Day 1,739, Quasi-Quarantine: Coming Down The Home Stretch, A Vague Plan Takes Shape Amidst The Ill-Formed Chaos

 

On the off chance that weeks one, two, and three did not convince you of the hysterically janky nature of the scam National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation advent calendar, I trust week four will get you over the finish line.

Day 16: Another RV part

Day 17: Yet another RV part

Day 18: Aunt Bethany (like 88.5% sure)

Day 19: Nothing. Literally empty

Day 20: Another piece of Blair Witch-style branch (like on Day 13)

As we search frantically for bright spots, I will admit that an almost-coherent plan is taking shape in some quadrants. 

The RV parts clearly fit together to make a larger RV, albeit misshapen. And the pieces of string/wood could potentially serve as reins to fit together the various pieces of the holiday decoration that Clark kicked around the frontyard in a fit of anger.

Obviously the empty day is a slight downer, but I kind of just want this to be over at this point.

After all ... "Do you really think it matters, Eddie?"

Day 1,739, Quasi-Quarantine: A Slow Decline Into Predictability For The Beer Advent Calendar

 

After a solidly eclectic first week of the "12 Days of IPA," I was pretty hoptimistic (sorry) about how the rest of the advent calendar played out. Then the second week revealed a distinct southeastern bent, challenging those high hopes.

Welp, the third week took it a step further, making it not only predictable geographically be veering hard into mainstream brews:

• Florida Avenue Brewing Company's Luminescence
• Victory Brewing Company's Juicy Monkey Hazy
• Cigar City Brewing's Jai Alai

Two more Florida breweries and a highly recognizable Pennsylvania outfit (Victory). Plus, I mean, Jai Alai is one of the foundational brews available at fucking Disney World.

On a positive note, the Luminescence was tropically hazy and smooth, and granted, there have been only a couple of stinkers thus far.

I guess I was hoping for some deeper cuts in this calendar. But hey, it's beer, right?

Holiday cheers, y'all.

Day 1,739, Quasi-Quarantine: Dolphins-Texans Game 14 Review

 

With the season hanging in the balance, Miami played its worst offensive game of the year and appeared to be completely unprepared for Houston's defensive scheme. Coach Mike McDaniel's crew dramatically lost the turnover battle (4-1), were flagged 11 times, and did not use tempo to counter or throw off a stifling Texans "D."

In what was essentially a season-ending defeat, the 'Fins fell to 1-11 in the last dozen games against teams with winner records. Will this finally end up costing general manager Chris Grier his job? What can McDaniel do in the remaining games to prove that he is more than a coordinator?

On to the the-offseason-is-going-to-be-interesting recap ...

Offense

• The Dolphins were completely pantsed by Houston coach DeMeco Ryan and his defense; there is simply no other way to put it. Miami's pop-gun offense hit rock bottom, averaging just 3.6 yards per play and 4.0 yards per pass, managing just 18 first downs and 224 total yards. The 'Fins converted just four of 13 third-down tries, though they got first downs on both fourth-down attempts and scored a touchdown on one of two red-zone visits. Somehow, the visitors dominated time of possession (33:24 to 26:36) despite averaging just 2.7 yards per carry on 19 rushes. On a day when the Dolphin defense showed up large, this unit completely screwed the pooch.
• Tua Tagovailoa burnished his completion percentage with a 29 of 40 showing, but if the passes are all for three yards, does it really matter? He threw for just 196 yards and a touchdown, and he destroyed momentum repeatedly with three interceptions and a lost fumble. Tua took three sacks and seemed confused and rattled for most of the game, resulting in an offense-low 30.8 grade from Pro Football Focus.
• At running back, De'Von Achane was arguably over-used again, racking up 19 touches. In 45 snaps, he carried 12 times for 41 yards and caught all seven targets for 35 yards, though he did fumble once and also made a solo tackle, picking up a 62.4 mark from PFF. Raheem Mostert rushed six times for just eight yards and reeled in all three targets for 13 yards in 26 snaps (67.0 grade from PFF). Rookie Jaylen Wright carried once for three yards in three snaps, and fullback Alec Ingold recorded no touches in his 16 snaps (42.1 PFF mark). The rotation at running back remains confusing and inefficient, though the state of the offensive line is certainly contributing to the inability to move the ball on the ground.
• Tyreek Hill had a pretty dismal game (54.6 PFF grade), catching just two of seven targets for 36 yards in 63 snaps, while being called for a hold and making two solo tackles. He had both sloppy route-running and was out-fought for the game-deciding interception, with some accounts having him accountable for two of the three picks (every interception was on a pass targeted to Hill). With Odell Beckham mercifully cut during the week, Malik Washington got 40 snaps and reeled in five of six targets for 52 yards, earning a 67.4 mark from PFF. Jaylen Waddle was targeted twice without a catch in 26 snaps before leaving with a leg injury (50.5 mark from PFF), and River Cracraft contributed a six-yard catch and a facemask penalty in his 22 snaps (45.8 FF grade). Grant DuBose returned to the rotation for 11 plays (55.8 PFF mark), but lost a yard on his only catch before being sent to the hospital on a huge hit on a bad ball by Tua that drew a personal foul. Overall, the wideouts seemed to have little burst and bad spacing on a day that the unit overall seemed to shrink from the physicality of the Houston secondary. More alarmingly, Hill has seemed to regress significantly this season from both a physical and focus standpoint, and considering he'll turn 31 shortly after the season is over, one has to wonder what value he'll have on a team facing a potential rebuild.
• Jonnu Smith led the team in targets with 11 from his tight end spot, and he pulled in nine for 48 yards and a touchdown in 45 snaps. good for an offense-leading 71.4 PFF grade. Julian Hill was not targeted in 27 snaps, and Durham Smythe contributed an eight-yard catch and a solo tackle in his 16 snaps. Smith has had a tremendous season, but disappointingly, his work underneath has not resulted in more downfield opportunities for the wide receivers.
• Up front, Miami was down to its fourth and fifth tackles in Patrick Paul (right, 52.5 PFF mark) and Jackson Carman (left). The duo held up reasonably well on the edges, though Carman had holding and unnecessary roughness penalties and was forced to make a solo tackle to end up with a 42.2 grade from PFF. The 'Fins were largely dominated on the interior, with left guard Robert Jones (42.7 PFF mark), center Aaron Brewer, and right guard Liam Eichenberg all being whistled for holding penalties, with Eichenberg throwing in a false start to boot to contribute to a dismal 32.2 showing from PFF. Brewer recovered an Achane fumble at one point, but overall, the Dolphins were overwhelmed in the trenches -- a familiar story as this season has progressed.

