Friday, September 26, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Months Before It Airs, Season 2 of “True Detective” Already Blows, Plus Please Leave Philbin With The Wankers




I loved the first “True Detective”
But now their casting’s defective
Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn?
Were all the real actors gone?
Expectations now put into perspective

Coach K got hammered ‘til the bell
By a name even harder to spell
Wojnarowski blistered the coach
For using USA hoops to poach
When Calipari complains, your tactics must really smell

Nuck dodging hits in Havana
Part of the “Boardwalk Empire” panorama
Meyer Lansky lurking around
Chalky escaped underground
Luciano now Brooklyn’s top banana?

Undefeated with a third win
By the hair of my chinny-chin-chin
Now I’m in bye week hell
My backups have a distinctive smell
Pop that champagne, Garo Yepremian

The body blows don’t abate
As Philbin engenders hate
He’s got Tanny saying, “Why me?”
And a nation saying, “Blimey!”
Shitcan him in London, why wait?



Friday, September 19, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: The ‘Fins Are Who We Thought They Were, Plus The Scooters’ Depth Tested Early


Back to earth with a thud
Every Tannehill pass like a scud
A predictable loss to the Bills
Has fans running for the hills
The future of this team, clear as mud

The reigning Man of the Year
Reinjured and shed a tear
Charles Tillman is what’s right
In a league that’s full of blight
For Peanut, well wishes and a cheer

On the other hand, we read
About Adrian Peterson’s need
To beat his illegitimate 4-year-olds
With trees instead of scolds
Purple Jesus, indeed

The last season has finally hit
“Sons of Anarchy” has violence with no wit
Jax trying to avenge Tara’s killing
Believe his mom, he’s still willing?!
He’s losing control bit by bit

Everywhere, they were dropping like flies
Lost four of my starting guys
In a single cursed afternoon
A 2-0 team with an injury swoon
Fantasy football, I shake my fist at your skies



Friday, September 12, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: Bullying The Hoody, Plus Missing Mo



Finally got a running game
Of the Dolphins, no longer ashamed
Forced Brady into the fetal position
Pounded the Patsies into submission
No more of the same ol’ same?

Fitzgerald made me say uh-oh
My kicker was kinda of a no-show
But Lynch went into beast mode
Vernon Davis never really slowed
Just feels good to be 1-0

An emotional “The Leftovers” finale
Took no time to dilly or dally
The Guilty Remnant got torched
So many memories got scorched
Kevin and Nora may just rally

The NFL repeatedly liared
Guess TMZ they should have hired
Hard to get worse than Ray Rice
He’s like a maggot with lice
But it’s time for Goodell to be fired

Two years gone by
Yet each week I cry
At the loss of you
The one thing that was true
Robbed of the chance to ask why


Friday, August 29, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Comedy Will Never Be The Same, Plus A Jarring Transition Back To Reality


A comedic genius lost too soon
Spark criticism from many a loon
But what can’t be lost
Is a legacy at all cost
Robin Williams took us all to the moon

The ‘Fins can’t seem to avoid
Suspensions for the steroid
First it was Jordan the bust
Then Reshad Jones thought it a must
With placebos they seem to have toyed

Like a forgotten Christmas toy
“The Killing” returned to my joy
A mini-season on NetFlix
Overall, wouldn’t be in my favorite picks
But the ending was perfect, oh boy

Reliving an epic PGA
Rory capped a remarkable day
Outdueled Fowler and Philly Mick
Even Stenson before he lost his stick
Tigger’s been unseated, I’d say

The planning was more than clever
It rained almost freaking never
A week in Nogs Head
Nothing I’d rather do instead
Only the best vacation of ever


Friday, August 01, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Sun Rises On A New Season, Plus Football Has Arrove


As fall does begin
A do-over for the Pack again
Expectations are all moot
When you get down to it, shoot
Let’s start with a conference win

Just before getting married
Unconscious, so Rice carried
Off an elevator, what a thrill
A pre-honeymoon if you will
A story Goodell couldn’t buried

