Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Many Giant Leaps For “Mad Men,” Plus Farewell To The Gifted Maya Angelou

A furious midseason finale

Chose nerd over douche, did Sally

Bert Cooper died in high style

For divorce Megan will file

Don and Roger threw Cutler down a valley

Peg fabricated a family

Nailed a presentation emotionally

Against a moon landing backdrop

Roger steps up to stop Cutler’s co-op

Are the best things in life really free?

A douche and fiancé soon parted

O’er the phone? A bit retarded

Ah well, such is Rory

A new chapter for his story

Check out the 63 he just carded

For murder, he put his teaching on the shelf

That’s how Walter White found himself

“Dead man walking,” in the doctor’s voice

Cooking meth the natural next choice

The best pilot ever, I do say myself

From sex worker to cook

From singer to the book

Maya Angelou, an extraordinary life

Balancing achievement with strife

With words and sentiment she did hook

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: “House of Cards” Manages To Hyperbolize Even Politics, Plus “Mad Men” Careening Toward Midseason Finale

“House of Cards,” I have a beef

Involving suspension of disbelief

The Veep a serial killer

Equal parts comedy and thriller

Will Frank become Convict in Chief?

When it was all on the line

Looked like the Pack was fine

Then a blind ump happened

Disappointing season did end

Avent shoulda paid a fine

The return of Jack Bauer

“24” makes an amusing hour

Chloe a tatted punk hacker

Audrey back as a dour cracker

Miss Kim but not Jack’s glower

Again my head I did bow

To be better, that was my vow

Maybe you were in the wind

As love and memory I did send

A void that’s just part of me now

 

Don took pity on Peg

Said goodbye again to Meg

Ghey Bob proposed to Joan

Pete once again alone

The rep of SCDP has flown

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: Nipsy Russell Did Not Appear On “Mad Men,” Plus Not Feeling A Draft At The Beach

Lou and Cutler scheming everywhere

Stephanie arrived from nowhere

Don had threesome with Meg

Ginsberg gave his nipple to Peg

Betty got berated and didn’t care

Every year I preach

Pick value and don’t reach

Once again the Fins didn’t listen

Got fans moanin’ and pissin’

Glad I missed most of it at the beach

The front desk, just a little contentious

Wrightsville was kinda pretentious

With people, we were up to our necks

Really missed the OBX

But a day outta town was conscientious

Donald Sterling and his heinous broads

The NBA is full of frauds

His wife like an old leather bag

His mistress, a plastic hag

Put ‘em all on the moon, good gawds

HBO outprograms and outwits

They just keep churnin’ out hits

“Silicon Valley” is awkward humor

“Veep” is a fast-paced funny zumor

Summer TV is gonna be the pits

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVIII: A Too-Long Hiatus Ends, Plus TV Be Heatin’ Up

Don takes a backseat

But continues his deceit

Roger’s orgies have him floored

Peg a minimized slumlord

Megan has me hitting rewind and repeat

Draft winds a-blowing

But no one’s knowing

Just where anyone is leaning

The Fins head careening

Toward more of me oh-no-ing

“Silicon Valley” taking over Sunday night

With lines like “VP of Spite”

The latest triumph from Mike Judge

Examining tech’s satirical sludge

So far, all the caricatures are right

An avoidance of back-nine disasters

Delivered another Masters

To Bubba Watson, weeping

Lack of drama had many sleeping

But I’ve never seen Augusta greens faster

A new gig for Scoot

A team that seems astute

What a nice change

To give me more range

And fewer wankers to boot

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVII: Letterman Lets Us Down Easy, Plus TWD Finale In-Terminus-Able

Late night he did save
Funnies and tricks he gave
So if there’s any comedic timing
Within this simplistic rhyming
It’s all thanks to Uncle Dave

A seven seed vs. an eight

Two programs many love to hate

UConn rode its guards

Kentucky its borderline ‘tards

The Huskies won it all on fate

The “How I Met Your Mother” finale

Panned everywhere consistently

This show always made me sleepy

A bold move in the finale to go creepy

Ted always had a stalker side to me

The Tigger bandwagon emptying quick

No Masters for that lying prick

Surgery a back injury couldn’t avoid

Because he had to quit ‘roids?

