In an effort to reach out to the common man, Bill Parcells and the Miami Dolphins are apparently poised to hire a homeless man, Bill Muir, who I’m assuming lives in a dumpster behind the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ practice facility. Perhaps George Costanza's elementary school gym teacher, Mr. Heyman, was too busy giving wedgies with "Tropic of Cancer" under his arm?
Here’s a rare glimpse into the NFL’s interview process:
Parcells: Bill! How you doing, man? Been a long time!
Muir: mumblemumbleLindsayLohanmumblemumble …
Parcells: Hey, you’re over there in Tampa, right? Interesting in moving down here to Miami to coach?
Muir: grumblegrumbleThunderbirdgrumblegrumbleWildIrishRosegrumblegrumblegrumble …
Parcells: You’ll join our staff for a coupla bottles of Thunderbird and WildIrishRose?
Muir: mumblemumblelargecurd!
Parcells: And a thing of large-curd cottage cheese. Check.
Muir: Jefferson Starship on a farted wheat thin!
Parcells: Exactly. So we’ll see you at team headquarters on Monday?
Muir: Reporting for duty, Sister Hashbrownpants!
Parcells: OK, um, great. Have a good weekend?
Muir: Mashed potatoes!
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