Defense

• All credit to defensive coordinator Anthony Weaver and his crew here -- they turned in a tremendous performance. Miami limited the Texans to just 12 first downs and 181 total yards, allowing just 3.5 yards per pass and 3.6 yards per play. The Dolphins did not allow Houston to establish a running game (77 yards, 3.9 yards per carry) and stopped the home team on five of 13 third downs, though Houston was successful on its lone fourth-down attempt. The 'Fins did allow touchdowns on two of three red-zone trips, but managed four sacks and even forced a turnover (it was a gift on an unexpected snap, but it counts). This side of the ball did more than enough to win, harassing quarterback C.J. Stroud and controlling the game. Weaver went with a tighter rotation of playing time, which seemed to be pay huge dividends.
• On the defensive interior, Zach Sieler followed up his AFC Defensive Player of the Week effort with two tackles, a solo, 1.5 sacks, a stop for loss, and two quarterback hits in 45 snaps (78.1 PFF grade). Calais Campbell recorded four tackles, three solos, and a stop for loss in 31 snaps (78.0 mark from PFF), while Benito Jones (an encroachment in 26 snaps, part of a team-worst 29.1 PFF grade) and Da'Shawn Hand (19 snaps, 60.1 mark from PFF) were solid despite a lack of statistics. Someone named Matt Dickerson also got four snaps.
• Chop Robinson led the way from the edge with two tackles, one solo, 1.5 sacks, one stop for loss, and four quarterback hits in 28 snaps, earning a 79.3 mark from PFF. Emmanuel Ogbah managed three tackles and two solos in 41 snaps (48.8 mark from PFF), while Quinton Bell added three tackles and two solos in his 19 snaps. Mo Kamara got two snaps in reserve. Miami needs more from the edge -- especially with so many injuries, the latest being Tyus Bower headed to IR -- but this was a gutsy effort from this level of the defense.
• At inside linebacker, Jordyn Brooks played well (78.8 grade from PFF), racking up eight tackles, six solos, a stop for loss, and a fumble recovery. Anthony Walker also played all 50 snaps, collecting seven tackles, four solos, and a sack (51.3 PFF mark). No reserves saw action in this one.
• Kyle Fuller and Jalen Ramsey both played all 50 snaps at cornerback, with Fuller notching five tackles, four solos, and a stop for loss (60.7 grade from PFF) and Ramsey adding two tackles and a solo (64.5 PFF mark). Kader Kohou registered four tackles, two solos, a stop for loss, and a pass breakup in 27 snaps to pick up a team-best 93.7 PFF grade. No other cornerback had a snap from scrimmage.
• At safety, Jevon Holland and Jordan Poyer played all 50 snaps, with Holland making three tackles and two solos and Poyer having a solo tackle. Elijah Campbell got eight snaps from scrimmage in reserve.

Special teams

• Jason Sanders hit two field goals, including a 55-yarder, but missed his only extra point for the second week in a row.
• Jake Bailey punted three times for a 60.3-yard average, placing one inside the 20-yard line.
• Washington averaged 24.3 yards on three kickoff returns and added 24 yards on a pair of punt returns. Miami did allow a 23-yard punt return by Tank Dell, but Houston did not return any kickoffs.
• Duke Riley and Siran Neal played 21 snaps in the kicking game to lead defensive players, while Julian Hill paced offensive players with 15 snaps in the third phase. Channing Tindall and Patrick McMorris made solo tackles, though Tindall was whistled for holding and Elijah Campbell was called for unnecessary roughness.

Momentum plays

• On its first play of the game, Miami lost three yards on a pass, setting the tone for the entire afternoon. Tua found Washington for eight yards to convert a 3rd & 7, but the quarterback took a sack on 3rd & 9 to end the possession.
• A pair of 15-yard passes got Houston moving before Kohou forced a fumble that the 'Fins were unable to recover. Miami held on 3rd & 2, leading to a 44-yard field goal to put the Texans ahead by three.
• The Dolphins went three-and-out despite facing a 1st & 5, but despite a 23-yard punt return by the home team, the defense forced a three-and-out of its own on the strength of a third-down sack by Sieler.
• Tua hit Smith for 10 yards, then Achane ran three straight times for 15 yards. A 13-yard pass to Achane was nullified by offsetting penalties, but Mostert ran for a first down. A third-down hold on Jones was followed by another lost-yardage completion to Achane, who got seven touches on the drive. Sanders drilled a 55-yard field goal to tie the score at three after a 12-play drive.
• Miami got another three-and-out to get the ball back quickly, but Tua was sacked and fumbled on 3rd & 4, and the Texans recovered on Miami's 28-yard line.
• Houston hit a 15-yard pass on its first play, then paid off the turnover with a six-yard touchdown on a 3rd & 3 play that saw Poyer wandering around aimlessly in the end zone as his man caught the easy score to go up 10-3.
• Washington took a short pass 20 yards to jumpstart the next Miami possession, then Achane ran for a first down on a play that saw Waddle leave after getting rolled up on. A low-block penalty on the Texans got the 'Fins another first down, but a hold on Tyreek Hill erased a nice run by Achane. On 3rd & 10, Achane caught yet another pass for minimal yardage, then fumbled for good measure, though Brewer pounced on the loose ball. Sanders connected from 36 yards away at the two-minute warning to trim the margin to 10-6.
• Three plays later, Stroud wasn't looking as the ball was snapped, and after a lengthy scrum, Brooks emerged with the fumble, setting up the Dolphins at Houston's 49-yard line.
• The teams traded holding penalties, then Tua threw a bad interception on a 2nd & 6 play that appeared to feature a wrong route by Hill. To compound matters, the pick was returned 68 yards, all the way to Miami's five-yard line with 13 second left in the half.
• The 'Fins defense responded with a sack and a forced incompletion, so the Texans could only settle for a short field goal to extend the advantage to 13-6 at halftime.
• With the first possession of the second half, the home team converted a 3rd & 3 before being forced to punt on 4th & 2. However, Houston ran a fake that covered 35 yards, though McMorris appeared to have forced a fumble that he recovered. Not only was the call reversed, but an unnecessary roughness penalty on Elijah Campbell set up the Texans from Miami's four-yard line. Two plays later, Stroud found Nico Collins for another six-yard touchdown to make it 20-6 -- a seemingly insurmountable lead.
• Miami countered impressively, with Washington catching a 14-yard pass before DuBose was catastrophically injured on a poorly thrown ball by Tua that ended up in a dangerous unnecessary roughness penalty that led to DuBose being carted off after a long stoppage. Tua then found Achane for 10, but the 'Fins faced a 3rd & 16 three plays later after a hold on Carman. Tua found Hill for 21 yards, but after a facemask on Cracraft and an offsides on Houston, Miami had a 4th & 2 from the Texans's seven-yard line. Tua held onto the ball, allowing Smith to broke up in the far corner of the end zone, and the tight end held on for a touchdown on a play that also saw Houston commit an illegal contact penalty. However, Sanders pulled the extra point left, keeping the score at 20-12.
• The Dolphins forced a quick three-and-out after a third-down sack by Robinson, then quickly moved into Houston territory with an initial first down and a 15-yard strike to Hill. A nine-yard pass to Smith converted a 4th & 4, setting up Miami at the Texans's 25-yard line. On a 3rd & 5 play, Tua fired for Hill inside the 10-yard line on the right sideline, but Derek Stingley picked off the pass and returned it 10 yards to kill a 13-play Miami drive.
• A Stroud scramble earned a first down on 3rd & 1, then two passes helped the home team turn a 2nd & 15 into another first. The Dolphin "D" held at that point, forcing a punt.
• The ensuing Miami drive went like so: false start, sack, incompletion with a declined holding penalty, six-yard pass, punt on 4th & 19.
• The 'Fins defense made another heroic stop, with Sieler and Robinson combining for a third-down sack. The Houston punt gave the visitors possession with 1:56 remaining from its own 23-yard line.
• On the very first play, Tua went deep down the right sideline for Hill, but the ball was slightly underthrown and the wideout allowed Stingley to rip it out of his hands for yet another interception. The Texans ended the contest after three Stroud kneeldowns.