The O line a continuing prob
Making Tannehill want to sob
Pouncey a punk and galoot
Will miss half the year to boot
But still ‘Fins optimism you can’t rob

An end to incessant movin’
Three months in, I’m proven
Go above and beyond a bit
Then they put a ring on it
Go permanent and keep groovin’

The last pick once again mine
Though that’s really just fine
I pick 14th, this is true
But 15th is mine, too
Draft spot never slowed my incline



Monday, July 28, 2014

Dolphins Draft Results: Another Roll Of The Dice, Another Brick In The Wall






1st round: OT Ju’Wuan James
2nd round: WR Jarvis Landry
3rd round: OT/OG Billy Turner
4th round: CB Walt Aikens
5th round: TE Arthur Lynch
5th round: OLB Jordan Tripp
6th round: WR Matt Hazel
7th round: DE Terrence Fede

Usually, three months or so is long enough (like last year) for me to get over all the inevitable and redundant mistakes the Miami Dolphins have made during Draft Day, so as training camp gets hopping in earnest, it’s high time to take a look at the rookie class.

Under new general manager fill in unknown dead man walking here Dennis Hickey, the ‘Fins spent its first three picks on offense. That’s the good news; the bad news is that Miami wasted little time earning guffaws around the league by choosing fast-riser (only for the ‘Fins?) Ju’Wuan James, a tackle out of Tennessee. Considering Miami left a lot of talent on the board and whiffed mightily on a high-round Tennessee offensive lineman just a season ago, the criticism was earned.

The Dolphins were involved in three trades on Friday, but there are legitimate questions (still) on whether Miami got enough. Unfortunately, the Billy Turner pick seemed to ruin all the efforts that went into drafting LSU receiver Jarvis Landry, which seemed to be shifting Miami’s draft in a positive direction when it happened.

The rest of the haul was littered with a whopping five players from non-BCS schools, pegging this is as a bit of a high-risk draft for a first-year GM. In three years or so, we’ll have an indication of what these draft results are returning, but the early impression is that Miami had a middling draft that is largely dependent on how quickly James can land—and solidify—the right tackle position on a woeful offensive front.
Now to the specifics and player profiles

First Round (19th overall): Ju’Wuan James, OT, Tennessee
 If you’re a Dolphins fan, this was the sort of trainwreck-in-slow-motion move you were expecting. Sure, he’s a right tackle by trade, is experienced with 40+ starts in the ACC and has the stature at 6-6, 311 pounds … but most had him pegged as a mid-second-round talent. Not only that, but Miami turned down trade requests to move down and acquire an extra third-rounder. So essentially, the ‘Fins elected to not only reach for a guy, but basically use first- and third-round picks on a second-rounder, which is quintessential Miami math and reason #6,408 how bad teams stay bad.
Other guys that were still on the board and intriguing were Alabama safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, Michigan State corner Darqueze Dennard, Oregon State wideout Brandin Cooks and USC receiver Marquise Lee. Again, I understand the need for James and I don’t hate the pick, but I take issue with the inability or unwillingness to parlay the 19th overall spot into a higher value. Also, I question where his eyebrows are.

Second Round (63rd overall): Jarvis Landry, WR, LSU
I almost never say this in conjunction with a Miami Dolphins draft selection, but I absolutely loved this pick. Using a pick from Denver through San Francisco, Landry was the result of a couple of shrew trade-downs that allowed Miami to pick up extra fourth- and fifth-rounders while still adding a playmaker. At 5-11, 205, Landry has great hands, strong slot skills and brings an element of toughness and swagger to a position and an offense that has lacked that for too long. With three wideouts coming off ACLs, he’ll have a great chance to impact right away, and in my estimation, represents the best draft pick in recent memory for this franchise.

