahead three in the waning seconds and Jason Cain finds out that his porn ‘stache is good for catching tears.
Winner: #10 NC State

9 p.m.: #3 Virginia Tech vs. #6 Georgia Tech
A strong closing stretch by the Jackets earns them a berth in the NCAAs, but it comes to a close against the Hokies here. Defensive Player of the Year Jamon Gordon and backcourt mate Zabian Dowdell both made the ACC All-Defensive team, and they’ll put the clamps down on Tech rookie sensation Javaris Crittenton. In a fast-paced game, Virginia will prove to be the better of the Techs by doing just enough to get by. The Yellow Jackets pass the time on the bus ride home by trying to spell each other’s names (Palestinian barnstorming team or ACC hoops squad? You make the call: Alade Aminu, D’Andre, Paco Diaw, Crittenton, Ra’Sean, Mouhammad and Thaddeus)
Winner: #3 Virginia Tech



SATURDAY, MARCH 10

1:30 p.m: #1 UNC-Chapel Hill vs. #5 Maryland
The Heels don’t do well against teams that match their strength on the interior, and Ibekwe, James Gist, Bambale Osby and Will Bowers can hold off Hansbrough, Brandan Wright and Deon Thompson in the paint. Maryland’s backcourt is also more physical than UNC’s and Gary is the tougher big-game Williams coach than Roy. This one will be a nail-biter, but the Terrapins will manage just enough in the final seconds to eke(ne) one out. A really steamed Tar Heels team will take out their frustrations by going home and challenging the Blue Devils to a West Side Story-style dance-off rumble in a Durham pedicure parlor.
Winner: #5 Maryland

3:30 p.m. #3 Virginia Tech vs. #10 NC State
As we’ve established, it’s hard to beat a team three times in one year in the ACC. After sweeping Virginia Tech in the regular season, a depleted Pack squad finally runs out of gas after its third game in three days, falling to the more physical and deeper Hokies. The Wolfpack takes some small solace in the fact that Sidney Lowe makes it through three straight games without having to leave the bench. Of course, this fuels speculation that Lowe was, in fact, poisoned by a drunk Phil Ford during the State-UNC game at the Dean Dome a few weeks earlier.
Winner: #3 Virginia Tech



SUNDAY, MARCH 11

1 p.m.: #5 Maryland vs. #3 Virginia Tech
Years of bitching and moaning by Gary Williams have helped make an ACC Tournament outside of North Carolina a possibility. Unfortunately, when it was in Washington, D.C., a couple of years ago, relatively close to Maryland’s campus, the Terps folded like a cheap deck of cards in the opening round against Clemson. This time, though, Williams leads the hottest team in the country right through the Hokies, leaving Seth Greenberg merely to say, “Oy ve.” Sadly, the celebratory mood is dampened when Darryl Strawberry, the father of Maryland guard D.J., mistakes Terps point guard Greivis Vasquez for Keith Hernandez and assaults him at midcourt of the St. Pete Times Forum.
Winner: #5 Maryland