Friday, May 31, 2019

Limerick Friday #452: A "Meh" Ending To A Searing Saga, Plus Scott Hutchison, One Year Gone


Tyrion got written out of dignity
Arya got sent out to sea
Scrubbed out every ho and pimp
Finished with a noticeable limp
"Game of Thrones," still a cultural victory

Another end-of-year swoon
But another chance arrives soon
Avent's crew to the postseason
Looking for a turnaround reason
To help the Pack shine in June

With con artists it is replete
They steal, lie, and cheat
Casting that works every time
And pacing that's just sublime
All hail, the return of "Sneaky Pete"

Sandra Oh gets all the critics' glow
But Jodie Comer steals the show
A memorable season two
Gave us a lot to chew
"Killing Eve," which direction to go?

He sang of loneliness and sins
Of angst and losses and wins
Revolutionary through Frightened Rabbit
But couldn't beat the depression habit
Scott Hutchison, soar on Scottish winds



Friday, May 10, 2019

Limerick Friday #451: 'Fins Take A Flyer On Fiedler 2.0, Plus Arizona Plays Rough


As the draft began to unfurl
And storylines wrapped like a hair curler
A hope for the future was chosen
When Miami traded for Josh Rosen
And found their next Hebrew Hurler

Some days, it can be a bummer
Some days, it can make you feel dumber
But sometimes, to your surprise
A kid listens and applies
That's coaching the boys of summer

Can't really say a peep
Without wanting to weep
Down brilliance's home stretch
Laughing enough to retch
Farewell to the comedy gem, "Veep"

Exonerated? Pretty rich
Lying is definitely his niche
Treason with no pretense
But Mueller stayed on the fence
Just one more cowardly bitch

Rocks as gold as Kenny Banion
And bigger holes than Biff Tannen
Surrounded by desert dust
Sand kicked up by every gust
All worth it for a look at the Grand Canyon


Friday, March 29, 2019

Limerick Friday #450: Celebrating The Peaky Blinders, Plus The Opposite Void In Leadership



England's street minders
Armed with sidewinders
Stand aside, sah
By order of the
Inimitable Peaky Blinders

Another trip to the Big Easy
Planning that makes ya queasy
Beads, beignets, and Abita
Un po'boy por favor, senorita
Parades and smiles made it more breezy

The committee's picks were the worst
As State got its bubble burst
But in the Old Barn a coupla dubs
While baseball keeps trouncing clubs
And the women's team fights for first

Fearless on the pitch
Doesn't back down a stitch
Natural at pulling the flag
And running without a lag
For competition, the kid has an itch

License to steal and plunder
Lies the rain, racism the thunder
Government up for sale
A country set up to fail
Democracy sadly torn asunder


Friday, February 15, 2019

Limerick Friday #449: Mr. Wednesday And The Wickedly Bizarre, Plus Loss Marks A New Year



A plot that does anything but plods
A pleasure for my cones and rods
Ian McShane, a national treasure
A befuddling, breakneck pleasure
I present to you "American Gods"

Find another place
To take your schematic disgrace
Plus your excuses of bullshit
And every last culture fit
Ego, thy name is Adam Gase

"House of Cards," just horrific TV
A show that already seemed to be
Jumping its own shark
Then decided on a lark
To have an awful finale

The D was a terror as of old
Even when the offense got cold
As Parkey lined up to kick
All of Chicago just about got sick
An upright ended it all, as was foretold

A raconteur at the heart
Music made up just a part
To know him made you try
To earn respect in his eye
A legacy undiminished by his depart


Monday, January 21, 2019

Scooter & Hum's Top Five Books of the Year 2018



On a recuperative post-Christmas trip to the beach, I discovered a massive book sale and loaded up on a number of finds. Then, on returning home, I was confronted with another nearby going-out-of-business event at a local bookstore, and made multiple trips, list of preferred titles in hand.

