#1
Florida coach Urban Meyer, who retired for like six hours because he was stressed, has found creative new ways to not avoid stress in his life. Apparently, he took his time off to enroll in the Nick the Prick Satan School of Influencing Media And Berating Reporters. This time, Not Really That Urban thought he would threaten a reporter for using a quote from a Gators player about Tim Tebow not being a “real quarterback.” First of all, the kid said the quote, not the reporter—maybe, just maybe, you may want to discuss it with him? And second, you’re the reason Tebow is not considered a “real” quarterback, by the way.
So gimme a fucking break, you fraud. Why don’t you just retire for another hour and catch your breath?
#2
My daughter got bit at school the other day. The next day I sent her into her class with a shiv tucked discreetly into her tiny pink sock.
That’s how we roll on the North Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide.
#3
Overheard at work as part of the worst segue ever:
This guy: “Dude, you know what’s sweet about having a gay hairstylist?”
Me: [stunned silence]
Me: “Um … no, I can’t say that I do.”
This guy: “They send you texts that refer to you as ‘Sunshine.’”
I’m not going to ask why your fairy hairstylist is sending you text messages. And I’m sure as hell not going to ask why they include the word “Sunshine” in any context.
#4
Tremendous story developing at Butler, where 12-year-old coach Brad Stevens has led the Bulldogs to the Final Four, which will be held seven miles from Butler’s campus. The dude looks young enough to convince you that this has all been staged as part of secretly filming “Little Big League 2.”
#5
Serious question: Are stabbings becoming more in vogue instead of shootings because knives are cheaper in this economy?
#6
Let me get this straight: Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington tests positive for cocaine, and because he confessed to it prior to his drug test coming back positive, there is no punishment whatsoever? I’m no lawyer, but aren’t we suspending guys for huge portions of seasons for what could be argued is taking the wrong kind of vitamin? I’m having a difficult time with this one, MLB.
#7
Was watching Saturday morning cartoons with Ube and “Tom & Jerry” came on. It took a very short amount of time for me to be mortified … I had little to no recollection that much of the plot surrounded Tom chasing everyone around with a shotgun, blasting away. Jeezus. Where’s the remote?
#8
So Joey Porter interferes with the police arresting his boy in a Taco Bell parking lot, slaps a cop’s hand, rolls his window up in cop’s face, then refuses to comply with orders to lay on the ground at gunpoint? Talk about putting your life on the line for a fucking chalupa. Where’s Taco Bell Denise to give you a “special deal” on not getting your ass shot for being a goddam ‘tard?
Welcome to my list of Players Who I Hope Suffer Serious Injury Soon.
#9
Are Blue Diamond Smokehouse almonds the best snack ever? Discuss.
#10
It was comical to see not-black-enough-to-pull-it-off Nolan Smith get into a shoving match with a Baylor player at the end of Duke’s Elite Eight game with the Bears. His facial expression when he realized who he was dealing with, just before he began backpedaling, was priceless. Nolan, you’re a nice player and I know you want to show that Dookies can be “tough,” but you want none of a fracas with a team whose players kill each other.
[Too soon?]
No comments:
Post a Comment