Third Round (67th overall): Billy Turner, OT, North Dakota State
OK, so remember all the praise I bestowed on the ‘Fins braintrust, like, 30 seconds ago? This pick, to me, took a dump on all those shrewd moves. Turner was arguably the second major reach in three picks, and not only was he graded a fifth-rounder by many, but he cost Miami a third- and a fourth-rounder as part of a tradeup with Oakland. That’s an awful lot for a small-school project guy headed for a position change right off the bat.
So that’s the bad news. The good news is Turner is 6-5, 315, has a nasty disposition and likely will have a chip on his shoulder with all the non-BCS talk. He projects to left guard, which is a vacant spot for the Dolphins, so he will certainly have a shot at starting. The biggest issue here, to me, is that this seemed a bit panicky and undid a lot of the strong work done throughout the second round to address value and ammunition.

Fourth Round (125th overall): Walt Aikens, CB, Liberty
So Aikens was kicked out of Illinois for stealing a laptop, but that’s where the Cam Newton similarities end. He has good size (6-1, 205) and speed, and the hope is that the character concerns have been addressed through a humbling process that lands you somewhere like Liberty. This would appear to be a good spot to take a chance on a risk like Aikens, but it also points up the pervasive sentiment that Miami whiffed badly on second- and third-round corners a year ago in Jamar Taylor and Will Davis.

Fifth Round (155th overall): Arthur Lynch, TE, Georgia
At 6-5, 258 pounds, Lynch is a massive dude and an SEC-tested talent—an anomaly in the midst of a run on small-school diamonds in the rough. However, he’s not a seam threat, which is what Miami ostensibly needs. However, the ‘Fins have been investing heavily in drafting tight ends in recent years, and this is a good draft slot to draft a guy for a position that has increased in importance—and a position at which the Dolphins are by no means set. I’m not sure I see the fit, but hell, if he’s a good in-line blocker who can help the running game while also helping out struggling tackles in pass pro, it’s certainly a worthwhile pick.

Fifth Round (171st overall): Jordan Tripp, OLB, Montana
My initial thought was that size (6-3, 234) could be a concern for Tripp, but this selection has been roundly lauded and pointed out as a good sleeper by most draft analysts. At the very least, he could be a special-teams ace, and the promising aspect is that this is a guy who was rising up many draft boards through the process. Chosen with a pick from the Broncos through the 49ers, Tripp is an addition to a position group that struggled mightily a season ago, and he could be a guy to watch throughout the preseason.

Sixth Round (190th overall): Matt Hazel, WR, Coastal Carolina
The analysts seemed to really like this pick, with the thought process being that the 6-1, 198-pound Hazel could fit on the outside or in the slot. However, the Dolphins are stacked with similarly regarded wideouts, and one gets the impression that a receiver with more of a definitive strength and with kick-return potential would have had a better shot to impact the roster. As it stands now, it would be an upset if Hazel made the practice squad.

Seventh Round (234th overall): Terrence Fede, DE, Marist
Fede is the first player ever taken from Marist. He is 6-4, 276 pounds. I can't tell you much more than that, other than that he is joining perhaps the strength of the 'Fins roster. At the very least, as a representative of the smallest of small schools, he'll be an easy dude to root for.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: A Memorable Open Championship, Plus A Big Day For An Impish Wee One



The runaway story
Was an on-fire Rory
Sergio made a run
By a bunker undone
McIlroy coated in glory

The prose does more hum than sing
The story more clank than ring
Ambivalence the word of the day
For “Mr. Mercedes,” I’d say
Expect more than “enh” from Stephen King

Blood, tears, bruises and sweat
For training camp, we’re all set
Players gained and lost
But hey, fingers crossed
No freaking losses yet!

“Downton Abbey” created all kindsa buzz
So I wanted to see why ‘cause
Buncha wankers sitting around talking?
If I wanted to watch that kinda squawking
Woulda stayed working where I was

A huge fan of Artoo
And anything choo-choo
Even Elmo now and again
For my irrepressible Finn
Hard to believe that you’re two



Friday, July 18, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: Six Weeks, 62 Episodes: My “Breaking Bad” Tour de Force


What can you say about Walt?
Cancer freed him from his vault
He paid the ultimate cost
Died like Jack from “Lost”
But at the end, he finally took fault