The universe had sent a number of signs, and so I heeded. I was to read in 2018, and so I did. I went ahead and read more than 30 books of various genres, topics, and narrative styles. I've taken a stab at trying to pick the best of the lot amidst a whirlwind year of reading.

Without further ado ...


#1. "Confederacy of Dunces," by John Kennedy Toole

What I Say Now:

A hysterical, transformative work that is almost as interesting as the story behind its writing and posthumous publication. I thought the ending could have been a bit stronger, but Ignatius C. Reilly is among the most memorable characters in American literature, and I look forward to finding his statue in New Orleans sometime. Toole's talent was staggering, and it's quite a loss to consider what other masterpieces he might have written. 

Passages to Remember

"I dust a bit," Ignatius told the policeman. "In addition, I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain reels from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip."

"This stuff in here is fascinating," Myrna said, indicating the tablet through which she was flipping. "Genesis of nihilism."

"Leaving New Orleans also frightened me considerably. Outside of the city limits the heart of darkness, the true wasteland begins."

"Her logic was a combination of half-truths and cliches, her worldview a compound of misconceptions deriving from a history of our nation as written from the perspective of a subway tunnel."

"Ignatius, we better go," Mrs. Reilly said and belched.
"What?" Ignatius bellowed. "We must stay to watch the corruption. It's already beginning to set in."


#2. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," by Ken Kesey

What I Say Now:

This masterpiece ended up being more complex than I anticipated, with more going on under the surface than would first appear. There were times when I questioned whether Mac or Ratched was the villain, due to the questionable ethics and subtext of a protagonist like R.P. McMurphy. The brilliance of this work was probably somewhat lost under the weight of its success as a movie.

Passages to Remember: 

" ... You think this is too horrible to have really happened, this is too awful to be the truth! ... But it's the truth even if it didn't happen."

"Practice has steadied and strengthened her until now she wields a sure power that extends in all directions on hair-like wires too small for anybody's eyes but mine; I see her sit in the center of this web of wires like a watchful robot, tend her network with mechanical insect skill, know every second which wire runs where and just what current to send up to get the results she wants."

"She's lost a little battle here today, but it's a minor battle in a big war that she's been winning and that she'll go on winning ... She'll go on winning, just like the Combine, because she has all the power of the Combine behind her."

"Nobody complains about all the fog. I know why, now: as bad as it is, you can slip back in it and feel safe. That's what McMurphy can't understand, us wanting to be safe. He keeps trying to drag us out of the fog, out in the open where we'd be easy to get at."

"Because he knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy ... He won't let the pain blot out the humor no more'n he'll let the humor blot out the pain."


#3. "A Brief History of Seven Killings," by Marlon James

What I Say Now:

The patois can make it a dense read at times and it can be hard to follow (perhaps by design), but this novel features brilliant character-building. NPR called it a "beautiful mess" and "a story that makes a reader work," and the New York Times called it "exhilarating and exhausting," so it's not for everyone. But if you can forge your way through, the reward is a multifaceted treasure. For true.

Passages to Remember: 

"From this stew of pimento, gunshot blood, running water and sweet Rhythms comes the Singer, a sound in the air but also a living breathing sufferah who is always where he's from no matter where he's at."

"The dream didn't leave, people just don't know a nightmare when they right in the middle of one."

"And killing don't need no reason. This is ghetto. Reason is for rich people. We have madness."

"Like me she realise that right and wrong is just two words some fool invent and what really matter is what I have over you and what you have under me."

"Jamaica never gets worse or better, it just finds new ways to stay the same. You can't change the country, but maybe you can change yourself."


#4. "Another Country," by James Baldwin

What I Say Now:

With momentous themes like racism and pervasive, fluid sexuality, this work feels bold for 1961 (indications are it was written over a span of 15 years). A massive plot twist occurred relatively early on, setting the stage for Baldwin's torrid, excellent writing to punctuate the ending. He is at his best spinning dialogue, and those skills were on fully display in this memorable novel.

