Oktoberfest Vs. My Liver: Call It A Draw

What could be better than spending a gorgeous Saturday afternoon watching a football game, smelling the cut grass from the stands, under a cloudless sky and a lazy sun? Empty the stadium. Remove the teams from the field. Add 350-plus different kinds of beer from more than 100 regional, national and international breweries.

There.

Even better.

The eighth annual Charlotte Oktoberfest Beer Festival was held at Memorial Stadium this past weekend. The six-hour event featured porters, bitters, IPAs, ambers, stouts, seasonals, varietals and ales of every type imaginable. A 45-minute wait to get in dulled the festivities initially – who knew you would have to tailgate while you waited to get into a beer festival?! – but once you got your ticket punched and someone handed you a six-ounce tasting glass, it was hard to hold back the tears.

Live bands played in one end zone, while the other end of the field featured cornhole (fill in your own joke here), foosball and a disturbing version of Twister. You could head up to the concourse to grab something to eat or use the restroom (a popular place when you have 5,000 people drinking beer for six hours), or sit in the stands if you wanted a break -- or, apparently, if you were a confused old man who expected a football game to break out at any moment.

I’m sure you’re saying, “Thanks for painting such a pretty picture. Now, tell us about the beer, dammit!” Gotcha. You can learn more about some these beers at Imbibr.com, but here are a few thoughts. Some of the highlights among the regional breweries included Peachtree Pale Ale from Atlanta Brewing Company; Cottonwood Endo (American India pale ale) and Cottonwood Pumpkin Spiced Ale from Carolina Beer & Beverage Company; Indian Head Red and Firewater I.P.A. from Catawba Valley Brewing Company; Uncle Nut’s Nut Brown Ale from Edenton Brewing Company; the Oktoberfest brew from Ham’s Restaurant; the Hefe Weizen from Olde Hickory Brewery; the Palmetto Porter from Palmetto Brewing Company; Sweetwater Summer Hummer from Sweetwater Brewing Company; and the Summer Wheat (hefe weizen) from Weeping Radish Brewery.

On the national level, Purple Haze from Abita Brewing Company; Brooklyn Oktoberfest from Brooklyn Brewery; 60-Minute IPA from Dogfish Head Craft Brewery; Jinx and #9 from Magic Hat; Red Tail Ale from Mendocino Brewing; Apricot Ale from Pyramid Breweries; Uberfest from Rogue Ales; and Celebration from Sierra-Nevada Brewing Company all struck a chord. With beers from North Carolina, Georgia, South Carolina, Louisiana, Missouri, Maine, Massachusetts, Oregon, New York, California, Maryland, Colorado, New Hampshire, Delaware, Michigan, Vermont, Texas, Washington and Pennsylvania represented, there was plenty to choose from.

From the international brewers, Monty Python’s Holy Grail Ale from Black Sheep Brewery (UK); Carlsberg Pilsner from Carlsberg Breweries (Denmark); Original Flag Porter from Darwin Brewery (UK); Grolsch Premium Lager from Grolsche Bierbrouwerjj (Netherlands); Samuel Smith’s Imperial Stout from Samuel Smith Old Brewery (UK); and Duvel (golden ale) from Duvel Moortgaat Brouwerjj (Belgium) were standouts. Of course, the international and national lines were much longer throughout most of the day, so you tended to drift toward the regional beers as the afternoon wore on. The object went from trying a host of exciting new blends to finding a) the shortest line and b) remembering which breweries give the most generous pours.

A neat aspect of the festival was the offering of homebrewed beers from established breweries. These varieties are not bottled or available, but are often good ways for brewers to test out new mixes and experiments on the public. And these beers tended to feature the most objectionable, creative and, in some cases, frightening names. The best names? Moose Drool and Pale Berry Nipple Ale (Carolina Brewmasters), Beligerent (sic) SOB (Alternative Beverage Homebrew Store), Blue Balls Blueberry Cream Ale and Fire in the Hole Jalapeno Ale (Battleground Brewer’s Guild), and Big and Busty Porter and Slacker Pale Ale (Palmetto State Brewers).

Among the homebrews, Trouser Trout Stout from Battleground Brewer’s Guild, Mocktoberfest from CARBOY Homebrew Club, Captain Mo’s Coffee Porter from Palmetto State Brewers and Stone Mountain IPA from Winston-Salem Wort Hawgs were ones that left you hoping they eventually reach the marketplace.

The best news was that unlike a football game where a pee party breaks out or a concert where a vomit fest takes place, the PDD count – Public Displays of Debauchery – was quite low, considering the environment. I guess you can chalk it up to having a lot of people who understand beer, know their limits, are practiced drinkers and have high tolerances gathering to take it all in. Or you can just say that some of these people's livers all look like something taken from the body of a 73-year-old Guatemalan peasant woman. Tomato, tomatoe.

Additionally, much of the proceeds went to the Mid Atlantic Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. Getting hammered for a good cause … who knew you could help cure a disease simply by drinking lots and lots of beer? If that were always the case, I’d be the Louis Pasteur of alcohol by now.

And who knew that a football stadium with no football could be this much fun. I’ll be back next year … but if you’re there, just make sure your Cornhole game stays away from my Blue Balls cream ale, and we’ll get along just fine.