The Greatest Worst Thing Ever: Scattered, Ironic, Smothered, Humiliated, Covered, Terrified And Diced

For years, one of my mottos has been, "Nothing good ever happens at the Waffle House." Now, I humbly say that I have been wrong for years. Consider me an enormous fan of any wedding vows that begin, "Well, since he had to work anyway …" and include the words "banana pancakes" anywhere within them.

Rings in waffles, amazing Christian-related wardrobes, kids picking noses, T-shirts saying "Father forgive them" …

Too many jokes. Brain hurting. Must. Look. Away.

[Editor's Note: This version has freaking audio if you're brave enough.]