All told, I raked in $400+ from finishing runner-up in the Wolfpack Fantasy Football League this year, so I can’t be too upset. But after boasting the league’s top record, earning a first-round bye and losing the two-week championship match by just seven goddam points (221-214), forgive me if I’m a little torqued off.
Of course, my opponent became the first back-to-back winner of our 14-team, 11-year-old league, making a miraculous run down the stretch. When you’re seeing guys named Aaron Stecker, Earnest Graham and Mason Crosby racking up 30 points for his team, you would think he had god on his side. When you consider that his father passed away during the year and he sent out a great mass e-mail to the league thanking us for sending flowers to the funeral, saying what a welcome distraction fantasy football was for him this season and noting that it was an honor to be part of such a tremendous league, just maybe god was. I can’t say for sure, but all I knew was that, karmically speaking, I had no shot in hell when I read the mass e-mail on the eve of our two-week championship matchup.
To my team’s credit, I was down 34 points after the first week of the title stretch, and I made up 25 of those points heading into Monday night’s game that featured the Chargers vs. the Broncos. With all his players having already played, I had Antonio Gates going with a nine-point deficit to make up. Something as little as a short touchdown grab and 40 yards receiving and I’m the champ. So when I checked the score at halftime and saw San Diego was up 16-0, I felt confident that Gates’s stats would be in my favor—when I read that he didn’t have a single forking catch to that point, I knew that all was lost. O-u-c-h.
That leads me to the first award for my fantasy football team ...
Jim Kelly Annual Choker of the Year: Antonio Gates
The top tight end in all of football, Gates put together another strong year, if a little more uneven than in years past. He was more prone to a two-touchdown, 10-catch game, followed by a three-catch, 28-yard performance. In crunch time, however, Gates was nowhere to be found for The Scooters; during the two-week championship matchup, he tallied a grand total of two receptions for 32 yards, with no scores. When he had a chance to bring home the trophy for The Scooters, he simply and utterly shit the bed with no drawers on.
Rocky Bleier Comeback Player of the Year: Stephen Jackson
He sunk many teams by missing four complete games and half of another with a severe groin injury early in the year (hence The Scooters’ decision to spend $43 on someone named Brian Leonard). However, he rewarded those who stuck with him, putting up steady numbers for a really bad team, with the occasional enormous contest. You would have liked to have seen more touchdowns from S-Jax, but he cemented his reputation as the hardest-running tailback in the league.
Darrell Jackson Honorary Clutch Player of the Year: Ben Roethlisberger
He was a middle-round pickup in just about every league, including mine. I chose him a little earlier than I normally would a second signal-caller, simply because I had to hedge my bets with Matt Leinart (I can’t believe I just typed that). Leinart quickly was hurt for the year, leaving The Scooters to hitch their wagon to Big Ben. He rewarded the shrewd pick with a tremendous 32 touchdowns. He cooled down some late in the year, but he kept The Scooters’ pulse alive with six touchdown tosses during the two-week title matchup.
Mike Tyson Memorial Manic-Depressive Player of the Year: Marion Barber III
He got off to a blazing start, but you never knew whether to count on him for 60 total yards or a three-touchdown explosion. Tony Romo occasionally forgot about Barber out of the backfield, and those were invariably the games that the Cowboys lost. I will never understand the decision to rotate Barber with the pedestrian Julius Jones every other series, but I blame that on Jerry Jones and Wade Phillips. When given ample opportunities, Barber nearly always lived up to his nickname of “Marion the Barbarian.” And when teamed with Jackson, those two gave me the hardest-running duo possible in fantasy football.
Honorary John Avery Bust/Bitch of the Year: Santana Moss
I wasn’t expecting 2005 numbers (nearly 1,500 yards, 10 TDs), but something more than 700 yards and two scores would have been nice. He revealed himself to be the inconsistent, injury-prone bitch many thought was who he truly was, and when Jason Campbell was upright and healthy, he almost never looked Moss’s way. To make matters worse, he would invariably have a decent game when breakout wideout Roddy White of the Falcons wouldn’t, making it nearly impossible to choose the right option from week to week.
Most Consistent Player, Sponsored By IRS: Larry Fitzgerald
Even with a painful groin injury, Fitz gutted out some solid performances down the stretch. He let me down somewhat during the championship games, reeling in just eight catches for 99 yards and a score, but he was super-consistent all year long and was a workhorse for a horrible team. Eight scores isn’t exactly what you need and the presence of Anquan Boldin hurts Fitzgerald’s numbers each and every year, but you could almost always count on 10+ points from Fitz week in and week out.
Honorary Ryan Leaf Worst Draft Pick: Santana Moss
Looking back, taking Moss at the top of the fifth round was a risky selection that didn’t pay off. Using my keeper option on Matt Leinart for the price of a sixth-round pick also looks very Nick Saban-like as well.
Dan Marino Annual Best Draft Pick: Roddy White
How about 1,180 yards, 78 receptions and five scores for a 14th round selection in a 14-team draft? Roddy White. ‘Nuff said. Landing Roethlisberger in the 10th, Edwards in the seventh and the Packers in the 11th round also deserve mention.
Jim Jensen Unsung Player: Green Bay Defense/Special Teams
The defensive scoring rules in our league are a bit controversial, but I couldn’t ask for too much more than what Green Bay gave me this year. I could usually pencil them in for 20 points per week, and that was more than good for me.
Eugene Robinson Solicitation’s Lesson Learned Player(s): Phil Dawson
There are a few different theories out there concerning kickers in fantasy football, and I have almost always subscribed to the one that says you use your 17th- and 18th-round selections in an 18-round draft on your kickers. This year, that landed me guys named Olindo and Remy ... and before you ask, no, those aren’t members of a Eurotrash boy band. Dawson was a decent pickup, but he gave me just 14 points in the all-important two-week championship matchup—as opposed to 28 points from my opponents’ kicker. Once again, against all odds, a kicker decided a fantasy football title; methinks I’ll give this position a little more attention in 2008.
Brian Urlacher Team MVP: Braylon Edwards
If you subscribe to the third-year-wideout-breakout theory, Edwards is your posterboy. He caught 32 and 61 passes in each of his first two years, and I took a chance that he would improve on those stats in 2007. Of course, I didn’t count on Derek Anderson becoming a TD-tossing machine and the Browns developing into a legitimate powerhouse offense, but Edwards will end this season with 80 receptions for 1,300 yards and 15+ scores. Huge year for Edwards, who is trying his best to end the curse of Michigan wide receiving busts.
Even though this is about the third year I've had the best team in the league and haven't won the championship, that's the way the fantasy cookie crumbles. Luck plays a huge part, whether we like it or not ... but that's one of the reasons we all keep coming back. I do have one championship on my resume, and I look forward to the chance to add to that total in the future.
Congrats go to Soup ... you deserved it, my friend. See you next year!
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