2024 Schedule

Miami 20, Jacksonville 17 (1-0)

Buffalo 31, Miami 10 (1-1)

Seattle 24, Miami 3 (1-2)

Tennessee 31, Miami 12 (1-3)

Miami 15, New England 10 (2-3)

Indianapolis 16, Miami 10 (2-4)

Arizona 28, Miami 27 (2-5)

Buffalo 30, Miami 27 (2-6)

Miami 23, Los Angeles Rams 15 (3-6)

Miami 34, Las Vegas 19 (4-6)

Miami 34, New England 15 (5-6)

Green Bay 30, Miami 17 (5-7)

Miami 32, New York Jets 26 (6-7)

Houston 20, Miami 12 (6-8)

Day 1,737, Quasi-Quarantine: "Yellowface" Delves Into Culture, Identity, And Race Politics Through Surface-Level Characters

“Only I don’t know what it is I want to say anymore. I don’t know if I ever did. And I’m terrified that the only thing I’ll ever be remembered for, and the only method by which I can produce good work, is slipping on someone else’s skin.”

Powered by an unreliable and unlikeable narrator, "Yellowface" delves into themes of plagiarism, cultural identity, loneliness, and the horrors of social media. R.F. Kuang's story is at its best when it navigates the perils and hypocrisies of the publishing world, exposing dirty industry secrets.

“We have one of those skin-deep friendships where you manage to spend a lot of time together without really getting to know the other person.”

I have also read Kuang's "Babel," and I was a little surprised at some of the repetition in phrasing and overall laziness that seemed to drag this book down.

“I looked like I was trying to hold in a sneeze, or like I had to take a shit but was too afraid to tell anyone.”

The main character, Juniper Song, bends over backwards to justify plagiarism, which a reader may end up hoping is unironically just part of the book's bent. She also ends up denigrating the secondary character, Athena, in order to make her own sins more palatable.

The novel struggles with seeming shortcuts in certain storylines and an unwillingness to explore the external life of Juniper, which renders her one-dimensional and robs the narrative of depth. "Yellowface" chooses an intriguing and important premise, but may elide too much in a rush to bring the story full circle.

“I’d somehow absorbed all the directness and verve of Athena’s writing. I felt, as Kanye put it, harder, better, faster, and stronger. I felt like the kind of person who now listened to Kanye.”

Day 1,736, Quasi-Quarantine: OK, This Migrated Into Something Disturbing

 

While weeks one and two were certainly ... confusing? ... this week in the National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation scam advent calendar landed firmly in the "What in the absolute fuck is happening here?" category.

Here's what was unveiled:

Day 11: Another Clark (like 82% sure)

Day 12: Ellen (with zero hotness or even hints of gender)

Day 13: Like ... a piece of fucking Blair Witch-style branch? Quasi-string to hold together reindeers?

Day 14: I mean ... potentially a "shitter was full" bucket of some type. I got nuthin'

Day 15: A second goddam reindeer with shoulder injuries

This week contained some legit, next-level "zero idea what this is" energy. Which is probably a suboptimal quality in an advent calendar.

We're coming down the stretch here, folks. I shudder to think what else may lay in store ...

Day 1,735, Quasi-Quarantine: Have Yourself A Very IPA Christmas

 

The first week of "12 Days of IPAs" revealed a nice mix of geography and taste, especially as a respite from the scam "Christmas Vacation" advent calendar.

Unfortunately, the second week did not maintain that diversity, revealing these brews: 

• Funky Buddha Brewery's Hop Gun
• Terrapin Beer's Depth Perception
• Motorworks Brewing's Pulp Friction

Two of these offerings are from Florida, and the other is from Georgia. The two Florida beers also featured grapefruit, which made this week a bit more challenging for me as decidedly not a grapefruit fan.

However, the Hop Gun did not overwhelm with the grapefruit and was highly drinkable, while the Pulp Friction was a bit milder. The Depth Perception was an imperial and hit hard at 9.1%, but tasted a tad flat and tart.

The first two week had a definite eastern flavor, so I'm hopeful that subsequent offerings go west, young can.

Cheers times deux.

Day 1,732, Quasi-Quarantine: Week Two Of The Hysterically Bad Fake Advent Calendar

 

As noted after the first week of "gifts," the scam National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation advent calendar is a whole fucking lot. And by a lot, I mean very little in terms of actual goodness and very much of mind-numbing ineptitude.

Welp, nothing I can do about it now except double down on the beer element of advent-calendar season. So here's what week two revealed: 

 

Day 6: Half an RV? That appears to be fashioned out of ... chalk? I can't.

Day 7: Frank Shirley. This was surprisingly acceptable.

Day 8: The green jelly with cat food provided by Aunt Bethany. Two days in a row of vaguely understanding the assignment?

Day 9: Random Christmas tree. Um ... sure?

Day 10: Random sled with Santa. Ostensibly the one that was kicked by Clark, but who can really say.

Two that are as about as on point as such a scam can be, two that at least have a connection to the holiday, and one that is borderline unrecognizable as any kind of entity.

Fifteen more to go, folks -- what could possibly go wrong(er)?

Day 1,732, Quasi-Quarantine: Dolphins-Jets Game 13 Review

 

The season looked all but over several times as Miami struggled to keep pace with the ... New York Jets? The 'Fins allowed Aaron Rodgers to turn back the clock, enjoying his first 300-yard passing game in three seasons, and were flagged 11 times. Yet, a massive special-teams play and a clutch overtime drive gave the Dolphins new life and its fourth win in five contests.