Passages to Remember: 

"He knew that Harlem was a battlefield and that a war was being waged there day and night -- but of the war aims he knew nothing."

"And he himself felt, in a way he had not felt before, that it was time for him to take the plunge. This was the water, the people in this room; it impressed him, certainly, as far from fine, but it was the only water there was."

"They were oddly equal: perhaps each could teach the other, concerning love, what neither now knew. And they were equal in that both were afraid of what unanswerable and unimaginable riddles might be uncovered in so merciless a light."

"He stared into his cup, noting that black coffee was not black, but deep brown. Not many things in the world were really black, not even the night, not even the mines. And the light was not white, either, even the palest light held within itself some hint of its origins, in fire. He thought to himself that he had at last got what he wanted, the truth out of Ida, or the true Ida; and he did not know how he was going to live with it."

"Love," she said, and watched the cold sunlight. She thought of the cold river and of the dead black boy, their friend. She closed her eyes. "Love," she said, again, "love."


#5. "Empire Falls," by Richard Russo

What I Say Now:

On the surface, this book is a down-home, simple look at Main Street USA, with its inherent secrets and backstories that live just underneath everything. However, Russo's usage of shifting perspectives -- moving from the point of view of Miles Roby to other characters -- is both clever and difficult to pull off as a writer. This novel also formed the backbone of a decent miniseries on HBO to boot.

Passages to Remember: 

"What he discovered was that violating his own nature wasn't nearly as unpleasant or difficult as he'd imagined. In fact, looking around Empire Falls, he got the distinct impression that people did it every day."

"He seemed, the old man's doctor observed, to be dying from within, the surest sign of which was an almost biblical flatulence."

"It was easier to believe in God, she said, or at least the possibility of God, on Martha's Vineyard than it was in Empire Falls. Miles knew what she meant, understood the bitter irony. Half the cars in the Vineyard chapel's lot were either Mercedes or Lexuses. No surprise that their owners believe that God was in His heaven."

"To his surprise, she leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, a kiss so full of affection that it dispelled the awkwardness, even as it caused Miles's heart to plummet, because all kisses are calibrated and this one revealed the great chasm between affection and love."

"Wasn't there something in a father, he asked himself, some extra sense, that should've told him right where she'd be? Wasn't she his only daughter? A better father would've been able to find her blindfolded, in the dark, attracted by the invisible beacon of her suffering ... Thankfully, seeing Tick alive and well was enough to confirm his sense that his best destiny in life was as this child's father."


Honorable Mention (in 10 words or less):

"Pincher Martin," by William Golding: Harrowing, detailed depiction of dying, going crazy in isolation.
"Hellhound on His Trail," by Hampton Sides: Meticulously researched, fascinating tale that suffers from verbose, obtuse language. 
"Razor's Edge," by W. Somerset Maugham: Strong start somewhat diminished by petering end, overly philosophical prose.
"All Our Wrong Todays," by Elan Mastai: Breezy, digestible, slick read marked by highly emotional ending.


The Rest (in 5 words or less):

