Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 13

#1
In my mind, here’s when March Madness truly began this year: Montana was down by 20 at halftime (40-20) to Weber State in the finals of the Big Sky Conference Tournament -- on Weber State’s home floor, no less. However, Montana’s Anthony Johnson scored 34 second-half points on his way to 42 overall to edge a shocked Weber State squad. Kudos, young man.

#2
I don’t think I’m exaggerating here when I say that the following is the greatest story I have ever heard. And I don’t know where it’s OK to start or stop laughing with this story:

Basically, an adult Down’s Syndrome patient called his sister to tell her that he had caught a troll and locked him in a closet within his house. The sister chalked the story up to, well, you know, and ignored the idea. However, after the story was repeated, she decided it would be best to check for herself. Upon arriving at the house, she noticed that the closet door was locked, with a chair under the doorknob as well. Opening the door, she discovered a midget Census worker inside! Long story short, the poor wee fella had knocked on the Down’s man’s door as part of his job, at which point the Down’s man wrestled him to the floor, locked him in a closet and then called his sister to relay the exciting news. Census guy quote of the year: “I’m not a troll.” Story addendum quote of the year: “He had a good attitude about it all.”

True story. It was on Facebook and everything.

#3
Apparently, the young Wayne Newton looked an awful lot like K.D. Lang.

#4
Has there ever been a coach and a program more, er, mismatched than Cincinnati and coach Mick Cronin? This guy looks like some type of science professor, and he’s presiding over a gang of ornery-looking um, players for the Bearcats (emphasis on gang). He’s married to a black woman, so maybe that helps him relate. *shrug*

#5
It is very rare that this happens, and I couldn’t believe it myself, but I found myself agreeing a lot with Dick Vitale on Selection Sunday. First, he took issue with Wake Forest making the tourney over Virginia Tech, especially since the Hokies had a better conference record and won the head-to-head matchup. I’ve been screaming about the Deacs for weeks, and I couldn’t understand why they were never really discussed as a bubble team. Here’s a team and a coach who have perfected the late-season choke jobs, and they lost five out of six to close the regular season (narrowly edging a flawed Clemson team in the regular-season finale to cement their NCAA berth) and then get shit-housed by the league’s worst team, Miami, in the ACC Tournament.

Second, Vitale called out the money-grubbers who are actively trying to get a serious discussion of tournament expansion on the table, with an eye on inviting 96 teams instead of 64 65. When you’re scrambling to find worthy teams just to fill out the field of 65, how watered down is it going to get if you expand? As Vitale screamed noted, the only thing they’ll accomplish is destroying the “Big Dance” while padding their pockets a bit more.

#6
Tyrel Reed of Kansas does not look like I expected him to look.

#7
A friend of mine went to Moe’s for lunch on the first day of the ACC Tournament. Noticing that none of the televisions was showing the game, a question was asked to the cashier as to why the ACC Tournament wasn’t on. The response? “What is that?”

[pause for effect]

When the ACC Tournament was patiently explained, he replied that “basketball” (the Big East Tournament) was on one channel, while soccer was on two others. Looking around, it was realized that apparently the workforce was made up of Menudo.

Message? Boycott Moe’s.

#8
Seven children. Six women. Five states. There’s something beautifully symmetrical about that, Antonio Cromartie. What a class act—sounds like you truly belong with Rex Ryan and the Jets.

#9
Is any else getting tired of Jon Scheyer’s donkey kicks on three-point shots? Hell, Reggie Miller thinks that’s a pretty gay move. Between his jimmy legs, the incessant hand-checking, and the flying body blocks by Lance Thomas and Brian Zoubek when stepping out on screens, the Blue Devils are among the chippiest teams in the land.

It’s going to be funny when, like every year, the Blue Devils get into the NCAA Tournament and can’t find refs willing to bail them out on those calls, and then act surprised when they are bounced relatively early yet again.

#10
I think ESPN’s Doug Gottleib has done pretty well for himself—for a guy who was kicked out of Notre Dame for stealing credit cards from his roommate. But methinks his smarmy, egotistical air and perspective on college-aged student-athletes would go over a bit better if he wasn’t a convicted thief.