On to the so-you're-saying-there's-a-chance recap ...

Offense

• The run game was nonexistent (44 yards, 2.3 yards per carry) and third down was a nightmare (just one conversion in nine tries). Miami didn't commit a turnover or allow a sack, though, allowing the offensive attack to put up 375 total yards and convert three of four red-zone trips into touchdowns. The persistent lack of balance remains a massive concern down the stretch, though the re-emergence of Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle in recent weeks bodes well.
• Tua Tagovailoa fired it 47 times, connecting on 33 attempts for 331 yards and two touchdowns, good for a 77.2 grade from Pro Football Focus. He got rid of the ball extremely quickly -- too early at times -- and handled the pocket well, avoiding a sack and running once for three yards. Tua was also at his best when the 'Fins needed him most.
• De'Von Achane dominated action yet again at running back (60 snaps, 20 touches, 61.7 mark from PFF), running for just 24 yards and a score and reeling in six passes for 45 yards. With Raheem Mostert inactive with a hip injury, rookie Jaylen Wright got 13 yards on four touches in 14 snaps, while little-used Jeff Wilson had a four-yard carry and a seven-yard catch in his four snaps. Alec Ingold had a costly holding penalty in his 17 snaps, contributing to a 42.7 grade from PFF. The Dolphins will likely need to be careful not to wear out the undersized Achane, as their running game has been going nowhere in recent weeks.
• At wideout, it was a vintage Tyreek Hill game -- he caught 10 of 14 targets for 115 yards and a touchdown in 70 snaps, earning a 72.1 grade from PFF. Jaylen Waddle continued his surge, reeling in nine of 12 targets for 99 yards (82.8 mark from PFF), while Malik Washington was targeted once without a catch in 30 snaps (49.6 PFF grade). Odell Beckham contributed a one-yard catch in 10 snaps, while Dee Eskridge played four snaps in deep reserve.
• Miami forgot about Jonnu Smith for too much of the game, but he emerged when he was most needed -- in overtime. He grabbed three passes for 44 yards and the game-winning score in extra time, though he got only one other target in regulation (46 snaps overall, 67.4 PFF grade). Julian Hill had a 14-yard catch on his lone target in 32 snaps (47.5 mark from PFF), while Durham Smythe was targeted once without a reception in 14 snaps. Miami may need to consider more snaps for Smythe in an effort to jumpstart the rushing attack.
• Up front, rookie Patrick Paul had to play 67 snaps at left tackle after Terron Armstead left with a knee injury after just five snaps. Paul had an illegal formation penalty, but largely acquitted himself well despite a 52.3 mark from PFF that felt harsh in context. Center Aaron Brewer (false start, 66.9 PFF grade) and right guard Liam Eichenberg displayed some solid downfield blocking, while left guard Robert Jones was whistled for holding and was graded at 44.1 by PFF. The interior struggled against a strong Jets interior, but the backup tackles (Paul and right tackle Kendall Lamm, who posted a 78.5 PFF grade) did a strong job against New York's edge rushers.

Defense

• Defensive coordinator Anthony Weaver finally dialed up some pressures in the second half, and the Dolphins started to get home (three sacks) just before it was too late. The "D" limited the Jets to four of 12 on third-down attempts, but did allow 402 yards, 6.4 yards per play, and a four-yards-per carry average (83 rushing yards). Miami did not force a turnover yet again and had no answer for Garrett Wilson (seven catches, 114 yards), but stiffened in the red zone, limiting the visitors to two touchdowns in five visits to scoring territory.
• Zach Sieler led the way on the interior yet again, registering four tackles, two solos, a pair of sacks, two stops for losses, and three quarterback hits in 56 snaps, though he was called for defensive holding at a critical moment (69.6 PFF grade). Calais Campbell added three tackles, a solo, and a quarterback hit in 43 snaps (72.6 mark from PFF), while Benito Jones collected four tackles, three solos, and two stops for losses in 36 snaps. Da'Shawn Hand recorded three solo tackles and an offsides call in 38 snaps, while Neil Farrell did not record a statistic in three snaps.
• On the edge, Emmanuel Ogbah led in snaps with 47, but was quiet, with an assisted tackle to his name (54.6 grade from PFF). Chop Robinson got 37 snaps, but managed only one solo tackle, a batted pass, and a neutral-zone infraction (63.6 mark from PFF). Quintin Bell had two assisted tackles and an offside flag in 28 snaps (team-low 33.2 grade from PFF), while Mo Kamara did not dent the scorebook in three snaps and Tyus Bowser did not get a snap from scrimmage. This unit has been battered all year long -- they hope to get Bradley Chubb back soon -- and was simply unable to muster any sort of pass rush against New York.
• Jordyn Brooks was extremely active, tallying nine tackles, four solos, a sack, a stop for loss, a pass breakup, and a quarterback hit in 68 snaps -- earning a team-high 91.5 mark from PFF. Anthony Walker returned to the lineup for 62 snaps, collecting seven tackles and four solo stops (41.2 PFF grade). Tyrel Dodson contributed two assisted tackles in six snaps (62.1 mark from PFF).
• It's almost shocking to see Jalen Ramsey struggle, so the matchup with Wilson was hard to look at at times. Ramsey notched four solo tackles and a pass breakup in 68 snaps, but he got burned frequently and was also called for a ridiculous pass interference penalty on his way to a 43.7 grade from PFF. Kendall Fuller was back in action, racking up eight tackles, six solos, and a pass breakup in 67 snaps to garner a 57.3 PFF mark. Kader Kohou had two tackles and one solo in 47 snaps, and his tackling looked marginally improved from recent weeks, though he still ended up with a 45.9 mark from PFF. With Cam Smith out injured, Storm Duck did not see any action from scrimmage.
• At safety, Jordan Poyer and Jevon Holland played all 68 snaps, with Poyer having one of his better games with seven tackles, four solos, and a quarterback hit (76.2 grade from PFF). Holland managed three tackles and one solo (64.6 mark from PFF), while Elijah Campbell did not post a statistic in three snaps. The best defenses lean on the safety spot for turnovers, and the Dolphins have not delivered in any way, shape, or form this season.