"Dogs of War," by Frederick Forsyth: Procedural soldier-of-fortune tale.
"QB: The Making of a Modern Quarterback," by Bruce Feldman: Interesting, but too much Dilfer.
"Billion Dollar Ball," by Gilbert M. Gaul: Formulaic, repetitive evisceration of NCAA.
"Hearts in Suspension," by Stephen King and University of Maine Press: So-so biography, great short story.
"The Hanging Girl," by Jussi Adler-Olsen: European mystery lacking Larsson oomph.
"The Last Season," by Stuart Stevens: Father-son tale veers maudlin.
"Cradle: A Novel," by Arthur C. Clarke: Worst book of year ... ever? 
"Robert F. Kennedy," by Jack Newfield: Wrenching re-creation of lost hope.
"Claire DeWitt and the City of the Dead," by Sara Gran: Fun depiction of New Orleans.
"Writing Movies for Profit," by Robert Ben Garant & Thomas Lennon: Hilarious insider view of Hollywood.
"Fatherland," by Robert Harris: Exciting read hits too close.
"Outsider," by Stephen King: Above-average, derivative King effort.
"Dear Fahrenheit 451," by Annie Spence: Amusing love note to libraries.
"The Girl on the Train," by Paula Hawkins: Absorbing story with iffy writing.
"Heart-Shaped Box," by Joe Hill: Promising debut from King's son.
"Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting," by Syd Field: Painstaking manual from legendary screenwriter.
"Jack Kerouac: A Biography," by Tom Clark: Straightforward bio of iconic Beatnik.
"Flight or Fright," by Stephen King and Bev Vincent: Collection of terrifying flying tales.
"Elevation," by Stephen King: Emotional short story recalls "Thinner."
"Scrum: A Breathtakingly Brief and Agile Introduction," by Chris Sims and Hillary Louise Johnson: Blessedly short explanation of agile.
"The Agile Mind-Set: Making Agile Processes Work," by Gil Broza: Another work read, strongly detailed.



Friday, December 21, 2018

Limerick Friday #448: The Wolfpack May Have Finally Found A Winner (Or 20), Plus Disney Never Fails



Once our roster was thinner
Like Manute Bol skipping dinner
Now the Pack is 10-baller deep
On the national scene we do creep
Because Kevin Keatts is a winner

Topical, with irony skipped
From the headlines, it's totally ripped
"Man in the High Castle" returned
With rage, Season 3 burned
Into a frenzy the storyline got whipped

'Tis the holiday season once more
I've avoided almost every mall store
A time for memories old and new
And tears shed solely for you
A rose for Mom, still missed to the core

Early Signing Day arrived with a bang
With athletes the future could hang
Trying to build that in-state wall
Like Trump's, except real and tall
Reminds me of when Chuck Amato sang

A week full of rides and lines
Of snacks, joy, and Jedi signs
Disney made us tired but blessed
With two kids asleep on my chest
Magic is still possible in these times


Friday, October 26, 2018

Limerick Friday #447: Gase's Dolphins Are A-dam Shame, Plus Jimmy McGill Becomes Saul Goodman



Let me state my case
To fire one Adam Gase
His ego can't fit in the buildin'
While his record is worse than Joe Philbin
Another mistake it's time to erase

A team of bust after bust
Without any players to trust
Those who aren't busts are hurt
I guess I'm no fantasy expert
But I have lots of new words I've cussed

Too many chefs in the kitchen
Leads to stallouts and bitchin'
Or maybe no Indians and too many chiefs
If you're allowed to say that with beefs
Maybe it's "open" we should be ditchin'

The Pack came in riding high
'Til Doeren left 'em high and dry
Clemson bitched 'em up and down
Let Dabo treat 'em like a clown
Regroup and reset and retry

"Better Call Saul" getting a bit grim
As McGill becomes the Goodman him
Beautiful and sad
When you know who breaks bad
The ballad of Jimmy and Kim

Last time ...

Friday, September 21, 2018

Limerick Friday #446: "Castle Rock" An Homage And A Revelation, Plus Don't Look Now, But Miami



The surprise of the summer
Was a real up-and-comer
It had a few King easter eggs
But it stood on its own legs
"Castle Rock," you were your own amazing drummer

Fedora downplayed concussions like a dink
With an insane football-military link
Came across like he was drunk
To distract from his shoe-selling punks
At ShoeNC, no one ever thinks

The expectations were low
And the hope even less so
But on the way to the top draft pick
Something happened kinda quick
And now the Dolphins are somehow 2-0

Quite the talented fellow
Even with management like Jello
Shmigital Shmemand you handled
Even when it all got tangled
Poise, thy name is Zammiello

The Brits can spin a tale
A mystery that never goes stale
The scenery defines "Broadchurch"
Leaving viewers to search
For clues in every hill and dale

Last time ...


