As if “The Office” needed more help marketing itself as the funniest show on television, the franchise created a new promotional vehicle that has taken off like a rocket. On Friday mornings, many workplaces grind to a halt as employees discuss the previous night’s episode … hell, like on “The Office,” a guy at my company had his mouse put in Jello on his last day. Now, work is affected even moreso by the show’s introduction of Dunder-Mifflin Infinity.
The site has suffered from some bugs here and there, but I think it’s vast popularity was underrated by the folks at NBC. The basic concept is that you get to work at a Dunder-Mifflin satellite office and earn ShruteBucks so you can decorate your cubicle and move up the corporate ladder. Here’s what my cubicle looks like thus far:
Every week, you’re assigned a task that correlates to something that went on in the previous week’s episode. For example, last week you were supposed to create a Dunder-Mifflin commercial similar to the one aired on the show (above). Another task was to create a review for Shrute Farms, Dwight’s new agrotourism venture. Here’s what I came up with:
“When my wife suggested that we use our hard-earned vacation time to head to the Keystone State to stare at beets, I responded as I usually do: I calmly excused myself, went to my study to quietly weep, then began surfing MySpace Lindsay Lohan chatrooms. Little did I know I’d be in for one of the most remarkable and borderline disturbing experiences of my life.
“Upon arriving at Schrute Farms, the #1-beet-related agrotourism vacation spot in the world, I observed the proprietor, Dwight Schrute, doing donuts in the middle of a cornfield in a 1987 Pontiac Trans Am. As he later led us around on a tour of the facility, I saw a youngish fellow with an Amish-type beard lying in the fetal position in a closet, rocking back and forth and uttering gibberish. Dwight introduced him as his cousin, famed writer Mose Schrute, author of “SELL THIS: How to literally kill the competition.” According to Dwight, it was the No. 1-ranked sales/horror book on TheNile.com. When I asked him if he meant Amazon, he just gave me a funny look and said, “Of course not.”
“After being assigned to the Irrigation room, my wife and I had trouble finding a working bathroom. I mean, there was a bathroom … but in lieu of an actual toilet, there was just a life-sized statue of someone named Michael Scott. Weird. Anyway, when I found Dwight to inquire about where to use the bathroom, he sighed heavily, paused his XBox Battlestar Galactica game and pointed out the window at an outhouse. I found this touch simultaneously quaint and puzzling.
“The following day, Dwight and Mose treated us to a hearty brunch of beet omelets and beet juice. After a stunningly complete and thorough description of how the Schrutes had gained control of their land (Editor’s Note: this story is like a mix of Deliverance, Lord of the Rings and The Hills Have Eyes. Don’t ask), we returned to the main house for a dinner of beet loaf, mashed potatoes, beets and beet cider, finished off with beet pie. Dwight then kindly informed us that we would then be treated to a double feature Movie Night. When I realized that this was comprised of back-to-back showings of “The Crow,” I asked if he meant “The Crow” and “The Crow 2.” He scoffed, called me a fool and barked a no. Mose spent the whole time staring at my wife and muttering under his breath.
“The following morning, we had a light breakfast of Count Chocula cereal … with beets. Dwight announced that we would be participating in a beet-collecting challenge, noting that the winner would receive a “completely awesome” prize. When we went outside after breakfast to learn more about this competition, we noticed Dwight in his car, head-banging to “Wild Side” by Motley Crue and holding the steering wheel in a death grip. During the beet hunt, a pumped-up Dwight dealt my wife a nasty elbow to the neck when she got too close to one of his finds, but she still managed to edge us all out and win. As she put ice on her bruised neck (she mentioned she saw a dead cat in the freezer while getting the ice; Dwight simply informed her that he trying to teach himself taxidermy), Dwight begrudgingly proclaimed her the victor and presented her with a World Anime Expo 2002 T-shirt.
“When it was time for us to leave, Dwight began crying again, patted my wife on the head and put me in a bear hug. Mose returned with our car, licked my wife’s arm, slapped my left cheek and tore off into the woods. After I got in and started driving down the dirt road to leave, Dwight began pelting our car with eggs and screaming, “Come again! Schrute Farms will always remember you!” Mose then emerged from the east woods, shrieking and sprinting alongside our car until he saw a squirrel and veered off in hot pursuit.
“Anyway, I completely recommend Schrute Farms to anyone who has a fascination with beets and a morbid curiosity about the degeneration of the nuclear family. I promise you won’t be bored—you’ll be alternately scared, thrilled, mortified, confused, entertained, informed and panicked!”
So sign up, find a good branch, earn SchruteBucks … and avoid work. Giddyup.
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