Special teams

• Jason Sanders overcame an early extra-point miss to drill four field goals, including a 57-yarder before halftime and a clutch 52-yarder to put the game into overtime.
• Jake Bailey averaged 49.3 yards on three punts, with two placed inside the 20-yard line and the other resulting in a touchback.
• Washington overcame last week's muffed point to average 31.7 yards on three kickoff returns, including a 45-yarder at the end of regulation that put Miami in tremendous position. He added a 10-yard punt return, while Eskridge had a 28-yard kickoff return.
• Duke Riley and Siran Neal led defensive players in special-teams snaps with 26 each, while Duck added 23. Julian Hill paced offensive players with 19 snaps in the third phase. Campbell (offsides) and Kamara (holding) were flagged in the kicking game, while Neal made a pair of solo tackles and Hill and Channing Tindall added assisted stops.

Momentum plays

• Two plays into the contest, Miami added onto a 20-yard pass to Waddle with 15 more yards on an unnecessary roughness penalty. Tua then found Hill for 11 and Achane for 14, setting up first & goal from the Jets' three-yard line. A third-down pass to Hill was incomplete, but pass interference gave the Dolphins a fresh set of downs, and Achane's fourth run from inside the three-yard line finally paid off, as he burst across from two yards away. However, the lead would only be 6-0 after Sanders pulled the extra point wide left.
• After an initial first down, New York was stopped on a third-down incompletion. However, a ludicrous flag for a phantom pass interference went on Ramsey, setting the tone for a difficult day for both the cornerback and the refs. The Jets took advantage of the gift with two more first downs, but Miami stopped them with a 3rd & 2 completion, forcing the visitors to settle for a 28-yard field goal to make it 6-3.
• The 'Fins used a short passing game to get on the move again, as Tua hit three straight passes for 28 yards. However, a 3rd & 1 pass for Hill was incomplete, and Miami somewhat surprisingly passed up a 4th & 1 attempt for a 39-yard field goal from Sanders, extending the advantage to 9-3.
• Rodgers found Wilson for a dozen yards to start the following possession, and his 10-yard pass on 3rd & 14 set up New York with a 4th & 4 from its own 48-yard line. The signal-caller found Wilson for 35 yards after a timeout, then the Jets' fourth-string running back raced 17 yards pretty much untouched right up the middle for the go-ahead score, 10-9.
• Tua headed for the Hills on the next drive, finding Julian for 14 before connecting with Tyreek for 10 and 21 yards. On a 4th & 2 play, the QB calmly hit Waddle for five yards. An incompletion and a penalty set up 2nd & 15, and after an 11-yard pass to Waddle, a dumpoff to Wright got nothing. Miami was again forced to settle for a field goal, and Sanders was good from 24 yards away to put the home team ahead, 12-10.
• An incompletion and a holding penalty put the Jets behind the sticks at 2nd & 20, and an Ogbah sack appeared to set up a 3rd & 32. However, a late flag on Sieler for defensive holding somehow gave New York an automatic first down. On the next play, Rodgers found an unguarded Davante Adams for 34 yards on yet another coverage bust. After two more Jets first downs -- including a 3rd & 6 conversion -- the 'Fins got a stop, leading to a 30-yard New York field goal to put the visitors back on top, 13-12.
• The Dolphins took over at their own 30-yard line with just 41 seconds remaining, and Tua found Waddle (10 yards), Hill (six), and Waddle again (15). Tua spiked the ball with just six seconds remaining, and after a New York timeout, Sanders delivered from 57 yards away to give Miami the halftime lead at 15-13.
• New York wasted little time retaking the lead as the second half began. Rodgers connected with Wilson for 42 yards, then the Jets converted another fourth down when the quarterback hit the fourth-string running back for 15 yards on 4th & 2. Rodgers found Adams for three yards and a touchdown on the very next play, making the score 20-15, bad guys.
• A 15-yard strike from Tua to Waddle got the ensuing possession off to a promising start, but an Ingold hold on a 26-yard Achane run resulted in offsetting penalties when Achane was dragged down on a horsecollar tackle. Miami couldn't convert a 3rd & 4 and had to punt.
• The Jets seized firmer control of the game on a 14-play drive that featured conversions on 3rd & 8 and 3rd & 4. Finally, a third-down sack by Brooks halted the possession, with a 40-yard field goal extending the New York advantage to 23-15.
• A three-and-out with three straight Tua incompletions put the 'Fins squarely in the danger zone, but the Dolphins countered by forcing a three-and-out of their own, punctuated by a Sieler sack on 3rd & 2.
• Two more Tua incompletions threatened another three-and-out, but the signal-caller hit Hill for 18 yards, then two straight Wilson touches earned another first down. A 23-yard pass interference penalty on a deep ball to Washington set up Miami at the Jets' eight-yard line, but two Achane carries that lost six yards were sandwiched around a 10-yard strike to Waddle. On 4th & goal from the four-yard line, Tua hit Hill at the front edge of the end zone, and the QB then hit Waddle for the two-point conversion to knot the game at 23.
• The Dolphins delivered another three-and-out on "D," and an initial first down on a Waddle pass was extended thanks to another roughing-the-passer call on the Jets. However, a holding call on Jones put Miami behind the sticks with a 2nd & 17, and the 'Fins ended up having to punt.
• New York picked up an initial first down before converting a 3rd & 1 with a Wildcat run, then Rodgers found Adams for 16 yards and Allen Lazard for 18 more. A run stuff by Jones resulted in a five-yard loss, then a Sieler sack resulted in a 3rd & 21 after Miami used its final timeout. Rodgers found Adams again for 14 yards to move the Jets into field-goal range, but Fuller saved Miami a timeout by pushing the receiver out of bounds with 0:52 remaining. Unable to run more clock, the visitors converted a 42-yard field goal to move ahead, 26-23.
• A clutch and physical 45-yard kick return by Washington set up the Dolphins at their own 46-yard line with 44 seconds on the clock. Two plays later, Tua found Hill for 14 yards, then Waddle for six. The Jets tried to ice Sanders with 12 seconds remaining, but he calmly delivered a 52-yard field goal to tie the score with just seven seconds left in the contest.
• New York completed a 12-yard pass, but the clock ran out, forcing overtime.
• Miami won the coin toss and elected to receive. On the second play of its ensuing drive, Tua found Smith for the first time in the entire game, and the shifty tight end took the screen pass 20 yards to midfield. The 'Fins ran the same play on the next snap, and Smith rumbled for 14 more. An Achane run and Hill catch netted another first down, then Tua found Achane for 10 more after a Jets timeout. After another Achane carry to the 10-yard line, Tua got great pass protection and lofted a pass to Smith for the walk-off touchdown.