This Is Everything.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Limerick Friday #445: Training Camp Is Upon Us, Plus "Dark" Set My Summer On Fire



Football is back, never fear
Dolphins subplots are very near
Training camp has finally arrove
An underdog narrative wove
More Gase excuses I hope not to hear

"Handmaid's Tale" a cautionary roam
Through a Gilead that hits too close to home
Aunt Lydia propelled season one
Season two stumbled under the gun
But Elisabeth Moss is like a brilliant-acting gnome

A promising season up in smoke
Like a Snoop Dogg mellow toke
A fast fade for the Pack Nine
Couldn't navigate the postseason landmine
Avent wavers between genius and joke

Coaching passed like a middle-aged dream
Now we say farewell to swim team
Summer flying by, it's clear
But I think I say that every year
Nostalgia closer than ever, it seems

Had a little taste of "The Lake"
Plus a kinda "Stranger Things" take
And perhaps of a touch of "Twin Peaks"
And something for "True Detective" geeks
To the brilliance of "Dark" you should wake



Sunday, June 10, 2018

Limerick Friday #444: Scottish Tears For Frightened Rabbit, Plus RFK & Hope's Final Blow


Off the Forth, you rode a soft Scottish breeze
Launched Frightened Rabbit across the seas
Your soul was the essence of the band
You swam until you couldn't see land
Scott Hutchison, please now rest in ease

Poured your soul into song
Your music obscured what was wrong
Considered yourself a modern leper
With pleas your songs you would pepper
Through these your legacy lives long

Depression abounds, music says
Yours sustained many for days
We lost a distinct sound
Without you around
To remind us to sing the greys

The injuries they come gushing
To the bottom the Mets are rushing
A disabled list full of heroes
As the box score fills with zeroes
Just another summer in Flushing

With his brother's loss he had to cope
Still gave the needy a helping rope
In complacency he found a foe
And tragically, a half-century ago
The final death blow of hope


Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Dolphins Draft 2018: Miami Takes A Definitive Stance On The Age-Old Personnel Question Of Need Vs. Talent


I've been doing Dolphins draft recaps for years and years, and one constant over the years (besides almost unfathomably bad drafts) is [insert-failed-GM's-name-here] swearing up and down that Miami was true to its board, taking the best player available throughout. But this year more than any in memory, there was no denying (even though the team will try to) that Miami elected to draft by need vs. BPA, which in the best scenario leads to short-term results at the potential expense of long-term excellence. 

Indeed, the 'Fins' first four picks should assume sizeable roles in Miami early in their careers, with rover Minkah Fitzpatrick and tight end Mike Gesicki getting every opportunity to be game-changers. With their own career prospects riding on this draft, general manager Mike Tannenbaum and (to a lesser extent) coach Adam Gase took the personally prudent and easy way out by filling the most glaring holes in order of priority.

All that being said, down the road this draft (like many others) is likely to be judged on who Miami didn't draft -- specifically, Josh Rosen, and generally, any quarterback whatsoever. Also, in an offseason that saw Ndamokong Suh jettisoned and the enigmatic Jordan Phillips enter a contract year, the Dolphins didn't take a defensive tackle, either.

While you can (and Miami did) grab a veteran DT to plug and play, it's odd to me that a self-styled "quarterback guru" hasn't made any moves designed to arm him with a young prospect that he can mold to take over his offense. The Dolphins have moved heaven and earth to give Gase every possible avenue to stocking the offensive personnel he wants, bending over backward to move players in and out for an offense that was allegedly designed to succeed on scheme over personnel. And even though I don't consider myself a Ryan Tannehill "hater" (he's a middle-of-the-road NFL signal-caller), I certainly wouldn't want to be hitching my professional wagon to him to the extent that Miami's front office has.

Set against this questionable strategy are a number of other questions about the 'Fins' offseason to date and beyond: Does this draft class fit the newfound emphasis on culture? To that end, is culture just an excuse used by an overwhelmed and outmatched coaching staff? Has Gase been sufficiently humbled by a rocky 2017 or will his ego continue to be a barrier to improvement? How much will this offseason impact the future of the uneasy alliance of Tannenbaum, Gase, and general manager Chris Grier?

