Limerick Friday LXVI: From Tight End To Wide Receiver: The UNC Football Story

They finished the season with a collective limp
But they hailed Butch as A-No. 1 pimp
UNC is fruiter than a Christmas cake bakin’
All Tar Heels completely love Clay Aiken
But now their football players dress up like the gimp?

The Big Tuna takes over the Dolphins for a bit
A more-than-curious move, from where I sit
He’s 66 and fatter than Santa Claus
Complete asshole and that gives me pause
But what the hay—nothing else is working worth a shit

The Wolverines searched for a new coach far and wide
As their athletic director waited for high tide
Ponied up a boatload of cash to steal a West Virginian hillbilly
All their talk about class just winds up sounding silly
Bo Schembechler just rolled over in his grave and cried

16-year-old preggers pop tart with no baby daddy
Will she end up like Britney, just another fatty?
Jamie Lynn received a $500 gift basket
As Mama Spears nearly blew a gasket
Time to pack up the trailer and move to Cincinnati

The time of year when people fight over a doll
And bagels are off limits, even at the mall
Airing of grievances may make you weepy
The feats of strength can be a little creepy
But still and yet, I wish a merry Festivus to one and all

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