2024 Schedule

Miami 20, Jacksonville 17 (1-0)

Buffalo 31, Miami 10 (1-1)

Seattle 24, Miami 3 (1-2)

Tennessee 31, Miami 12 (1-3)

Miami 15, New England 10 (2-3)

Indianapolis 16, Miami 10 (2-4)

Arizona 28, Miami 27 (2-5)

Buffalo 30, Miami 27 (2-6)

Miami 23, Los Angeles Rams 15 (3-6)

Miami 34, Las Vegas 19 (4-6)

Miami 34, New England 15 (5-6)

Green Bay 30, Miami 17 (5-7)

Miami 32, New York Jets 26 (6-7)

Day 1,731, Quasi-Quarantine: After Lo So Many Years, The Scooters Enter The Playoffs On A High Note

 

Heading into the final contest of my fantasy league's 14-game regular season, I was tied with the leader with a 9-4 record. Behind Sam Darnold and Ja'Marr Chase, I put up 166 points to win going away for my third straight victory to secure the regular-season title.

I ended up in an incredibly competitive 12-team relegation league, with four teams finishing at 9-5 and two more finishing at 8-6. As a further measure of competitiveness, two owners made more than 40 transactions during the course of the campaign.

The Scooters finished as the runner-up in points scored (by six points) and went a perfect 6-0 in away games (lol). The first-round bye is absolutely vital, so that was a coup for my squad.

For the last couple of years, I had been helping my son with his team, so steering my own club again revealed how much I had missed being in a league. 

After 20 years in the Wolfpack Fantasy Football League (WFFL, RIP), resuscitating the Scooters was the right decision.

Go, team!

Day 1,730, Quasi-Quarantine: Engrossing, Frantic "A Good Girl's Guide to Murder" Hit That OBX Vibe

 

“One last nice thing to send you on before it all goes black.”

Surprisingly engrossing, Holly Jackson's "A Good Girl's Guide to Murder," it turns out, is the ultimate beach read. Kicking off a trilogy that gets progressively darker, this novel features offbeat English teenagers coping with peer pressure, drug use, sexuality -- and mortality.

Featuring great pacing but perhaps a few too many characters to keep straight -- I could have used one of Pippa's "murder boards" myself -- this book drags you along from shock to shock in a way that can and should translate well to TV.

Day 1,729, Quasi-Quarantine: "12 Days Of IPAs" To The Rescue

 

So we've discussed the sheer ridiculousness of the fake "Christmas Vacation" advent calendar. Well, a backup plan was well underway.

I also received the "12 Days of IPAs" advent calendar from GiveThemBeer.com. The first week included:

• Sloop Brewing's Juice Bomb
• Fat Head's Brewery's Head Hunter
• Parish Brewing Company's Dr. Juice

The Juice Bomb was subtle and smooth, with a citrus taste that did not overwhelm. The Head Hunter was a little nondescript, but the Dr. Juice was crisp and tasty. With New York, Ohio, and Louisiana represented, respectively, these three beers featured a nice variety of both taste and geography.

Sipping on these while laughing at the latest inanity from the scam Griswold calendar has quickly become a favorite seasonal pastime.

Cheers.

Day 1,725, Quasi-Quarantine: Sheer Ridiculousness Of Scam National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Advent Calendar Brings Real "Do You Really Think It Matters, Eddie?" Energy

 

So I have a deep history with advent calendars, especially of the Star Wars Lego variety. This year, I decided to mix things up a bit by going with the National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation advent calendar.

Well, in what has become something of a TikTok subculture, I got the "fake" version (despite ordering from Wal-Mart). As you can see from the picture above, the rendering and, er, craftsmanship, is somewhat wanting.

Here is my best interpretation of what has been unveiled thus far:

Day 1: Demented, out-of-scale squirrel (it's the size of a bear based on other reveals)

Day 2: Terrifying, ghost-white Audrey, with a random Jelly of the Month Club printout

Day 3: Reindeer with severe shoulder injuries, ostensibly from being kicked by Clark W. Griswold

Day 4: Present with cat tail sticking out (from Aunt Bethany)

Day 5: Hockey-mask Clark

I'm hoping the knockoff charm will start to grow on me through the holiday season, but right now I'm just missing the Star Wars Lego calendar. 

And focusing on my "12 Days of IPA" advent calendar that I received as solace ...

Day 1,724, Quasi-Quarantine: Dolphins-Packers Game 12 Review

 

On Thanksgiving Day, Miami got yet another opportunity to change the narrative about its ability to compete against good teams and in cold weather. Instead, the 'Fins laid a predictable egg, falling to 1-10 in their last 11 games against teams with winning records and suffering its 12th straight loss when the temperature is below 40 degrees.

The Dolphins were dramatically outcoached yet again, having very little answer when Green Bay took away chunk plays. The Packers were more physical and were largely able to sit back and watch the visitors implode on missed tackles and penalties (10). The home team also got a highly favorable whistle -- they were lined up in the neutral zone on almost every defensive snap -- and imposed their physicality on the 'Fins, who seemed to shrink from Green Bay's borderline cheap play.

To compound matters, linebacker Jordyn Brooks characterized Miami's play as "soft" after the game, voicing a common external refrain about the team in a very internal way.

On to the do-they-have-anything-left recap ...

Offense

• Miami tallied 375 total yards, but averaged just 5.8 yards per play and 6.6 yards per pass. The 'Fins ran just 14 times for 39 yards (2.8 yards per carry), misfired on 10 of 14 third-down attempts, scored touchdowns on only half (two of four) of its red-zone visits, and committed two delay-of-game penalties. The Dolphins did convert three of five fourth-down tries, but putting together double-digit-play drives is a really hard way to win. Coach Mike McDaniel's inability to find ways to stretch the field vertically has really waylaid this campaign.
• Tua Tagovailoa's ended up looking good, as he hit 37 of 46 passes for 365 yards and two touchdowns, without committing a turnover. He also ran twice for six yards, was sacked five times, struggled to see blitzes late in the game, and got away with a couple of risky throws. His 73.7 grade from Pro Football Focus reflects both his efficiency and his checkdown volume.
• De'Von Achane was much more impactful as a receiver than a runner, as he caught eight of nine targets for 56 yards and a touchdown. This production was offset by seven carries for just 14 yards, and his inability to find holes contributed to his 55.4 mark from PFF. Raheem Mostert ran harder, rushing five times for 19 yards and reeling in two of three catches for 15 yards. Rookie Jaylen Wright got the same number of snaps (one) and touches (zero) as Jeff Wilson Jr., who has been inactive for most of the season. Alec Ingold had two early catches for 15 yards, but he went on to play just 18 snaps and earn a 71.5 PFF grade. The weather seemed to require a Mostert-heavy approach in this one, but the running game was abandoned quickly.
• At wideout, Tyreek Hill snared six of nine targets for 83 yards and a touchdown (on a batted pass) and committed a shaky-but-costly holding penalty down the field, good for a 68.0 mark from PFF. Jaylen Waddle got just four targets, catching them all for 53 yards (73.4 PFF grade), while Odell Beckham contributed a nine-yard catch on his two targets. Malik Washington had an ugly game, with two catches on four targets for eight yards, plus a drop and a muffed punt for a 45.1 mark from PFF.
• Making a bid for team MVP, Jonnu Smith hauled in 10 of 11 targets for 113 yards in his 51 snaps at tight end. However, he did commit three penalties (false start, unnecessary roughness, and offensive pass interference) and fumbled out of bounds, leading to an overall PFF grade of 68.5. Julian Hill (one catch, five yards, 51.8 mark from PFF) and Durham Smythe (14 snaps, eight-yard catch on the game's final play) did not have an impact in this one.
• The offensive line struggled in both pass protection and run blocking. Stalwart left tackle Terron Armstead had a respectable showing (76.0 mark from PFF), but left guard Robert Jones (holding penalty, 55.6 PFF grade), center Aaron Brewer (holding penalty, 55.9 mark from PFF), and left guard Liam Eichenberg (holding penalty, 54.8 PFF grade) all struggled mightily against Green Bay's interior players. Right tackle Kendall Lamm suffered elbow and back injuries and had to leave the game early, yielding to rookie Patrick Paul, who was a mess in earning a 61.4 mark from PFF in his 17 snaps. The front is thin and beat up, and the length of the season is clearly taking its toll.

