Blind Midget Patrol Sees The Light … Yes, Pun Intended

Coming on the heels of the disappointing and controversial ouster of The Scooters from playoff inclusion, my faith in fantasy football was admittedly rocked. Coming out the lone loser in a five-way tiebreaker, the results of which I still don't fully comprehend, I basically threw in the towel on the 2008 fantasy football campaign.

However, in my second league, a 12-team collection of former co-workers, my solid Blind Midget Patrol squad wouldn't stop fighting. After an uneven 5-4 start that was hampered by underachieving efforts from LaDanian Tomlinson and Roy E. Williams (apparently, the "E" stands for "enema"), my team caught fire, winning four of the final five regular-season games. Using a record 144-point outing in a key matchup, BMP got into position for a winner-take-all regular-season finale. Winner takes the division and goes to the playoffs; loser goes home despite a more-than-respectable record.

The result was a 106-69 pounding for the good guys, sending Blind Midget Patrol to postseason play as the second-highest scoring team in the league (one point behind the leader, 1,266 points to 1,267). I grabbed the No. 2 seed with a 9-5 record, with the hope being that LT remembers who is, the Bears defense comes out of hibernation and my quarterback situation becomes respectable (Matt Schaub had a huge game last week, but Jeff Garcia has disappeared). Playoffs start this Sunday, so I'm working my guys to death out on the practice fields this week.

In odd years, Blind Midget Patrol is reincarnated and plays under the moniker "The Wrenchpants." This year, however, BMP has responded to a level that would even make a diminutive, squirrel-hands-having, wrenched-pants-wearing, tiny-Dudley-Moore-looking, Durham-dwelling, blind, bitch-ass midget proud.