Against that backdrop, here's what the 'Fins came up with in the 2018 NFL Draft ...

1st round, 11th Overall: Minkah Fitzpatrick, S, Alabama
I have no doubt that Fitzpatrick is a fine player who will give Miami schematic versatility in the back seven. However, in what will become a theme throughout this analysis, poor roster management helped drive this pick, which is never ideal. The Dolphins have one of the league's top (and highest-paid) safeties in Reshad Jones, but they compromised that fact by inexplicably giving an on-suspension T.J. MacDonald a hefty contract extension in training camp last year. After MacDonald served his half-season suspension and began playing, it dawned on the coaching staff (which has been dramatically overhauled and seemingly ridden of cokeheads) that Jones and MacDonald were too similar in playing styles and unable to communicate well. In an effort to resolve that issue, Miami decided to take a 'tweener defensive back in Fitzpatrick, with the hope that his positional flexibility offsets the safety redundancy that has been created. I have concerns about taking a player at 11th overall who is a positional projection, on top of the idea that Alabama players usually come to the pros physically spent and without much room too grow. Again, I don't have too many issues with the player, but in the context of the moves that precipitated his necessity and who was still on the board (Rosen), he's going to have to be a big-time contributor early on to win over many observers.

2nd round, 42nd Overall: Mike Gesicki, TE, Penn State
The Dolphins had their pick of tight ends with the 10th pick in the second round, and they opted (somewhat surprisingly) for Gesicki. There is no question that Miami had a glaring need at the position, and by all accounts, Gesicki is an athletic mismatch who can challenge the seams and give the 'Fins a needed red zone weapon. However, many scouting reports led with the observation that he can't block his way out of a paperbag (apologies to Rob Konrad and Bryan Cox), meaning that Miami took a one-dimensional player, which always has repercussions (more on that later). If Gesicki catches 50 balls and turns into a viable scoring weapon, all is forgotten; however, if he's a liability in the running game, has difficulty getting off the line, and makes the offense more predictable, this braintrust gets no excuses. 

3rd Round, 73rd Overall: Jerome Baker, OLB, Ohio State
Tannenbaum, Gase, & Co. doubled down on one-dimensional players by reaching for Baker, a player whose performance declined when he wasn't paired with another NFL-caliber player in once and future teammate Raquan McMillan. Like Gesicki, Baker is a measurables athlete with a major strength (pass coverage) and a major deficiency (run leverage). There was serious talent on the board at a variety of positions when Baker was taken, and a number of observers were surprised that he went in this spot. From a need standpoint, Baker fits the bill; the hope is he can find his rhythm alongside McMillan, shore up the 'Fins' woeful second-line coverage, and demonstrate that he's a three-down 'backer. However, his addition means that Miami came out of the draft's first two days with a positional projection and two one-dimensional players. Keeping this in mind, the rumors that owner and PR dumpster fire Stephen Ross was underwhelmed with the Dolphins' early haul is not that surprising -- or unwarranted.

4th Round, 123rd Overall: Durham Smythe, TE, Notre Dame
Remember when we talked about the repercussions involved in taking limited players? Well, the bill came due when Miami felt it necessary to cover for Gesicki's inability to block by taking arguably the draft's best blocking tight end in Smythe. If Gesicki appears to be a rich man's Jordan Thomas (an amalgam of Jordan Cameron and Julius Thomas), Smythe could be a rich man's Anthony Fasano, the fellow Notre Dame alum he's ostensibly replacing. In some quarters, Smythe was deemed to be the more well-rounded and better overall player than Gesicki, and if both players can carve out roles in two-tight end formations, there is merit to this selection. But again, with a number of surprising players still available at need positions (quarterback and defensive tackle), the 'Fins went need over best player available -- a formula that eventually costs personnel men their jobs.

