"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" is the book I never knew I needed to read.
Author Susan Cain offers a meticulously researched and widely sourced work, but injects charm and real-life examples to distance the book from being just a long academic paper. The result is a fascinating read that becomes, on some level, empowering.
Why empowering? Because it can be a bit jarring to see yourself described so closely in a work created by someone who has never met you.
"Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions."
Whether we realize it or not, we're all subjected to the vagaries of the extrovert-introvert balance (or imbalance) in our work lives. Cain hits on some of the concepts that have swung too far in the extrovert direction ("Open-plan offices have been found to reduce productivity and impair memory.") in an effort to force teamwork and collaboration.
Cain's list of life hacks at the end speaks directly to anyone who has been overwhelmed and pre-emptively exhausted by the idea of team-building retreats, mandatory happy hours (think about that phrase for a second), or forced work gatherings.
"Don't expect introverts to get jazzed up about open office plans or, for that matter, lunchtime birthday parties or team-building retreats. Make the most of introverts' strengths -- these are the people who can help you think deeply, strategize, solve complex problems, and spot canaries in your coal mine."
"Over-arousal doesn't produce anxiety so much as the sense that you can't think straight -- that you've had enough and would like to go home now."
Crucially, the author makes a strong distinction between shyness and introversion. The two are often conflated, and Cain urgently and concretely disagrees, while also taking issue with the loaded term "antisocial."
"Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not."
"Probably the most common -- and damaging -- misunderstanding about personality type is that introverts are antisocial and extroverts are pro-social. But as we've seen, neither formulation is correct; introverts and extroverts are differently social."
Cain reveals and expands on some universal truths that have chased many introverts throughout life, uncovering the many strengths and gifts that can be shared if an effort is made to engage this person on their level.
The author's personal travails lend personality to the work, letting her voice shine through that elevates the work from thesis to conversation. It's clear that Cain has developed, tried, and tested various approaches to moving through the world as an introvert, and she is all too eager to share advice and guidance for what can work.
"Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to. Stay home on New Year's Eve if that's what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances."
I'm recommending "Quiet" to so many people to I know, propelled by the simple, "quiet" comparison Cain makes in her extraordinary book in her quest for usable definitions.
"It's as if extroverts are seeing 'what is' while their introverted peers are asking 'what if.'"