Defense

• Similar to a game they had against Indianapolis earlier this year, the Packers just beat up the Dolphins in this one. Green Bay averaged 4.6 yards per carry (114 yards), 9.8 yards per pass, and 7.3 yards per play, racking up 388 total yards and converting five of 11 third-down tries. Miami allowed touchdowns on three of five red-zone visits, did not get a sack or a turnover, and gave up 49- and 46-yard plays in what was a brutal game for the secondary.
• As usual, the 'Fins were strongest in the middle, where Zach Sieler (83.2) and Calais Campbell (79.3) earned strong PFF grades. Sieler recorded four tackles, one solo, one stop for loss, one quarterback hit, and had a sack-fumble taken away from him on a poor overturn. Campbell had a pair of tackles, one solo, and one quarterback hit. Da'Shawn Hand had an assisted tackle (67.9 mark from PFF), while Benito Jones played through a back injury that forced him to leave the game at one point, notching a solo tackle, a stop for loss, and solid penetration on multiple plays.
• Miami struggled on the edge, especially in run support. Emmanuel Ogbah posted five tackles and one solo, while Chop Robinson did not record a statistic in his 31 snaps, garnering a woeful 41.1 grade from PFF. Quintin Bell made his first start and tallied four solo tackles, continuing his bid to show he deserves more reps.
• At inside linebacker, Brooks notched nine tackles, five solos, a stop for loss, and a quarterback hit, good for a 68.2 PFF mark. Making his first start, Tyrel Dodson struggled in a big way, registering 10 tackles and five solos, but missing an inordinate amount of tackles on his way to a 46.0 grade from PFF. With Anthony Walker hurt and David Long cut, the Dolphins have not even considered more action for former third-rounder Channing Tindall, which should tell you how the franchise feels about his future prospects.
• Jalen Ramsey had one solo tackle and a pass breakup, but joined his teammates in missing a number of key tackles and also was called for defensive holding, which contributed to his 48.8 mark from PFF. Storm Duck had four tackles and three solos as part of a 31.6 PFF grade, but he was in position to make plays on a number of occasions and was unable to pull the trigger. Kader Kohou (one pass breakup) and Cam Smith (three tackles, two solos, one pass interference, 36.3 grade from PFF) both left injured, forcing Siran Neal into action. He was credited with two pass breakups in 15 snaps, though he was fortunate to avoid being penalized for interference. This unit missed Kendall Fuller again, and the depth was hurt even more due to the injuries to Kohou and Smith. If Duck can learn to trust himself a little more, the 'Fins may have found something there -- he was a half-step away from a pair of pick-sixes in this one.
• It was a borderline disastrous day at safety, where Jordan Poyer continued to look his age while collecting nine tackles, two solos, and a 60.1 mark from PFF. Jevon Holland continued a poor contract season, tallying six tackles and four solos as part of a 45.7 PFF grade. The lack of physicality and tackling form at this level of the defense was spotlighted even more due to the weather and Green Bay's bruising style.

Special teams

• Jason Sanders was quiet, making a short field goal and not attempting an extra point. However, he also contributed a great tackle on the opening kickoff and delivered a strong onsides kick late in the contest.
• Jake Bailey punted three times for a 48.7-yard average, with a long of 53.
• Washington's penchant for taking chances caught up to him in this one, as he fumbled away the first punt of the game and fielded another punt around the five-yard line on a play that featured a hold. He also returned four kickoffs for an average of 27 yards.
• Bell, Neal, and Duke Riley got 23 snaps in the kicking game to lead Dolphin defenders, while Julian Hill led offensive players with 14. Riley made a tackle on a return, while Neal was whistled for holding on a Miami punt return.

