A new life choice for panty-less Lindsay Lohan
More serious than whether to get a freckled tan
Decided becoming a lesbian was what to do
So she bought a softball bat and a Subaru
Something tells me this'll land her in rehab again
Scott the Fish floated upside down, as all was a hush
His life passed in what seemed like a rush
He had a helluva run for a fish
And he had only one dying wish
Simply wanted a clean toilet for his final flush
Les Miles making cracks about 'Bama and Nick Satan
Urban Meyer's book blasted the Dawgs and their ref baitin'
No love lost throughout the SEC
Fall camp is approaching, as you can see
You know it's college football season when you hear all the hatin'
Trying to put a stop to the Obama train
A headline-stealing tactic by John McCain
Aims to name a running mate as the Olympics start
Who would be best to run with such an old fart?
Maybe dig up Jesse Helms as the Veep for your campaign
The new "Batman" decided to pick a fight
Living up to the example of "Dark Bobby Knight"
He cursed at his wife and sister like a Tourette's 'tard
Then Christian Bale quickly got arrested by Scotland Yard
Even his buddy Heath Ledger thinks that shit ain't right
Last time …
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