“Where did your baby go? One day you’re cradling a tiny newborn in your arms, all of parenthood stretched out in front of you. Then before you know it, you’ve living with an all-new creature—cuter than ever, but suddenly opinionated, stubborn, and lightning fast. Welcome to toddlerhood!”
“You’ll be most successful if you keep in mind this one key fact: Toddlers act less like little schoolkids than they do like uncivilized little … cavemen.”
Just as Ube was turning our lives upside down, I made myself read Dr. Harvey Karp’s “The Happiest Infant on the Block,” which had come highly recommended. It turned out to be an essential tome, full of some vital tips and tricks without which I have been reduced to rocking in the corner, muttering gibberish and shotgunning Jim Beam. “The Fetus Whisperer,” as I dubbed him, led us to the 5 S’s, which played a big role in helping us to survive the first few months.
Well, with Ube rapidly racing toward and into toddlerhood, I figured I’d go back to the well and check out Karp’s “The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old.” The book introduced intriguing concepts such as the Fast Food Rule, Toddler-ese, you-I messages, the side door of the mind, time-ins, hand-checks and patience-stretching. I could see eventually employing most of them as time goes on -- though it’s going to take a lot for me to embrace the creepy-odd clap-growl tactic.
Despite the use of the word “boob” seeming to appear perhaps more than one would expect for a book about toddlers and a questionable reference to “tossing the salad,” the book was a quick and easy read, and I found it to be quite useful. What resonated with me most were an apropos characterization of your child as a mini-cave person and the idea of acting as an ambassador.
“The truth is we don’t live in a black-and-white world. Sometimes you’ll act like your child’s buddy and sometimes her boss, but the best way to understand your job is to think of yourself as an ambassador … an ambassador from the 21st century to the ‘uncivilized’ little munchkin living in your home.”
“Happiest Toddler” also offered up maybe the most compelling anti-spanking argument I’ve read. Additionally, the importance of nonverbal cues are completely overlooked in most circles, so I found some of Karp’s assertions on that front pretty amazing (“Your toddler’s right brain has one absolutely spectacular ability that will become one of your best tools for connecting with her and civilizing and calming her, too: the capacity to respond to ‘nonverbal’ communication.”)
The book also partly served as a motivational, up-with-parents work, outlining four fitting and honest struggles that all parents face: lack of help/guidance, feelings of failure, your toddler’s ability to push your buttons and clashing temperaments. I was also interested to read the theory that toddler behavior can also spark distant memories of painful past experiences, leading to overreactions and unexpected emotions. That’s why it was good to read the bit about how that should be balanced by a recognition that toddlers are only doing what they are programmed to do, so why fight it so much?
“Toddlers literally can’t stop themselves from exploring, touching, and pulling on everything. That’s how they learn about the world and about themselves. So while you may feel that your little friend keeps defying you, she may feel you’re unfairly blocking her greatest joy -- discovery.”
Anyway, I found myself frantically jotting down notes as I pored over the text. I’m not naïve enough to be able to convince myself that the majority of these tactics will work with a rather independent-minded Ube, but it’ll certainly be good to know they’re there just as I’m getting ready to pull a Rain Man with a bottle of Beam.
No comments:
Post a Comment