“Did You Ever Hear The One About The Punjabi And Raquel Welch?”

I’ve come to accept and realize that Guru.com is more a source of comedic material than it is an actual, valid resource for freelance opportunities. To wit:

Title: Hindi and/or Punjabi songs for album!
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: Looking for a Hindi / Punjabi songwriter to write songs for an upcoming album. The artist is a 24 year old Male Pop/ RnB singer from Toronto, Canada and songs must be youthful and vibrant. The album will be released independantly and songwriter will receive credits on the final CD as well. Songs needed ASAP!!

This is a fairly specialized request, no? I mean, there’s only so many times you can rhyme “Punjabi,” “Slurpee,” “Hindi," “camel jockey," "Mujibur" and "Sirajul" before someone takes offense, right?

Here’s another one:

Title: stand up comedy material
Category: Writing / Editing / Translation
Description: I need 5 minutes of original stand up comedy material based on my observations, and what I find is funny to me.

Someone is looking for a person to write “original” material – for them?! If only you know what is funny to you and only you know what your observations are … how in the purple Hades is someone else supposed to write a standup routine for you?!

Perhaps there is a way to combine these two freelance requests into a single song/act, but I don’t have the energy or the Hindi vocabulary. If any of you are feeling up to it, however, please feel free … and tell ‘em Scooter & Hum sent ya.