I'll be tiptoeing down the halls of justice tomorrow morning, and this time I won't be hanging my head in shame and hoping I don't see anyone I know. Yup ... I have jury duty tomorrow, and I hope to begin my life as an expert witness tomorrow in the Wake County Courthouse.
I'm actually looking forward to seeing some of the inner workings of our "justice" system, and I think recent trips to the DMV and Social Security offices have prepared me for the -- ahem -- type of people I can expect to see bright and early tomorrow. Also, I don't know if heckling from the jury box is frowned upon or not, but I have been working up some volleys that might help grease the wheels of justice:
"I hope this line of questioning is going somewhere, Counselor."
"Leading the witness! Leading the witness!"
"I'll need to see a copy of that writ of habeas corpus."
"Sure, Mr. Bunting, we'll put the bail on your tab."
"You're forgetting that time is precious to Your Honor and myself. Let's speed this along."
"The fact is that you never actually SAW Mr. Simpson that night, did you? DID YOU!?"
"I was told that Kato Kaelin would be appearing today?"
"I have an objection ... this bench is harder than Donald Trump's hair. Am I right, people?"
"Could you speak up, Miss Hilton?"
"So how long have you been a player at UNC?"
"No, I believe you, Mr. Martin ... I'm sure that she did want to sit on your lap."
"I'm going to put the SYSTEM on trial!"
As you can tell, I've given this some thought. And if they want to pay me 12 beans per day for incessant material for my screenplay ... I say long live democracy.
3 comments:
I reccomend watching the Pauly Shore vehicle "Jury Duty" a minimum of 4 times.
If you are trying to get out of sitting through an entire trial, i think you'll find showing up in a Confederate bandana to be very effective.
you have a lot of time on your hands there Scooter?
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