The latest round of tempting, can't-miss projects to funnel through the ol' In-Box …
Title: Humor for Mothers Day
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: I'd like 5 humorous Mother's Day poems. Intended length should be at least 3 4-line verses, although based on quality of writing and humor, this is negotiable. Payment upon approval. Please provide writing samples, preferably of some humor.
Comment:
I'm not sure why I found this one so disturbing, but I did. Anyway …
A poem that makes use of humor
One line funnier than another
The pay is merely a rumor
It's worth a laughing mother
Negotiable based on writing
And the quality of just how funny
The humor had better be biting
Or your outlook won't be sunny
So while your approval is pending
I'll be in the basement scratching my nut
Just don't quite start your spending
Until my Mom is busting a gut
Title: translation: German - Swahili
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: i need it in not more than 3500 pages of translation from German to Swahili of a psychological textbook and i would want it done in a matter of 7 days
Comment:
I don't know what a "psychological textbook" is. But I do know that it would be difficult to COUNT 3,500 pages in a week, much less fucking translate it. Much less fucking translate from German. Much less fucking translate it from German to goddam Swahili. How do you translate, "Give me a christing break, you Nazi tribesman" from English to German to Swahili?
Title: restore my cummunity
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: this grant will restore 5 homes that need repair and fix roads so that they will be saft that has been damage do to the weather this grant will also provide funs to remove trees that is too close to the homes and remove those trees that have blown down do to the storms this will also provide ramps for the handy cap this will also provid transpation for those who are not able to for places the need to go with no restriction if someone need to go to the doctor or emergancy room we will be there
Comment:
I'm going to tread lightly here because this sounds like a worthy cause … although I'm not sure you can simply write a grant and get money (or even "funs"). There are so many misspellings here that it actually becomes sad, so poking fun would feel a bit too much like throwing rocks at the kid in the wheelchair.
Title: Translating...
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: Translating movies, books, documents from english to macedonian to english!
P.m me
Comment:
Is this a ransom note? What the F is Macedonian? Is that some Trekkie language bullshit? And why do you want to convert English to Macedonian and then back again? Can I just take your English copy, pretend I translated it to Macedonian and give it back to you in English and still get paid? "P.m me" (not sure I want to know what that means), I think we can help each other out.
Title: Eco Dog Theme Song
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: We have a character called Eco Dog that we will need a ghost writer to write and compose the theme song for an animated children's cartoon. It is about a green dog that helps the planet by recycling, saving energy, eating organic, etc. He is the planet's watch dog. Some of the keywords we use for him is leave a smaller footprint, follow eco dog, keeping it green. Things like that. It would be a minute or so long. We would want to own all rights to it. I attached some images of him from our t-shirts so you can see him as a reference.
Comment:
OK, so are you asking a freelance writer to make a cartoon? Design T-shirts? Compose a song? Create a Google campaign around the keyword "leave a smaller footprint"? Aren't dogs inherently enviro-conscious? I mean, don't they eat their own shit? What's more organic than that? I mean, it's cool that the dog's green and all—I get that. But there's a lot of competition out there in the cute-animated-dog area.
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