Jason Day is my true Augusta pick

Rick went cannibal mode

To save his boy on the road

Terminus an obvious trap

They’ve landed in the crap

Bad Rick like cheesy Arnold in code

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVI: Warmer Days On The Horizon, Plus State Brings Back Legends

Sun and blooms all day
At the beach I wanna stay
It’s here, I reckons
Bad golf beckons
Oh spring, don’t be scared to stay

Wrestlers use vise and clamp

On their sport, try to put a stamp

Gwiazdowski gave ‘em hell

As hard to pin as to spell

Congrats for a true national champ

Quietly, a strong offseason for the Bears

No one really notices or cares

Peanut has returned to the fold

Allen replaces Peppers of old

Putting together a roster that scares

Searching all night and day

For a combo of culture and pay

For recruiters to be worth more than this

And it’s as simple as this:

Just do what you say

The Pack honoring heroes

While the Heels just look like zeroes

Russell was the ultimate playmaker

Mario was a sacking soul taker

Cheers, you’ll be able to hear those

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV: “The Walking Dead” Meanders With Heartbreak, Plus Pack Fans Know From Heartbreak

At a crossroads they arrove

With the horrors of “The Grove”

The Ol’ Yeller putdown of Lizzie

Put TWD fans in a tizzy

Terminus the next storyline to be wove

The NCAAs, they got in

By the hair of their chinny-chin-chin

The key to the Big Dance

Is to survive and advance

D up, share the rock and win

Snow and sleet and other things

Winter continues to cling

Daylight Savings came

But still the weather lame

Where’s this late-arriving spring?

Most of TV is defective

It’s made me quite selective

The best don’t hang around

Leave you with an empty sound

Already missing “True Detective”

As a State fan, no mas (no more)

A choke job worthy of lore

Every free throw a brick

For everyone’s Cinderella pick

Hey bartender, shut up and pour

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIV: “True Detective” Ends With A Whimper, Not A Bang, Plus Tony Buckets Takes Greensboro

Though intensity ruled the day
A ho-hum finale, I’d say

Questions left unanswered, so sure

Cohle had a life-saving cure

“True Detective” still much more than OK

Survive and advance, you know

The Pack gettin’ into a flow

They owe the ‘Cuse one

Perhaps go on a run?

One down, three to go

Help wanted, so they say

You may be right for us, OK?

But descriptions misleading

Don’t know what they’re needing

Keep plugging each and every day

A fanbase of hopeless derps

Filled the media with clueless twerps

The ACC said, “Later, bitches”

Maryland back to revenue glitches

Get the hell out, you useless Terps

Even the blind could see

He was the class of the ACC

Congrats to Tony Buckets

The national media can suck its

The league’s best easily

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIII: The End Of An Error, Plus A Most-Anticipated Season Finale

I polled each bobblehead

About ending the days of dread

Even nodding Michael Scott goes

“Yeah, this company blows”

(“That’s what she said”)

When the going gets rough for fools

Saban tries to change the rules

The hypocrite says, “It’s too fast!”

“Injuries happen when we’re gassed!”

STFU and coach up your cretin tools

Inept, fat and snorin’

Sportswriters keep ignorin’

The easy choice for ACC’s best

And it’s really no contest

Even the blind can vote T.J. Warren

My five years are done

Now they’re left with one

A third-strike British joke

Their reputation up in smoke

No fun + no business won

 

An epic finale now in sight

“True Detective” set up for a fight

Nothing will live up to the hype

But this is a show that can break type

Carcosa and other answers Sunday night

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXII: “True Detective” Has You Chasing Shadows, Plus Comedy Will Never, Ever Be The Same

Far and away TV’s best thing

“True Detective” will make your nerves ring

From Marty’s anal fixture

To Rust’s distorted picture

And who the fuck is the Yellow King?!

Nearly over, a winter of worsts

A back-porch beer thirst

Spring beckons, with all that it means

Sipping Sierras and trampolines

Just need a new job first

Warren turned them into a joke

Had poor Roy drunk on Coke

The refs got involved

A problem that can’t be solved

But the bottom line is yet another choke

Oh, the Walking Dead

Once filled with intensity and dread

Now it may have jumped the shark

And instead of being afraid of the dark

Ho hum are my feelings instead

Farewell to a genius prince

Harold Ramis made us laugh and wince

Of “Vacation” & “Animal House” fame

And way too many more to name

Comedy as we know it bears his prints

Last time …

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI: Free At Last, Free At Last, Plus Yet Another State Screw Job By The ACC

Of their style, I’m not fond

Over five years, just couldn’t bond

So now I bid adieu

To the wanker lot of you

Here’s a middle finger ‘cross the pond

Those Jersey nights, I can

Recall listening to 660 the Fan

Cheering for Mets teams of crap

Even the Kiner’s Korner wrap

RIP Ralph, you were the man

A missed call or 23

Just life in the ACC?

At Syracuse, the Pack got jobbed

A monumental victory robbed

Some say pull a Maryland and flee

In the head, they’re all soft

With the vision of Magoo, I scoff

Bipolar and passive-aggressive

Lack of leadership that’s actually impressive

F you, I say, or how about sod off?

 

Miami burned while Philbin did sit

Ignored all manner of immature shit

No accountability, though

So I ask you, Joe

Do the right thing and quit

Last time …

Deep Thoughts By No-Look McFadden: Episode 71

#1

I would like to live to there ...

#2

“The rise of a different kind of mainstream press, devoted to telling the plain, unvarnished truth, without fear or favor, instead of propping up a false equivalency and calling it objectivity, would also be a great improvement.” ~Sean Wilentz, Rolling Stone

#3

OK, I’ll bite ... how is more not made of Gene Steretore performing as an NFL referee AND a high-Division-I college basketball official?! Dude has essentially reached the pinnacle of two professions.