He found freedom blessedly
His story from sad to messy
No redemption in sight
But he learned love and fight
Now find hope on the horizon, Jesse

An enforcer with a heart of gold
Down the river he finally got sold
Mike Ehrmentraut was calm
‘Til Walt went off like a bomb
Hope his granddaughter gets rich and old

Jesse called him dead-eyed
He shot a kid and then lied
Crushed hard on Lydia
‘Til Walt had to get rid o’ ya
When Opie Todd got his, nobody cried

With visceral pain it was replete
Gut-wrenching from your head to your feet
Comic relief was hard to find
Only two really come to mind
That’s Badger and Skinny Pete

Wasn’t a big Skyler fan
At last, she did as well as she can
Protecting innocent Holly
And Walt Jr. from more folly
A family shattered by a marginalized man



Friday, July 11, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Reliving The Final Daze Of “Breaking Bad,” Plus LeBron Could’ve Hat-Tricked Brazil




Coming down the home stretch
Walt’s now such a wretch
Four epis left
For a series with heft
Jesse’s rabid dog does more than fetch

A Pack name called at the NBA Draft
T.J. Warren was like a life raft
Lifted State to an improbable season
Scored like he had no conscience or reason
He looked at the rest of the ACC and just laughed

They hated LeBron down to his socks
“The Decision” every one of them mocks
Now it’s the return of their guy
And for at least one day in July
Maybe Cleveland actually rocks

A King masterpiece eroded
“Under the Dome” has exploded
With “WTF” sounds
Bad acting abounds
The story still engaging and coded
 
Germany put up a TD on Brazil
Seems like they’re scoring still
All ‘round was heard “Dios mio”
Then riots began in Rio
Admittedly, the World Cup’s been a thrill



Friday, July 04, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: The Carolina Coverup Is Under Siege, Plus Happy Farkin’ Birthday, ‘Murrica!



Generations of cheating galore
To almighty wins they’re a whore
UNC’s cover-up was a joke
Roy just reached for another Coke
Here comes the NCAA for a little more

Belgium, everybody feared
‘Til Tim Howard stood on his beard
Stymied the waffle-maker mates
But got no help from the rest of the States
Still not world-class, it appeared

I am the danger, said Walt
Ego will be his fatal fault
With Jesse, he’s now switched roles
His plans now full of holes
“Breaking Bad” is intensity with no halt

Collecting lawsuits and losses
Snyder’s the worst of bosses
The Redskins are farked
So I’ve trademarked
The Washington Criss-Cross Apple Sauces

Agreement is rare-ica
But Hobby Lobby is scare-ica
On the Fourth of July
Why do we even try?
Because ‘Murrica



Friday, June 27, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: Not Even A Loss Can Stop ‘Murrica, Plus Margaritas For Mo



No one gave the U.S. a chance
To survive, much less to dance
“The Group of Death,” it was called
Every U.S. fan was appalled
‘Til we lost, but still did advance

A new helmet in every fan ‘zine
A new court layout is pretty keen
That’s what passes for good news
As on the field State does lose
At least marketing has joined the scene

Midway through Season 4
Hank has awoken from his snore
Skyler a bit of a drag
If not an out-and-out hag
“Breaking Bad,” what else is in store?

Playing with tempo and pace
With movement all over the place
The Fins have a new offense
But injuries that make no sense
Predicting Philbin falls flat on his face

Mom’s birthday has arrived again
Memories from way back when
Margaritas we’ll be sippin’
To Enya we will listen
Family is everything more now than then



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 72



#1
If you’re planning a visit to the Big Apple, you can score marginal cool points (or, alternately, get punched) by brushing up on your NYC bar lingo.

#2
It’s not fully possible to convey what a tool this narrator is, but the virtual tour of Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment is simply not to be missed. Speaking of not to be missed, the narrator somehow failed to notice the puffy shirt in Jerry’s drawer. Unforgiveable.

#3
How about a slightly creepy, Mafioso-ish store owner trying to sell cups to little kids by discussing “laser swords” and Star Wars? Yes? Here you go.