4th Round, 131st Overall: Kalen Ballage, RB, Arizona State
Miami grabbed the underachieving and unpolished Ballage eight picks after Smythe, giving the Dolphins three offensive players in the first four rounds. While Ballage has undeniable potential, he's at best a third-string running back in an offense allegedly designed to spread out touches. From a scouting standpoint, my unscientific take is that my Wolfpack played Arizona State in its bowl game, and I don't remember Ballage playing (he had five touches for 22 yards). Take it for what it's worth, but when your team takes a running back in the fourth round, you'd prefer that he impacted a game you saw a few months prior. Kenyan Drake has been injury prone and inconsistent and I'm almost positive Frank Gore split carries with Edgerrin James at one point, so Ballage will have the opportunity to realize his potential. But while Gase gets his way with yet another offensive weapon, he also loses one more of the excuses that he loves to lean on.

6th Round, 209th Overall: Cornell Armstrong, DB, Southern Miss
There was some buzz around Armstrong after his selection due to his 40 time (4.39 seconds by one account), and it's fair to hold out hope that Miami found a late-round gem at a position you can never have enough of. He's a little undersized for the Dolphins' prototype, but the team got hit hard by injuries at corner a year ago, and there's always room for another corner based on the sheer number of four- and five-wide receiver sets that are in vogue. Miami has to hope that Armstrong can forge a role on special teams and develop as a down-the-road contributor in sub packages.

7th Round, 227th Overall: Quentin Poling, LB, Ohio
Poling is another undersized prospect with plus measurables, and the returns from analysts were favorable after his choice. The scouting maxim goes that you're looking for players with at least one standout quality at this stage of the draft, and Poling put up elite testing numbers at the Combine. Similar to Armstrong, Poling plays at a position of extreme need and is thought to have real potential to stick on special teams. 

7th Round, 229th Overall: Jason Sanders, K, New Mexico
The conjecture is that Miami essentially gave this selection to special teams coordinator Darren Rizzi, letting him hand-pick the next Dolphins kicker. By all accounts, Rizzi scoured the country in search of a placekicker, and he chose a guy with underwhelming numbers (22 of 28 the past two years) but the highest ceiling. Many consider Rizzi to be among the league's finest special teams coaches, so I'll yield to his expertise here, at a position that Miami has struggled to solve long term.

Best-case scenario: Fitzpatrick seizes a starting role immediately, shoring up the back end, freeing up Jones to make plays around the line of scrimmage, and shifting MacDonald into a hybrid role where he finds his stride. Baker reunites with a healthy McMillan to take pressure off of Kiko Alonso and solve Miami's never-ending struggles with opposing tight ends. On offense, Gesicki and Smythe team up to overhaul the Dolphins' tight end unit, turning a weakness into a strength and boosting the team's touchdown percentage in the red zone, while Ballage emerges as a threat out of the backfield as a third-down back. In the third phase, Sanders delivers routine touchbacks and makes enough field goals to keep the 'Fins offense respectable, while one of Poling and Armstrong develops into a special teams ace. The Dolphins surprise, going 10-6 before being drilled 222-0 by the Ravens in a wildcard game.

Worst-case scenario: Fitzpatrick struggles to find his best position in the secondary while Baker becomes a liability in the run game to sap his overall confidence. Gesicki is manhandled at the line of scrimmage, Smythe can't stand out enough as a blocker to justify significant snaps, and Ballage isn't consistent enough to earn the coaches' trust and a third-down role. Armstrong and Poling don't make the team, while Sanders has difficulty adjusting to the NFL and robs the team of scoring opportunities. Tannenbaum departs (is this worst case, really?), Gase is firmly on the hot seat, and Miami "earns" a lofty draft pick in a draft devoid of top-caliber quarterback talent in 2019. Gloria Estefan gets hit by another bus, Ross is linked to the Russian NRA, and to divert attention, he names Derek Jeter coach and general manager around mid-term elections.