#4

There was never enough time, manly pacifier. There was never enough time.

#5

There has never been a more Ohio State name than Jack Mewhort. Who plays for Ohio State.

#6

When TV is realer than real-life, or That Time When Edward Snowden Met Harold Finch.

#7

I’ve heard George Costanza described in a lot of ways and even more things that have been attributed to him, but a “hipster pioneer”? Hell, I’ll buy it.

#8

A four-year-old moved to tears by a song. No words from me, just two thumbs up.

#9

Finally, a rug that truly ties everything together ...

#10

When AT-ATs meet snowboarders in Hoth Sochi.

A Very Google Reunion

Hadn't seen this one. Totally didn't cry or such like.

"The Games Have Always Been A Little Gay"

Freaking hysterical.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Russia Can Even F Up The Olympics, Plus Get Your Shite Together, Canada

A nation of abuse and repression

Has lived up to their perception

Sochi a disaster of corruption

A gay-bashing, dog-killing eruption

The rules for these Olympics, not the exception

Russell Wilson represents what’s right

Punctuated on Super Bowl night

He’s got a State degree

So he’s a Wolfpacker by decree

But O’Brien extinguished his intrinsic light

Signing Day come and gone

Over 17-year-olds they fawn

State did well, it appears

But ask me in three years

Creepy hype just goes on and on

Inconsistency in hoops

Shooting like poops

Questions about competitive fire

Have drawn Pack fans’ ire

Costanza once called them “Moops”

Bieber enjoyed his jail stay

Ford seems to never pay

Two wrecking trains

Just a coupla Canadian stains

What’s in the water up there, eh?

Last time …

“A Drink Before The Wars” Captures Dennis Lehane Finding His Gritty Voice

“She looked into my eyes and hers were swimming with alcohol and exhaustion and ghosts. She said, ‘Civilization seems to be something we choose when it fits our purpose.’”

“Not much I could argue with there.”

“Fucking whole country’s filled with nasty, unhappy, confused, pissed-off people, and not one of them with the brain power to honestly deal with their situation.”

Having read a number of other Dennis Lehane works, I figured it was high time I took a crack at his first novel, “A Drink Before the War.” His initial foray also represented the introduction of the Patrick Kenzie-Angie Gennaro detective partnership/dynamic. Parts of their relationship reads like “Encyclopedia Brown”-meets-‘tween-flirt-paperbacks, but there are enough good parts to let you know that Lehane is a budding crime writer to be taken quite seriously.

This quick read gets a bit self-righteous on the sidebars and race talk, but Lehane is quite clever in how he weaves the plot through a number of explosive variables. “A Drink Before the War” is a bleak, pessimistic read on how big-city politics runs roughshod on the disenfranchised and marginalized in society.

Tackling gang violence, race wars, cultural chasms, political intrigue, child porn, blackmail and daddy issues feels like a bit much for a book of this scope, but Lehane doesn’t shrink from the challenge. The Kenzie-Gennaro interactions take on all sorts of submeanings, and Kenzie’s relationship with his father overhands the entire book. There’s also a well-crafted twist that succeeds in tying the entire novel together.

The result is a promising first effort, and fast-forwarding to the present day, we can see that Lehane capitalized on that promise with tremendous works such as “Mystic River” and “Shutter Island.” The author now seems engrossed with the pursuit of big-screen success, but seeing him digging into the mud that comprises his roots is a welcome throwback.

“L.A. burns, and so many other cities smolder, waiting for the hose that will flood gasoline over the coals, and we listen to politicians who fuel our hate and our narrow views and tell us it’s simply a matter of getting back to basics while they sit in their beachfront properties and listen to the surf so they won’t have to hear the screams of the drowning.”

"You Got A White Russian"

Dying. Just dying.

Limerick Friday LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIX: Reeling ACC Adds Some High Class, Plus Christie The Latest N.J. Blemish

They already have Quick-Shot Pitino

Now they add douchey Petrino

Louisville, way to be

Welcome to the ACC

The conference of Harleys and vino

Bit by bit, ruining the game

Will be Goodell’s claim to fame

Special teams phased out

Scoreboards spinning about

A commish with no clue or shame

Call them cowards or worse

Biting my tongue not to curse

On your chain, they’re just yankers

These double-talking, cheap wankers

The dancing changes, but not the verse

You might not be shocked

That the ‘Fins are a laughingstock

Coach is a dead man walking

Yet the owner is balking

No GM? We deserved to be mocked

 

Just another political rat

Good at lying and being fat

Chris Christie is Jersey wrong

Facing re-election odds long

Find us some accountability, stat!

Last time …

From The Mountains Of Whogivesashit ...

Breaking down domestic beer ...

A Hipster's Guide To Craft Beer ...

It's hips-terrific!