I think most rational people would agree that Dan Dierdorf is the worst football commentator of all time, and I posit that he's the worst sports broadcaster, period, that has ever stumbled off the assembly line. Cliches, mispronunciations, horrific jokes, man-crushes, repetition … he's got it all. And, as an added bonus, he provides a stunning lack of insight or knowledge for someone who allegedly played the game. How he has sustained a lengthy career for CBS only leads me to believe that he has a picture of the president of CBS in a compromising position with a goat, stealing the tactic used by his doppelganger, Matt Millen.
Since the Dolphins are an AFC team and CBS carries AFC games, I've had to endure Queerdorf for longer than I bear to remember. I always cringe when I hear his voice leading off a Miami game, both for myself and for his partner, Greg Gumbel.
Dan Dierdorf has two dreams in his life: to be the meat in a Tom Brady-Joe Montana sandwich and to eat his bodyweight in Funyuns. Not many can claim to have maxed out their lives' hopes and dreams by age 40, so kudos to you, Douchedorf.
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