Whither Doug Heffernan?

Today is the third day of fall, but it doesn’t feel like it. Not with hot, humid weather, what passes for football in North Carolina … and the absence of “King of Queens” from the primetime lineup. CBS is promising that the show will be back in midseason, but as we all know, there are no promises in TV.

KOQ snuggled nicely into the 8 p.m. Monday night slot, a hilarious appetizer leading into Monday Night Football. There was something comforting about having everyman Doug Heffernan, a delivery guy, coming home to exchange barbs with his wife Carrie, fight with his father-in-law Arthur and get into hijinx with his friend Deac. Throw in a disturbing roommate relationship between Doug’s friend Spence and cousin Danny, and Doug paying dogwalker Holly to walk Arthur … and you have an easy recipe for success. Of course, the large-ish Doug put on and dropped weight seemingly from episode to episode, allowing him to incorporate top-notch physical humor into the equation, a la Chris Farley or John Belushi. Even when Leah Remini, who plays Carrie, got pregnant and put on a lot of weight in real life, they wrote that into the show cleverly. The formula went from fat-dude-with-hot-wife to fat-couple-berates-each-other-about-weight without skipping a beat.

The incomparable Jerry Stiller used to steal scenes playing George Costanza’s father on “Seinfeld,” and he does the same on KOQ. Whether he is turning the basement into a love den for the maid, suing a network so he’ll receive a year’s supply of cereal for his appearance on $10,000 Pyramid or inventing a new type of screwdriver (the “Arthur’s Head”), Arthur Spooner banters perfectly with Doug.

Apparently, CBS disagrees. I guess that’s why they put “The Class” into the 8 p.m. Monday night time slot to start the season. This show was co-created by David Crane and Jeffrey Clarik, who blessed our culture with “Friends” and “Mad About You," respectively. What does that mean? That you can expect high-brow, stuffy humor and predictable lines that stop being funny about two seasons in, if it makes that far. “The Class” is about third-grade classmates reuniting 20 years later to catch up with each other. That might work as a Saturday Night Live skit, but is that a premise that can be sustained for an entire season? Especially since the initial show got two middle fingers up from the critics? And even Bob Newhart called it boring?

What makes matters worse is that I used to work with Doug’s doppelganger at my last job … and now I have to live my life missing them both. So do the right thing, CBS … show you’ve got no “Class” and bring back the Heffernans!