Momentum plays

• Three plays into the game, a Sieler sack resulted in a fumble that Campbell jumped on to give the 'Fins the ball on Green Bay's 35-yard line. Without even going to the replay booth, the play was immediately and inexplicably deemed an incompletion. The ensuing punt was muffed by Washington at Miami's 9-yard line, with the exchange robbing the Dolphins of a scoring opportunity and immediately handing one to the home team.
• Three plays later, Jordan Love hit a three-yard touchdown pass to put the Packers on top, 7-0.
• Back-to-back passes to Achane covered 18 yards to help Miami overcome an early false start, then a Green Bay offsides wiped out a Tua sack. A Miami false start was followed by a negative-yardage run by Tua, which was compounded by a confusing unnecessary roughness call on Smith. The accumulation of penalties resulted in a 4th & 26 punt.
• The Packers fashioned a 12-play, 76-yard drive that featured an incomprehensible number of missed tackles and seemed to take the fight out of the 'Fins. To make matters worse, a play that should have resulted in a Kohou interception ended up with an incompletion and a Kohou injury. A 17-yard pass converted a 3rd & 3, then seven straight runs covered the final 41 yards for another Green Bay touchdown and a 14-0 advantage.
• The Dolphins responded with a 12-play, 55-yard possession, highlighted by 11- and 13-yard passes to Smith and Ingold, respectively, and a 13-yard run by Achane. In a bizarre sequence, Miami faced a 4th & 4 play, but took a delay-of-game penalty for no reason. Sanders came on for a field goal, but Green Bay jumped offsides. Back at 4th & 4, the 'Fins decided to go for it, and Tua found Waddle for 16 yards. However, Achane lost six yards on an obvious end-around, leading to a 33-yard field goal that made the score 14-3.
• A 23-yard end-around by the Packers started the next drive quickly, but Miami stiffened to force a punt that was returned to the 16-yard line, but sent back to the 11-yard line on a Neal holding penalty.
• A 14-yard pass to Mostert bought the Dolphins some space, but a Jones holding penalty and a third-down Tua sack led to another Bailey punt.
• Former 'Fin Chris Brooks ripped off an 18-yard run to put Green Bay in Miami territory at the two-minute warning. A 21-yard pass to Christian Watson that saw him beat Cam Smith was followed by a 12-yard touchdown toss on 3rd & 2, giving the Packers a seemingly insurmountable 21-3 lead.
• The Dolphins picked up an initial first down on a 3rd & 1 pass to Smith, then Tua hit the tight end again for 11 more. However, a 3rd & 5 pass to Washington fell incomplete and a fourth-down ball for Achane also hit the ground.
• Taking over at their own 38-yard line with just 27 seconds remaining, the Packers didn't settle. Love hit tight end Tucker Craft on back-to-back plays for a total of 27 yards, then Brooks ripped off an eight-yard run, allowing Green Bay to drill a 46-yard field goal with no time remaining. In a demoralizing performance, Miami trailed 24-3 at the half.
• Miami got the ball to start the second half, but a mind-numbing delay of game turned a 3rd & 3 into a 3rd & 8, and Tua misfired for Beckham, who appeared to be held on the play.
• After the three-and-out from the 'Fins, Green Bay had back-to-back passes of 46 and 15 yards, but the Dolphins stiffened in the red zone, forcing a 24-yard field goal that made the score 27-3.
• A 26-yard run by Mostert was offset on a shaky downfield hold on Tyreek Hill, but Tua found Smith for 16 yards on a 4th & 1 play. The following two plays saw the signal-caller connect with Waddle for 16 and Achane for 14 more and a score on a well-designed screen play. Tua threw a beautiful, on-the-run pass to Waddle, who cradled the ball on the sideline for a two-point conversion that cut the deficit to 27-11.
• The first two plays of the following drive saw Duck narrowly miss a pick-six and then Ramsey bat a ball in the air that fell just out of reach. However, a great stop by Jones on 3rd & 1 forced a Packers punt.
• Tua got things going quickly with a 13- and 24-yard passes to Hill, then converted a 3rd & 6 with a nine-yard strike to Beckham. Somehow a clear roughing-the-passer penalty on the play was overturned after a conversation among the referees. The quarterback hit Waddle for 12 and Achane ran it for eight more, setting up a 2nd & goal from the one-yard line. Another Achane run went nowhere, then Smith appeared to be interfered with on a rushed third-down pass. On fourth-and-goal, Tua had nowhere to go with the ball and -- unfathomably -- took a sack to hand the ball back to the home team.
• A phantom defensive holding call on Ramsey gave the Packers some room, then the refs ignored a clear hold on Sieler, which allowed a 49-yard catch and run that saw Jacobs break five tackles. Miami got a dose of excitement when a sideways pass by Love was mishandled and scooped up by Neal, who ran it back 77 yards for a touchdown before the play was quickly -- and rightly -- overturned to an incompletion. On third-and-goal, Duck tackled the receiver short of the end zone, and a blatant unnecessary roughness penalty on the Packers after the play led to a 33-yard Green Bay field goal to make it 30-11.
• The Dolphins began the next drive by allowing a sack of Tua, but he connected with Hill for 30 yards on 3rd & 9 and with Smith for 15 more on 3rd & 1. A dangerous throw to Smith was tipped, but Hill corralled the deflection in the end zone for a score. The two-point attempt was unsuccessful, keeping the score at 30-17, and a pretty good onsides kick by Sanders was recovered by the Packers on a difficult bounce.
• With Miami using its timeouts, Green Bay faced a 3rd & 11 on its next possession. Love went deep over the middle, but a hold on Campbell was uncalled and Neal batted the ball away on what could have been a pass interference penalty, leading to a Packers punt.
• The 'Fins took over with 1:56 remaining, and Tua found Smith on three passes, covering 26 yards. However, another sack threw the visitors out of kilter, and the clock ran out after an eight-yard pass to Smythe on 3rd & 14.

2024 Schedule

Miami 20, Jacksonville 17 (1-0)

Buffalo 31, Miami 10 (1-1)

Seattle 24, Miami 3 (1-2)

Tennessee 31, Miami 12 (1-3)

Miami 15, New England 10 (2-3)

Indianapolis 16, Miami 10 (2-4)

Arizona 28, Miami 27 (2-5)

Buffalo 30, Miami 27 (2-6)

Miami 23, Los Angeles Rams 15 (3-6)

Miami 34, Las Vegas 19 (4-6)

Miami 34, New England 15 (5-6)

Green Bay 30, Miami 17 (5-7)

Day 1,722, Quasi-Quarantine: "Table For Two" Traverses Genres And Eras In An Absorbing, Touching Way

“Not for nothing have writers been called wordsmiths for centuries. The craft of writing demands all the specialized training and physical stamina of the blacksmith. The serious writer sweats at the forge of his imagination while hammering out sentences on the anvil of language, and so on. Where better for an aspiring writer to earn his daily bread than right in the blacksmith’s shop?”

~ “The Ballad of Timothy Touchett”

Best known for immersive novels like "A Gentleman in Moscow" and "Lincoln Highway," Amor Towles has gifted the audience with short stories in "Table for Two." 

The tales span the touching ("I Will Survive" and the near-perfect "The Bootlegger"), the foreboding ("The Ballad of Timothy Touchett" and "The DiDomenico Fragment"), the absorbing ("The Line"), and the shocking ("Hasta Luego").

“Suffice it to say that at the fork in the road, offer a young man an extra fifty dollars a week in exchange for a modest adjustment to his dreams, and you will have him by the throat.”

“The Ballad of Timothy Touchett”

Towles separates the collection into New York (six stories) and Los Angeles (one story), with a theme of limos serving as connective tissue. At nearly 220 pages, the L.A. tale -- "Eve in Hollywood" -- is in the novelette/novel range, and seems to depend a bit on knowledge of a separate book ("Rules of Civility") to fully grasp. 

“Because if we don’t stare down the things that make us want to look away, then the world is just a mirage.”

~ “Eve in Hollywood”

Perhaps the noir-ish "Eve in Hollywood" would have been better treated as a sequel instead of being included here, but beyond that quibble, "Table for Two" is an engrossing read, full of Towles's tight prose and beautiful narratives.

“For not only was the music uplifting, each individual phrase seemed to follow so naturally, so inevitably upon the last that a slumbering spirit deep within you, suddenly awakened, was saying: Of course, of course, of course …”

~ “The Bootlegger”