#4
These ‘Shopped tattoos are utterly brilliant. I have nothing else.

#5
Nobody’s Son” is a beautifully written reflection on collateral fallout of losing a parent …

#6
So how do you take a picture of arguably the world’s biggest tree, one that has more than 2 billion leaves and is more than 3,000 years old? National Geographic embarked on that challenge (get it?).

#7
Social media just got explained using beer.

#8
This mesmerizing time-lapse marine life photography is nearly overpowering. There’s a whole ‘nuther world out there, folks.

#9
Filed under the category “Incomprehensible Abilities,” this woman is able to say the words “Fart Aerobics” like, a lot, without laughing.

#10
I miss “True Detective.” The people behind “Time is a flat circus” feel my pain and raise it to hilarity.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: Taking In A Route At Hot, Dusty Pinehurst, Plus We Won’t See The Likes Of Tony Gwynn Again



Kaymer made putts that were obscene
And drove like a German machine
We hung out on five tee
Where Dustin Johnson had to pee
It was over early, but it was a scene

Was definitely pretty droll
Got the Steelers on a title roll
An oft-overlooked coach
His teams beyond reproach
RIP to Chuck Noll

Around the world, it’s thriving
In the US, they say, “Too much diving”
Have you seen a basketball game?
With too many flops to name?
I, for one, glad the World Cup’s arriving

Analysts kept blowing the Heat
Refused to accept defeat
‘Til the Spurs wrecked ‘em soundly
Then were applauded roundly
Sports coverage a laughable feat

Farewell to the best hitter I ever saw
His swing made you drop your jaw
To Tony Gwynn all fans were connected
His passing hit me harder than expected
Always had a smile and guffaw



Friday, June 13, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: No. 2 Will Make The Best Play Like No. 2, Plus It’s Your Day, Dads




Can Mickelson finally finish first?
The humidity’s gonna be the worst
The U.S. Open has come to N.C.
Expect to see a triple bogey or three
I’ll be there Sunday in Pinehurst

It’s like he won the lottery, man
Then complained about the payment plan
Steve Coburn the douche of the horse bash
His whining as cheesy as his ‘stache
California Chrome deserves a better fan

Two seasons through “Breaking Bad”
Walt’s got plenty on his plate as a Dad
Serves meth up on a platter
He only wanted to matter
How he found his voice? Kinda sad

The GOP continues to smolder
Spurred by the upset of Eric Holder
He reached across the aisle
So he got shivved with a smile
The more cynical the more I get older

Another Father’s Day is here
How about some golf and a beer?
Hard to think of myself in that role
But it has somehow made me whole
It’s love that overrides the fear



Friday, June 06, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: A Baseball Icon Passes, Plus The Heels Cheating Story That Just Wouldn’t Stop




Don Zimmer has passed to many tears
A baseball legend with stories for years
Some called him a “Gerbil”-looking guy
Others tabbed him as “Popeye”
Always reminded me of Coach on “Cheers”

A somber commemoration
For those who saved a nation
Not to mention the world at last
D-Day’s70 years in the past
A salute to the greatest generation

Flexible and a stalwart at the same time
Omnipresent, serene and sublime
He was Gallo’s running mate
A good, long life was O-Dog’s fate
Had a great Dad, plus a 17-year prime

San Antonio cut off the A/C
Smoked out the Heat easily
LeBron got the cramps
Haters gave him pussy stamps
Can they still win title #3?
 
The latest to torch UNC’s cheating dance
The one and only bipolar McCants
At sham classes he did scoff
As Roy Williams signed off
Burn it down before he “recants”



Friday, May 30, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Many Giant Leaps For “Mad Men,” Plus Farewell To The Gifted Maya Angelou




A furious midseason finale
Chose nerd over douche, did Sally
Bert Cooper died in high style
For divorce Megan will file
Don and Roger threw Cutler down a valley

Peg fabricated a family
Nailed a presentation emotionally
Against a moon landing backdrop
Roger steps up to stop Cutler’s co-op
Are the best things in life really free?

A douche and fiancé soon parted
O’er the phone? A bit retarded
Ah well, such is Rory
A new chapter for his story
Check out the 63 he just carded

For murder, he put his teaching on the shelf
That’s how Walter White found himself
“Dead man walking,” in the doctor’s voice
Cooking meth the natural next choice
The best pilot ever, I do say myself

From sex worker to cook
From singer to the book
Maya Angelou, an extraordinary life
Balancing achievement with strife
With words and sentiment she did hook



Friday, May 23, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: “House of Cards” Manages To Hyperbolize Even Politics, Plus “Mad Men” Careening Toward Midseason Finale



“House of Cards,” I have a beef
Involving suspension of disbelief
The Veep a serial killer
Equal parts comedy and thriller
Will Frank become Convict in Chief?

When it was all on the line
Looked like the Pack was fine
Then a blind ump happened
Disappointing season did end
Avent shoulda paid a fine

The return of Jack Bauer
“24” makes an amusing hour
Chloe a tatted punk hacker
Audrey back as a dour cracker
Miss Kim but not Jack’s glower

Again my head I did bow
To be better, that was my vow
Maybe you were in the wind
As love and memory I did send
A void that’s just part of me now
 
Don took pity on Peg
Said goodbye again to Meg
Ghey Bob proposed to Joan
Pete once again alone
The rep of SCDP has flown



Friday, May 16, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: Nipsy Russell Did Not Appear On “Mad Men,” Plus Not Feeling A Draft At The Beach


Lou and Cutler scheming everywhere
Stephanie arrived from nowhere
Don had threesome with Meg
Ginsberg gave his nipple to Peg
Betty got berated and didn’t care

Every year I preach
Pick value and don’t reach
Once again the Fins didn’t listen
Got fans moanin’ and pissin’
Glad I missed most of it at the beach

The front desk, just a little contentious
Wrightsville was kinda pretentious
With people, we were up to our necks
Really missed the OBX
But a day outta town was conscientious

Donald Sterling and his heinous broads
The NBA is full of frauds
His wife like an old leather bag
His mistress, a plastic hag
Put ‘em all on the moon, good gawds

HBO outprograms and outwits
They just keep churnin’ out hits
“Silicon Valley” is awkward humor
“Veep” is a fast-paced funny zumor
Summer TV is gonna be the pits



Friday, May 02, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: A Too-Long Hiatus Ends, Plus TV Be Heatin’ Up


Don takes a backseat
But continues his deceit
Roger’s orgies have him floored
Peg a minimized slumlord
Megan has me hitting rewind and repeat

Draft winds a-blowing
But no one’s knowing
Just where anyone is leaning
The Fins head careening
Toward more of me oh-no-ing

“Silicon Valley” taking over Sunday night
With lines like “VP of Spite”
The latest triumph from Mike Judge
Examining tech’s satirical sludge
So far, all the caricatures are right

An avoidance of back-nine disasters
Delivered another Masters
To Bubba Watson, weeping
Lack of drama had many sleeping
But I’ve never seen Augusta greens faster

A new gig for Scoot
A team that seems astute
What a nice change
To give me more range
And fewer wankers to boot




Friday, April 11, 2014

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Letterman Lets Us Down Easy, Plus TWD Finale In-Terminus-Able


Late night he did save
Funnies and tricks he gave
So if there’s any comedic timing
Within this simplistic rhyming
It’s all thanks to Uncle Dave


A seven seed vs. an eight
Two programs many love to hate
UConn rode its guards
Kentucky its borderline ‘tards
The Huskies won it all on fate

The “How I Met Your Mother” finale
Panned everywhere consistently
This show always made me sleepy
A bold move in the finale to go creepy
Ted always had a stalker side to me

The Tigger bandwagon emptying quick
No Masters for that lying prick
Surgery a back injury couldn’t avoid
Because he had to quit ‘roids?
Jason Day is my true Augusta pick

Rick went cannibal mode
To save his boy on the road
Terminus an obvious trap
They’ve landed in the crap
Bad Rick like cheesy Arnold in code